What it means when your ex comes back to rekindle things but now says that she needs space.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who dumped his now ex-girlfriend because he felt like she was slipping away and losing interest. He basically broke up with her because he assumed she wanted that. He regretted it the next day and tried to get back together and she declined. After 2 months of no contact, she reaches out and they start occasionally hooking up again. However, now she says that she needs space, and he is confused on what to do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of today’s newsletter is, My Ex Came Back, But Now She Needs Space.
Well, this particular email is interesting, especially for you guys that are in a situation where you got dumped, or you broke up with your girlfriend for whatever reason and now, you’re trying to get her back. So, in this particular case, this guy could feel his girlfriend was slipping away. And as we go through the email, it’s obvious she was losing interest, and he didn’t know what to do to turn it around. So, his solution was to dump her, and do a preemptive breakup.
He breaks up with her and then immediately regrets it, tries to turn things around and say, “No, no, no, I don’t want to be broken up.” But she wanted to stay broken up. And so, this is interesting because it brings up, because most of the time when guys come to my work, they got dumped and they didn’t want to be dumped. They got stuck in friend zone, and they didn’t want to get stuck in friend zone.
And they are interested in sex and romance with their girlfriend, or their girl that they were starting to date, that they hoped to become their girlfriend, whatever the case may be. So, in those cases, the guy is typically over pursued, and displayed so much beta male and unattractive behavior, that the woman has just lost all romantic attraction for them and has no romantic feelings for them anymore.
And so, to continue to call and to chase and change your mind and pursue her is counterproductive. And it can lead to you getting blocked. Or worst case, if you really don’t stop and are obnoxious, you get a restraining order against you. So, in this particular case, this guy dumped his girl, instantly regretted it. But, if you take a step back from the situation, her interest was already moving towards her dumping him, but he did it preemptively.
And so, in this particular case, she came back about I guess it was about two months after no contact, and they started kind of casually hooking up. But she’s still moving the rest of her stuff out of his place. And then now he’s kind of come to realize or find out through his snooping, that she was dating somebody else and where he’s gone wrong and made the mistake was, he wanted to rekindle things.
She said, “No,” they went no contact. Then she reached out. He made a date, they hooked up. And then where he went wrong is he starts pursuing her, instead of letting her come to him at her pace, he’s over pursuing, which is probably exactly what he was doing before, in addition to all the other things, because I still don’t think he’s been through 3% Man yet and learned what other things he was doing and saying, that is turning her off.
And so, now he’s in a situation where he’s chased her, because she’s constantly saying, “I need space, I need space,” because he’s trying to smother her and get her back instead of letting her come to him at her pace. And so, this is the point where he’s literally chased her in the arms of some other guy that more than likely she already had lined up or was talking to when they broke up. And so, he wants to know what he can do to put himself in a position to attract her back.
Obviously, he’s going to need to read The Book because right now he’s flying blind, and trying to cherry pick and copy and paste stuff from videos. And it’s not working too well for him, because his overall behavior really hasn’t changed much. He’s still constantly displaying really unattractive behavior, and it makes her decision easy to just move on with this other guy, or who knows how many other dudes there potentially are that she’s talking to.
Because typically most really pretty girls, have lots of guys that they know that are stuck in friend zone, or the guy from work that likes her, or the guy that’s part of a friend group that’s always liked her. And as soon as everybody finds out she’s single, they all they all swoop in, try to get their shot.
And so, for guys that are in that situation, you let her know you want to rekindle things. And if she’s not open to seeing you or dating you romantically, you just let her be. You got to let her do all the pursuing. And this guy made the mistake of going back to over pursuing, which is a big part of what turned her off to begin with. Because it’s obvious that he cares way more about her than she does about him. And that’s a bad position to be in if you’re a guy trying to win over a girl. Whoever cares the least has the most leverage.
About three months ago I told my ex to pack her stuff and leave as I felt she was pushing me away intentionally to get me to break up with her.
Women do this. They make you so miserable that you just can’t take any more. And then you break it off with her. But 75% of the time, most guys won’t do that. They’ll just stay when they’re not happy or the girls not happy. And 75% of the time, women file for divorce. Women do the breaking up. So that’s pretty normal.
Foolishly the same day I said I didn’t mean it and acted in anger, and she had already gotten her stuff and left the same day.
A little too late to take it back. But I mean, at the end of the day, it’s obvious that he could tell, and he could feel she wasn’t that into it anymore, and as a preemptive breakup. But, the reality is he didn’t want to break up with her at all. But he was displaying so much unattractive behavior. And quite frankly, he didn’t know what he was doing and saying that was turned her off. And so, his only solution was to end it and then he instantly regretted it.
She came over to talk and that night we had sex and she assured me she was with me still 100%… but the next morning she left and sent me an “I need space text.”
So, when a woman (or someone) says I need space, you say, “Great. Call me later.” “Call me when you want to see me again or call me when you figure it out. Whatever.” You got to let her be. It’s like tennis, when a woman says, I need space, the worst thing you can do is keep calling and texting and pursuing. She’s telling you this because she’s trying to help you. She’s trying to communicate that she needs space away from you, to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you for your feelings to develop.
Two months of no contact later she calls my dad and asks him to tell me to give her a call to arrange a pickup of some leftover stuff- she does and that night we hooked up and she said she wanted to work on things slowly.
