Love Is Playful & Fun, Not Serious

Jan 5, 2012 by Coach Corey Wayne

Photo by iStock.com/pixelfit
A big mistake most men make when their women are angry, upset, hurt, emotional, crabby, in a bad mood, etc., is to start using logic and reason to justify their language, behavior, response, etc. The essence of feminine energy is opening up to receive love. It is playful, creative, humorous, etc. and when a woman is in her natural feminine essence because she feels safe and comfortable, that is when men will find her the most sexually appealing and desirable.

Masculine energy is all about purpose, drive, achieving, mission in life, etc. The reason women like men to take control for the direction in the relationship, is that those qualities are masculine traits and not part of a woman’s natural feminine essence. When a man is weak or he uses logic and reason to justify his actions, or lack thereof, this causes his woman to move into her masculine energy to make up for his weakness. This ruins the sexual polarity and causes her to resent him. When a woman does not feel safe and comfortable, she will close down emotionally and become bitchy, cranky, grouchy, etc. His job is to recognize this and open her back up emotionally by using humor and playful banter to create sexual attraction so she becomes playful, sweet and loving again. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE.

This is an incredibly difficult subject for most men to grasp. Why? Because men think logically and reasonably. Our natural tendency is to get into our head and start using logic and reason to solve a problem. 90% of the time a man should be a charming James Bond who is cool under pressure. Nothing diminishes him. He performs well under stress and has an “all is well” mindset and expectation about himself. He has made the commitment that his life will be a drama free zone. He wants to have fun and enjoy his goddess. He doesn’t want to be running around fixing her problems or holding back because he is worried about upsetting her. A lot of my coaching clients struggle with this in their relationships also. When a woman gets bitchy, grouchy or has a bad attitude, that is when you become the bad boy who flushes an M-80 down the toilet at school. That is when you say something outrageous, but in a way that causes her to become unsure whether or not you are serious, or just fucking with her. A great movie you should watch is called “Charade,” it’s an old one, but a masterpiece of male and female bantering and playfulness. It stars Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn. All throughout the movie she can’t tell whether he’s being serious, or messing with her. He’s charming and sweet, but also a little dangerous and naughty.

There is a part in the movie where she is sitting on his lap tending to his wounds from an altercation with a bad guy. She starts kissing him. After a few seconds of making out with her, he pushes her away and says, “cut it out!” She looks befuddled. She becomes unsure of herself. Then after a few seconds of watching her struggle with why he pushed her away, he says, “why’d you stop?” She responds with a puzzled and high-pitched bitchy tone, “because you told me to!” Then he says, “well I’m not done complaining yet!” Her look of uncertainty instantly turns into laughter and they start kissing again. He drives her nuts like this throughout the whole movie, but it drives her crazy for him. She clearly is chasing him and thinking it is her idea. But it’s obvious he wants her too. He treats her like his bratty little sister.

Think about it this way, if you have a little sister and she was crying over something silly, most boys would say, “what are you whining about now?” She’d start to babble about something, then he would interrupt her and say, “come on, let’s go outside and ride our bikes. You can sit in your room by yourself and cry later. It’s a beautiful day out! Let’s go!” She’ll jump up and go off to play with him, forgetting about why she was upset. Why? Because he is in the flow. He is present in the moment, not lost in his mind, or trying to solve her problem. There’s a whole world to explore and he has no time to waste with drama. She can sit and cry by herself, or she can go out and play and have fun. He’s going with or without her, because boys are explorers and are dangerous. That’s very exciting to little girls. They get to enjoy being a little dangerous, but if there ever were any real danger, he would spring into action and defend her to his last breath.

you’ll understand when it’s required to help her work through something. If If you are a man, there is something you must understand about being a man. You should think about yourself as the king of your kingdom. If you declare that your kingdom is a drama free zone, then anytime a woman wants to get serious about serious subjects, or she stops being fun and playful, you are simply not going to have anything to do with it. Why? Because you are the King, and this is your kingdom. You drive the fun bus, and are therefore only interested in having a good time. It does not mean that you ignore her when she has something to talk about or express. As a matter of fact, when she needs to talk, a woman is determined to be pissed off at you or bitchy, be just as determined to crack her up with humor and banter; taking it to the ridiculous, until she relents and can’t help but laugh at you.

