Why men who vacillate back and forth between being sure of themselves and masculine, and being unsure and feminine, will cause women to back away, test, not trust their masculine core and often assume the masculine role, which will eventually cause women to leave the relationship.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who writes in and agrees with my work and what I teach about masculine and feminine energy. She talks about her ex-husband and how his constant vacillation and dithering caused her to not trust his masculine core, feel safe with him or trust his leadership when it came to leading the relationship. She says that she believes that this is what ultimately led to the end of their marriage even though she did not understand it at the time.
Her current boyfriend sometimes moves into his feminine energy, but not nearly as much as her ex-husband did. She asks me if men are natural born leaders, if leadership can be taught to men or if men are either born with it or not.
I just read the video newsletter regarding a man who kept apologizing for his poor sexual performance, and noticed your paragraph regarding how it is the man’s job to take problems the woman may perceive as “big,” and make them small and manageable. Otherwise, the woman will feel the need to go into her masculine energy, and eventually will not feel safe and secure in his leadership. This is 100% accurate!! I am a woman and have been in this situation. I believe it to be the reason my marriage unraveled, although I did not realize it at the time. My ex-husband stayed in mostly feminine energy, and I always felt the relationship was “off.” (The feminization of men in our culture has created men who don’t know how to act like leaders. It has messed up the gender roles.) My question is, do men inherently know how to lead in masculine energy all the time? (They have to learn somewhere. If they are not taught and they are not open to it, most guys will not admit they have a problem because they are egocentric.) Do they either have it or they don’t? (Some guys innately have it and can tune out society’s dogma.) I’m with a man now whom I believe to have masculine energy, yet there are moments when he “slips” into feminine energy occasionally. (Men and women both have feminine and masculine energy. It’s just a matter of which one is more dominant.)
Thank you for your advice,
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“It is incredibly unattractive to women when a man is incapable of making a decision, is unsure of himself, he dithers and hesitates and does not understand how to be the leader in his relationship. Some men are natural born leaders and leadership comes easily and naturally for them. Men who are not good leaders can be taught to lead only if they are open to it and determined to become better. However, men tend to be very egocentric. Therefore, asking for help or admitting that they are clueless is often unthinkable, but preferable to seeking help or changing their approach, because this would mean admitting failure. When faced with admitting failure or a lack of ability, most men will choose to continue failing. This is why stopping and asking for help or directions is something most men will refuse to do at all costs, even though most women consider it to be common sense to do so.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne