Male Orbiters: Is She Disloyal, Or Just Young & Naive?

How to determine if your girlfriend is disloyal or just young and naive regarding her male orbiters that have interest.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 31-year-old viewer who has been dating his 24-year-old girlfriend for a year. He’s read 3% Man, 15 times and has been following my work for 5 years. He says she has been exhibiting some disappointing behavior lately. She is still in contact with a male orbiter who she briefly dated, but said they only kissed once and she friend zoned him.

He found out it went further than just kissing and she has lied multiple times directly to his face about the guy who still contacts her. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, this particular email, this guy is 31 years old. He’s been dating his 24-year-old girlfriend for a year. He’s read 3% Man 15 times, and he’s been following my work for about five years. So he says she’s been exhibiting some disturbing or disappointing behavior lately. She’s supposedly still in contact with his male orbiter that she’s known her whole life. She says they dated briefly. The kiss didn’t go any further than that. Well, he subsequently found out that it did go actually a little further. They didn’t quite have sex, but he doesn’t elaborate, so maybe they did oral to each other. He got a happy finish. She got a happy finish. They both got happy finishes I don’t know.

The problem is, he said he got had a traumatic injury. So I guess he was incapacitated for a while. He admits that he displayed basically a lot of unattractive behavior that he’s noticed has caused her to lose interest. So this is where the character comes in, because if your girl is head over heels in love with you and she’s a liar and a cheater, she’ll probably be faithful, but as soon as she falls out of love or the future of the relationship looks in doubt, then she’s going to typically be in contact with other male orbiters and soliciting their and encouraging their intention.

So this particular guy, it’s obvious that this male orbiter, this friend, he’s still carrying the torch for, wants to get in, wants another chance with her. It’s obvious that she likes this guy’s attention because it’s clear she invites it, so that’s not good. The lower her interest goes, the more she encourages this behavior. That’s typically a chick that’s got character flaws. In other words, they’re not really loyal.

The number one most important thing to us guys in relationships is loyalty, and we want to make sure we’re with somebody that’s going to be loyal. So he’s like, “What do I do?” She doesn’t know that. He knows what the real truth is about her interactions with this other guy. So he’s trying to make a determination on whether or not to continue in a relationship. So this is what happens when if you potentially got a woman you’re dating that’s got a character flaw. When, like I said, he had some kind of traumatic injury, maybe he was incapacitated for a while, wasn’t able to do all the things, or be the guy that she fell in love with, so her interest obviously dropped and then he sees this disturbing or disappointing behavior. So he’s like, “What do I do now?”

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach, 

Five-year follower, have read the book about 15-20x. Changed my life and success with women which I couldn’t be more grateful for. I ended a toxic relationship because of what I learned an pretty much hooked up with whoever I wanted until I was ready to settle down. 

My (31, male) girlfriend (24, female) of 1 year has been exhibiting some disappointing behavior lately but I’m also recovering from a traumatic injury which has bruised my ego and set me back a bit in terms of what I learned from you, admittedly.

So he had some kind of injury. Traumatic injury. Physical injury, and he knows that he was displaying a lot of unattractive behavior for whatever reason. Maybe he just wasn’t able to physically be the guy he was before.

When we started dating my girlfriend had a few male orbiters who called and texted her frequently. When I asked, she told me they were lifelong friends from home which checks out in many ways.

When I asked about them a few months in, she told me that she kissed one of them and that he had feelings for her but she never progressed it because she didn’t want to ruin the friendship. 

Her and this guy still Snapchat occasionally- Not frequently but it’s typically him sharing a photo memory of them. Maybe 1-2x a month, but it rubs me the wrong way every time. 

Yeah, because despite the fact that this girl is your girlfriend and this guy knows that you are her girlfriend, he’s still trying to get another chance. He’s messaging her directly and what he thinks is discreetly, you know he’s not doing it because he’s exchanging yoga routines or cooking recipes. He’s doing it because he wants to fuck your girl.

That’s why he’s still in touch with her, and he really doesn’t care that you’re her boyfriend or doesn’t care about the relationship either. If he could, he would break you guys up so he could be with her. That’s just a fact of life.

Recently my girlfriend was searching my phone for fun and searching things like “sex” and her name in my texts to see what I’ve said about her. I don’t mind because I love her and say nothing but good things. 

Yeah, because he’s a loyal dude. She’s not going to find anything that looks bad. However, what about her phone?

I did the same when she was in the bathroom and the first thing I saw were texts from the guy in question from well before we knew each other or started dating but confirmed they had done more than kiss but did not have sex. And that she shut him down because of the friendship so he was friend zoned.

Well, she didn’t shut him down because she cared about the friendship. She shut him down because he’s a beta male and not man enough, and he made her pussy drier than the Sahara desert, but she liked the attention and the validation that he gave her so she didn’t mind. She enjoys his attention even now that she’s in a relationship with this guy. She still enjoys this other dude’s attention. Makes her feel good.

Obviously, when we get to a little further in the email, she knows that her boyfriend’s not going to like the fact that this other guy is trying to get in her pants still, and the fact that she’s given him the green light to make the attempt, she’s not saying, “Hey, this is inappropriate. I have a boyfriend. You shouldn’t talk to me that way.”

But I also now know that my girlfriend lied to me about their history and that he was VERY into her. 

Obviously, he still is. He’s carrying the torch. This other guy is like, “She’s the one. I just have to get get her boyfriend out of her life.”

