Why some men can’t handle being with beautiful women, totally lose their cool, get rejected and jerked around.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a guy whose soon to be ex-wife of nine years left him for another man. She is still sleeping with him despite their impending divorce, but still won’t dump her boyfriend and come back to him completely.
The second email is from a guy who started sleeping with his female friend of three years over the past few months. He obviously couldn’t handle being with a woman he was so attracted to and has turned her off. She recently revealed she has another guy she has been dating and sleeping with. He wants her all to himself but is unsure of what to do now since she has backed off and lost interest. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
I have two emails I’m going to go through with you today, and both of these guys are basically losing it. They’re having a hard time maintaining their emotional self-control, their center. The first guy is actually a dude whose wife of nine years left him about seven months ago for another dude, and they have an impending divorce. She is hooking up with him again, but she won’t dump her boyfriend. So, that’s obviously an unusual situation.
And the second guy, I guess he’s been friends with this particular woman that he always liked for about three years, and they recently started hooking up and he kind of became dopey and really couldn’t handle it. So, she’s now backed off, and he also found out when they were laying in bed together that she actually had another guy she was sleeping with. So, you can imagine an insecure dude hears something like that, it makes it even harder for him to not lose his center, to not lose his emotional self-control.
It’s a completely different mindset. You know, I I’ve been thinking about these lyrics. There’s this Bob Seger song that I really love — I love Bob Seger, by the way — and the song is called “Shame on the Moon.” There’s a chorus in the song that I really like, kind of similar to the 38 Special song, “Hold On Loosely.” You know, it’s kind of like don’t hold on too tight.
The concept is a guy gets with a beautiful woman, some guys know exactly what to do, other guys just completely lose it and chase the woman right out of their lives. So, I’m going to share these lyrics with you, because it’s so apropos for what these two guys are going through in their email.
“Shame on The Moon” by Bob Seger:
Once inside a woman’s heart
A man must keep his head
Heaven opens up the door
Where angels fear to tread
Some men go crazy
Some men go slow
Some men go just where they want
Some men never go
Isn’t that true? Some men go slow, some men go just where they want, and some men never go. And obviously, some of the guys go crazy. I mean, how many of you watching this, either yourself or you’ve got friends or family that started dating a really beautiful woman, and they just couldn’t handle it? They just lost their shit and chased the girl away, turned her off completely.
And that’s kind of what you see here, that same vibe where these guys are just putting up with crap that they shouldn’t be putting up with, because they’re afraid to “lose” these women. That’s why I like the line here, it says “Some men go slow, and some men go just where they want.” In other words, these are the guys that are in control and get what they want in life.
First Viewer’s Email:
Thank you for the work that you do for us. So, my soon to be ex-wife of 9 years and I have been separated for about 7 months. She left me. A couple months back, we talked a little about us and she said she was happy, but if that changed she would let me know.
So, you can tell he’s obviously chasing her attention and validation. “Please spend time with me. Please don’t lose me. Please don’t leave me.” Does that sound like the guy who goes where he wants, or does that sound like the guy that goes crazy, back to the Bob Seger song.
I have never called or texted her first through our separation.
Well, good on you. You’re doing that right. Because if she leaves you for another guy, it’s like most dudes would be like, “That’s it. You left me for another man. You don’t you don’t want to work on us. You just start another relationship, and then once that’s going well, you’re like, ‘Oh, by the way, I found somebody else. See ya later, I’m out of here’?” A lot of women do that, unfortunately. Lots of men do that as well. But you’ve got to remember, I think it’s close to 70-75% of the time when it comes to a breakup or a divorce, the women are the ones that initiate it.
She always found a reason to contact me, and most of the time it was something about our son that she didn’t have to.
So, another thing, I have guys that I’m coaching that are in these situations where they want to get their families back or their wives back together, and the wives have left them or or don’t want to be together. You have all of your plans regarding your children arranged ahead of time, so there’s no reason for you to have to reach out to her at all.
And so, therefore, if she does find a reason to reach out to you, she’s usually doing it because she’s trying to get your attention, and that’s what you want. You want to create the vibe where she’s getting your attention and your validation, because in this case, she left him for another guy. Why would you pursue and chase somebody that did that?
The idea is, she fucked up the marriage, therefore, she’s got to fix it. It’s got to be her idea, because if you’re chasing after her when she’s already left you and begging and pleading with her to dump the other guy and come back to you, she’s going to see you as weak and pathetic and laugh at you. And you should be laughed at when you act that way.