Women bluff to test. They will act like they are displeased with your behavior when you are being your outrageous self. This is a simple test to determine if you understand and “get it” when it comes to being playful and fun that creates sexual attraction. My dad was out on a date recently that he told me about. His date was questioning him about his height and some other characteristics that were in his dating profile. He missed that it was a test, and he failed it. Instead of messing with her and saying some ridiculous things, he started justifying his profile by using logic and reason. This is very boring to a woman and communicates that you don’t know how to play and flirt. This will lower her interest level in you. When she asked him about his height, that should have been his cue to become the kid that flushes the M-80 down the toilet. When she said she did not think he was really 6′-8″, he should’ve said, “I’m actually 11 feet tall with a straight face. Then she would’ve said, “stand up so I can see.” Then he could say, “only if you kiss me first.” Her: “I barely know you.” Him: “that’s exactly why you should kiss me, so you can get to know me better. Besides, I’d much rather find out at the beginning of our date that you’re lousy kisser, so I can help you become a great kisser by the end of our date with lots of practice. That way, maybe you’ll get lucky later instead of blowing your chances with me.” Be silly, not serious. Be willing to be outrageously silly to the point that it is borderline ridiculous.

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“Every problem has within it the seeds of its own solution. If you don’t have any problems, you don’t get any seeds.”-Norman Vincent Peale

Published on January 5, 2012

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. In your book, you say when a woman is moody & bitchy etc, it’s because she has closed down emotionally because her man is making mistakes, which causes her to become uncertain of his masculine core. So, when you see this behavior, you have to open her up emotionally by asking her what’s wrong, being playful & silly, and weathering the storm, not allowing her behavior to diminish you, not giving up until she caves in. When she does, you ask her questions, listen, repeat some things back to her to show you acknowledge and understand her. In this article you say when she’s moody & bitchy, you’ve just got to play it off with banter, trying to get her to laugh, treating her like your bratty little sister. However, this is confusing to me as It’s difficult to know when she’s being moody & bitchy because I’ve a.) made mistakes? b.) She’s testing my strength, Or c.) just that time of the month, because I feel you’d have to respond differently to each one.

    When it’s testing, obviously you have to call her out by saying something like “I’m happy, and I won’t allow you to bring me down, so if you’re not going to be nice and sweet to me then I’d rather not be around you right now. When you act this way towards me i feel under appreciated. It’s disrespectful and I’d rather spend my time people that value and appreciate me. So give me a call when you’re ready to be sweet and loving towards me again” then give her the gift of missing you.

    If it’s that time of the month, then it’s not a test or anything personal, so the appropriate way to respond would be fun & playful banter like you say in this article, as like you say, women are emotional beings, and sometime you just have to weather the storm.

    If she’s closed down emotionally, then the best thing to do would be opening her up in a playful way, listening to her and understanding her, apologising appropriately for mistakes etc.

    I feel if I was just constantly playful, always using banter etc, I would accidentally fail a test and push her further away.

    I love and appreciate your work, and it’s helped me tremendously, but I’m just confused about when to be fun & playful, and when to be serious and stand up for myself, as if she’s disrespecting me and I’m just being fun & playful, I feel she’ll perceive me as weak.

  2. Regarding the last paragraph… I know you are correct as I have observed friends use silly banter successfully, but I can’t help but find it cringey and hard to do. I try to remind myself a thousand times a day to keep conversation playful and funny, but once I’m in the midst of the conversation I forget my reminders and Mr. Logical returns.

    But thank you for giving examples, as I find they help tremendously and I wish there were more examples where one could actually observe to learn from.

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