Men Should Focus On Making Sex Happen. Women On Relationships

Why men should make sex happen & let women make a relationship happen.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s constantly in a state of panic and trying to lock down a woman for a relationship. They were both in unhappy marriages and cheating. Eventually they left their marriages. However, because he’s constantly acting like a woman and trying to lock her down, she wants space and keeps putting him in timeout. This is driving him crazy.

He asks what he can do to get her to commit. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Unfortunately, our viewer here who writes in has been doing the latter, basically acting like a woman trying to steal all of her fun, because he’s basically acting like a chick, he’s focused on trying to lock her down to a commitment. They were both married and in unhappy marriages for, seems like, a long period of time. They met, they started cheating. He left first, she left second, but he’s just so desperate for a commitment because he just can’t handle it. I think he’s new to my work and he’s driving her away.

In reality, it’s like you’re just going through a divorce, my man. Why would you be in a absolute mad dash to the finish line to try to go through a second one or potentially line up another woman for marriage involving the government when at the end of the day, what you really started out looking for was you just wanted some pussy? That’s it. You see a hot girl, you’re not going, “Boy, I’d like to have a nice relationship with her. I wonder if she’d be a good mother to my children. Huh, do I feel attracted to her enough to go out on a date?” You’re not doing that. You’re just going, “Holy shit. She’s got a great ass. I want to fuck the shit out of her.” That’s what you think. That’s the first impulse. As a man, you’re like, “I see it, I like it, I want it. How do I make it happen as quickly as possible?” It’s not how to wife her up. It’s how to hang out, have fun, hook up, and fuck her properly. So she’s like, “Oh my God. I can’t believe what he did. I was quivering, my legs were shaking. I had a hard time walking for two days after I was over at his house all weekend. Oh my God, I haven’t had that much sex in forever.” That’s what you want her saying to her girlfriends, her mother, friends, or co-workers, and then they’ll all be jealous. Hang out, have fun, and hook up.

A man’s job in the courtship, as the book says, it’s just simply to create the opportunity for sex to happen. That’s what guys have always wanted. The first thing we want is we want sex. Pretty simple. The relationship stuff, that’s what a woman wants because it feels like a love story to her. You make her feel like you care. You keep her properly fucked. She has a lot of fun with you. You laugh. You give her the freedom to come and go. You’re not giving her a hard time. You’re not trying to make her your girlfriend. She wonders if you’d even want her as a girlfriend.

At the end of the day, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. What this guy is doing is he’s just acting too much like a girl, because probably, like myself and probably a lot of you that are watching is like, we didn’t get enough strokes from mom and dad as a kid. So we grew up starved. So when we want somebody and they don’t give us love, it just feels normal because that’s the way our parents treated us. As an adult, you have to understand how your upbringing affected you, and basically what you don’t do is you’re not allowing the woman who’s naturally inclined to love you, to love you. You’re trying to force it. You’re basically acting like another woman because that’s what women do.

If you look at the old movies, the black and white ones, one of my favorites from the old days, It’s a Wonderful Life. It was made, I think, in 1946 after World War II. Jimmy Stewart’s character, all he’s thinking about his whole life is getting out of the little tiny town of Bedford Falls, where he grew up and going and seeing the world and building his empire somewhere in New York City or something crazy like that. Instead, hot little Donna Reed, who always had her eye on him since they were little, little boy and girl, he was like her first crush that she’s always kept to herself. She’s got other plans. She wants to settle down with him, get married, have the white picket fence, have a bunch of kids at that old shitty rundown house mansion at the end of the street or whatever. It kind of looked like a mansion, but it’s a big, nice house at the end of the street, and that’s what she wants. She’s going to use her body, her sex appeal, her boobies, her perfume, her charm, her sweet voice, a tight fitting skirt, and her nice legs to get his attention so he doesn’t want to go see the world and leave Bedford Falls. He stays there with her. That’s what she’s got in mind.

She uses everything. Women in the neighborhood, everybody conspires to get the two of them together because magic happens, because the attraction is there and he can’t help himself. Eventually he stay, and of course, they live happily ever after. They move into their house. They have a ton of kids and it’s just beautiful pandemonium and they live happily ever after. That’s the way it used to be, but they don’t teach it. It’s not what you see in movies today. It’s the other way around. The woman wants nothing to do with it. The guy is begging and pleading and chasing, and of course she always gives in, but in the real world, you get a restraining order or you get stuck in friend zone while she fucks Chad Thundercock on the side.

So obviously something has changed in our culture. When you see that over and over, the men doing all the chasing and the women are the ones that have to be drug to the altar, it’s the opposite of what’s innate. We just want to hook up and move on, but if she makes it so good for us, makes us a nice sandwich, gives us a nice cold beer, then we’ll stick around for a little while longer. Then eventually it’s like, she makes it so good, it’s like it’d be stupid to be with anybody else. “Why would I want to go anywhere else? I got everything I need right here!” That’s the way it’s supposed to be.

So you need to think like that because that’s how a man thinks. You get your balls drained, and then you want to go slay the dragons after that. Then she’s the one that claws and pulls at you to get you to come back home and pay more attention to her, fill her up with your strength, your body, obviously, and eventually a bunch of babies. That’s just they’re designed to do that. So when you understand that, how it’s innate and natural, you got to act in ways that facilitate that. If you try to assume the role of the woman, well you’re going to be having a miserable time like this guy is.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Huge fan and I have a question for you and if you reply on a video please let me know where I can watch it.

Well, you’re in luck. Right here!

I’m 52 and was married for 23 years in a verbally abusive relationship.

Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun. Now you got your “get out of jail” free card.

I met a woman who was 44 and coming out of a 15-year controlling marriage, and we ended up in an affair…

What’s interesting is 95% of the relationships that come from cheating end in cheating. If you behave the way you’re behaving with this girl and say, you do get together and you continue behaving that way, eventually she’ll cheat on you because you’ll just push her into the arms of another man. So there’s that. So if you keep behaving this way, it’s going to doom whatever you got with this girl anyways and the next one and the one after that.

…That lasted about a year and a half. I went from being emotionally starved to being in a very intense connection.

Things are probably a lot easier when you’re married because you were challenged and you were the first one to leave. Therefore, she had all the power.

I moved out first, and she followed almost a year later.

You see how that works? You were definitely communicating that you were more into her than she was into you, and that’s why that happened.

At that point, I was ready to pursue a real relationship.

Well, it already was. You were getting all the sex you needed for free. Hang out, have fun, and hook up. That’s all. That’s your duty, to hang out, have some fun with her, and properly fuck her. Once you guys have had a bunch of fun and you’ve done a bunch of listening and connecting, then she goes away with a smile on her face and it’s like, “Man, this is so much better than what I had going on before. I think I want to see him again.” That’s what you want. When you start acting like another woman, then she’s gonna become unsure and wait a whole year to leave her marriage after you’ve already left yours, which I’m sure emotionally that was difficult to deal with. I mean, you did enough things right to where eventually she left.

At the end of day, you’re not supposed to be mowing some other dude’s lawn. That’s a good way to get shot. Happens all the time down in Hialeah, Florida. That’s what we call a Hialeah divorce. Everybody in law enforcement is very familiar with that. It’s almost on the evening news just about every night. Some shit like that’s going down here. It’s the swamp fever, man. That’s how we are in South Florida. It’s the Florida Man. We’re a little off down here.

She, however, needed space to heal and grow, while I was ready to move forward. That’s when my insecurities and anxiety started to surface, and things began to decline.

In other words, “I began to act like a woman, Coach.” Well, that ruins the sexual polarity. If you were a lesbian and you were the masculine lesbian and you started acting like this, your girlfriend would not want to have sex with you either. See how that works? You gotta act in line with your natural essence, or the other person is going to get turned off. It’s the opposites, the polarity that really draws us to one another.