Your attitude should be like, “Well, I guess I’ll have to find somebody hotter and younger than you,” which is a big fear that most women have, especially women that have had kids. And from a negotiation perspective, if you want to put yourself in a superior position of leverage, that’s what you’re going to do. Your attitude is “Hey, fuck it. She’s fucking somebody else, cheating on me. I’m out of here. If she ever wants a chance at earning me back, she’s going to be competing against better looking, younger women, so it’s going to be kind of tough for her.”
That’s the attitude you want to have. You don’t want to be a groveling, begging, supplicating beta male. She’s already left you because she lost respect. And then when you tolerate her having a boyfriend without opening up any other possibilities for yourself, it’s a weak position.
Well, a couple of weeks ago we ended up hooking up. I told her that was her way of telling me she wasn’t happy anymore, Lol. She said she is content, and she is still in a relationship with that guy.
Yeah, a “relationship.” So the reality is relationships don’t mean shit to her. Your wife doesn’t care about loyalty. She cares about herself. She’s a selfish, narcissistic person. So what if she had marriage vows. The marriage vows don’t mean anything to her. And this other guy, he probably thinks that you’re completely out of the picture. He has no idea that she’s still fucking you, her supposedly soon to be ex-husband.
We are basically FWB but seeing where it goes.
Friends with benefits in this particular case, she’s got a boyfriend and you’re her sidepiece, basically.
She calls and texts me all the time. We have had sex numerous times and it is awesome.
Hey, well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Very passionate! We both agreed, since we are having sex with each other we would not have sex with anyone else.
Come on, man. You don’t see a double standard there? She belongs to the streets! Come on, dude. Think about what you just said to me, “we both agreed, since we are having sex with each other, we would not have sex with anyone else.” It’s okay for her to have sex with other guys, but you can’t have sex with any other women. I can’t believe you agreed to that dude. Come on.
Yes, that included her boyfriend. I know it’s crazy. It’s what she wanted too.
So, you’re thinking you’re locking her down by causing her to only sleep with you and her boyfriend, like that’s getting you somewhere. Dude, you’ve got to have some fucking self-respect.
My feelings have come back for her and I can tell hers has too, but she will not leave her boyfriend at this time.
Well, you’re obviously way more into her than she is into you, and there’s no fear of loss for her. So, she’s got a new boyfriend and she’s got her ex-husband to be, which is you, and you’re her sidepiece. You don’t see a problem with this? You think that’s normal?
She said she doesn’t know if it could work out with us. Oh, and this is the 2nd time we have gone through this.
Oh, so that’s why she’s doing it again, because there were no consequences the first time around. She doesn’t fear losing you. She just fears that you’ll be a good little boy and do what you’re told, and when she wants to ride the cock carousel, she’ll be in touch.
And so, other than that, when she wants you to get her off, she expects you to be like a good little doggie and take care of her. And when she doesn’t, she’s going to be fucking the other guy, and then you’re going to be sitting at home with blue balls. That just sounds like a great, winning proposition. What a great deal. Who wouldn’t want that? Come on, man.
I told her I do not want to talk about her relationship or any that I have had, though she insists on asking me about mine and or trying to tell me about hers. I told her I just want to hang out and have fun for now.
Here’s the kicker. Here’s where all the leverage is…
She said she can tell I am all in already, but I am not.
You’re all in, dude. Come on. You’re not fucking anybody else, but she’s fucking you, and her boyfriend and maybe anybody else, because at the end of the day, she has no problem lying to you. She’s gotten away with this before. It’s like, what are the consequences? You’re not going to leave her. Think about it from her perspective. She totally has your balls in a box, and probably her boyfriend’s in a box, and she has total control here.
I do want her to get rid of the boyfriend and see where we go.
Any help would be great. Thank you!
Well dude, the harsh reality is, your wife, she belongs to the streets! You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. This is second time she’s done it, so you’ve taken her back, you’ve enabled her behavior, and she has no doubt that you’re going to continue putting up with this.
So if I were you, I would just start seeing other women and then just conveniently leave that fact out. Keep it from her. It’s really none of her business. If I were you, I’d be looking for a hotter, younger replacement. Come on, dude, have some self-respect. Seriously.
But, say she does dump the boyfriend. You think she won’t do this to you a third time? I mean, that’s just totally fucking delusional. You’re kidding yourself. You definitely need to take your right hand, reach out and choke yourself. She will totally cheat on you again and again and again. These hoes ain’t loyal, man. She belongs to the streets. This hoe ain’t loyal, let’s put it that way.
