How to decipher mixed signals you may be getting from a woman you are dating or trying to date, so you can determine if she really has romantic interest, or if she is just enjoying your attention to stroke her ego.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who started chatting with a woman he liked on Instagram. They started sending direct messages back and forth, and then a few hours later she gave him her phone number. The next day he started texting her, and they had a positive conversation. She mentioned there was a movie she really wanted to see, and they made plans to go watch it together. Then she canceled at the last minute saying she “forgot” that she had made plans with her friends. Later that night, she texted him that he should come meet her and her girlfriends out at a bar. He agreed and showed up. She was already drunk by the time he got there. She was holding his hand, kissing him, calling him “babe,” etc. She apologized for canceling the date. They then went back to his place, as he was sober. She wanted to sleep with him, but he did not because he was interested in her personality and did not want to take advantage of her. The next day, she then started ignoring his texts and finally replied a few days later saying she did not even remember the evening and apologized. He asks me to decipher her mixed signals. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
Long time viewer, first time contacting you. (Why haven’t you read the book yet?) I need some advice with this girl I was talking to for a week. I commented on one of her Instagram videos, and then after she direct messaged me saying, “What’s up? How have you been?” we contacted through Instagram direct message for a couple of hours until she gave me her number, saying to text her if I’d like. (That’s a good sign. You got the number, but you’re taking the sheepish route of contacting women on social media rather than in person.)
The next day, I texted her starting conversation, and things were good, positive, flirty, and never an awkward moment during our conversations. There was a movie she wanted to see, and we made plans to hangout over the weekend to go see it. The day we were supposed to see the movie, she canceled the movie, because she forgot she already made plans with her friends. (If a woman really likes you, she will blow her friends off for you.) Later that night, she texted me asking what I was doing, then she asked me to meet her at a bar with her friends. (No group dates until she is your girlfriend. That’s right out of the book.) I went and met her for the FIRST time, and she was drunk, kissing me, holding my hand, hugging me, getting close to me, calling me babe, etc. She told me how sorry she was for canceling the movie date, and she would make it up to me. At the end of the night, I took her back home since I was sober, and she wanted to sleep with me that night. I kindly denied her request, because I was interested in this girl’s personality and didn’t want to take advantage of her.
The next day rolled around, and I texted her if she was doing okay, but NO response. (I would have waited to hear from her.) The next day, after her NO response, I texted her in the evening about the mixed signals she was giving me, and let her know I’m interested in knowing her more, I’m not pursuing a relationship, but just want to grow a friendship first and see where it goes. I was under the impression the girl liked me and had some interest in me. She replied, “I understand where you are coming from. I don’t remember that night. I apologize for anything I did.” Now, she doesn’t really text me first anymore. (Well, you’re texting her all the time, so how could she possibly have the chance to do that?) I initiate fun conversations, but she will stop mid-conversation, then apologize to me she’s been really stressed and busy with her work, etc. (The phone is for setting dates.) How can I recover from this bad first meet-up? Did she even have any interest at all? How should I go about pursuing this girl? (You should not pursue her at all. Dating Is Like Tennis. You hit the ball over the net, and then you have to wait for her to hit it back. When you hear from her, assume she wants to see you, and make a date. No group dates. You’re violating every rule in the book. You really need to read my book 10-15 times and learn the fundamentals of what I teach. You’re not going to be successful if you keep over-pursuing.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When it comes to women and dating, men must understand that women are extremely conscientious of other people’s feelings. Therefore, when a man feels he is getting “mixed signals” from a woman he is trying to date, he should take a bottom line approach to her actions and discount the meaning of her words. If a woman really likes and respects you, she will eagerly make time for you in her schedule and keep your dates. If her interest is low or indifferent, she will blow you off, cancel dates at the last minute when something better comes up and generally jerk you around. Therefore, the only way to raise her interest and to determine if she is worth your time, is to only agree to definite plans, not agree to leaving things up in the air and negotiate with the mindset that your time is limited, scarce, rare and valuable and that you will never allow anyone else to waste it.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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