How to understand the basic nature of masculine and feminine energy, sexual polarity and how to employ these different energies properly to attract the lovers you want effortlessly and avoid unnecessary confusion that leads to rejection.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a lesbian woman who is unsure of her own nature and is confused about masculine and feminine energy. She has dated several women who have had different dominant, masculine and feminine essences. Her current girlfriend is neither more masculine nor feminine than her, and this is causing her to question herself and how she should show up in her relationship.
It’s a great email that shows the importance of understanding yourself, understanding the differences between masculine and feminine energy, knowing yourself, knowing your dominant, natural essence, and how not understanding this can ruin the sexual polarity and attraction. How this applies to all types of relationships: gay, straight, bisexual, etc. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
Hi Coach Corey!
I am a 19-year-old lesbian and have dated many different types of girls over the past couple of years. Thanks to your book and YouTube videos, I have gradually improved my dating life and have more steadily applied the laws of attraction with improved results.
(That’s awesome. Good for you.)
However, in my current relationship of 5 months with my girlfriend, the question of masculine and feminine energy is stumping me.
(I’d say 95% of the lesbians who call me for phone coaching struggle with this is well. Physically and biologically you’re both women, but in order to maintain the sexual polarity, there’s always going to be one that’s more feminine, and the other one will be more masculine. When they start to act the same, the sexual polarity dissipates and their partner doesn’t want to have sex with them anymore.
As I said in my book, masculine energy is about purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers, overcoming challenges, accomplishing goals. It’s being the leader in the relationship. It’s making things happen. It’s opening your woman up.
Feminine energy is all about opening up to receive love. It’s creative energy. It’s about bonding, connecting, family, dating labels, relationship labels, being very feminine wearing dresses and allowing the other person to lead. In this case, you feel more feminine and your partner tends to be a little more masculine.
What’s important is that the one who is more masculine consistently acts more masculine, because if she starts acting unsure of herself, not planning dates, not being direct and decisive like a guy would in a heterosexual relationship, then the one who feels more feminine is going to start to feel unsafe and uncomfortable with letting her partner lead. And that’s going to force her to move into her masculine, and now you’re going to have two people trying to lead the relationship. That starts to dissipate and erode sexual polarity.
It would be helpful if the both of you read the book, understand and talk about who feels more masculine and who feels more feminine. And depending on where you end up and what you feel, it’s important that you each display the behaviors that feel more natural to you. It’s just like when an alpha male, a really masculine guy, starts dating a beautiful, attractive woman. If she’s too masculine and tries to control things too much, the masculine guy will start to feel like he’s dating another dude, even though she’s a beautiful woman. This will turn off your partner, and they won’t want to have sex with you.
If a guy doesn’t feel comfortable leading, that forces the woman to move into her masculine, which is not her natural essence. If he was always the leader in the relationship and now he’s not, she’s not going to feel safe and comfortable. And when a woman doesn’t feel safe and comfortable, heard and understood, the legs close.)
The first girl I dated was more masculine than me, and we had a pretty good relationship until I became too needy and turned her off. Definitely my mistake on that one.
(What is neediness? It’s a deep-seated feeling of inferiority, “I’m not good enough. As soon as this person finds out what I’m really like, they’re going to haul ass,” so the person tries to hold on and force things. That person tends to always be looking for where they stand with the other person. When you’re happy, you value yourself, you love your life, and you know you bring something awesome to the table, you’ll want to spend time with people like, “Hell yeah I’d love to see you.”
Scarcity creates value. If somebody’s taking you for granted, what’s the quickest way to get someone’s attention when they’re ignoring you or not valuing you? You remove yours. You give them the gift of missing you. If they don’t reach out, then you pretty much know where you stand after that. The idea is both people mutually choose each other.)
The next two girls I dated were definitely more feminine than me, and it wasn’t until I started putting your tips into practice that their attraction grew for me.
(You were more masculine in those relationships, in more of a leadership type of role. Therefore, they would feel very comfortable being feminine, submissive and letting you take the lead. But if you are unsure of yourself and acting more feminine, it destroys the sexual polarity, because then you both start to act identical.)
Like many high school relationships, we broke up eventually.
In my current relationship however, I am really torn between which one of us harbors more masculine energy and which one of us harbors more feminine energy, so that I can start acting in the natural essence that she’s not, in order to maintain the polar attraction level.
