My Girlfriend Allowed Her Gym Friend To Keep His Hand On Her Thigh

What it means when your girl allows another man to keep his hand on her thigh.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer in his 40’s whose girlfriend of 10 years has changed significantly since she got involved in cross-fit. She has made new friends from her classes and has a history of staying out late and other inappropriate behavior. She gets very defensive and protective of this group of people. Recently when hanging out with her group of gym friends she allowed another guy to put and keep his hand on her thigh in front of him. He later confronted her about it and she tried to justify it and claims he doesn’t need to worry about the other guy. He’s ready to pull the plug on their relationship and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “My Girlfriend Allowed Her Gym Friend To Keep His Hand On Her Thigh.”

And she was wearing shorts. So it was skin on skin contact. So this particular email is from a viewer who was with his girlfriend for ten years. He’s in his 40s now. And he says she changed drastically since she got involved in CrossFit. She developed a whole new group of friends and they’ve basically become part of her new social life. And so they took, I don’t know, I think he said, an eight or nine months of a break in the ten years they’ve been together.

That may have been a recent thing in the past year or so. But her behavior is clearly changed. She’s got new people, new friends in her life, new influences, and she wants to hang out with these friends. And it’s pretty clear she’s kind of pedestalize these friends she’s made from the gym, and is treating her boyfriend like he’s a second class citizen and she doesn’t respect him. And so this is not a good situation that you want to be in as a guy. I mean, can you imagine?

So this is like you’re hanging out and she’s kind of ignoring this guy and mostly giving her attention to other people in the group. And then one of these dudes just sits, she introduces him to this guy and says, “Oh, this is my boyfriend Bob.” And they meet. And a little while later, when she’s talking, the guy sits down next to her and puts his hand on her thigh and thinks that’s okay. That’s partly his way of giving the hairy middle finger to her boyfriend and disrespecting him.

Probably because, quite frankly, it looks like he’s done that in the past and he’s comfortable having his hands all over your girlfriend, probably because he’s been doing the horizontal bop with her. That’s the only thing that seems to make sense. If you’re with a girl for ten years and she lets other men touch her in a way, in that kind of way, that’s totally inappropriate.

I mean, just imagine you’re hanging out with your best friend and his wife, and you’re sitting down and you just decide to take your hand and put it on the inside of her thigh and her bare leg. It’s like, your best friend is probably going to punch you in the mouth if you do something like that. So that’s just not, that’s totally inappropriate.

And the fact that she lets this guy do it, and then Bob here brings it up later and she’s like, “oh, well, you should have done something about it. You should have told him it was inappropriate.” It’s like, you gave the dude the green light to do that. And so when this guy’s not around, it’s pretty clear how she acts around her gym friends, which is like, she’s single.

And so it’s almost like she’s trying to humiliate this guy in front of her group because she’s already mentally checked out. If a woman is willing to treat you like this, it’s like, she can go on down the road. No man needs that. So, oh, and by the way, she’s like, “oh, you don’t need to worry about that guy. He’s just a friend from the gym.”

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

My name is Bob, and I would love your input on this. I actually discovered a forum site, and yourself while trying to seek advice. I would love and appreciate it if you found the time to give me advice on this. My girlfriend and I (both now in our 40s) have been dating/together about 10 years, with about an eight to 10 month break.

Shortly after covid, when places started opening back up, we split up due her life dynamically changing after getting involved with CrossFit. We both used to do traditional bodybuilding workouts, now just me as she moved on to CrossFit.

So are you together as a family and a team or are you kind of living separate lives? So she’s going off and getting influenced by other men. And I mean, she’s basically creating an alternate life and lifestyle with a different group of people. Women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, they voted for you.

If she no longer wants to work out and body build with you, well, there’s a lack of closeness and intimacy there. That tells me just, you’re not special, you’re not important. You’re not her man. You’re not her rock. You’re not her mountain. You’re not the center of her life. You’re just a glorified fuck buddy if she’s treating you this way.

She would stay out late during the week after her classes, she would then start going out with them on the weekends. When she was home, her face was buried in her phone in their group chat. It just escalated from there and I was left alone. So, we broke up and I moved out and have been renting a place since.

Well, I hope you didn’t move out of your own house and let her stay there. Unless maybe you own it together, I don’t know. But if she’s going to do those things, she can be the one to leave, especially if you’re paying the majority of it.

During that breakup, we have tried to work things out.

Well, I hope you didn’t move out of your own house and let her stay there. Unless maybe you own it together, I don’t know. But if she’s going to do those things, she can be the one to leave, especially if you’re paying the majority of it.

But they always fell short so we would go back to our own separate ways, that only last a month or two before trying again.

And I’m assuming he’s probably new to my work, and he was the one trying to get her to try again. And it’s pretty clear from the way she’s treated him and the way she behaved, she had kind of moved on. And she was humoring him. He’s kind of like been a backup, and the way she behaves with her group of friends, as I get further in the email, it’s pretty clear he’s not important to her.

She doesn’t treat him like a boyfriend. She doesn’t treat him like a man she respects. She treats him like a man she has no respect for. And the fact that she thinks she doesn’t really think it’s okay, she’s doing it and trolling this guy and expecting him to be okay with another man, putting his hand on her inner thigh, and touching her in ways that only a boyfriend or a husband should be touching her.

But she’s given the guy the green light. And so when she’s staying out all night and hanging out with this new group of friends, she’s not committed to you anymore. She’s acting like somebody who’s single.

The last time we agreed to give it another try was about two years ago, maybe a little less. But everything seemed to be working, until last weekend.

Well, if she’s been behaving this way the whole time, you’ve been living in an alternate reality. Because what’s happened is now you’re seeing what really goes on when you’re not around. She just doesn’t care to hide it anymore.

Ever since this “working it out” again, we mainly spend time on the weekends, so two days, sometimes three days a week at the most. We have done a few trips and vacations together.

Yeah, if you’re only seeing each other a couple times a week and you’ve been together ten years and she’s mostly out with other people, you’re just one of the guys she’s fucking basically.

So, she has been inviting me out with her group of friends she met from CrossFit since we have agreed in trying to make this work, I believe it’s been a total of five times. They only talk about a couple things, CrossFit and the dramas there. If they’re not talking about their workouts or “the workout of the day”, it’s about who’s hooking up with who and who has hooked up with who.

Which seems very common in CrossFit, as she would tell me stories when she got in with her group. So, these last two times I was out with them, this new guy showed up twice. The first time he showed up, she told me who he was. Said “Oh ‘his name’ is here”. Told me he usually does a different class then her during the week but on some weekends he’s in her class. Said he’s married with kids but thinks he’s unhappy in his marriage.

She doesn’t think he’s unhappy in his marriage. She knows he’s unhappy in his marriage. That’s why he’s not hanging out with his wife. He’s hanging out with other people trying to get a little side action.

I just said, “Oh ok”, really didn’t pay any attention to it. He came over to our table and she said hey ‘his name’, this is my boyfriend. He sat at the other table, and everything continued on. Again, all the conversations were about CrossFit and hooking up/infidelity going on at their gym.

So if your girl is hanging out with a bunch of people that are talking about lying and cheating and are lying and cheating on their significant others, then you have to assume if this is her peer group, if this is the people she spends most of her free time with, well, she’s one of the people that’s not being loyal and faithful.

Because you are who you associate with. If you lie down with dogs, you’re gonna get fleas. So in this particular case, she’s hanging out with a bunch of people that are lying and cheating on their partners, significant others, because she’s doing that. Obviously.

We moved outside to some picnic tables, I sit at the one in the back. My GF is standing between the two so she can talk to her group. She eventually sits down at my table, but across from me with her back facing me.

So can you imagine you’re sitting at a table? Imagine this is the table in the front. There are chairs here. There are chairs here. And on the other side is the table with all of her CrossFit friends. And so instead of her sitting next to her man, she sits on the other side of the table with her back to her man.

You know, if it was me, I probably would have just picked up my shit and just hopped in my car and drove home and left the bitch there. Because at that point, you know, she’s disrespecting you in front of everybody. She’s showing everybody from CrossFit what she really thinks of her boyfriend, and that’s it.