I confronted her recently when she asked me about contact with exes…

Interesting that she brings it up because obviously she has contact with, he’s kind of an ex. They did have some sexual intimacy of some kind.

…And she again lied about them doing more than kissing and told me it was wrong to throw a close friend in her face. 

“Oh, how dare you throw a close friend in my face?!” “Well, yeah, you were sucking his cock. So it’s not just a friend.” This is an ex hookup kind of hookup. A guy who is still attempting to hook up with her.

He Snapchatted her again on thanksgiving with an old photo of them and my girlfriend replied, “Aw, you miss me?” And he said, “Of course.” 

I saw it the next day and I just don’t know what else to do at this point but watch her actions. She invited me to her family thanksgiving and plans to come home with me for Christmas but I feel so turned off by all of this. 

Is this a white lie I should be less worried about or something more to discuss? 

Thanks for all your help! 

Bob

Well, your girlfriend is being disloyal. She’s being naive, and she’s being selfish. The reality is this other guy wants to fuck her. Still, that’s the bottom line. He’s still trying to fuck her. He doesn’t care about you or your relationship with her. All he cares about is getting your help doing anything he can to get your girl to dip from you and then back to him. That’s what he really wants.

That’s why that’s the only reason he’s in contact with her. Not because they’re lifelong friends. He wants to fuck her. That’s the only reason, and he’s hoping he’s going to get another chance. That’s why he stays in touch. That’s it, and your girlfriend likes the attention and the validation that he gives her. She likes it especially more when you’re incapacitated from your traumatic injury, because at least she’s getting attention from some other dude, so that’s not good. It’s more than a white lie because you busted her on it on multiple occasions.

If I were you, I would definitely sit down and have a discussion with her and tell her everything that you saw and that you know that she lied to your face. Why would she lie to your face about the fact that they did more than just kiss because she knows you’re not going to like it? She knows especially that you’re not going to like it because it’s obvious because he wants to sleep with her. That’s it. He’s not a friend. He doesn’t like being stuck in friend zone. He’s hoping to get out of it and that’s why he stays in contact. He’s obviously a beta male and has no game, but she likes the attention and so that’s disloyal.

What do you do in this case? She lies about these little things. She’s not being truthful about other men, but he went through her phone and this is all he found, apparently. So there’s no other guys? It’s just this one dude that’s still thirsting after his girlfriend. It’s like, what do you do?

So yeah, you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her and say, “We got to talk.” This is the kind of occasion when she comes over, don’t say it over the phone or text her. Just say, “Babe, I love you, but we need to talk.” Just say, “This guy that you say is just a friend, and all you did was kiss him. Well, I know you did more than kiss. Why would you lie about it?” Obviously she lied about it because she knows you’re not going to be a fan of it, because if she knows that, you know that more happened than just a kiss and she put him in friend zone, even though the guy’s still in friend zone, she fooled around with this guy, and did everything but supposedly bump uglies, at least as far as you know.

So she’s lying about it because she knows you wouldn’t approve, because deep down, all women know that loyalty is the most important thing to us, and she’s being disloyal. She’s continuing to be disloyal by giving this guy the green light to make his attempts. So if she wants to stay with you, she’s going to need to make it crystal clear to this dude that no more I miss you’s. Or “Hey, here’s another picture of us back in the day.” That’s just not OK. He’s trying to ingratiate himself even though she is in a relationship. He don’t give a fuck that you’re her boyfriend. All he cares about is that he wants to smash your girl. That’s it, and your girl is going, “Hey, keep trying. You’re doing good, bro. Keep it up. Maybe one of these days you’ll get a shot.” So that’s not good.

Your girlfriend needs to make the choice: You and your relationship, or this beta male orbiter. Say she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” she needs to send a text and she needs to prove to you that she sent it, and she’s like, “Hey, I’m sorry for making you think it’s OK to send me these kind of pictures and things, but I have a boyfriend. It’s not good. It’s not loyal behavior for me to be texting you and you basically trying to carry the torch. You need to move on with your life. Let me go.”

“We’re strictly friends. If you are going to reach out, it needs to be platonic. No, “Hey, remember us? Hey, there’s this picture of us,” because everything he sends out is something to do with, “Hey, look at our intimacy that we had. Look, we’re a couple. Remember how we once were?” So he’s trying to elicit memories in her that bring up good, strong, romantic feelings because he’s hoping that will cause her to leave you and go be with him.

So she needs to make a choice. After she does that, then all you can really do is verify that she’s actually following through with it. If she doesn’t, then your choice is to stay with a disloyal woman, or to dump her ass and send her back to the streets. That’s not a good sign. She needs to know how inappropriate this is and how if she does this again, it’s going to mean the end of your relationship. Then she can go be with this guy or whoever she wants, and you’re not going to care. She can go on down the road.

I’d have this conversation with her, let her know what you know and make sure her phone stays open, because if your phone is open to where she can look through it any time, then you need to be able to do the same thing. If she’s hiding the phone from you, she’s got something to hide because there’s stuff in there she knows you’re not going to like. That’s why she keeps this stuff from you, and that’s why she lied to you about what really happened between the two of them, because she knows if you knew what actually happened between them and the fact that he’s gone, “Oh, here’s a picture of us,” that you’re going to understand what’s going on. He’s trying to rip off your girlfriend, and she’s not shooting it down. She’s giving him the green light.

So she can choose the beta male orbiter or she can choose you. Pretty simple. Then you’re going to have to verify it, because if she slips up again, then that’s the way she’s always going to be. Not good.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.