Why making women wait for seduction and taking your time turns them on even more.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a 20-year-old viewer who has read 3% Man 7 times over the past 2 years, but he says he was always too scared to apply it.
He finally worked up the courage to implement what he has been learning, and he details several success stories and how he got his current hot girlfriend to fall head over heels in love with him by making her wait longer and going at a slower pace than she was. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This is a young guy, he’s 20 years old. He says he read 3% Man, about seven times since he was in high school. So obviously, I’m assuming over the last 2 to 3 years, considering how long he’s been following me, he should have gotten through it 10 to 15 times at least.
What’s interesting is, he says he was always too afraid to actually apply what was in it. But a series of events happened. Several different women came into his life, and he started applying what was in the book, having great results and tremendous success.
I’ve talked about this a lot, that the seduction process. Ideally, a guy should be going slightly slower than the woman does, because this is going to wind her up emotionally, build a sexual anticipation, and it’ll make her more aggressive to push things along quicker. And then that way, you’re going at her pace. So, she always feels safe and comfortable, because she’s driving the quickness of how you go from just kind of casually dating until, ultimately, she’s in love with you and wants to be exclusive. And that’s what this guy experienced with his now hot girlfriend.
It’s about week five, week six, and she just basically came right out and said, “I want you all to myself.” She didn’t want him dating anybody else. And they’ve been exclusive ever since. He did a good job of learning the material, and he had just a series of women that seemed to all kind of come into his life at the same time. And some of them kind of came back into his life, that he’s known. He got a lot of experience in a very short period of time.
This is typically how things work for most guys. It’s just living your life, and it’s like, boom, boom, boom! You meet one girl after another, and you also see the importance, especially when you’re learning this stuff of having multiple choices, multiple options with women. Because if you have 3 or 4 really beautiful women that you like, and some of them you’re going to be more into than others, really, as a man, it makes you feel pretty damn good when you’ve got 3 or 4 women wanting your time and your attention. That’s going to make you cockier, it’s going to give you more swagger.
The best place for a man to be is to have his choice, because then it’s going to cause the women to work harder to get your attention, so you choose them over all other women you may be talking to or dating.
Since the start of this year, I’ve had tremendous success in my personal and sexual life, thanks to your work. I’ve literally gone from a lonely 20-year-old with a multi-year pussy embargo to a stud who’s got the woman of his dreams head over heels in love with him after finally applying your work.
Well, you could read my book a hundred times, watch every single video, spend years absorbing it, but it’s not going to help you unless you get out there and apply it.
Having read the book 7-8 times since high school, I often found myself too scared to apply it. I always felt insecure about my success with women, leading me into a cycle of feeling insecure, holding back, and then feeling insecure again as a result.
Well, that brings up something I talk about in the book; what you fear you attract, and what you look at disappears. So, he’s fearful of things not working out, or things not going well, or getting rejected, and so he holds back. And because he’s holding back and he’s not really being authentic, what he fears is happening actually happens and, therefore, he feels worse. So, it’s like a vicious cycle.
That’s why, even when you have a failure or a rejection, at least, is if you show up and you take the risk, that’s what really matters. Because that builds your confidence. The idea is, especially if you’re younger and you’ve always been kind of shy – you don’t have the people skills, you really haven’t spent a lot of time developing your small talk skills – and then you do that, a big part is just overcoming your fear of initiating small talk conversations with strangers.
And that’s why I suggest that in the videos and articles I did years ago, “Practicing Your Social Skills” or “The Process Of Improving Your Social Skills” or “Improving Your Social Skills.” There’s three different videos I did on the topic. You follow that pattern, because it gets you to the point where you’re just able to strike up a conversation, no matter where you are. Because you never know when you’re going to come across somebody you really like and who likes you.
And if you haven’t practiced your small talk and you’re meeting this girl who is already attracted to you, you pass her physical attraction test and then you fumble all over yourself trying to come up with things to talk about, just because you haven’t practiced it. And then you go from having this woman who already likes you, to now you talk to her out of liking you, which really makes you feel bad when those things happen. But that kind of pain is the kind of thing that will cause you to learn this stuff and overcome it because you want to move away from pain and towards the pleasure that you want.