We had great moments and some tough ones, but we managed to keep going. She wanted to take things slowly…

Which he probably didn’t listen to.

…Which was difficult for me because I felt she was everything I wanted.

Well, deep down, again, that’s what happens. You don’t get enough hugs and “I love you’s” from mom and dad, “I’m proud of you,” that kind of stuff. As a kid, you presuppose you’re not going to get it, so you try to force it, which is unattractive because, as Thich Nhat Hanh said, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” So she didn’t feel free. That’s why, again, it took her a whole year to move out after you did. I can just look at what she does and I can tell exactly what’s going on.

I told her I could go slower, but truthfully, I struggled with that because I didn’t want to lose her.

Again, women love confidence, and you just basically said, “I don’t think I’m good enough for you and you’ll probably just go date another man anyways.” So you do that enough, you say that enough, you behave that way enough, it’s in the tone of your voice enough and your actions, eventually that’s exactly what’s going to happen, because what you fear, you attract, and what you look at, disappears. You got to give women the time and space to follow through on their plans and commitments to you, or to flake out and disappear forever. At the end of the day, you’re just trying to create the next opportunity for sex to happen, and that’s it. Very simple mission here.

I became more anxious internally, even if I wasn’t constantly reaching out, and over time, I applied pressure here and there, which clearly worked against me.

Well, that’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west. You dried her up and she chose to do other things.

Now, after just over two years of knowing each other, she still wants to take things slowly.

Because you’re still not listening. You’re still trying to act like a woman.

We recently took a short break, though in her mind we were still together.

So it sounds like she wanted a break. This is what’s happening. You’re chasing her out of your life, dude. You gotta read the book. You gotta learn the baseline fundamentals. You’re not going to be successful cherry-picking videos. I say it all the time. I’m saying it again in this video. If you don’t want to listen, you’re gonna lose this girl and you’ll lose the next one for the same reasons.

I’ve struggled with trust due to a few lies in the past about where she was…

Remember, you’re in a relationship with a liar and a cheater, and you’re a liar and a cheater. Like attracts like. People that like the same things, tend to like each other. So the fact that she’s lying because she’s a cheater is not shocking. Hello! Character is destiny!

…Which made me question whether she’s holding onto me while exploring other options.

Well, you’re clearly getting in the way of her falling deeply head over heels in love with you and wanting to have a relationship. Again, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Your job again, as the book says, which hopefully you’ll read, it’s even free in the Members Area of my website. Come on! Again, what you’re going to do is you’re going to chase her into the arms of another guy. So you got to learn what creates attraction. You got to spend the time, learn the fundamentals in the book, and you got to let her come to you. Create the opportunity for sex to happen. Beat up her pelvis properly. Lay the pipe like a fucking man. Send her away with lots of happy finishes and a big fucking smile so she’s walking difficult for the next two or three days, but thinking about you every time she takes a footstep with a smile on her face. Then she’ll be back for more because it’s good fucking dick and it’s no pressure.

She should be pressuring you for a relationship. You should just be making her cum like a waterfall. It’s all that really fucking matters. At the end of the day, that’s how this all started. You saw her and you wanted to fuck her. That’s it. So focus on that. Let her be a woman who wants the relationship and you just want the pussy.

I saw her recently after two weeks of giving space and staying composed, but when I saw her, I got activated again.

You can’t do that. You can’t get diminished by a chick. You got to have a, “All is well. Everything’s going to be fine eventually.” Even if it’s with somebody else, who fucking cares? You’re a free agent now. You’re no longer in that abusive marriage. If this girl doesn’t treat you right, and keep in mind, she is a liar. She is a cheater. So her lying to you, to your face is like, “Duh, of course she’s gonna lie to your face.” So that’s the way it is. If you want somebody who’s different, who has a different set of values, well it’s probably not with her.

I told her I do want a relationship, and she reiterated that she wants to go slow.