“He’s a bitch and he’s not important. Oh, this is my fuck buddy Bob behind me. But he’s not that important. You don’t have to worry about him. Even though we’re together. We’re not really together.” That’s how she’s acting.

This guy comes and sits next to her and lays his arms on the table, so his right arm is laying behind her.

 So you can imagine this guy’s, like, kind of laying there with his arm around your girl. I would have been like, hey, dude, that’s my girlfriend. I’d appreciate it if you’d go sit somewhere else and put your arm around somebody else. That’s not okay.

And if she gives you a hard time about that, I would have been like, “well, you have a choice. If you’re okay with that, then I’m going to leave and you can have him and he can have you and all your shit’s going to be packed up and waiting for you, and then you can do whatever you want.” I mean, at this point, it’s like this relationship.

Elvis left the building a long time ago. Now she’s just humiliating this poor guy in front of everybody, probably with the guy that she’s actually probably had sex with before. And she’s probably said, “oh, my boyfriend, we’re not really together. He’s really not that important.” So he does this because he can.

No big deal, I didn’t think anything of it. After a while he puts his hand on her thigh and starts talking to her, I don’t know about what. I didn’t ask, she didn’t tell but he had his hand on her thigh for a while during their conversation. She’s wearing shorts so it’s skin on skin. We left and I didn’t mention anything about it.

Yeah, again, I would have said something, but I mean, at that point, it’s, you know, she’s been abusing him like that for a long time. This is not like a first time thing here.

Last weekend, we all met up again. He also shows up, comes up and says hi then sits at a different table. Again, everybody is having the same conversations. The night was ending, and we were getting ready to leave. He walked up to her to give her a hug goodbye, hands on her hips/waist but when they finished their hug, he kept one hand on her hip while talking to her. About what, I don’t know but now I really don’t like what I’ve been seeing.

Yeah, it’s not appropriate. And she’s giving the guy the green light, probably because he’s been touching her like that, and now probably giving her the meat missile when you’re not around.

So, on our way back to her house, she mentions how she had a good time. I told her how I felt about their conversations, how it feels like I’m back in high school with all the drama and hooking up talk. She didn’t like that and said well these are my friends, and they bring me happiness. After that it was a silent drive and when we got to her house, I just went home.

We had a talk the next day and I told her one thing I did not appreciate is that guy having his hands on you, and it made me feel disrespected and boundaries were crossed. She told me not to worry about him, she did no wrong and she can handle herself. She said those were his actions and not hers. I said correct, you can’t control his actions, but you can control the outcome.

I would have said, “Well you allowed it to continue. You should have said, ‘my boyfriend’s back there. Don’t fucking touch me like that. Get your hand off my knee.’ That’s what a lady would have done. She would have taken his hand and put it over. Bob, you had too much to drink. Get your hands off me.”

But she let him keep his hand there. And then on top of that, when you call her out on it, she tries to turn around like can’t. “You’re being unreasonable. I can handle myself.” I was like, obviously, she’s probably getting a train ran on her at the gym or after the gym with these people.

She then informs me that he once was “aggressive” to her early on.

So, in other words, “oh, we’ve already had sex.” That’s probably what she really means.

But she has put an end to that and has purposely distanced herself from him.

Oh yeah, she really sounds like she distanced herself, letting him put his hand on her thigh. But I mean, this guy is just sitting there observing this behavior, and you can sit there and watch this and go, man, I can only imagine what goes on when I’m not around. Brutal.

She asked what she could have done to make that situation better for me, I said, simply move his hand. She said, I should have done that if I didn’t like it.

I was like, no, because a lady wouldn’t do that. A whore is going to let another man touch her like that in front of her boyfriend. So it’s pretty clear loyalty really doesn’t mean anything to you. You want the other guy to think it’s okay to touch you like that. And you were rubbing it in my face, trying to see if I get jealous or upset at it.

And I look at that and go, well, you’re clearly disloyal. You are broadcasting to everybody in your group that I don’t mean anything. Our ten years together doesn’t mean shit. So in that case, pack your shit and get out of my life and don’t call me anymore.

She said, I should have done that if I didn’t like it. Which I do not agree with. Because what happens when I’m not there?

Yeah. She is inviting attention from other men right in front of you. That’s how much she disrespects you.