But remember, as Aristotle said, “people do more to avoid pain than they do to gain pleasure.” So, if you’re having a hard time overcoming something or doing something that you know you need to do, re-frame the way you’re looking at it in terms of, “What are the painful consequences if I don’t do what I know I need to do right now? And what’s the potential pleasure I’m going to gain if I do what I know I need to do right now?” Because that will help you get emotional leverage upon yourself.
Because it’s the intense emotions that cause us to take action or to shrink from taking action, so it’s important to be cognizant of what your self-talk is. When you find yourself in these moments, like in his case, he’s wanting to talk to a girl or ask a girl out, or escalate things when he’s on a date, physically. But he’s too scared because he’s worried about the rejection. And then, the rejection happens anyway, because he didn’t make a move and the woman judged that he didn’t have the confidence.
I realized this would never end unless I broke out of my comfort zone and embodied the alpha male James Bond mentality that you’ve always described. I’d like to share three short success stories to show why applying what you teach is essential to become the alpha.
To make the expression of the inner alpha that’s always there. But you’ve shrunk in the past from it. But instead, you choose to be courageous. And that’s what an alpha male really is; it’s somebody who has courage and goes for the things they want. It’s not about beating the shit out of other people. Which, as an alpha male is a man, all men should be dangerous, but kind. But being an alpha is a guy that’s just courageous and he goes after the things he wants and doesn’t shrink from them. And it’s a conscious choice. You could choose to be alpha or you could choose to be beta.
There are people in the world that are happy being followers. There’s nothing wrong with that. But women like the guys with the most confidence. So, if you want to have your pick of women, be the guy that goes for what he wants. Be the guy that’s willing to fall flat on his face. Be the guy that embraces failure, that looks forward to failure, and understands that failure is just part of the process in life. And you’ve got to be willing to let yourself look stupid, or be stupid, or act stupid, and don’t take yourself too seriously.
Because success is a process, and you’ve got to commit to the process, as you’re going to see here. This is what this guy has done. He’s committed to the process of actually applying it. He had three different women that all came into his life within a short period of time, and he decided to start pulling the trigger, so to speak, instead of shrinking and being bitter.
In January, I stayed at my cousin’s farm who had a smoking hot 19-year-old Italian girl helping take care of the property. Despite being a ‘horse girl,’ she was a straight 9. As I bumped into her each day, I’d make small talk about her time back home and constantly make jokes and banter with her. She would always touch my arm when laughing. This went on for a week, until I was off to bed one night and found her lingering around my bedroom ‘looking at the pictures on the wall.’
That’s what women do. They put themselves into your orbit. It’s just like you could be at the gym and a girl will come and sit down on a piece of equipment, right in front of you and face you, or next to you, or near you, hoping that you do something. So, when pretty girls come over and sit near you or put themselves around you, pay attention for the signs that I talk about in “3% Man,” because it may be a girl that’s interested and she’s trying to make it easy for you to do something. So, pay attention to these.
This is why it’s important to be a social person, to have a great social life. So, when you’re not working, you can go out with your friends, your family, co-workers, whoever it happens to be, and do fun things together. People that like the same things tend to like each other. And if you’re out having a good time with other like minded people, it’s much easier to meet girls who are also like minded. And it’s easier to strike up a conversation when you’re doing something you love and enjoy, or a social activity, whatever it happens to be, because it gives you some commonality that you can talk about with with the women that are there.
I saw this as a sign and knew I had to act. Without thinking, I took her hand, spun her around and said, “I think you need to get it over with and kiss me.” She paused but smirked, so I said, “You heard me.” She grabbed me and we made out for about 15 minutes. I asked her to follow me to the bedroom, but she declined, saying she doesn’t want to take things further. I accepted and went to bed. I lay there feeling like I missed a golden opportunity and wondered what happened, then realized I hadn’t applied two steps forward, one step back. She went back to Italy the next day.
Remember, you’ve got to go slightly slower than she is. And so, she put herself into your orbit, you go for the kiss, and then you’re like, “Hey, let’s go to the bedroom.” So, it was a little too quick. And instead of just giving up, a delay is not a denial, it just means you’re going too fast. But this is how you learn.
So he had a golden opportunity and she goes back to Italy the next day, but it was so close. But it’s good, because he knew the book well enough that he was able to look back on that and go, “You know what? I went a little too fast.” He went faster than she was. And the goal is you want to go slightly slower than she is. And you’ll see with his girlfriend at the end, he just he did everything perfectly.
A couple of days later, I saw a girl on Bumble, also from Italy. I found this funny, so swiped right and we matched. After a few texts, I set a date for later in the week and she agreed. Coach, she was 8/10 physically but 1/10 in conversation, ha-ha.
That happens. It’s a bummer when it does, but most guys haven’t had the experience of rejecting pretty girls or a lot of girls. And so, for the pretty girl who’s constantly getting approached and having these kinds of things, they meet a guy they really like, and then they start talking to him, and they’re like, “Eh.” The guy literally talks her out of liking him. And so, because he’s got multiple options here, as a man he’s starting to get to see that, very physically attractive, but the conversation wasn’t that great.
I ended the date short and took her home, not wanting to see her again.
And on some levels she picked up that you were less excited about her after you spent more time with her. And that can have interesting effects, which you’ll see
Two days later, she texts me saying she had fun and got sunburnt at the beach. I would normally ignore this, but once again saw it as a sign and knew I had to act.
Yeah, because she’s reaching out to him. He’s thinking, “Yeah, we just really didn’t click. I’m not going to go out with her again,” but yet she reaches out. It’s kind of like going out on a date with a structured girl, and she’s like, “No, I don’t kiss on the first date,” or whatever. It’s like, you never call or text her again for any reason. And sometimes they’ll call and reach out to you after a few weeks, and then you make a date, and you might have a successful seduction.
I said, “Why don’t you come over? An aloe vera massage can help with that.” She agreed and came over.
So, now she’s seeking his attention and validation, because he stopped moving forward completely. And maybe, on some level, she knew that she kind of turned the guy off. He went from being excited, maybe at the beginning of the date, to the end of the date, he left early. He ended the date early. And the old adage from show business is always, leave them wanting for more.
Whether he realized it or not. He wasn’t that into her and he left her wanting more. She probably wondered why he ended the date quickly because, probably, other guys that go out with her want to stay with her the whole night, and they get nowhere. And here you are sending her home early, because the conversation sucked, and now her attitude changed.
Remembering two steps forward, one step back, we had a glass of wine and I said, “Why don’t you kiss me, so we can get this massage started?” After sucking the tongue out of my throat, I escalated to caressing and eventually picked her up, threw her on the bed and finished with a 2-hour session of the Indoor Olympics.
So, you can see it was almost like, “I don’t even want this.” This is the vibe of a guy that’s got plenty of options and plenty of choice. He’s got other girls he’s going out with and he has a fabulous time with. He goes out with this girl, he’s really attracted to her at first, but the conversation was boring. So, he’s like, “I have plenty of choices, plenty of options. I want better than this. I want a better connection than this.” And so, he’s out. And yet what’s she do? She comes after him.
Coach, it was the second time I had ever had sex. She didn’t stop texting me after this, and we saw each other 5-6 more times before she went back to Europe. After having more sex in one week than in the previous 20 years of my life, it was an amazing experience as a man. I felt like I was James Bond, and she did too.
A few days later, I went back home. A close female friend of mine, who I was always attracted to, had recently dumped her very feminine and needy ex-boyfriend. Throughout our friendship, I would always banter and poke fun at her for being with such a feminine man, and she would blush and ignore me.
That’s pretty good, trolling her in a playful way.
A month or so later, I caught her looking at me in the gym. She ran over and said she was sorry, my veins were just too big.
