Why men who are stable and centered in their masculinity cause women to stay feminine and submissive.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss how women are like cats and the proper way for men to remain masculine to keep their women feminine and submissive.
I also discuss why men that act indecisive and unsure of themselves cause women to move into their masculine, and how this creates drama and problems in their relationships.
The idea for this particular video topic is something I’m going to expand more on — something that was detailed at length in my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man.” I was having a phone coaching session with a client the other day, and he’s done well dating. He typically has two to three women that he’s dating, and occasionally he meets somebody who really knocks his socks off and he clicks with. With one of them he met a few months back, things progressed well. They met, they were having sex a lot, then he started caring and got attached, and boom! It completely caused the attraction to evaporate because he changed his behavior.
It was interesting. He was telling me how they met at an event, which is similar to the story I have that I wrote about with my English girlfriend. How I was at a Tony Robbins event, we locked eyes, I ended up running into her the next night, and how things progressed over the next week.
The reality is, if you’re dating a lot, especially as you’re applying the things in my book, what you’re going to see is there’s going to be plenty of women you’re going to meet and you’re going to be attracted to, but you just don’t click with. The conversation doesn’t flow. Sometimes when you meet a woman, you’re really physically attracted to her, you enjoy having sex, but you really just don’t like hanging out them. And when you meet somebody that you feel like you’ve kind of known already, as if you’ve known each other your whole life, you’re completing each others sentences, you have similar goals and values, similar beliefs, similar ways of looking at the world and it’s effortless, those are rare and they’re very special.
If you’re not use to dating a woman like that, or you’re just starting to date a woman like that, the old you starts to show back up. Because you really like her more than all the others you have met, it’s going to cause your behavior to change a little bit, because you fear losing her. In other words, you get attached. So, my goal with this particular topic is to take you through my experience and this particular guy’s experience, because they match up so well. Obviously, the difference is I did everything right, because by the time this had happened with my English girlfriend, I really understood this stuff and had mastered it, so it was just effortless to do the right thing.
The goal of this video is to help you find the sweet spot — the balance between pursuing, not pursuing, not being a cold fish, being needy and attached, and how quickly the attraction will evaporate if you don’t have this right. Because it really is a reflection of how you feel about yourself that influences your behavior. It’s not so much a technique or what you say. It’s the vibe you give off. And obviously, women are very intuitive. They pick up on this, and it doesn’t take much, especially in the beginning, to ruin things, even if you’ve been dating and sleeping together for a couple of weeks. It can go sideways really quick.
This particular guy was at a conference, met this woman and made a date with her. This event was going on a couple of weeks, so they had a lot of time to see each other and interact with one another. He did everything right. They started hanging out, having fun and hooking up, and things were very effortless. But after the second or third week after they had met, things changed a little bit.
He noticed when they were together, when it was just the two of them, she was all over him, very affectionate, wanting to hold hands and wanting to be with him. But when they were out in public, she was kind of indifferent and cold and almost treated him like she didn’t know him. Obviously, that bothered him, so he started asking “Hey, what’s wrong?” He was starting to lose his shit instead of being indifferent and understanding. Women are like cats, and they come and go as they please, but he started trying to get her to behave the same way she was in private in public.
In my experience with my English girlfriend, we went on a date and it was just magical. It seemed like time was standing still, even though hours were zipping by. We were going to be there the whole week, so I knew I was going to see her again. What’s interesting is, during that particular event, there was another guy that was married, if I remember right. Obviously, he wasn’t in a very happy marriage, and over the course of the event, she was telling him about this connection that we had, and he said, “I don’t think that guy is good for you. I think he’s just using you to get in your pants.”
He was trying to be Mr. White Knight, I’m gonna save you from this horrible person you’ve just met. “The chemistry you guys have is just him trying to manipulate you.” She told me what he was saying, and I said “This guy is obviously in an unhappy marriage, and he really wants to date you himself, and so he’s trying to sabotage us and get you to not like me like him, even though he’s fucking married.” She was laughing about this because she knew I was right, and she had picked up on that as well. I wasn’t in any way threatened by this dude, because I knew he was acting like a beta male. An alpha male doesn’t act like that. And at the end of the day, he was in a relationship with another woman.
When we were alone at night together she was all over me, very affectionate, she’d stay in my room, and the next day during the event, she’d see me, come up and hug me. It wasn’t like we were making out passionately, sometimes we would hold hands, but for the most part she was completely different in public than she was in private. I didn’t let that bother me because again, I know women are like cats and they kind of come and go as they please. I understood why she was behaving the way she was behaving. She was just kind of off roaming. I never let it bother me. I never brought it up.
By the end of the week, she wanted to be with me all the time. We were holding hands and when we would meet people they would be like, “Well how long have you guys been together?” And we’d say, “Oh, we just met a couple of days ago.” I gave her that freedom to come and go, and wasn’t in any way threatened by this other beta male that was trying to sandbag me. I was actually laughing at him because he was behaving pathetically, and I explained this to her. I gave off no vibe of being threatened in any way, and she was laughing along with me.
When I met this particular guy, I could tell it was pissing him off that I was with her and he wasn’t. It was funny to me. It didn’t bother me one way or another. I was completely indifferent to it. Therefore, that caused her to feel attraction, because I was in my masculine. Because at the end of the day, so what if she did end up going off with him or some other dude? My attitude was, I’ll just find somebody better. You have to have that kind of attitude. You have to have the attitude of, you’re willing to lose her forever if she doesn’t choose you, because you’re also bringing something to the table. It’s not like you’re trying to get her attention.
You want to have the attitude of, “I’m awesome too. I’m a catch as well,” because if you don’t believe you’re a catch, the girl you’re with starts being kind of cold and indifferent like with this particular client of mine. She was off interacting with other people, and he was getting butt-hurt that she wasn’t paying him enough attention. I was like, “You only knew her for a week or two and hooked up with her a few times. She’s not your girlfriend, she’s not your wife, you don’t own her.”
He wasn’t behaving that way with any of the other girls he had been dating and hooking up with, but because he really liked her, he felt threatened and worried that he was going to lose her. I told him, you’re basically behaving like the guy who’s sitting in a chair, a cat comes over, hops in your lap and you’re petting it. Then after awhile, the cat likes to be pet, but it leaves and it roams somewhere else. And instead of being just cool and indifferent, he goes chasing after the cat, which causes the cat to feel like, “this dude is weird” and tries to get away from you more. Whereas, if he just let the cat go, and then gone about his business interacting with other people and laughing, a half hour or later the cat’s going to come back over and hop up in his lap, because he’s allowing the cat to come and go as it pleases. He was acting needy and insecure.
The more he started with “Hey, what’s going on, why are you acting different?” he was coming unglued, because she wasn’t paying enough attention to him. She started backing away and eventually friend-zoned him. Her excuse was “I was dating this guy and he kind of became a stalker, and it wasn’t a good situation, so I feel really uncomfortable now.” So in other words what she was saying was, you basically gave off the vibe of a needy, insecure guy that becomes a stalker.
That’s why women are affectionate and want to hold your hand, as I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” but they let go, and they go off and do their thing. You’ve just got to let them be. That’s their way of kind of testing your strength. They don’t do it thinking, “I’m going to test this guy’s strength right now,” they just don’t feel like they want to hold your hand. You can’t be bothered by it. You can’t get upset about it, because it will ruin the attraction.
When a woman picks up on that vibe, she’s going to stay away from you more. And in this particular case, the guy didn’t do the right thing. He tried to clamp down on her more and control her more to the point where after a couple of weeks of hanging out, having fun and hooking up, she stuck him in friendzone. After all that chemistry they had, he was pretty bummed about it, but I was like “This is the way the universe works. You found a chink in your armor and now you have to work on it.”
As I was going through and explaining some of these examples, he totally saw what he had done wrong and why she had basically disappeared from his life after he was thinking he had met his soulmate. It doesn’t mean these kinds of things are never going to happen again, but obviously he’s got more work to do on himself. So the next time he meets somebody that he has that kind of chemistry with, he’s going to be more apt to let her come and go as she pleases. Because when you try to clamp down, she’s going to bounce from you.
When you let her just go and do what she wants and go roam the neighborhood, she’ll come back. And if she doesn’t, that’s okay too, because “I’m a fucking catch. I bring a lot to the table. And if somebody doesn’t see my value, somebody else will.” If you don’t think of yourself as having value and you fear losing somebody, you’re going to act that way. You’re going to give off that vibe, and eventually women are going to agree with that. They’re going to feel unsafe and uncomfortable around you, and that’s the death of attraction.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women are like cats and tend to roam free and come and go as they please. Men who don’t understand this try to force, manipulate and use logic and reason to influence women to behave more like they want them to. This has the opposite effect on women and drives them away, much like trying to pick up a cat that no longer wants to be petted. The more you try to force, manipulate and control women to do what you want, the more they will be repulsed, rebel and flee from your presence. Therefore, be grateful when they are affectionate and want to be with you, and indifferent when they don’t. Accept them as they are and let them come and go as they please, while you always focus on your mission and purpose in life. Your interest in women has no effect on their attraction towards you. How you make them feel about you is the only thing that matters to influence their attraction to you. The right ones will stay, and the wrong ones will stray.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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