She feels there’s nothing wrong with another guy having his hand on her thigh or on her hip.

I said, well, that’s where we’re different. Obviously, our values are totally in conflict, so you can have any man touch you on your inner thigh or your hips, and you can do whatever you want. You can have them jizz all over your face. I don’t care because you’re no longer my girlfriend.

Said if another guy tries to feel her “intimate” parts, stomach, butt, chest etc. that’s when she would put a stop to it. She finds it unmanageable and unreasonable to be constantly worried about what social interaction may be viewed as too flirtatious or crossing my boundaries.

If she says something like that, it’s like, “you just, you don’t care about our relationship. You are making excuses for it. So I understand where you’re coming from and we’re just we’re not right for each other. It’s time to go our separate ways.”

She said just because I find those areas to be intimate areas doesn’t mean she feels that way.

It’s like, yeah, I don’t want to be in a relationship and commit myself to a girlfriend who thinks it’s okay to let other men come and put their hands on their inner thigh, on their bare skin. If you think that’s okay, that’s fine. But I’m not going to be your boyfriend anymore. And I don’t want to hear from you anymore. You can go fuck everybody in your CrossFit gym. I don’t care. It’s none of my business anymore. You’re just not my girl. Lose my number. Have a nice fucking life.

I ended the conversation with thanks for showing me his actions mean more than my feelings and that I am not interested in sharing with I value to be intimate, sensual and deserving with other guys. I feel so drained over this, questioning myself. Questions like, is it me?

Am I being the unreasonable one?

Is it me that is making nothing out of something?

It’s totally inappropriate and she’s punking you. And the reason she’s doing it is because she thinks you’re a bitch.

It’s been two days of telling her my feelings about this and her saying “Well I don’t feel that way, what about my feelings”. I think this is pretty much over, run its course.

Yeah, it ended a long time ago.

Her and I are not seeing eye to eye on this, and the only solution is for me to accept other guys touching her like that, because her feelings. I just can’t understand why she is neglecting my feelings in this. 

Bob

Because she don’t give a fuck about you. That’s why she does it, because she doesn’t care. And the right thing to do is, like you already know, it’s just time to leave and you’re not going to fix that. After ten years together. She does this. It’s like it didn’t work after the first time you tried to get back together. And for her to do this and expect you to put up with it again, she does it because she thinks you’re a bitch and you’ll just put up with it.

And that’s why now she does things like this where she gets around other men that she works out with, and in more ways than one, doing the Indoor Olympics. As well as rub it in your face and expects you to be okay with it. And tells you, you’re being unreasonable for bringing it up. No, I want a woman that’s loyal to me. I don’t want a fucking town whore. I don’t want to be with a moped or the town bicycle. I want a woman that values what we have and is not going to let any man touch her in any way like that.

If you think it’s okay, it’s like, well, our values obviously are not a match. And so you should go be with him or whoever the fuck else you want, because you’re single and I’m single and we’re not getting back together. I don’t want to date you. I don’t want to sleep with you. I don’t want to come anywhere near you. I assume you’ve already been fucking other guys, and cheating on me. So have a nice life. There’s nothing to fix there, dude. Because if you stay, all you’re doing is inviting her to rub it in your face more.

So what you need to do is you need to be dating women that are 10 or 15 years younger than you anyways. You should be reading 3% Man and get out there and rock out with your cock out, and find a woman who shares the same goals and values. And when you’re with your girlfriend and she has a new group of friends, especially starts hanging out with friends that are disloyal to their partners, and there’s lying and cheating going on. Again, you are who you associate with.

And so if your girlfriend or your wife is associated with people of low character who lie and cheat on their significant others, well, that’s who she is. And if you put up with it, if they will not respect your boundaries, there’s nothing. You can’t fix it. She’s just basically saying she doesn’t want to live this way. She doesn’t want to live according to that value system.

She wants to be the town bicycle. So let her be the town bicycle. Plus, I mean, you should be again dating somebody ten, 15 years younger than you. Anyways, instead of dating a chick in her 40s who thinks this is okay, letting other men who are known cheaters on their wives put their hands all over your girl. It’s like, no thanks, she’s out. There’s no fixing that, bro.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.