Masculinity Is Calm. Losing Your Temper Turns Women Off

Why you must remain calm & never lose your temper & get upset at women or you turn them off.

In this free video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man, over 10 times. He lives in Japan and started seeing a woman about a month before she returned to her home country. However, things quickly spiraled out of control and he lost his temper several times at her slow response times and accused her of being fake and manipulating him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne. This is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Masculinity Is Calm. Losing Your Temper Turns Women Off.”

In other words, be unperturbed. Don’t let a girl get under your skin even if she’s trolling you. So this particular email, this guy, he says he’s read 3% Man over ten times. He lives in Japan, and he started seeing a woman about a month before she returned to her home country. And things seemed to be pretty good. However, once she left, he got suspicious. He got angry. He kept blowing his top at her because he didn’t think she was responding to his messages quickly enough. He felt like she was ghosting him. He assumed the worst, and he sent nasty texts.

I mean, I had some experience like this back in the day, sending a nasty email when I assumed the worst, when in reality, the girl just wasn’t back home yet, so I sent her a nasty email because I assumed she blew me off because I left a message for her at home and she just wasn’t even there. So it’s just it’s a good email. It just shows you that you’ve gotta maintain your composure. Dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net and you’ve gotta wait for the girl to hit it back. And if she doesn’t hit it back quickly enough or at all, or it seems like she’s not going to hit it back, go play tennis with somebody else. Don’t get upset.

Don’t send her a nasty text, because more often than not, women will do these things on purpose just to see how you react. And if you freak out or you blow your top, poof, they disappear. Especially in the beginning. Your game has got to be tight. Masculinity is calm, feminine energy is chaos. And when you act like a chaotic woman and you get upset and you get angry and you assume the worst and you assume that she’s treating you like shit and you accuse her of that. That’s like one of the quickest ways to dry a woman up and completely turn her off from you, which is what you’re going to see happen here. It’s like everything is all created in his mind.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach, 

How’s it going? I’ve got an interesting one for you, and I’m hoping you could critique me and provide me with guidance on how to operate from here on out. I’m currently living in Tokyo, and have read the book more than 10 times. My friends have seen my success with women, and have started studying the book as well as a result. It led to me attracting the attention of an early twenties coworker.

I was skeptical at first, but she was very forward, and offered to buy me dinner to try her favorite meal.  When I found out she was going to be returning back to her home country after a month for her new work opportunity I figured I’d give it a shot and send her on her way.

Well, if you know she’s moving away and you’re going to be staying in Japan, it’s, do you really want to date long distance? Probably not. Unless it’s a cool country you’ve never been, you could maybe go visit her.

As destiny would have it, we had a soul connection, and we spent about three weeks together.

Yeah, three weeks together. “We have a soul connection.” It’s like, what that tells me is you got infatuated with your feelings, and that’s part of the problem. You got all up in your feelings, and you decided you loved her and cared for her deeply. And then all it takes is not hearing from her in a few hours or a day or two, and you just totally lose your shit. You can’t do this. You just can’t do it. It will turn every woman off. So.

About three weeks together traveling around Japan, and doing what lovers do, hand out, have fun, and hook up, (3H’s) and sharing our inner world.  She would come over at midnight even though she had to work at 6 A.M. That’s where we were at. When it was almost time for her to return, she told me she loved me, and I said it back.

It’s like three weeks? Is like, come on.

All that being said, when she went back to her country, things got turbulent. I didn’t want to pressure her at all. I know better thanks to the book.

Well, obviously you’re saying one thing, but it’s pretty clear from your email you fucking blew your top because you were pressuring her. You were demanding that she should respond to you quicker. That’s what an insecure, needy, desperate, clingy, clueless guy does. It’s not what 3% men do. A 3% Man just assumes she’s busy. Or who knows, maybe she doesn’t want to see you anymore. Or maybe she met somebody else. Or maybe she got hit by a bus. It’s like you leave a message, you send a text, you gotta wait for her to text back. But you get to obsessed and focused on her alone, then you get a little bit of one-itis going on, and then you’re going to do and say things that are just stupid.

And you’ll talk, text and chase her right out of your life. It’s like in your mind there’s bad things going on, but in hers, you’re in another country. You were hooking up for three weeks, so it’s pretty obvious that you were way more into her than she was into you. And he didn’t notice. You just assume because she at one time she said, “I love you”, that always applies. And she means that consistently, constantly. I would say somebody that is vomiting all over you with those kind of comments early on, it’s probably some love bombing going on.

She started to become distant, rarely contacting me, and said, “I won’t have internet as I’m going to the countryside with my family”. Being chill, I replied with, “No worries, have a good time. xo.” 

Well, you got to be congruent with that. You just hit the ball back. “No problem. Hit me up when you got a good connection.”

But I could still see her going online on Instagram at night.

So why would she be doing that? So she’s basically saying, “hey, I’m going to be unavailable. I got spotty internet connection”, but yet you see that she’s online. So obviously the connection was in his body. It just means she really didn’t want to talk to you. Probably because you’re chasing and pursuing too much. And the fact that you’re having to reply, “no worries”, it sounds like you’re the one reaching out to her. Probably doing a little too much, and she’s kind of backing away. And you’re feeling that distance.

As he said, she started to become distant, rarely contacting you. Maybe she was hooking up with a new boyfriend again. You were hanging out for three weeks. But probably because you said, “I love you. Oh, we have a soul connection. We’re soulmates. It’s like a movie. You don’t understand, Corey. The connection we have.” It’s like, yeah, it’s only three weeks of dating, Dude. She’s probably blowing some sunshine up your ass, and you bought it; hook, line and sinker. Because if I look at her actions, her actions are not the actions of a woman that’s head over heels in love with you and misses you terribly.

It sounds like you were talking and texting to her and kind of badgering her a little bit, to the point where she was kind of becoming a little distant and turned off. And you didn’t notice because by this point you’re drunk on your emotions and you’re only paying attention to how much you really, really super duper like her and love her. And women don’t care about that. They only care about how they feel about you.

So when you notice a woman is kind of distant, then you just let her be and you back off a little bit to see if that returns, because women are like cats. It’s how they operate. They can be really hot for you one minute, and then you spend a bunch of time together, and then it almost might seem like they’re bored and kind of cold and distant, or not as interested as they were. And the key is not to freak out when that happens. Just understand that’s the way women are. Don’t take it personally.

After a week of not hearing anything, and having my message on read, I reached out and said.

Okay, you were dating for three weeks. If you take a step back and you’re like, “I knew this girl for three weeks, she went away. Will I see her again? It’d be nice if I did, but if I don’t, that’s great too.” It’s not like somebody you dated for ten years. And then this all sudden happened. Again, you knew each other for three weeks. I would say she was probably kind of blowing a little bit of sunshine up your ass, probably because she could tell you were a little needy and a little clingy when she was around you. And then when she went back home, you continue to reach out and pursue too much, and she became more distant.

I reached out and said, “Hey, it’s really not that sweet to be ghosting me right now”.

Again, it’s not your girlfriend. So what if she said, “I love you”. I mean, you should have enough common sense to go, “Yeah, after three weeks of dating, I love you. Does it really apply?” What her actions show when she went back is like, well, her actions do not look like the actions of a woman that’s in love with you. What’s happening is you’re drunk on your feelings for her, and you’re totally ignoring that she’s this way and so bitching that she’s not as into you as you are into her is not going to make her like you more.

It’s going to make you look like a bitch. And if you act like a bitch, am I gonna treat you like a bitch. And especially when you’re long distance like this. All it’s going to do is turn her off, dry her up, and she’s going to dip from your life very quick. But he continued to throw nasty grenades into there and always assume the worst as it continues to spiral out of control.

She responded immediately with a very dismissive attitude and said, “I told you I’ve been occupied. Why are you being so aggressive? We were never official you know”. 