Well, it sounds like you’re not in a relationship. Sounds like you’re in a kind of a situationship or really a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, or in all honesty, you’re just occasional side piece.

I believe there is still attraction, we connected physically and emotionally, but I’m now spiraling a bit, wondering if I pushed too much again and whether I’ve jeopardized things.

Who cares? You should be dating and fucking other women because it sure looks like she’s keeping her options open. If you had another girl or two on the side that she didn’t know about, your vibe would change. You’d be a little bit more aloof, you’d be more indifferent, you wouldn’t be so available all the time. Then she’d start to wonder, “Is he seeing somebody else? Did I lose him to somebody else? Did I take too long to leave my husband?” Whatever it happens to be. That’s what will happen. You should have the attitude of “Let the best girl win you over,” dude.

There are added complications. Her husband found out about us early on, and she’s concerned about her image…

Sure she is. It sounds logical and reasonable, but she’s just giving you an excuse for why she can’t see you.

…And how things look publicly. I’ve often been kept in the background because of that.

Well, that’s just the excuse. At the end of the day, when a woman’s in love, she wants everybody to know who is her man.

I also worry she may be exploring other options while figuring things out.

If I’m a betting man, I’m putting my money on that, definitely, and I’m going to. It’s probably going to be a winning bet. That’s why you should be doing the same. If you’re not locked down, if you’re technically still a free agent, well bro, all those years in that shitty marriage, you should be rocking out with your cock out and probably dating women at least 10 or 15 years younger than her. It’s like, what are you doing? Woman of your dreams. Not how to settle for some lying cheating hoe-bag which. Well, you kind of both are, but maybe you are the redeemable one. Maybe you’ll say, “You know, this isn’t for me, but if I hadn’t met her, I probably would have never left my unhappy marriage.” So all in all, it’s a plus.

This has left me confused. If she were completely checked out, I feel she would let go, but instead, I’m stuck second-guessing everything. I’ve gone from feeling secure to anxious in this dynamic, and I’m unsure how to move forward.

Don’t move forward at all. Stop moving forward. As a matter of fact, don’t call. Don’t text. When she reaches out, assume she wants to see you. Make the next date to hang out, have fun, and hook up. That’s it. Pretty simple. That’s all you got to do. Don’t chase after a girl who is unsure or unable to see you. Just let her be and then be dating other women, because clearly she’s probably doing the same thing.

So again, if you start dating two or three other girls that are 10 or 15 years younger than you, you’re not gonna fucking care. You need to have choice, my man. One is no choice. Two is a dilemma. Three is a proper choice. So get at least two more girls in your practice squad.

I understand that giving her space is important, but when I see her, I get pulled back in emotionally and struggle to maintain the calm, grounded version of myself I had earlier on.

Any guidance would be appreciated.

Bob

Well, you’re just choosing not to display that. You have to display that because it’s required to keep women happy, attracted, and most importantly, nice, wet, and well lubricated. So it makes the friction good friction instead of bad friction when you dry her up, which you’re doing a lot of that. So knock it off. Let her do all the reaching out. Just make dates. Who cares about a relationship?

If she brings it up, I just say, “I know you want to take it slow. You’re not divorced yet. I’m not officially divorced yet. So let’s just have a good time together and let’s not worry about it.” Your attitude should be let the best woman win you over. Whoever the best girl is, out of all the ones you’re talking to, hanging out, having fun, and hooking up with, and she makes it so easy going, easy to get along with, no drama, no strings attached, just really awesome, then that’s the one you should agree to be exclusive with when she goes out of her way to do it.

Your job again is just to create the next opportunity for sex to happen. When she reaches out, assume she’s had enough time to way away from you and she wants to get properly fucked again. So create a date, properly fuck her, send her on her way, and say “Call me later,” and then wait to hear from her next. Then when you do make the next date, beat up her pelvis. Rinse, recycle, repeat. So simple, dude.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.