My Ex Stopped Following Me On Social Media. Why?

Some potential reasons why she unfollows you on social media after a breakup.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 34-year-old viewer who got dumped by his 22-year-old girlfriend about seven weeks ago. She kept following him on social media and watching his stories. However, when he posted while on a date with a new woman she unfollowed him.

He still hasn’t heard from her and wonders what it means. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a 34-year-old guy and he got dumped by his 22-year-old girlfriend about seven weeks ago. She kept following him on social media and watching his stories. However, he posted while he was, I guess, on a date with another girl and took a picture of the food, you could see the the girl’s hands with fingernails. He said right after that, his ex-girlfriend unfollowed him and now he’s like, “Oh, what do I do?”

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

My ex and I were together for a year and three months. I’m 34, she’s 22. About 2–3 months before the breakup, I felt her pulling away, emotionally distant and less engaged.

I’m assuming he’s new to my work and hasn’t actually read 3% Man yet, so he probably doesn’t know what he did and said to turn her off.

She officially ended things about a month ago. I spent the first two weeks trying to get her back, expressing my feelings and intentions, but she made it clear she wasn’t interested in reconciling, so I stopped reaching out and went into no contact.

About three weeks after the breakup, my dog passed away, which was devastating. I posted about it on Instagram, and she DM’d me her condolences. I didn’t reply, just liked the message. After that, she continued to watch all of my Instagram stories consistently, even though we hadn’t spoken.

Well, what I probably would have done if she’s DMing you, “Oh, I’m really sorry to hear about your dog. He was a great boy.” “She was a great girl,” whatever it was, I would be like, “Yeah, it’s been really tough. Hey, it’s good to hear from you. I’d love to see you! When are you free to get together?” I would have tried to make a date with her, but you didn’t.

Then, three weeks later, I went on a date with someone new…

Which is great.

…And posted a story of our dinner. You could clearly see a woman’s hand with bright red nails across from me. it was obvious I was on a date. A few days after that post, I noticed she unfollowed me on Instagram. No message. No warning. Just gone. Up until then, she had been silently watching everything I posted since the breakup.

It’s been three full weeks of no-contact now. I haven’t reached out, and neither has she. I’m focusing on healing, getting back into the gym, and slowly re-entering the dating world. I still think about her, though. I’m wondering if the unfollow was about jealousy, closure or something else.

Maybe she was just uncomfortable with it. Maybe she saw the hands and thought, “Oh well, I guess he’s got somebody new,” but at the end of the day, you begged, you pleaded, and she’s like, “No, it’s over. Fuck off.” So at this point, I wouldn’t do anything because this is not unusual. Women often will do this because they can’t take being reminded of the fact, you know, if she’s watching all your stories and it looks like you moved on, she’ll unfollow you. That doesn’t mean she’ll never reach out.

I had that happen. I’ve had times in the past where somebody I was dating, we stopped dating, or I didn’t want to date her anymore, when she found out I was dating somebody else, she unfollowed me. Then weeks and sometimes months later, she reached out and wanted to see me. So don’t take it personally. Oftentimes when women unfollow you, you might hear from them in the near future.

I’m open to a re-connection if she ever reaches out, but I won’t chase her again. I’d appreciate your insight on where you think her head is and what you’d suggest moving forward.

Bob

Well, I wouldn’t do anything. It’s as if you didn’t even notice because you tried to work things out, and you can’t fix things, you can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about them, and your ex was not interested in reconciling. She wasn’t interested in giving you another chance. You didn’t mention anything about what led to the breakup. You just said you got dumped. So I would have to assume that more than likely you did and said things that turned her off and she dipped on you. You’re probably new to my work, or maybe you’ve been cherry-picking for a long time and have now come back because the relationship didn’t end. I would highly recommend you read 3% Man and it’s free to read in the Members Area of the website anyways, so you can figure out what you’re doing wrong.

Like I said, it’s not the end of the world. Will she reach out in the future? Flip a coin, it could go either way, but if I were you, I’d just move on with my life because again, you tried to reconcile. You gave it two weeks and she wasn’t having it. It was nice of her to reach out again. I personally would have asked her out if she DM’d you, but you didn’t. It’s not the end of the world. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. When you’re trying to work things out and stay together and she’s not having it, well I would just move on with your life because she wasn’t willing to make the effort.

At the end of the day, she’s got to make it. She’s got to make a little bit more of an effort than she did, especially considering you were together for over a year. I would say it’s probably a 50/50 shot that she reaches out again in the future and probably calls or texts you. If she does that, then you invite her over to make dinner at your place. In the meantime, I would hope that you would read the book so you can figure out what you did, what you said and what you were doing wrong in your behavior that was turning her off to the point where she lost attraction and respect for you, to the point where she didn’t even want to talk to you anymore.

She didn’t want to give you another chance again after a year. It sounds like most guys, you didn’t see it coming. You did notice that she was backing away, but it doesn’t sound like you were able to take corrective action. Maybe this all happened, or you came across my work after this had all happened, but at this point, there’s nothing you can do. You got new women in your life. Keep hanging out, having fun, hooking up, applying what’s in the book and getting better. Who knows? Maybe she comes back, but if not, if you really take the time to learn what’s in the book, you’ll find somebody better. Success is the best revenge. Just imagine yourself six months down the road, you bump into your ex, she’s with some schmuck and you’re with some chick that’s hotter, more fun and more outgoing than she is. You’re going to feel like a million bucks. That’s what I would focus on if I were you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.