But if I were you, I would definitely be looking to meet somebody else, because that’ll help you do everything right with her. And then when you find somebody younger, you can say, “Yeah, well, you’ve done this to me twice, sweetie. I love you and I love our family, but you’re not a loyal wife. You’ve proven it to me on multiple occasions. You’re kind of a narcissist, you’re a liar, you’re a cheater. I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you. I really enjoy the sex, I appreciate that, but I’m going to see where things go with my new girl. I’ll see you in divorce court.”
Second Viewer’s Email:
Hey Coach ,
I hope you are having a swell morning.
Yes, we are roasting beta males in hopes that their balls will finally drop and they stand up for themselves and get some self-respect, because that’s what the world needs is men to stand up and act like men. Not like these fucking spineless pussies that we have leading us, but I won’t get into politics today.
Seems whenever I date, I get the “let’s be friends speech.”
Because you’re too fucking nice, dude.
Of course, that is super frustrating and I’m really trying to find the flaws in my game. I stumbled upon a YouTube video a few months back and subscribed and bought your first book. Currently on the 3rd read now.
He’s obviously talking about this sweet “How To Be A 3% Man” book, which you can read for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter. And you can read my second book “Mastering Yourself” as well for free. Who does that? Who lets you read all the best information for nothing? Nobody, because most everybody else is giving you shit. I’m giving you the goods.
It was early October I was seeing somebody that totally knocked my socks off. She was somebody that I had been friends with for 3 years before and only fantasized about.
So, that’s part of your problem. You lost all your leverage over three years. She could tell you liked her. And as we get further down the email, there are some revealing things that she said.
A gorgeous blonde who is really everything I look for in a woman.
But the friend zone for three years, dude? And notice what he says…
I finally got her out for a drink and told her what I had felt for her.
Just like you see in the movies, just tell her how you feel and that will fix everything. She’ll just instantly drop her panties and say, “Give it to me, big boy.”
This was just a hangout as “friends.” Well, that’s how she put it. After we left the bar, she made a move on me. Spinning me around proceeding to make out with me. It was amazing!
Cool. Well, you did enough right. You displayed enough masculinity.
We really hit it off in the beginning. On our first date we had a picnic on the beach, and then I made reservations for dinner. Went back to her place where I had premeditated the perfect slow dance playlist and pulled her in. She was glowing with attraction, and I can tell she was loving every minute of it. This then escalated to the bedroom and she was caught off guard. She thought I would just make out a bit then say goodnight.
Well, maybe because you were reading my book. You were changing your game up.
A few dates later while we were sleeping together, she said, “I feel like we’re not clicking and making any progress.” I’ve been following the 3 H’s to a tee until this point. What could I be doing wrong?
Acting like a beta male. Acting too nice and compliant. Remember, “I finally got her out on a date.” That’s not the attitude you want to have. “She finally got me out on a date.” Remember, she kissed you. So that tells me you’re just kind of vacillating back and forth between having confidence and not.
She then opened up stating that maybe she was doubting how confident I was.
What did I just say? Yeah, you’re vacillating. So, when you act masculine, she jumps your bones and when you don’t, she’s going, “I’m just unsure. I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel right. Something’s off.”
Early on, I was overthinking and did make her feel like a celebrity. I know, c’mon man. But for me it was the emotion of not being with a woman like this before.
Dude, it’s all in your head. It’s just a mindfuck. That’s what happens when you watch too many of those sappy Hollywood movies and TV shows that are written by the geeks that sat in the back of the class and didn’t get any punani in high school. All he did was fantasize about the dream girl, and then they’ve got him writing movies about it.
And if you see this enough times, you start to believe it. You think, “Well, this is normal. It’s the way it’s supposed to be.” Remember the Bob Seger lyrics? “Some men go just where they want. Some men never go.”
I was on cloud nine, and I did struggle to keep cool. After that night, she went cold on me. Ghosted me for 3 weeks and I took your advice and didn’t reach out at all.
Well, typically, when they disappear for three weeks, it’s either because they’re turned off, or maybe they’re turned off and they have another guy.
I figured she needed space maybe or was testing my masculinity. She responded saying, “I really miss being friends” and that she wanted to catch up, and of course that was an emotional punch to the meat missile for me.
Well, if she reaches out, you should assume she wants to see you and you create the next opportunity for sex to happen at your place. Hang out, have fun and hook up.