(The problem with that statement is, you’re going to show up based on how the other person acts. That’s the wrong way to go. You’re seeking validation in your girlfriend instead of just showing up and being who you really are. One of my favorite quotes is, “You must be who you are, what you should be is not important.” ~ Sri Amma Bhagavan.
You’re kind of scratching your head going, “Who am I? How should I show up?” You’ve got to do what feels natural to you. If you feel more feminine, then you need to be more feminine. And if you’re unsure of whether or not you should be more feminine, and your partner tends to be more masculine, then she’s going to have to move more into her masculine energy and be the leader. But if both of you are unsure, it’s going to negate the sexual polarity.
You’ve got to show up and be who you are all the time, 24/7. It’s like the Socrates quote, “Know thyself.” Who are you? What are you about? What’s your natural essence? That’s the question you need to answer for yourself. And once you determine what that is, if you either feel more comfortable being the leader or being led, then be congruent with that, because you’re all over the ice right now.)
(It may be that your partner is more masculine, but she’s not sure of herself either. And if she’s not sure of herself, then you’re not going to feel safe and comfortable being feminine. Therefore, that’s going to force you to move into your masculine, and she’s going to be in her masculine. With two people trying to lead, the sexual polarity will die out.)
I was the one that initiated the first kiss and date since she has never been in a relationship before and is shy. Her attraction was very high, and she wanted to see me every weekend. We both can’t meet up on weekdays, because we live a little bit farther apart. However, she acts more masculine in the sense that she insists on coming up with fun date ideas, paying for me, being protective of me, and likes when I dress up really nice for her. She doesn’t like dressing up.
(That statement tells me your partner is the more masculine one and you dress up really nice for her, so that tells me you like being a little more feminine. But I can’t answer that question for you. It’s all what you feel inside, internally. That’s between you and the Creator. Nobody can tell you who you are. You have to figure that out for yourself.)
I know I was the more masculine one in my last two relationships, however I feel
(“Feel” — feminine energy, feelings, emotions),
as though I am the more feminine one in this relationship, and when I brought it up she agreed with me.
(You kind of already know, but you don’t feel comfortable being feminine all the time and letting her be the leader. That tells me your partner needs to focus more on being the masculine one, the one to call and arrange dates, being the dude in the relationship. And any time she’s not being the dude in the relationship, you’re going to feel unsure, not safe and you’re going to try and start leading it. It’s important you both understand that, and then you can help each other self-regulate.)
I still can’t tell though. In your opinion, what are the signs and how can you tell which one in our relationship has more masculine energy, and which one has more feminine energy?
(Notice you’re unsure of yourself and indecisive. That’s feminine energy. Masculine energy is certain. It knows exactly what it is. I would say from what you’ve shared here, and you and your partner have already had this discussion, you’ve got to be that feminine person. You feel more feminine and you’re dressing up in a dress, even though in other relationships you’ve been the more masculine one. In this one, you’re with somebody who’s more masculine and obviously you like that. It’s really important your partner reads my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” and acts like a dude is supposed to act, even though physically and biologically she’s a woman.
People always ask me what I believe spiritually, and in my new book, “Mastering Yourself,” I go into that. I believe the soul is not gender-specific. In one life we might be a man, and in the next life we might be a woman. It’s all about the journey of the soul. I go into extensive detail about that in my book to help you understand. It will give you a sense of peace.
Right here, you’ve told me you’re the more feminine one. Your partner agrees and your partner feels more masculine, so be more feminine. If your partner tends to slip out of that and starts acting indecisive and unsure of herself, then you’ve got to correct her and say, you’re moving into your feminine energy and you’re supposed to be masculine. You’re supposed to be direct, decisive, get right to the point and make shit happen. Right now you’re not sure, but somebody’s got to be the leader. The longer it continues like this, the more it’s going to create problems in the relationship going forward.)
Thanks so much!
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“You must know who you are and what your true nature, values and goals are before you will be great in your friendships, career and romantic relationships. Otherwise, if you are unsure of yourself, you will invite others to take you for granted, bully you, not respect you and not value your time and what you have to offer. Until you learn to value, love and respect yourself, you won’t value your time or do anything useful or valuable with it.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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