My Fiancée Moved Out, But Wants To Continue Dating. What Now?

What it means and what you should do if your girl moves out but wants to continue dating.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose fiancée just moved out after they had been arguing and not getting along for an extended period of time. She asked to talk after and said she wanted to continue dating and stay together, but each have their own spaces. He’s not sure of what to do and how to handle things going forward and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s members only newsletter is, “My Fiancée Moved Out But Wants To Continue Dating. What Now?”

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He was living with his fiancée and she just moved out. He said they’ve been arguing a lot, not getting along for an extended period of time. And then so she came over looking really good, by the way. She’s all dressed up, looking hot. And dressed the way he likes to see her to pick up the last of her stuff. And she’s like, “can we talk?”

And so she basically said that, “she wanted to continue dating. She didn’t want to break up. She just wanted to continue dating while each having their own separate spaces.” So now he’s like, “what do I do now?” Because they’re not broken up, but obviously, he’s brand new to my work it seems like. So he’s trying to figure out what to do. And obviously, for those of you that are familiar with 3% Man, know that men who understand women don’t argue with them.

Because typically what’s happening when a guy is trying to argue with his girl, is women are coming from a place of their emotions and their feelings, and they often speak in hyperbole. That’s why they’ll say things like, we never go anywhere and we never do anything. Even though you may have gone out on a nice trip two weeks ago and spent a bunch of money on her. And the guys get upset because they feel like, “Hey, I did all this for you a couple weeks ago and spent all this money and made all these arrangements, and then two weeks later, you say we never do anything.”

And so they’re taking what a woman says literally instead of understanding all she’s basically saying and womanesse, if you will, is, “Hey, we haven’t been on a date in a couple of weeks, take me out on a date and romance me.” And the guys go, “Why don’t you say that?” Because they don’t think that way. They come from their emotions and their feelings. So it’s important to understand what a woman is trying to communicate.

And another thing that guys often do is when a woman comes home and starts talking about their problems or an issue with somebody from work or whatever it happens to be, they start trying to give her solutions and solve her problems. And in reality, all she wants you to do is listen. So I did a Video many years ago called, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively” and especially if you’re one of those guys that tends to do that, tends to constantly give her advice and solutions every time she brings up an issue or a problem.

Because women solve their problems by talking and working through them. So your job is to facilitate her talking about them. Because they don’t solve their problems the same way we do. And if you feel inclined to give her advice, but you’re not sure if she wants your advice or she just wants you to listen, you should ask her that. It’s like, “Do you want my advice and opinion? Or do you just want me to listen?” And she’ll just say, “Oh, I just want you to listen.” And then you understand that she just wants you to facilitate her talking, you to be present, and to listen.

Again, I would encourage you to watch the video. It’s also referenced in The Book “How To Communicate With Women Effectively.” To understand this a little bit better. I’m not going to go into it in depth here because again, you got The Book and you got that particular video and does a really good job of focusing on what’s important if you’re having those kinds of issues. And so the other thing is to not take all this stuff personally. If she says, “You never take me anywhere or we never do anything, all we do is stay home.” Again, they’re speaking hyperbole.

What they’re trying to communicate is they feel like you’re never going to do anything with them. They feel like you don’t care as much as you used to. And guys, again, are like, “Hey, why didn’t she just say that?” It’s because they don’t think that way. You got to understand how they communicate and where they’re coming from. And if you do, and you understand that, then everything they say makes total sense. And then it becomes pretty easy and fun to give them what they want.

But to argue, you typically get that “You’re not listening to me.” You’re like, “What are you talking about? I’m right here.” “You’re not listening.” So you’ll get that a lot if you’re trying to give advice when she just wants you to listen. So it’s important to ask and not assume, because nine times out of ten, as men, when we assume we understand where she’s coming from or what she needs, we’re usually wrong. That’s why you should ask. Got to communicate effectively.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I’ve been trying to find the answer in the book (I’ve been through it a few times now) and even in some of your videos but I can’t find it anywhere. Maybe you can help those of us in similar situations?

My fiancée and I have been arguing a lot lately, life stresses and what not. Well, it came to a head last week and she said she didn’t want to be with me anymore and moved out. I said that’s fine, I don’t agree with your decision but I’m not going to stop you. This is your concept of “you’ll be back” I’m assuming.

Well, the reason she’s leaving is because she doesn’t feel heard and understood. And plus, you guys aren’t getting along. Women want to be in a love story. And if you’re always arguing and not getting along, and then you don’t understand women, you don’t understand where they’re coming from and you’re not communicating effectively. And the more you argue with her and try to win your point, instead of trying to understand where she’s coming from, the more she’s going to feel like you don’t care or that you don’t get it.

