How to make a successful instant date with a woman you just met in person.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares a success story of how he met a woman randomly in a park and ended up spending the evening with her on an instant date. He doesn’t think the date was a success because he is being too hard on himself.
I point out what he did right and what he should do going forward to potentially see her again. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This is the kind of thing you want to be able to do, because you could be on vacation, you could be visiting friends, and when you meet somebody and you kind of click, and there’s chemistry, and she’s willing to engage with you in conversation, you can make instant dates that oftentimes will lead to the indoor Olympics.
At the end of the day, your job as a man in the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun and to hook up. Obviously, if you’re really religious and you’re “no sex until marriage,” then the seduction takes place on your wedding night. But if you’re like most guys in the West, you’re going to typically be sleeping with her by a second or third date. That’s just reality.
My job as a coach is to help people get what they want, not impose my values or my views on people. Because everybody’s got different ones, and I deal with people from every different kind of cultural background and religious background from all over the world.
So, in this case, this guy said, “Hey, get in touch,” so he’s got to be congruent with it. But he’s already thinking, “Oh, I’ll wait a few weeks and then I’ll start chasing again.” Because again, he’s projecting his high interest onto her, and he’s completely ignoring the fact that he’s more into her than she is in him. And that’s just not going to work out long term if you’re putting more interest in her than she is into you. You want to kind of match and mirror that.
And so, there are some things that she’s done, that if you are familiar with How To Be A 3% Man, you can tell that it shows low interest. But the idea is you don’t look at one thing, one technique, one strategy, one tip and say, ‘Well, this is the be all, end all of everything.’ You have to take the context of everything that happens. Because there are some things that the woman does here that under normal circumstances you would say, “Oh, she’s not that into me.” But if you look at what happened next, she definitely seems to be into him.
I have been following you for one year and read the book 6 times… I know.
So, in other words, what he means by, “I know” is Coach is going to bust my balls about the fact that after a whole year, he still hasn’t gotten through the book 10 to 15 times.
Since the last two times I went out with friends they cock-blocked me like morons, I decided to go out by myself this time.
I think that’s a great idea. If you’ve got the confidence and you feel comfortable, you should absolutely go out by yourself, especially if you’ve got friends that have no game, because they’re just going to get in the way.
Besides, if you’re with them and you have an opportunity like with this, if you’ve got cock-blocking friends, you’re not going to be able to seduce her, because your friends are going to get in the way, especially if you’re the one driving. Or maybe you drove with them, unless you end up leaving with the girl, which is also possible. The idea is you want to think of the logistics as much as possible to make things easy on yourself for the seduction process.
After walking around the park for a while feeling nervous, I approached a girl who was alone with a book and started chatting with her. She had a melancholic aura, so I asked what was up and she told me it was her divorce anniversary.
I’d be like, “Divorce anniversary? Well, that’s a reason to celebrate, because you’re free! Come have a drink with me.”
I asked for her name and she said “Jessica” and didn’t ask for mine.
So, obviously, we talk about in the book, if people are interested, they ask you personal questions. If they’re not, they don’t.
I didn’t think much of that and invited her for a beer right there, she said yes.
That’s amazing, dude. Good job. That’s exactly what you want to do. Because you don’t know. The idea is the book gives you a lot of techniques, a lot of tips, a lot of strategies, and a lot of behavioral patterns that you want to be on the lookout for to determine whether or not a woman is really into you. Because women will tell you that they’re into you when they’re actually not. And they will also tell you that they’re not into you when they are. And as a man, you’re direct, decisive and you’re focused on your outcome and what you want.
We went to a bar and had a good time. I let her do the talking and I asked the questions you recommend in your videos. She seemed very entertained but didn’t ask me almost anything about myself, other than how many girlfriends I had had, or why did I break up. I told her I had been blessed with the women I had in my life and bantered that if she wanted a position as girlfriend, she can send her CV. She liked that.
That’s a good response. I like that. Good job, dude.
She then proceeded to tell me how she was in a long marriage that didn’t let her express herself and showed me her Instagram full of pictures of her in underwear with hundreds of likes.
