A big mistake most men make when their women are angry, upset, hurt, emotional, crabby, in a bad mood, etc., is to start using logic and reason to justify their language, behavior, response, etc. The essence of feminine energy is opening up to receive love. It is playful, creative, humorous, etc. and when a woman is in her natural feminine essence because she feels safe and comfortable, that is when men will find her the most sexually appealing and desirable.
Masculine energy is all about purpose, drive, achieving, mission in life, etc. The reason women like men to take control for the direction in the relationship, is that those qualities are masculine traits and not part of a woman’s natural feminine essence. When a man is weak or he uses logic and reason to justify his actions, or lack thereof, this causes his woman to move into her masculine energy to make up for his weakness. This ruins the sexual polarity and causes her to resent him. When a woman does not feel safe and comfortable, she will close down emotionally and become bitchy, cranky, grouchy, etc. His job is to recognize this and open her back up emotionally by using humor and playful banter to create sexual attraction so she becomes playful, sweet and loving again. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE.
This is an incredibly difficult subject for most men to grasp. Why? Because men think logically and reasonably. Our natural tendency is to get into our head and start using logic and reason to solve a problem. 90% of the time a man should be a charming James Bond who is cool under pressure. Nothing diminishes him. He performs well under stress and has an “all is well” mindset and expectation about himself. He has made the commitment that his life will be a drama free zone. He wants to have fun and enjoy his goddess. He doesn’t want to be running around fixing her problems or holding back because he is worried about upsetting her. A lot of my coaching clients struggle with this in their relationships also. When a woman gets bitchy, grouchy or has a bad attitude, that is when you become the bad boy who flushes an M-80 down the toilet at school. That is when you say something outrageous, but in a way that causes her to become unsure whether or not you are serious, or just fucking with her. A great movie you should watch is called “Charade,” it’s an old one, but a masterpiece of male and female bantering and playfulness. It stars Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn. All throughout the movie she can’t tell whether he’s being serious, or messing with her. He’s charming and sweet, but also a little dangerous and naughty.
There is a part in the movie where she is sitting on his lap tending to his wounds from an altercation with a bad guy. She starts kissing him. After a few seconds of making out with her, he pushes her away and says, “cut it out!” She looks befuddled. She becomes unsure of herself. Then after a few seconds of watching her struggle with why he pushed her away, he says, “why’d you stop?” She responds with a puzzled and high-pitched bitchy tone, “because you told me to!” Then he says, “well I’m not done complaining yet!” Her look of uncertainty instantly turns into laughter and they start kissing again. He drives her nuts like this throughout the whole movie, but it drives her crazy for him. She clearly is chasing him and thinking it is her idea. But it’s obvious he wants her too. He treats her like his bratty little sister.
Think about it this way, if you have a little sister and she was crying over something silly, most boys would say, “what are you whining about now?” She’d start to babble about something, then he would interrupt her and say, “come on, let’s go outside and ride our bikes. You can sit in your room by yourself and cry later. It’s a beautiful day out! Let’s go!” She’ll jump up and go off to play with him, forgetting about why she was upset. Why? Because he is in the flow. He is present in the moment, not lost in his mind, or trying to solve her problem. There’s a whole world to explore and he has no time to waste with drama. She can sit and cry by herself, or she can go out and play and have fun. He’s going with or without her, because boys are explorers and are dangerous. That’s very exciting to little girls. They get to enjoy being a little dangerous, but if there ever were any real danger, he would spring into action and defend her to his last breath.
you’ll understand when it’s required to help her work through something. If If you are a man, there is something you must understand about being a man. You should think about yourself as the king of your kingdom. If you declare that your kingdom is a drama free zone, then anytime a woman wants to get serious about serious subjects, or she stops being fun and playful, you are simply not going to have anything to do with it. Why? Because you are the King, and this is your kingdom. You drive the fun bus, and are therefore only interested in having a good time. It does not mean that you ignore her when she has something to talk about or express. As a matter of fact, when she needs to talk, a woman is determined to be pissed off at you or bitchy, be just as determined to crack her up with humor and banter; taking it to the ridiculous, until she relents and can’t help but laugh at you.
Women bluff to test. They will act like they are displeased with your behavior when you are being your outrageous self. This is a simple test to determine if you understand and “get it” when it comes to being playful and fun that creates sexual attraction. My dad was out on a date recently that he told me about. His date was questioning him about his height and some other characteristics that were in his dating profile. He missed that it was a test, and he failed it. Instead of messing with her and saying some ridiculous things, he started justifying his profile by using logic and reason. This is very boring to a woman and communicates that you don’t know how to play and flirt. This will lower her interest level in you. When she asked him about his height, that should have been his cue to become the kid that flushes the M-80 down the toilet. When she said she did not think he was really 6′-8″, he should’ve said, “I’m actually 11 feet tall with a straight face. Then she would’ve said, “stand up so I can see.” Then he could say, “only if you kiss me first.” Her: “I barely know you.” Him: “that’s exactly why you should kiss me, so you can get to know me better. Besides, I’d much rather find out at the beginning of our date that you’re lousy kisser, so I can help you become a great kisser by the end of our date with lots of practice. That way, maybe you’ll get lucky later instead of blowing your chances with me.” Be silly, not serious. Be willing to be outrageously silly to the point that it is borderline ridiculous.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Every problem has within it the seeds of its own solution. If you don’t have any problems, you don’t get any seeds.”-Norman Vincent Peale