Again, in his mind, this is his wife or his girlfriend in another country. They dated for three weeks. So she’s like, “where is this coming from?”

I responded calmly.

Yeah. Hey, it’s really not that sweet to be ghosting me right now. Does that sound calm? That sounds like, angry and pissed off and butthurt. Mommy doesn’t love me no more. You’re looking at this girl as like your therapist, and your Mommy and your Emotional Support human. You can’t do that, Dude. Any girl that you do this with it’s going to freak her out, and she’d be like, “this guy’s nuts.”

I responded calmly saying, “I never thought we were official, and I don’t feel like arguing with you. I just wanted you to consider how I’m feeling during this time.”

Which sounds like something a fucking woman would say.

“If you want our connection to just be a memory, then that’s fine.” 

You sound literally like a fucking girl. An insecure girl would write something like that. Which further dries her pussy up, because you’re not acting like a man at all with that kind of a statement.

She then said, “Please don’t be like this”, and I replied with, “Then please communicate clearly what you want”. 

Dude you’ve been following me all this time, and you think it’s okay to send a statement like that to a chick? It’s like, come on, bro. I have to think that maybe you were kind of bullshitting a little bit with your knowledge of the book. Because, you know, you we all heard he’s like, “I’m a ladies man. I’m the man. Everybody comes to me for advice.”

And yet you don’t hear from her for a little bit and you go, you fucking freak out on her. But you dated for three weeks, Dude. Relationships are the woman’s department. But you’re not listening to the book. It’s like you’re selectively picking things and then still getting butthurt.

Well, she didn’t respond. So five days later.

Now he’s going to send another text. Just why would a woman respond to that? You’re acting like an emotionally insecure woman. You’re not acting like a man.

So five days later, I said, “I’m about to say goodbye to you forever.”

Hey, I just want to let you know I’m calling you to tell you I’m not going to call you anymore. It’s like, bro, it’s like your whole, you, like, came unglued, man, you cannot do this. I know you think you’re a good student, but this is not how a good student would behave. This is how somebody would behave that’s never heard of my work, never known about it. And is just getting upset because they didn’t get enough strokes for mommy and daddy as a kid.

And she replied with, “I’m sorry. You’re always in my heart”. I then lost my cool and went full scorched earth on her. “I don’t need your sweet words, I see through your bs now, don’t ever speak to me again. Fuck off”.

That’ll definitely make her wet for you, buddy. Geez. Again, this is the guy who’s like, “ah, I’m being a great student. I’m giving all my friends advice.” It’s like, are you telling your friends that you’re saying shit like this to this girl? After three weeks?

I also brought up another guy she brought to our workplace before we dated and accused her of being with him while we were together for those 3 weeks. Horrible move. Also likely, but also, not my business. 

The book’s not going to help you if you do the opposite. This will turn any woman that is dating a guy that behaves the way he is to think, “This guy’s psycho. He’s got some Mommy and Daddy issues.”

I did way too much and showed weakness. The resentment from being ghosted had become strong.

Because again, you were focused on your feelings and your emotions, and you just could not look at the situation objectively at all. You like got totally carried away on a fantasy, and she wasn’t feeling even remotely close to the same thing you were.

I felt what she was doing was emotionally abusive and manipulative.

Dude, you were dating for three weeks. So she goes back to her country, you should assume that’s probably going to fade away anyways. You acted like she was your wife or something. It’s like, come on, Dude.

But I also realize she was trying to avoid her feelings and didn’t know what she wanted in the first place.

Well what happened was, was like, you weren’t acting like a man, and you were slowly turning her off due to your anger and your rage and your uncenteredness. So it’s not just this girl, any woman that would listen to this email, and your responses would be like, “what the fuck is wrong with you, Dude?”

Interestingly, she didn’t block me on Instagram even after I blasted her. She did block a few days after, when I made a post that implied, I was on a date with another woman. Which I was. So now all our means of communication have been closed. 

Well, that’s the end of that. Elvis has left the building. Check, please.

I’ve posted photos from our trips together in Japan, with some captions that she would understand, that basically communicate the following, “I care about you deeply, and for me, there’s no hard feeling between us”. 

Well there’s clearly hard feelings in you towards her, because she’s like, what happened to this guy? What? What the fuck? Talking about Jekyll and Hyde.

She won’t see it until she unblocks me, which may never happen. The whole time, I was aiming for a beautiful sendoff.

It was a beautiful sendoff alright. Ha! It’s like you nuked the entire site from orbit. If you ever saw the Aliens movie from ’86 with James Cameron. “Aliens”, “I think we should take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”

Leaving the possibility of coming back together as lovers again in the future. 

Eh, I don’t think you’ll be hearing from her again. She probably thinks you’re a total psycho. Come on.

Tomorrow I’m seeing a woman who I had previously turned off.

Shocking.

But now will have another chance with, thanks to a social event.

Things are also getting stronger with a woman I’ve been seeing for five months. I’m now focused on myself, passing the final interview for a new job, and becoming more loving and whole.

Please let me know your thoughts Coach, and thanks for everything.

Well, good luck with that, Dude. You’ve gotta maintain your composure. You can’t fucking freak out like that. I know the feelings and the impulses, but you have to take a step back. And this is what happens when you don’t get enough hugs, and I love you’s from Mom and Dad. You think there’s something wrong with you. You think you’re not loved, you think you’re unlovable. And so everybody you date, you presuppose that they’re going to treat you just as shitty as your Mom and Dad did, and if you don’t hear from somebody a little bit of time, and you really love them and you want them around, but you don’t hear from them, you assume the worst. And you act upon that.

So you’re not really acting based upon how she’s showing up. You’re acting in relation to the relationship you have with your parents. Because you presuppose the worst. And so you have to learn, like I did. And again, I wrote about in the book, that when you lose enough girls from blowing your top like this and getting upset and getting mad, because what you’re trying to do with your anger is correct your behavior, but all you end up doing is causing her to go, “this guy’s a fucking psycho. I’m out of here.”

Because this is the type of guy, that the way you’re acting is what scares women. It’s like, no woman’s going to feel safe with you, and you just automatically your go to this to presuppose the worst. This is why knowing the book backwards and forwards and having some other choices, some other options, you really struggle when you really like a girl. If you didn’t really give a shit, you would have probably done everything right and she’d have been wanting to come back and visit you.

But instead she when she left, she was probably already over your bullshit because you were starting this behavior before she even left, and then you just totally came unglued. And again, you presuppose the worst. What if the worst is true? What if she really doesn’t care about you? Just you respond to a woman’s actions based upon how she’s showing up the only data for three weeks. She said, I love you, but when she got back, it didn’t look like through her actions that she actually loved you. And that’s just being delusional.

That’s projecting your fantasy of what you want her to be on to her. And you’re completely ignoring reality. Because, again, you’re only focused on how much you liked her and you’re completely ignoring that just she just didn’t feel the same way, Dude. It was three weeks. So don’t ever do this again to any woman for any reason. You hit the ball over the net. If she doesn’t hit it back or she leaves you on read, just go on to the next one. A girl who really likes you and has enthusiasm, she’s going to call, she’s going to text. She’s going to do what she says she’s going to do. She’s not going to be a flaky jackass.

So you’ve got to do better, Dude. This is totally unacceptable behavior, and it’s disappointing to see you read and study the book and be able to help your friends, and then one little instance of you getting emotionally wrapped up in a girl you date for three weeks and you act like a fucking total lunatic on multiple occasions. Blowing your top. Masculinity is calm. No woman is going to feel safe with you and you behave this way. You just can’t do this.

If you do this around kids, you’re going to freak the kids out. If you do it around animals, you will freak the fucking animals out. Like even when I read the fuck you part and I read it loudly with some voice, you probably heard the dogs barking. It startled them. So it’s energy. They can feel that; kids feel it. Animals feel it. Women can feel it. So if you’re freaking them out like that, you’re going to get ghosted a lot until you exercise self-control.

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