So, obviously, if you’re looking for a long term relationship and a woman that you’re talking to is doing nothing but taking pictures of herself in her underwear and posting it as a thirst trap, if it’s not a business and she’s just doing it, that’s typically somebody that didn’t get enough strokes from daddy when she was a little girl. And so, she seeks attention and validation from other men because it helps her self-esteem and her self-worth. So, that’s a red flag.
But at the end of the day, these are just a multiple of all the options. You’ve got to kind of think of yourself as Sherlock Holmes. You need data for your analysis. You need data in order to make an intelligent and informed decision.
I didn’t say anything about that other than my honest opinion that Instagram is a waste of time. I ended the date, paid, and invited her to shoot some pool. She hadn’t played any pool in her life, so I teased her, and she laughed, which I think is a good sign she doesn’t take herself too seriously, but is inconsistent with her social media obsession.
Well, she’s looking for attention and validation. And women that do that on social media typically also do that in person, even when you’re dating them, just because they were so starved for affection in childhood that they’re always seeking it from men, even men they’re not involved with romantically, because it makes them feel better.
I pursued a little bit, grabbed her waist to show her how to play, gave her a hug when she finally could hit a ball well.
That’s perfect. There’s nothing wrong with that. It also shows confidence, and also, you’re leading her.
I immediately realized that was too much and backed off. I was a nice guy, needy chump again and didn’t even realize it.
I don’t know about that, dude. Because again, you never know. Again, she’s displaying things here that show she’s not interested, but yet women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, it’s because they voted for you, despite what they say.
We went back and sat to finish our drinks, then I took her home. I opened the doors for her and walked her to her house. She didn’t like that, (supposedly).
Hmm. Well, what are her actions?
I went for the kiss and we kissed for a couple of minutes.
This is why you have the kiss test in there. If she likes you and she’s attracted, she’ll kiss you back. And if she’s not, you’ll get her cheek.
Then we exchanged numbers and she sent a funny sticker. I didn’t reply anything to that.
Well, I would have liked it back, that would have been about it. And then maybe four or five days later, I’d reach out and try to set another date, if you’re so inclined. This is your life. You do what makes you happy.
Contemplating on the date, I know what I did wrong and that my energy towards the end was too high, (needy), which plays against me. Also, I spent my valuable time and money on someone who I think doesn’t even know my name.
Maybe, maybe not, but she still sucked the tongue out of the back of your throat. But then again, maybe she’s from Brazil, and anybody who’s dated a Brazilian knows that kissing is not a big deal. Sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss. But the bottom line is she kissed you.
I feel I was just a chump she used to have a good time when she was feeling sad, and the kiss was just a consolation prize. Am I right?
Thanks for all your work. I will keep reading the book.
She kissed you. So, you hung out, you created a total instant date out of nothing. You even drove the girl home after several hours, and she made out with you passionately in front of her place. So, how is that not a victory? That was a good time. It’s better than sitting at home, looking at the four walls and doing nothing.
You took the initiative. You asked this girl out, she said yes, and you were the driver of the fun bus. And the payoff was, you got some kissy-poo and you got her number, obviously. So, four or five days go by, I’d be texting her, “Hey, let’s get together,” or “Hey, cutie, let’s get together and meet up for a drink.” It’s also possible that after four or five days, she might reach out to you. You just don’t know. That’s why you go through the progressions in the book and see what happens next.
I think you did great. There’s no reason to be upset. And would I have done anything differently? No. I think your game was good. You know, the stuff with you directing your hips and showing her how to stand, I mean, if you were on a first date with a girl at a gun range, you’re going to be doing that. You’re going to be touching her. So, it’s okay. You did awesome. Good job, dude. Stop beating yourself up. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“If a woman likes you, she makes it easy to spend time with her. When she doesn’t, she makes it difficult. Women who have low romantic interest will often be vague and unsure when you try to make plans with them. This is where it’s essential to be direct, decisive and try to make definite plans with confidence, because often this display of masculinity is enough to peak a woman’s romantic interest in you and give you a chance to seduce her. If she won’t make definite plans but offers a “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” date, politely decline and tell her to get in touch when her schedule frees up. Then be congruent with what you told her.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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