How to prevent losing yourself in a relationship slowly over time, and how becoming a pleaser to become what a woman wants will lead to her losing respect, attraction and interest in you, which will lead to your being dumped.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who describes his slow decent over time into becoming a pleaser to appease his girlfriend and become what she said she wanted. He eventually gave up a promising career he was passionate about, gave up his friends and all the things that attracted her to him in the beginning. His friends all stopped calling and wanting to hang out with him, because they knew he would just blow them off. This eventually led to him getting dumped, even though he never was really that into her in the first place. He chased and begged afterwards, to which she literally laughed in his face.
He started following my work about two years ago and started turning things around. He started working out again, resumed his career, reconnected with his friends and rebuilt his life. He is now engaged to a woman he actually is in love with and adores. His life is better than ever. It’s another great, inspiring success story of what a man needs to focus on in life to attract and keep the woman of his dreams.
I started watching your videos a couple years ago right after an ex and I broke up. I was always a natural at getting girls, and didn’t know why until I found out everything you were teaching is what I was doing. I always had a drive for success, was confident, and wanted to better myself everyday; so much that I hated texting or calling people, because I had stuff I wanted to do. (Just use the phone for setting dates.) When we first started dating, I followed my mission of being successful, and if she wanted to hang out, it would be when I wasn’t busy. The things that I did made my ex want to spend every minute with me, and she always said, “You’re going be the one to break this heart. I know it.” I loved the girl, but I was never head over heels in love. (Rejection breeds obsession, but you never put in the effort because you weren’t really into the girl.)
As time went on through the relationship, by listening to what she was telling me, I slowly stopped working out and achieving greater success, even to the lengths of quitting a successful school career, and quitting hanging out with my friends to the point where no one would even call me because they knew I would blow them off, all to please her because that’s what “she wanted.” (When a woman falls in love with you, they want your attention all the time, but you should never give up who you are. The right woman for you is someone who supports your goals and dreams.) Fast-forward two years, and she ended up dumping me; as you can imagine, I was shocked. I don’t think I wanted her back because I was in love with her, but more for the fact that she dumped me, and it made me feel like I was worthless. (Your identity becomes associated with being in the relationship with that person. When they choose to not be in your life, you lose yourself.) Something I never would have done before is that I begged her to take me back, because that’s how I thought guys got back the girl thanks to the good ole movie makers; she actually laughed in my face. Luckily after this, I took whatever I had left of my balls, and didn’t look back. This made me feel like the world’s biggest bitch, and I can see why she didn’t take me back. The wake from all of this made me lose connection with friends, a good career and being in shape.
I started getting my shit together again, and now am back to working out, hanging out with friends, finishing up my schooling for a very successful career, and am even engaged to a girl that is better than anyone I could have dreamed about. (You’ll either get the ex back or get somebody better if you apply the things I teach in my book. Read the book 10-15 times so it becomes instinctual.) This experience was the worst but best thing that could have happened, and it made me grow in knowledge immensely. I wanted to send you this e-mail to thank you for what you are doing for people, and I felt I should share this story to maybe help one person who was in the same situation I was, because I wish I could have known what I was doing wrong before it was too late. Yes, there needs to be compromise, but don’t stop doing the things you love because you are trying to please the girl. (If you turn into a pleaser, you will get rejected eventually.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“A big mistake a lot of men make when they get into a relationship is that, slowly over time they stop being the ambitious, exciting, confident, fit and interesting men they were that attracted their women to them in the first place. They often give up everything that matters to them in an effort to please and become what their women say they want. This predictably leads to their women losing respect, attraction and romantic interest in them to the point that they get dumped. They no longer focus on being awesome and pursuing their dreams, but instead become pleasers in an effort to become what their women say they want. Men should never give up their dreams, goals, ambitions or healthy eating and exercise habits to please anyone. If they do, they will simply lose themselves and eventually their women will leave them.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne