Why it’s important to make sure you only become seriously romantically involved with lovers who really care about you for you, not people who simply want to use you, manipulate you, use you for status, have sex with you, etc., and then move on.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who is a twenty-five year old virgin who wants to give her virginity away to a man who deserves it and who really cares about her. She says that she has no problem attracting guys, but keeping them around is a problem. She says that once they find out that she is still a virgin, they go into “hunting mode” and become hyper interested. Their focus then becomes totally about having sex, and she can tell they just want to get in her pants and then blow her off once they get what they want.
She backs off once she notices this behavior, and they usually become offended and pissed off that she won’t give it up. She wants to find a guy who really cares about her and who knows how to make her feel comfortable. She asks my opinion.
Coach Corey Wayne,
I realize a lot of your coaching advice is directed towards a male audience, but women can also benefit from it. (Even though my book was written for men, what I teach, men and women should both know.) I’ve been watching some of your videos and subscribed to your newsletters. They really help. I have a better grasp of what I’m looking for, and while I thought I was ‘picky,’ instead I was looking for the 3% man.
You’re really hot by the way! (Thanks!)
I was hoping you would give your thoughts on my specific situation. I’m turning 25, and I’ve kept my virginity…not for any convictions or circumstances. I just wanted to give it to a guy I thought deserved it. I’ve never had a problem attracting men, but keeping them around long enough is difficult. I never seem to feel satisfied with their effort. In other words, they’ll talk to me if there’s nothing else better to do if they don’t know I’m a virgin. (It sounds like you’re getting involved with guys that really aren’t that into you.) If they do put it together that I’m inexperienced, they go into ‘hunting mode.’ Suddenly, they’re making time for me, being affectionate, romancing me, creating an opportunity for sex to happen, which is the goal, yes. I’ve just never felt comfortable. (Women want to feel safe and comfortable.) It causes me to back off, because it feels like they’re manipulating me. Then they become extremely offended, that ends it, and I’m glad I waited. (They get butt hurt when they don’t get what they want. They really aren’t that into you. They just want to take your virginity. When someone’s really into you, they make you feel loved. They will really want to know what you’re all about.) I’m looking for a meaningful, deep connection, not just a hookup. However, it’s playing out the same way every time. I’ve thought, maybe I should try doing the chasing, and then I kill the attraction. (That’s how women naturally, instinctively behave. It’s okay for you to make the effort to reach out to guys, but the key is to see if the guy is reciprocating. The quickest way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours.)
My question is, am I really not finding any 3% men, or is it the way I’m projecting myself? My personality is reserved, and if I act natural, which is for the most part quiet but always chin up, men approach me. (If you’re smiling, happy, and you dress well, guys are going to notice you. If you see a guy you like, make eye contact with him.) I can feel comfortable and have great mental connections with some of them. Everything past that point is a demolition site. How should a guy who genuinely wants a relationship with me be approaching me, with or without knowing about my virginity, and how should I let him know I’m interested but need to take it slow, without thwarting the process of attraction? (Men are visual creatures. Take care of your body, and men will notice. Read my book, and it will help you understand attraction and what to look for, so you can make sure they are into you. Don’t tell a guy you’re a virgin right away. You want to make sure he’s into you for you and doesn’t just want to pop your cherry.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Everyone deserves to feel loved and adored by someone who really cares about who they are as a human being. When someone really cares for you and is fascinated by you, they want to know everything about you. They are very inquisitive and will ask a ton of questions. The kind of questions you enjoy answering. It is a natural human law of reciprocity that when someone really makes an attempt to get to know who you are as a human being, this creates rapport, makes you feel like they care about you and causes you to view them, and feel like, they are a friend and an ally. This will cause you to like and trust them. Take a sincere interest in other people, but also make sure that other people take a sincere interest in you. One way relationships and friendships will only leave you feeling used, taken advantage of and feeling resentful.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne