In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a recent coaching client. He’s a very successful high-income, high net worth entrepreneur with a growing business. He’s highly intelligent, tech-savvy, and possesses just the right touch of geeky/nerdy/brilliant/visionary type character traits that the Mark Zuckerbergs of the world all possess. However, he’s kind of shy around really beautiful women and has not dated his first super beautiful unicorn yet.
One of his female employees has become an unhealthy crush and dating fantasy, in addition to being a key employee, close friend and confidant. He was on the verge of moving his business to another city that is closer to where this employee lives, because she has become a romantic question mark and blind spot for him.
After I helped him to analyze and decipher her true intentions, actions and character traits, he did some digging on her. He shares what he found, and it’s eye opening. This has helped him to see reality for what it is and avoid some serious personal and professional blunders and potential setbacks. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
So, after doing the phone coaching with you, I realized I’ve really been bullshitting myself and decided to do something today to gain some clarity. Despite knowing your work so well,(This guy read my book a bunch of times, and he knew the fundamentals, but human beings will make purchasing decisions based upon emotions, and we use logic and reason to justify our purchase. In this case, when you’re hypnotized by beauty and you’ve never had somebody like that, super hot, it’s really easy, especially if you’re with someone who’s manipulative),
reading and listening to the book countless times, you can still fall victim to thinking your situation is unique when it’s really fucking not.
(I appreciate your honesty. This is the type of client I love working with. He’s a great listener, a sharp dude and an influencer. I love coaching leaders. The true measure of a leader is not how many followers they have, but how many leaders they create.)
Anyway, we got a massive new account at work and have been busy as hell.
(Congrats dude. You’re fucking awesome. Of course you got a new account.)
If you remember, my employee and I are super close and work great together.
(She’s got a nasty side to her that she’s really great at covering up and hiding.)
Today she left before I did, because she’s been on the early morning shift, and my other employees were out of the office.
Now, I’m not incredibly proud of what I did, but I’m glad that I did. I decided to see if I could log in to her computer and see her text messages, just to gain a little clarity. If I didn’t motherfucking get the password right on the first try. I thought it was a complete long shot, but since I got in on the first try, I couldn’t help but look.What I found wasn’t really anything that I didn’t deep down know anyway, but have been bullshitting myself. Your last video was about red flags, and there have been so many with this girl that I’ve been completely ignoring. Of course, I didn’t mention some of these on our call, because I was still lying to myself and knew that if I would have said them to you, I wouldn’t have liked what you had to say.
(Well, I’m not going to blow sunshine up anybody’s ass.)
Here are some of the red flags since I’ve known her:
• She told me that she’s cheated on all of her boyfriends.
(Cheaters are always cheaters. That’s the way they see the world. They think everybody is like this.)
• She said she isn’t sure she believes in monogamy.
(If she’s cheated on all her boyfriends, she doesn’t care. She’s selfish, she’s hot and every guy lets her get away with it.)
• She’s admitted to using guys just for her gain.
(Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” This was her warning to you.)
• She doesn’t want kids and doesn’t think she’ll get married.
(It sounds like she knows herself quite well.)
• She’s not at all caring towards anyone, and prides herself on being a bitch and unapproachable.
(She’s been spoiled by countless guys, and you’re just another dude in line.)
Anyway, so what did I find in the text messages?
• I found that she totally has a boyfriend, which she keeps from me.
(When she says it’s nothing serious, that’s obviously a truth from her perspective, even though she might be committed to this guy. In other words, men are disposable commodities to her, and when her boyfriend is no longer of any use or value, she’ll drop him and won’t even bat an eyelash. She won’t fucking care.)
• Even though she has a boyfriend, she will talk with other random guys, and it’s obvious she’s looking to hook up.
(She’s selfish and narcissistic. Men have been kissing her ass her whole life, so why should she think any different.)
• She keeps in contact with multiple ex-boyfriends, which she has told me about.(There’s nothing wrong with having ex-boyfriends in the picture, as long as it’s completely done. But somebody that’s insecure, that’s cheated on everybody and entertains hooking up with other dudes… come on.)
• She rarely mentions me at all, and when she does, it’s just complaining about me or telling one friend about a time we were fighting, and was making fun of me for probably loving her.
(This girl knows you like her dude. It’s not some big secret. Women are very intuitive. They have a sixth sense and they know when you like them.)
Of course this was hurtful to see, but it was so necessary.
(Well, you can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. I’m really glad your eyes are wide open.)
If you remember, we live about an hour apart, and she’s been encouraging me to move closer to her.
(Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do, and you’re inviting her to take advantage of you.)
It’s kind of my worst fear realized, but it’s so clear that I’m, at best, a security blanket for her and someone that will always be there as an option.
Conclusion? I do feel really bad for this girl, because she’s obviously been hurt and has some serious fucking problems.
(This girl can be a fuck buddy or a friends with benefits, but that’s it. You can have a lot of fun with her, but thinking you’re going to change her and she’s going to be monogamous in a relationship, that’s just fucking delusional. If you’re looking for a healthy, long-term, monogamous kind of relationship, this is not the kind of woman you want to get involved with. They just get in the way and close the space off. You have to have a space for the right person to come into your life.)However, she’s just going to rip through people’s lives and leave casualty after casualty, and I’m way too fucking good for her.
(Nice job dude. Great fucking statement.)
She’s a great employee and fun to be around, but that’s where it ends.
(Ahhh, clarity. I see the man coming out in you. Good job.)
I know I need to be extra cautious to not fall under her spell after she eventually realizes that I’m over her.
(It’s her loss.)
Any tips on that would be great, and feel free to share this as a video if you like.
Thanks again for helping me not waste time, energy, or a ton of money on a new house!
(I’m glad that you have come back down to earth and you can see this situation for what it is. And obviously, she’s going to notice that something has changed inside of you.
Personally, I wouldn’t fuck with it, but you’re going to do what you’re going to do. You just need to know your downside risk. The ideal way is to focus on your personal outcome. What do you want? If you want a healthy relationship, you don’t want a chick that is working for you and has a boyfriend, because now she fills up the relationship space in your life. We know who this woman is, so proceed with caution, and enter at your own risk.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“All humans create blind spots that prevent them from seeing people for who they really are, once they become emotionally involved and attached. When we care for someone or are romantically attracted to them, we tend to focus only on what we like about them and rationalize away, or outright ignore, their glaring flaws and faults. It is simply good policy and essential to your overall emotional health and wellbeing, to put everyone you meet and are considering a deeper personal or professional relationship with on probation, along with a healthy dose of skepticism. The world is full of people who will take advantage of you personally or professionally if you give them the opportunity to do so. Always judge people by what they do, not what they say or how good they look. Their past actions in previous relationships are a good indicator of how they will treat you now and in the future.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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