Mindset Secrets To Attract & Keep The Women You Want!

The best mindset secrets to attract & keep the women you want.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who grew up in a dysfunctional household. He never got the love and support he wanted. This caused him to display needy and unattractive behavior that repulsed women. After doing a lot self help and work on himself, he found 3% Man and is now in the most healthy and supportive relationship he’s ever been in.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this particular email is from a viewer who grew up in a what he says is a pretty dysfunctional household. He’ll give us a little snapshot of what he lived through and how it affected him, and similar to what I experienced, he grew up wanting love and support and didn’t get it. And so when you don’t get the love you want from mom and dad because they’re too busy arguing or busy with life, or they’re checked out or eventually dad leaves and the family splits up, you never got the love you wanted, and so you don’t understand how women operate. Therefore, when a woman seems distant or she’s less interested, or her texts are getting shorter, or she doesn’t seem to be as excited as she was last week or didn’t seem to be as into the sex as she had been the last time, then you’re going to try to force things. You’re going to try to call too much, or text too much, or seek her approval, try to find out where you stand with her. See if she still feels the same way. Is there anything wrong? Most guys notice when a woman just becomes a little distant and they can tell she’s not as excited, but they don’t understand what the hell is happening or why it happened.

So something that Tony Robbins said many years ago that was just so important to understand as a human being, is that people will act consistently with how they view themselves to be. And it doesn’t matter whether the view is accurate or not. So if you grow up wanting love and not getting love, your mindset and the story that you tell yourself to basically salve your ego and deal with what happened in life, is you create a story that justifies why you don’t get the love you want. “Oh, you’re cursed. You’re unattractive. You’re overweight. You don’t have any charisma. You don’t have any charm. You don’t have the connections. Your bank account ain’t big enough. You don’t have nice enough car. Your muscles aren’t big enough. You’re not smart enough. You haven’t finished college yet. You haven’t sold your jet skis.”

There’s always something that, in other words, you create a story and you talk yourself out of it. If you’re already convinced that you’re not going to get what you want, as soon as you meet a girl, you basically start communicating how unattractive you think you are and that she’s going to probably get rid of you like all the other ones have. And women love more than anything in a man is a guy with confidence, and a guy that she meets, that she likes is attracted to because attraction is not a choice. Starts constantly acting and talking and vibing like he doesn’t deserve to be there, well it’s going to turn her off and dry her up really quick. Even if she was really hot for you when you first met, then she’s just going to back away and say, “Something’s missing. Oh, I just think of you as a friend.” And then that’s the end of it.

So you have to understand that there’s a dynamic with women. That they are designed to get a man’s attention. We do pursue in the beginning and start the courtship. But once a woman’s emotions become engaged, she becomes more aggressive, calls more, texts more, gets hornier, wants to tear your clothes off more, touch you more, be around you more, and come up with reasons to just stop by, “Oh, I was just in the area. I want to stop by and drop you a little something. Drop you a sandwich, a cake,” or whatever, or just say hello. They do things like that. They like you more and they want you more, and you have to give them space to do that, to miss you, to wonder about you and where they stand with you. When a guy wonders constantly, because maybe if dad’s not around, like in this case, he doesn’t do, “I’m proud of you. I love you, son. You’re amazing.” He’s not there to tell him those things, and so he doesn’t think it of himself. So maybe he gets it from mom. But then he seeks it from a woman, which is unattractive, because a man should be emotionally an island unto himself. He should be able to make himself happy, and then look for a woman who is also happy to share in their happiness together.

So you got to get to a happy place first. And that’s what this guy did. He did a lot of work on himself, got to a happy place. Then he came across my book. And now at 43 years old, he says he’s in the best relationship and the most supportive that he’s ever had. And so now he understands how attraction works and how his upbringing affected him and caused to him to display too much unattractive behavior. And he just kind of let go and hang back, communicate interest, make a date, and then just let her be. If the text becomes shorter, understand that, “Hey, the kitty cat got a little bored and she’ll be back a little while later,” and you just let her be. You don’t get bothered by it or upset. You don’t need to find out if she likes you or not. You just understand that it’s like, “You’ll be back.” They always come back. When they like you and you’re acting attractive, they always come back.

That’s part of the dance. It’s the wondering, “What’s he doing? Why hasn’t he called? Why hasn’t he texted back yet? He seemed to be distracted this morning.” And you want her wondering where she stands with you. And when you act that way as a man, you act like a woman, it ruins the sexual polarity, turns her off. She doesn’t want another woman. She wants a man that she’s got a seduce with her body, her charm, her sex appeal and her desirability. And most guys never really get to see that in action. Or if they do, it’s from a girl they’re not that into, and they don’t do anything and she’s all over them. But the girls they really want, they just always seem to disappear after only a few dates or a few weeks of knowing each other and then poof! It’s gone. And they get the same excuses and they can never figure out why that happened.

So if you didn’t get love and support and “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” when you were a kid, you gotta understand typically how it affects with women is that you basically start looking for attaboys from women and treating them like your mommy or your therapist, or putting them in charge and asking them what they want to do instead of inviting them to join you somewhere. And you just don’t lead. Women want to show up and look hot and go on an adventure with you that you’ve figured out and planned out all on your own. They don’t want to be your mommy and tell you what to do, or how to date them, or how to act like a man. They want you to get it.

So with that in mind, with that mindset in mind, because once I realize that, then you’re OK with, “Oh, she doesn’t text back in a couple hours, even though she was texting me four times within five minutes this morning. Now it’s like I haven’t heard from her in a couple hours,” and over time, you start to realize sometimes, especially in the beginning, they just do that shit on purpose to see how you react. Do you get pissed off? Does it upset you to get angry about it? You call them out on it. Are you just kind of amused? And you think, “Oh, that’s kind of cute. She’s testing me. They’re so sweet like that.” And you’re not bothered. You’re not upset. You’re like, “Oh, I can get more work done” because they tend to babble on anyways, “I got things to do. So now it gives me time to get caught up with things that I need to do.”

And so you’re excited. You look forward to the moments where she’s got to go hang out with her mother, her sisters, and do other things, and then you can go hang out with the boys or go to the gym or do what you need to do, and you’re not freaking out about it. You’re not seeking her approval. She’s the one doing it to you. When a woman’s in love and you’re applying what’s in the book, she’s going to be all over your ass constantly. And again, most guys just never chill out and back the fuck off enough to just let the tension develop. And then when she reaches back out or contacts him, then it’s time, or she’s ready to have it released.

Viewer Email:

Dear Mr. Wayne,

I thought that I’d write to say thank you for your advice and materials. I have a new girlfriend of five months and we are about to go on a one month trip to Italy and life couldn’t be better.

Well, quite frankly, that sounds like a lot of fun. It is awesome to go on a multi-week vacation with your girlfriend. I’ve done a lot over the course of my life and I highly recommend it. It’s a lot of fun to go travel somewhere and take in a culture, a different city or whatever. Even if it’s a staycation, you get an Airbnb in your city. Maybe you got kids and you got to kind of be close by, but they’re with grandma and grandpa, and you want to just go chill at the beach, have some cocktails, get your freak on, mommy/daddy time.

This relationship is my most healthy and supportive relationship that I have ever been in. I’m 43 years old, never been married, and don’t have any kids. I think that I never settled down earlier because I had a lot to work through as a young man due to a somewhat dysfunctional upbringing.

Well, the good news is men always peak later in life anyways. I mean, look at fucking Al Pacino, 80 years old, still knocking 29-year-olds up and having kids. It’s like, you got time, dude. Take care of your body. It’s amazing what you can do. So everybody’s journey is different. Some guys peak in high school, some guys peak later in life, but at the end of the day, it’s your job to shape and change your destiny. Nobody’s going to do it for you or come and save you.

My mum was generally depressed and drank too much, whereas my dad worked a lot and was always angry.

Probably because he wasn’t getting any. A lot of frustration there.

They would fight a lot and they didn’t respect each other. Home never felt like a safe place when I was a kid and, so, my younger brother and I became quite close with these negative dynamics swirling around us. Later, when we were young adults, dad left for another state, and then my brother became depressed and violent. He became violent at our cousin’s wedding over twenty years ago and we got in a fight. He ended up disowning me, for reasons I still don’t understand, and to be honest, I don’t think he understands either.

Well, at the end of the day, that’s fucking life. If he can’t treat you the way you want to be treated and have a normal, healthy adult relationship, if you’re going to do the work on yourself and he’s not, well it is what it is.

Anyway, we’re estranged now, and have been for a long time. My mum and my dad don’t talk to each other either. I spent a lot of time in therapy and reading, as a young man, because I was quite lost myself for a while.

Well, sometimes you just have to go on a journey. It maybe takes longer than some of your friend’s journeys, but that’s life.

I only write this because I think it very much impacted how navigated romantic relationships in the past. I had always struggled with romantic relationships with no relationship going beyond the three month period or thereabouts. Caring and love seemed like a rigged game where the rules were always changing and I would get penalized by the woman for having romantic feelings for her.

So probably he experienced a lot, wanting women that initially wanted him, but then they just didn’t stick around and he can never get a straight answer, why? Or an answer that made any sense. I’ve been there, done that, got that t-shirt.

In reality, I believe that I was struggling with being too needy early on.

Again, remember what I said in the beginning? The mindset is that, “Well, I’m probably not going to get the love I want anyways. Let me call that girl back. I don’t want her to forget about me. I hope she’s not mad at me. I wonder why. Maybe I need to keep this going a little bit more. I’ll call her. I’ll text her.” And then the more you call and text, you notice the less she does. The more you do, the less she does. And the more you pursue, the further away she seems to get. And she goes from telling you that she can’t stop thinking about you to, “Oh, work is crazy. I’m so busy,” and she just has no time in her life right now. I need to find myself. “Work is crazy. I just don’t have time to think.”

I then gave up and became too shallow, perhaps avoidant…

Well again, your personal story is something that’s always evolving. So you created a story that, like a lot of the guys in the red pill community adopt, which is, “Hey, it’s fucking modern women. They’re the problem, not me.” And then you create this angry persona. You keep women at a distance or like what I used to do is I get hung up when I was younger on girls that were not available or had boyfriends. I thought, “Oh, they’ll see how great I am.” Then they would end one relationship, and then they’d already be dating and sleeping with some other dude. And I’m like, nope. I got, “Oh, you’re a great guy. But maybe sometime in the future. I just need to talk.” Then you listen for hours and hours on the phone and you think, “God, I love her voice. I love listening to her,” and then she’s just going over to get railed by some guy that doesn’t give a shit. And you’re like, “What the hell?” But I learned in my early 20s that, wow, that wastes a lot of time doing that. So I stopped doing it after probably a year, year-and-a-half of being hung up on a girl and blowing it because I didn’t understand what the hell I was doing. I had no game. They don’t teach this stuff in high school or college. Most parents don’t know it. Dads don’t know it. Most guys don’t know it.

…And just went on hundreds of dates and was looking to hook up and have drunken sex. During this period, I was able to get sex but not love.

Yeah, well if she’s gonna stick around for relationship, she wants to know that you care, but you’re not a fucking pussy and a pushover. Where she can walk all over you.

After a while, I decided to stop drinking alcohol because it was something that was holding me back generally, with work, women, and life.

Well, some people, it’s just better when they don’t do those things. So as Socrates said, “Know thyself.” I think it’s how you pronounce it. So you realize, “I’m not going to do this anymore.”

I then went on sober dates and even coffee dates during the day, which I had always hated because I found them so boring, and night time dates at a wine bar were more fun for obvious reasons.