And like in this case, her moving out to get her own place is kind of like the first step to breaking things off. Because she thinks, “Hey, if we just get our own places, we won’t argue so much. We won’t be all up in each other’s shit, and things will be better that way.” Because she’s not ready just to toss you out and say, “have a nice life.” Because you are engaged. But you shouldn’t be arguing with her constantly because that’s right out of The Book.

A few days later as she’s clearing out the last of her stuff, she asked if we could sit down and talk. I said sure, and I let her speak and I listened. Her complaints basically came straight out of your book, I accepted my medicine so to speak. She is not innocent in this, but I recognized that I had a big hand in it. She said she loved me and she was wondering (“I’m sure you’ll say no but…”) if we could take a step back and just go back to dating one another from our own respective spaces and stay loyal.

I told her, “we’ll see how it goes” because I don’t know where to go from here. She did end up spending the night though, in case you were wondering. The moving out was abrupt to me but when listening to her, didn’t seem so abrupt to her.

Yeah, because she’d probably been complaining about the same things for a long time. And what most guys say, especially when I’m doing phone sessions with guys that are in these situations, Is they go, “I didn’t think she was serious. I didn’t think she meant that.” Because you’ll hear those things and they’ll think, “Oh, she’s just overreacting like normal. She’s being a little dramatic.”

And then it just happens over and over. And you have the same argument over and over, and eventually the woman gets to the point where she feels like it’s never going to get resolved, and you’re not listening, you’re not hearing her.

And especially whatever that he didn’t go into detail with their actual bad friction was. But the bottom line is that she moved out. And again, if you’re arguing, the woman’s not going to feel heard and understood because you’re trying to win the argument and one up her. And even if you win, you lose, she still feels like, “He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand where I’m coming from, and he doesn’t really care to listen.”

And if you noticed when she asked if they could talk, he actually sat there and just listened and took his medicine, so to speak, even though there was probably a lot of unpleasant things he heard that he didn’t like, he took it like a man and recognize that he needed to do better. And so she feel heard and understood. And so what happened? The legs opened and they hooked up.

The moving out was abrupt to me but when listening to her, didn’t seem so abrupt to her. The question is, what do I do if I want to make this work out?

Well, she moved out, so she’s taking a step back because she’s recognized that you guys are not cohabitating properly. And so her mind, she thinks if she moves out and has space that she’s hoping that you guys will get along better. And so she doesn’t feel safe and comfortable living with you. And so she’s moved out. There’s nothing you can do. You’re not going to beg and you’re not going to plead. And as The Book says, your job is just to create the next opportunity for sex to happen.

Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out and hook up. She came over to do something that really should have been really unpleasant. It’s could seem like the end of the relationship, right? Take the last of her stuff, and instead they end up hooking up and she stays the night. So we know you want to make it work out. You told her, but you’re not going to force her to stay. And so, since she’s the one leaving, since she’s the one packing her stuff and going, but she wants to stay together, then wait to hear from her.

When you do hear from her, assume she wants to see you and just make the next date. And that will happen. If you start communicating effectively and you start opening her up and you make her feel heard and understood, you continue to date and court her properly. You stop arguing with her. Men who understand women, don’t argue with them. Simple as that.

And if you’re continually arguing with her, eventually she’s going to leave you permanently. So you have to stop that shit. You have to fix your issue and your communication so she feels heard and understood. Because when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs will open. And when she doesn’t, the legs are going to close. That’s just a fact of life.

She wanted to leave and change the status of our relationship so to that you say “call me when you change your mind”, yet she now says she doesn’t want to lose me and hopes we can “be loyal to each other and love one another and see where this goes in a more slower pace”. So, is that now considered reaching out? Do you start applying the 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back?

Yep.

She moved out, but reached out almost immediately, where do you go from there?

Thanks Coach. 

Bob

You just set the next opportunity for sex to happen. That’s it. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. You got to stop trying to, “I got to lock her down. I got to get her back. I got to get her to move in with me.” No you don’t. You got to clean up your shitty game. You got to clean up your shitty, incompetent communication. That’s what you got to do. Brutally. Bluntly. Honest like that. And so she’s moving out because she wants space. Because you gotta remember, whatever you make a woman feel when she’s with you is what she’s going to associate with being with you.