So, when she just disappears like that for two whole months and you don’t hear from her, she’s probably hanging out with Chad Thunder Cock. She probably thought things were going to progress with Chad Thunder Cock. And then she learned that Chad Thunder Cock was only interested in Thundering his Cock. I’m sorry. I’m terrible.
The next day she asks me to help with some computer issues she had been having.
So I obliged, and we hooked up again.
So, what’s going on? Typically? It’s not looking good with Chad. Thunder Cock. He’s not really interested in dating her, but he sure likes Thunder and his Cock into her. So obviously things aren’t going well. And that’s typically what happens when the girl reaches back out.
A week goes by with us texting back and forth.
Which means he probably went right back to pursuing her again, because what he should have done was when she reached out, assumed that she wanted to see him, made a date, hang out, have fun, hook up, just like I talk about in the article and video 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But instead, he’s like “Oh, let me resume my over pursuit.”
A week goes by with us texting back and forth and we set another date to watch a movie she mentioned she wanted to see – after she spent the night, and we hooked up.
Because again, because things are probably going sideways, with Chad Thunder Cock.
Another week goes by completely normal, and I asked her out on a date to go to a restaurant.
Meaning he’s probably still doing all the pursuing at this point, but it’s been two months. So, what’s happened is her interest creeped back up on her. She reaches out, and then he goes right back to exactly doing what he did before to turn her off, which is over pursuing.
And so, what you’re going to see is her interest will start to go back down again because it’s not her idea. He’s the one smothering her, and pursuing her because, again, he’s going to hear that, “I need space message.” That’s why you got to let women come to you at their pace in this situation.
Another week goes by completely normal, and I asked her out on a date to go to a restaurant I wanted to see and we go and we come back to my place and hookup and spend the night again but that next morning she takes the rest of her stuff from my house.
Hey, maybe it was a little mercy sex, mercy fuck. Mercy lay. Or pity fuck. You never know. Or maybe the dude’s really good in bed, and she liked it. But the reality is, like I talk about in 3%, Man, a man’s job in the courtship is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun, to hook up.
It’s not about getting back together, or being in a relationship, or any of that, because when you look at the totality of it all, relationships start out as casual, hanging out, having fun and hooking up. And men who know what they’re doing.
Typically, when the woman falls in love, usually about week 6 or 7 on average, if you’re following what’s in The Book, then she’s going to be hinting and bringing up exclusivity because she feels that she wants that. That’s the important thing.
I didn’t mention anything about it but the following week I ask her for her availability.
Again, he’s still pursuing. Because again, he did the dumping, but she was not open to a reconciliation. So, when a woman says, “I’m not open to a reconciliation basically,” you say, “Well, alright.” “Well, call me if you change your mind.” And you let it be, you’ve got to let her do a 100% of the pursuing after that.
And you just simply make dates when you hear from her. Because if you don’t, and you do what this guy does, which is go right back into over pursuit again, you’re going to literally chase her right back into the arms of another guy. And even though her interests have been going up, it’s going to go down really quickly to the point where she’s canceling dates, blowing you off, not wanting to see you again. Or giving you excuses. “I need space. I need to get my head together. I’m not sure where I’m able to be at this point in my life. I need to work on myself.”
I didn’t mention anything about it but the following week I ask her for her availability.
And that’s where it gets weird… she says she’s not sure because of homework and seemed like she was dodging making plans.
That’s because she is. Women help you when they like you, and if she wants to see you, she’ll make it easy to get together there. And if she doesn’t, she makes excuses. And that’s what she’s doing, because her interest is low. Because you turned her off by over pursuing her once again. Because you had all this time, and you didn’t bother reading The Book. You’re just cherry picking in videos.
So I say ok let me know and she offers up Tuesday night. I guess where I maybe mess up is on the call, I mentioned I had a few plans I wanted to make with her for the following week…
Yeah. You’re basically treating her like she’s your girlfriend. And you’re not letting her come to you.
But she ends up flaking on the Tuesday date.
Of course, because her interest is low at this point.
And then sending me another I need space text…
I said to her I respect your decision, but I still want to continue seeing you as we were going.
Again. He’s just like she says, “I need space.” And he’s like, “I want to smother you. I got to have you come back Stella.”
She said that she tried to get over the previous break up but all the factors that caused our split were still in the back of her mind.
Which is your unattractive behavior. Really In reality.
To which I responded, “it’s going to take time let’s just take it one day at a time.”
She declined my proposal to keep going and now I’m at a loss – I thought everything was going so great.
Well, you should have read The Book. You should have followed instructions instead of cherry picking. So, you shouldn’t be surprised.
Let me know if you are missing context but I do know for a fact she’s seeing someone else.
So, this is not surprising because you chased her away.
She denied when I asked that she was, but I did some Sherlock Holmes snooping and found out for sure.
So, you know she lies as well. So maybe there’s some other red flags here. Maybe this girl isn’t so great after all. But in this case, the only thing again, you’re doing the opposite of what I teach, which is why you ended up in exactly the same position you were three months ago, two, three months ago, when you broke up, which is now you’re in no contact, and she’s probably getting her insides rearranged once again by Chad Thunder Cock.
But maybe this time Chad’s out of the picture and now she’s hanging out with Chad’s cousin, Bob Thunder Cock. So maybe Bob Thunder Cock has slid in to first place position here. The pole position at this point. The pole position. These jokes just write themselves. But at this point, dude, there’s nothing you could do. You got to let her come to you at your pace or her pace. And you should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back because again, you’re doing the opposite of what I teach.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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