What you should do if you got dumped by your ex, but you still see them all of the time, and what you can do to get them back if they have tried friend-zoning you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his ex-girlfriend after four months of dating. They are also neighbors and have several friends in common. Recently, he was on a date with a new woman. His rooftop balcony is right next to his ex’s. He was sitting out on his rooftop balcony with his date and noticed that his ex was having some friends over. She invited him and his date over. They both went over. Shortly thereafter, his date went home.
He stayed at his ex’s until almost everyone had left. His ex and one of her friends talked about spending the night sleeping on the roof. He asked if he was invited to sleep on the roof with them. Her friend said no. Things got awkward and he left. He asks my opinion since he is still obsessing over his ex. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Firstly, thank you for being there. I have read your book twice now, and I’m starting to read it a third time. I have been practicing all you teach, and it has worked. In the below text, I used the skills you mention on my ex when talking to her.
My ex tried to friend zone me and said she doesn’t want a relationship. I like her more than she likes me, and I was really upset in front of her. This was five and half weeks ago with the “I need space” talk. We were seeing each other for 4 months. In the last week of being together, I over pursued, was over emotional and not centered. It seemed like she wanted to take it to the next level and then went cold that week, and I overreacted. (It’s really hard to recover when you do that shit.) I told her no, that’s not what I want and walked away. I didn’t see her for 3 weeks. I have not messaged or called her once in the whole five and half weeks. (Good, because at this point, she needs to be doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. You definitely need to review my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”) We occasionally bump into each other because we have mutual friends. I am always pleasant, but never hang around too long and just go. (The idea is to be friendly, say hello and then go about your business. She doesn’t deserve the gift of your time. She has to earn it.) We met at a street party a few days ago, and I was very cool. We messed around and teased each other, but I made no advances. (If the opportunity is there, you should be trying to hang out, have fun and hook up. You are dithering and hesitating, and it makes you look like you’re not confident and you’re waiting on her approval.) However, I could see her body language was positive, and she kept touching my arm and laughing at my jokes. (If she’s touching your arm, you should ask her to kiss you.) I played the alpha in the group. I am 6’4” and a big guy, I and acted centered and dominant. (You acted like a beta male and didn’t kiss her when she was touching you.) We somehow got stuck in that situation because of mutual friends, so we had to hang around with each other for a few hours. (You could have asked if she wanted to go get a drink.) At the end of the night, she hugged me really hard with her head against my chest and said, “It was really great to see you Bob!” She was with her friend then too. A few people thought something might happen that night, they told me later. (You were involving your friends in your business, which makes you look weak and pathetic.)
Last night I was on my rooftop on a date with hot chick. My ex is my neighbor and about 10 people showed up and had food there coincidentally, perfect timing. She saw me, and her flatmate told me she was looking over all the time asking if he thought we would go over. We did go over and joined them for 10 minutes. (I never would have done that.) My ex was immediately like, “Hey Bob. Have some food. I knew you would like it,” offering only me the food. My date had to leave, so I took her downstairs. (You allowed your ex and your friends to cockblock your date.) I went back and joined them on the roof, bad idea I know. I sat next to my ex and we talked and talked. She was making comments about how good my food is, how she will stay longer in our city, she was going to leave, having a really good chat, etc. I also only talked in the moment, never about the past or future. She kept touching me, (You should have looked at her hand and told her to kiss you), and I did the same a bit, and laughing with me. It was flirty and fun. Her friend was lying next to her and she was stroking her friend’s hair whilst talking to me for quite some time, hmmm, but my ex’s body language was facing me at times, her hair to one side so I could see her neck, and she also played with her hair when talking to me. (Again, you should have suggested she kiss you.) She suggested her and her friend stay on the roof and sleep there that night. I said I always wanted to do that! (That was weak dude.) She said, “Yeah, that would be cool! You can lay here, and she can lay there.”
The night ended, everyone left, and I said, “So am I invited?” She said awkwardly, erm erm is Bob… then her friend said, NO! My ex then got up and sat very far away from me next to her friend with her legs crossed, arms folded in a very pissed off mood, not looking at me. It was horrible dude! (You asked for it. You have nobody to blame but yourself. When a woman starts touching you, it’s an invitation to touch her back.) We cleared the food, gave each other a shitty hug, and I thought, what does this mean? Did I fuck it right up? (You gave her a hug. That communicates, “I’m okay with being your gay male girlfriend that lives next door.”)
She led me on, and I feel manipulated and embarrassed right now. (That’s what happens when you make the woman a man.) I think by even going to sit with her I seemed week and needy, because I was originally on a date! It’s driving me crazy dude! Hot, hot and stone cold!! (It’s your fault, because you didn’t go for the kiss when the opportunity was there. It made you look like the same needy guy that over pursued and that she blew off when she dumped you.) I know she knows I have been upset about the breakup. Her friends told me she found it hard to do it. They all think it’s a shame and want to see it work. (Stop talking to your friends about how torn up inside you are about not being over her. If anything, tell them about the hot dates you’ve been going on.) I am dating 4 other women and practicing what you teach. I will not contact her as normal and just walk away like I keep doing. Thank you for your help Corey. (I wouldn’t do anything. Never call her again. You want your actions to communicate you’re moving on. If she reaches out to you, make a date. Be a man, go for it and seduce her. Hang out, have fun and hook up at your place. You’re job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen.)
My response to him:
You should not have asked for permission like a little boy waiting for instructions from his mommy on what he should do about sleeping on the rooftop together with her friend. You should have simply left and said, “call me later.” If she reaches out to you after that, make a date at your place to make dinner together. Hang out, have fun and hook up like I talk about in my book. You seem to be dithering and hesitating too much and going out of your way to be around her, instead of leaving her wondering. The purpose of seduction is to isolate a woman so you are alone with her and not in a group of cockblockers. You act too indifferent and like you don’t care, then you hang around too long like a creep and never make a move. When you act like an alpha male she responds positively, but when you act like an approval seeking beta male, you screw things up. Your date probably left because she felt uncomfortable. It sounds like you may have cockblocked yourself with her also by dragging her next door to the ex you are obsessing over. Women are not stupid and can sense these things. Stop talking to all your mutual friends about how broken up you are over getting dumped. They are only making you look even more weak and pathetic to her. Only talk to your mutual friends about how good things are going and how great the new women you are dating are. If she reaches out to you in the future, you should assume she wants to see you and make a date. Hang out, have fun and hook up like I talk about in my book. Use my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” as a guide on how to interact with her going forward if you ever hear from her again.
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“When a man gets friend-zoned by a woman, but he still wants sex and romance, he must immediately and consistently stand up for himself and be congruent with what he wants. That means he should no longer contact her or agree to be her handyman when she needs help. Many women will friend-zone a guy while they date other men, in order to have a backup plan in case things don’t work out with the other guy. Women will often try many different, alternative, direct and indirect approaches to get a guy to agree to remain in friends-zone. The only way a guy who has been friend-zoned can get another chance at romance is to not interact with her in any way that is not romantic and to deny any and all invitations that are platonic in nature.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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