Yeah, but again, if you’re gonna drink, light beer is the best thing. A low alcohol or a sharps or Clausthaler or I think Molson’s got a non-alcoholic beer, or what you can always do is you can get a soda and get a shot of something like normal whiskey and Coke. Instead of just putting the whole shot in there, just get a can of Coke or a bottle of Coke, or have the bartender fill you up a glass of it and then mix your own and then just sip on it. You dilute it down instead. Because under normal circumstance, like in a rocks glass, as a bartender, you don’t want a three count to give you a full shot. Well, you do a one count, one 1000, and then fill the rest up with Coke.

So especially if you like drinking like I do, that’s why I always like drinking a light beer, because it fills you up, and there’s a good volume to it and you drink it. But if you’re drinking like little rocks glasses with like a whiskey and Coke or something like that, you’re getting a full shot and you’re basically getting about that much soda. So a handful of those in your hammer, but you spread it out, you water it down just so you have a little bit of alcohol in there and maybe a third of a shot in each, you have much more volume to drink, then because your body can get rid of one ounce of alcohol per hour. But again, some people just overdo it. I’ve had friends that were like that. They just get blackout drunk. I’ve seen it so many times over the years that some guys realize that just can’t handle it. So they stop.

So good on you for having the self-control to do that because self-control is attractive. Deciding you’re going to be serious sober is attractive because it takes control, and people are like, “Oh, come on, it’s just one beer. Oh, come on, just one shot.”

But I knew where that sort of stuff led, so I did daytime sober dating. I suppose I was more focused on being present and seeing where that would take me.

I met my present partner, and, even though I thought that she engaged in some red flag behavior by discussing her ex on the first date…

Well, most women are going to talk about that, especially if in the past six months or so, or even a few months ago, got out of a relationship. It’s going to come up.

…She was just being vulnerable, which was ultimately OK with me. She’s at the end stages of a divorce, and has been separated for about 15 months now.

Well, that’s why in those cases, with those kind of women that are in the middle of a divorce, especially if they’re living with somebody or they got kids, maybe sometimes they reconcile, it’s really important that you don’t pressure women. I’ve done a lot of video newsletters on guys that are dating, divorced or separated women, and sometimes they’re co-habitating still with the ex and then the woman goes away with the supposed ex and all the kids in a cabin and you’re like, “What’s going on?” They’re buying property together. Then they do that, and then she goes back to the, “Oh, we’re going to give the marriage one more chance.” So it’s really super important you let the women come to you. And unless they’re really ideally done and divorced or it’s almost done, it’s better not to get involved with women like this, but he says she’s in the end stages.

She doesn’t drink either and we have a great time hanging out together. She told me that she loved me about a month after seeing each other, which surprised me.

Well, if you’re following the book and she starts out with a decent level of interest, that’s it. Happens usually in week six or seven. So that’s kind of right on time. First time guys that are applying what’s in the book and they’re like, “Golly, man!” You literally can set your fucking watch to it.

She’s head over heels for me and the relationship has progressed in accordance with the 3% Man. She tells me that she loves me several times a day, when we spend time with each other, and is very affectionate. I now know that its really important to settle for nothing less than a great, attractive, loving woman who is head over heels for you.

Yeah, makes it easy.

Anything less is a waste of your time.

I agree. I have found this to be true in my own life, and I’ve just been seeing it for 20 years and thousands and thousands of other dudes that have studied my work and done well with it.

She also appreciates the work that I had to do to get to a place where I can be in a healthy, happy relationship. I now walk around and have a deep appreciation for the world and everything in it.

I know. The colors are brighter. Life is just more beautiful. When you got a woman on your arm who you love and who feels the same way makes it worth living. Even though we’re all just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, might as well enjoy it.

Anyway, I just thought that I should say thank you for writing the 3% Man and creating your videos. You seem like a good person and I hope that you enjoy life as much as I do.

Yep. The purpose of life is to enjoy it. That’s the whole point.

The only person that can heal you is yourself.

Bob

Well, thanks for sharing that, Bob!

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.