So if you guys are arguing all the time, as he said, life stresses and whatnot, you can’t be doing that. You went from hanging out, having fun and hooking up together to hanging out, arguing and probably not hooking up as much. And then all you did, even when she’s moving out, is you just sat there and you listened and you took your medicine, and she felt heard and understood. And so what happened? She stayed the night and fucked your brains out. And she wants to stay together because she sees that there’s hope. But in her mind, she thinks they’ll be less bad friction if we don’t live together.

But what will start happening? She has her own place. You wait to hear from her. And I would say for at least the first three dates, this should count as one. Because she did come over. Even though she was leaving. She came over. She stayed the night. You hooked up and then she left to go back to her place the next day. Your attitude should just be, “Hey, call me later.” And then when you do hear from her next, she’s not going to ask you out. She’s just going to check in and see how you are or say “hey” or whatever. Just say, “I want to see you. What’s your schedule like?”

And then make a date at your place. She’s got to come over the next two times, and as long as you hook up both times, then you can meet her out and pick her up and go out on dates. But you got to let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. Because she unilaterally ended things. She unilaterally moved out. But she still wants to stay loyal to each other because, again, in her mind, she thinks this will help fix things if you’re no longer living under the same roof. She thinks you’ll just argue less. And which will happen. You will argue less if you stop arguing with her, and she’ll think that the moving out was the right thing.

But as her emotions and her feelings start to slowly come back over the next several weeks and In months. What’ll happen? She’ll end up staying the night all the time and then practically be living with you again. So you’re not technically broken up. But if you keep arguing with her, especially if you start pursuing and chasing after her. Eventually you’ll push her away and she’ll end things and then just start dating somebody else. So you have to let her come to you.

She was the one that decided to leave. Therefore, it’s got to be her decision to come back. And you do that by just letting her be. Wait to hear from her. Make the next date again. She already came over once and you hooked up. So the next two times she’s got to come over to you again. So the only date you’re going to plan for the next two dates is going to be dinner at your place, or were you both used to live obviously together. So invite her over.

And again, if she’s like, “Well, let’s meet out or let’s do this”, just say “no. It’s been a long week. I’m just going to hang at my place. If you don’t want to come over and give me a call, you know, later on, and we’ll go out later in the week or whatever.” But you want her to come to you. You want her to do things on your terms and just be following 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Because again, she unilaterally ended it. Therefore, she’s got to fix it.

That’s why you let her do all the calling, texting and pursuing. Because that way she comes back at her pace. And what will end up happening is in a few weeks or a month or so, she’ll pretty much be at your house all the time anyways, and kind of be living there. At some point she’ll move back in. You don’t need to ask her to. You don’t need to beg her to. The bottom line is you’re still together and you’re still getting laid. You just don’t cohabitate.

But she can stay the night, so enjoy it. Take advantage of it. But you gotta clean up your game. And you can’t be arguing with a woman. You can’t let your life stresses get to the point where you’re taking it out on your girl. It’s just not a good way to go. Because again, whatever you make a woman feel when she’s with you is what she’s going to associate with being with you. And so in this case, every time she was with you, you guys were just arguing.

So she thought, “Hey, if I don’t live here and we have some space and we won’t argue as much. And we’ll get along better and things will work out.” Because again, they’re engaged to get married. So at some point things are good enough to where they wanted to get married and now she’s moved out. So it’s not the end of the world, but you need to clean up your sloppy, shitty game. You got to clean up your communication. You did a good job when she came over.

Because that’s a contentious thing. If she’s coming over to get the last of her stuff and you’re automatically thinking, man, this is the end, because my girl’s gone. And instead she wanted to talk and you kept your mouth shut and you totally listened to her. She felt heard and understood. She felt like you had a meeting of the minds. And then you had a meeting of the bodies. And then she stayed the night, which is what you wanted. And then she went home and you got some peace.

You can hang out with your buddies a little bit more. Go see your mom, go see your dad. Any old friendships or relationships that you kind of let go by the wayside. You need to get re-involved and reconnected to those people. Any hobbies interests that you stop doing to spend more time with her. You need to reconnect to those as well. Become the guy that she fell in love with. Get back in the gym. Do all the things that are in The Book.

Become the well-rounded guy and stop arguing with her. Never, ever, ever argue again with a woman. You’ve got to get to a point where if she’s upset, you get her to talk about it and open her up and find out where she’s coming from. And then sometimes she just is going to want you to listen and vent about other shit going on in her life. And then other times she’s going to want your opinion and your advice. And if you’re not sure which one she wants, you got to ask her. Don’t assume because you’re probably wrong.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.