Because, again, when he’s teasing her about her effeminate boyfriend and he’s not pursuing her – he’s not trying to do it, because she has a boyfriend at the end of the day – he’s playful. He shows he’s indifferent, he’s unaffected, and look what happens; she comes to get his attention.
I looked her straight in the eye and said, “I would let you touch them, but I only let women touch me after the third date.”
And that’s the kind of thing you say with a straight face. You don’t go, “Oh, isn’t that funny?” Because when you say it with a straight face, it’s like deadpan humor. Cary Grant was always really great at deadpan humor.
She asked what I was doing after the gym, so I set a dinner and ice cream date that evening. We went out, and I invited her over afterwards. After talking on the couch, I said your magic old words and we started making out.
“I think you need to get over here and kiss me,” something along those lines.
But she was very resistant to escalation. Even after applying two steps forward, one step back for about an hour, she said “I’ve never moved this fast with a guy. I take a while to warm up, and I’m not there yet with you.”
That just means, in the present moment, you’re just going a little too fast, so you’ve got to slow it down a little bit more. And that’s beautiful, that kind of feedback. That’s why you ask good quality questions when you’re with a girl. But in this case, she just volunteered it because she felt comfortable. Because women help you when they like you.
I agreed and we cuddled together with no sex (blue balls). The next day, she asked if she could join me on a 7-day trip back to my hometown.
Because, remember, she’s not a complete stranger. He’s known her as an acquaintance at the gym, or whatever. He would see her occasionally as part of his social group, because he obviously saw her boyfriend and was always teasing her about it and trolling her in a playful way – not a mean spirited way, but a playful way. And, deep down, she knew as well that he was right and she liked that. She liked that he noticed that and wasn’t bothered or intimidated by the ex.
I was hesitant given we just started dating, but agreed. We left a couple of weeks later. On the way there, I booked us a Queen room overnight in a motel. She reiterated that she warms up slowly and doesn’t want to have sex yet, but we could cuddle instead.
All she’s saying is, “Hey, just don’t go too fast,” in her indirect way.
I gave her the James Bond smirk and said “No worries”. Corey, within 45 minutes of teasing her, touching her neck and applying two steps forward one step back at the motel, she was begging me to have sex with her.
See how that works? It’s just communicating. You can do without it. You don’t need it. You’re happy to have it, you’re grateful to have it, but you’re okay if you don’t.
I have still to this day never seen a woman so horny in my life. After multiple sessions of the indoor Olympics that night, she said “I never expected this from you. I literally don’t know what to say. That was so good” and spent the rest of an amazing week with me.
Towards the end of the week, her attraction was easily a 9, and she started saying things like “What are we?”, “Are you seeing anyone else?”. I played it off, until after about 5-6 weeks of seeing her (and two years of knowing her), she straight up said “I want you to myself. I think I love you”.
Coach, we are now exclusive. For the first time in my life, I can finally say I have a smoking hot girlfriend who is head over heels in love with me. Looking back, my always building anticipation and holding off until the best moments made her crazy for me.
Yeah, he was constantly going slower than her. Plus, he’d known her for a while. Even when she came up to him in the gym, she’s approaching him, trying to get his attention.
I always held my cards close. I always ended our interactions. I always left her wanting more. The previous two interactions sculpted my approach and gave me the tools I needed to attract and seduce my now girlfriend. She says I’m a 9/10 physically, 9.5/10 emotionally and 11/10 in bed.
The important place, where it really matters. If you give her multiple orgasms, she’ll keep coming back for more and more and more.
I see her the same way. Had I kept reading the book and watching your videos without taking action and getting experience, I would not be the man I am today.
Thanks Coach. I owe you a case of Aussie beer.
Well, thanks, Bob From the Land Down Under, for sharing that success story. A 20-year-old guy had a pussy embargo going on, and literally, once he takes action and starts taking advantage of the opportunities he has, as he said, he had more sex in one week than he had in 20 years of his life.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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