I then set up a date to meet with her. She kept pushing for friendship and I stood up for myself. I didn’t tell her exactly that I wouldn’t be interested in friends, but with my actions I made it clear I wasn’t. She also proposed friends with benefits. I was so into her I actually wasn’t satisfied with either.
Friends of benefits, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? What is the downside here, other than you’ve got to wear raincoat?
FWB sounded like I was just a temporary lover.
Well, if you kind of think of it as like the probationary period or the test driving period, like when you start a new job, you’re on probation for the first 90 days. It’s like you’re not sure. Before you buy the cow, you want to see how much milk you can get out of it, right?
That thought bothered me. (Kick myself.) The next morning, she said she probably shouldn’t have slept with me but didn’t regret it. I’m thinking to myself “of course you didn’t regret it.”
Now, that’s the right attitude, my friend.
We hung out a week later and went on another date, (the 5th). When we were back in the bedroom after our date she said, “I’m a strong, confident woman and I’ve never felt so small.”
That’s when you go, “Baby, well technically you are a little bit smaller than me, but tell me more about that. What do you mean? Why would you say that?”
I didn’t understand what she meant by that until she admitted she was hooking up with another guy.
There it is. So, in other words, she’s feeling guilty because she’s getting reamed out by two different dudes at the same time. She’s known you for three years and you had no idea that she was with somebody else. That’s why you don’t put her on a pedestal, because you don’t know.
Now you’re getting to test drive the car fully and take it home, instead of just driving around the parking lot and then leaving it at the dealership. Now you took it right home. You got to open up the hood, see what’s under there. Check the oil, check the dipstick, check the fluids. See if the rings are shot.
I thought maybe it was because of the covid pandemic making dating super frustrating? But nope. She told me and I lied there emotionless, just decided to leave. I couldn’t help it. I felt used and felt as if I wasn’t as important to her as I thought I was.
You overrated her interest in you, bro. So, what’s happening is she’s starting to develop feelings for you, and now the truth comes out. What’s really going on comes out. Now she tells you about the other guy that she’s fucking. That’s how it happens, the interest goes up.
I’ve discussed this many times over the years in other videos, like especially the first guy. When he gets his wife back, or his girlfriend that maybe cheated or left or friend zoned him and then starts sleeping with other guys, and then she starts to fall back in love, then she wants to get everything off her chest. “Oh, there’s this other guy I’ve been fucking, by the way.” So, that’s part of your problem, dude. You got all dopey and you got carried away in your emotions. You didn’t see reality.
She got super defensive before I walked away. She was proposing maybe we should go no contact for a while. She apologized and said that she didn’t want to continue to hurt me, and maybe it’s best that we no longer see each other. This happened a week before Christmas. I never replied to that text, but did wish her a Merry Christmas on the 25th and she responded wishing me the same.
Since then, it’s been no contact. Is there anything I can do going forward to potentially re-attract her? Permitting this other dude blows it?
Appreciate all the help Coach,
Well, part of the problem is you’re you’re trying to make her make a binary choice between you and the other guy. And your attitude should be she’s got to win you over. But from her behavior, you can probably surmise that she belongs to the streets. Get her off the pedestal. Come on, bro. You don’t really know what she’s like. You just now started fucking her recently after you thought you knew her for three years.
But it is what it is, so I wouldn’t do anything. I’d wait to hear from her. Let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing, make dates, and when you hear from her, invite her to your place to hang out, have fun and hook up. Keep it flying, keep it light. Stop focusing on a relationship. Stop trying to lock her down. It’s like you’re you’re acting like a chick, dude. You’re acting like a chick and you’re getting rejected. That doesn’t work. You’re doing the opposite of what my book teaches, so knock it off.
But if you’re looking for a healthy, loyal, exclusive, monogamous relationship, you don’t waste three years with a chick before you finally find out what she’s really like. It’s like you want to cut to the chase right away. Are you in, or are you out?
So, if you would like to get my help personally — maybe you’re in one of these kind of weird situations, your emotions have gotten the best of you and you can’t think or see clearly — and you want my unvarnished opinion on the matter, if it’s salvageable or worth being salvageable and what you should do to make it salvageable, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Some men just can’t handle being with a beautiful woman. They become so elated, dopey and soft, that they quickly turn women off to the point that they get friend zoned, ghosted or rejected outright. They are focused on getting women to like and accept them instead of being objective and like women do with men, determine if they are a good match and good for them. Mature men enjoy their emotions, but they exercise emotional self-control and are not ruled by them. Immature men totally lose control and chase women away. Smart men let women come to them at their own pace so the women can win them over.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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