Why a breakup can sometimes lead to even better outcomes with the ladies.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend of five years because he became lazy and complacent. He found my work and listened to 3% Man, countless times. They had just bought a house together and were living together. Initially he won her back and things were better than ever. However, eventually they decided not to stay together.
He started dating other women, but she kept finding her way back into his bed. Things are better than ever between them, and she is now part of his rotation of lovely ladies. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
So this is an interesting email. This particular guy says he originally found my work after his girlfriend of five years dumped him because he became lazy, he became complacent. He said they started living together. They bought a house together, but just because he wasn’t focused on making her feel heard and understood and dating and courting her properly, eventually she lost attraction and ended things. However, he came across my work, read my book a bunch. Obviously he was pretty heartbroken about that, and so he was actually able to re-attract his girlfriend because they were living in the same house. After a period of time, he realized that they just really weren’t right for each other emotionally, so they decided to split up, but obviously they’re still living together.
So he’s dating women, I guess she’s dating other guys, he says. However, she continues to end up in his bed. Plus he’s got other girls. He’s like, “My situation is actually better than it was before.” It’s better. It’s as good as it’s ever been between him and her, and he’s basically got the permanent hall pass. What I love about these emails is people take my life’s work, things that I spent my whole entire life learning and put it into this book, and they’re able to read it like this guy read, I think he said he read it over like 10 times, because he had a long commute. So he’s always listening to the audio-book.
Just to see how the guys take the wisdom and the knowledge and apply it in their own lives and create the life and lifestyle that they want, that works for them, obviously a lot of people probably wouldn’t be interested in something like this, but. I mean, this guy’s got the best of both worlds, really. It’s an interesting and creative way that by just applying what’s in the book, he got offered things that were totally unexpected and life turned out even better than he thought it would be. So it thought it’d be a good email for us to go through today and point out what he did, because this is a good email to learn from. It’s like, “OK, how did how did this guy create his world and his little kingdom, his little spot of the globe where he lives?” So he can be the king of his castle. Literally.
I want to share with you my story after finding your work. I purchased the audio-book version of 3% Man about a year and half ago, and it was a complete life changer for me. At the time I had a pretty long commute to work everyday and listened to it over and over again until it stuck. I can’t even tell you how many times it was because I lost count after about the tenth time.
I can’t even tell you how many times it was because I lost count after the 10th time. Yeah, people that read the book 10-15 times or more always have the best success stories. This is a success story to this guy. He’s got the life and lifestyle that he wants. Somebody else is going to want something totally different, and that’s OK. It’s a good email that we can learn from. It’s like, what did he do? How did he create all this?
Anyways, I found your work originally because my girlfriend of five years at the time dumped me, and I was devastated. We just purchased a house at the time, I had plenty of money, meanwhile I was neglecting her and taking her for granted.
Well, women want to be in a love story. The Courtship Never Ends, which is a chapter in the book, and they want to feel heard and understood. When I talk to guys that are trying to put back their long-term relationship or their marriage of many decades, I hear the same thing over and over again. It’s always the same two things. She didn’t feel heard and understood and he stopped dating and courting her properly.
Same thing happened to Tom Brady. When you listen to what Gisele said after the breakup and and why they got divorced, he didn’t date and court her properly. He wasn’t present, as she said. He also obviously didn’t make her feel heard and understood because he just wasn’t around enough. He wasn’t present enough. Even when he was there, he was somewhere else. She didn’t feel heard. She didn’t feel understood. She didn’t really feel like he was there. He was always somewhere else. He learned the hard way, but it’s Tom Brady. He’s just going to date somebody younger and hotter. Like, go for him.
Big mistake. I found your work purchased the audio-book and realized everything I was doing wrong. I wasn’t truly listening to what she was trying to say…
Well, when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open. When she doesn’t, the legs close.
…Not making her feel loved, and stopped dating her.
Yep, because women know if you love them, if you care about them, you’ll always date and court them and make them feel special and romance them because that’s what women want. They want to be in a love story. Girls just want to have fun, like the Cyndi Lauper song from the 1980s.
Since both her and I still lived together due to buying a house I knew I had a greater chance of winning her back and being with her more than whatever guy she was trying to lineup as my replacement. I started making her feel validated, thanking her for cleaning up around the house while I was at work, making dinner, and generally all the small things she did for me to make my life easier.
You just acknowledged her and made her feel heard. Made her feel understood. He made her feel noticed because he noticed the things she was doing.
Feminine energy grows through praise, so he’s praising the things he likes about her and that she does for him. She was doing them before, but he just kind of took it for granted. The more he praises and the more he thanks her for these things, the more she does them. Whereas masculine energy grows through challenge.
That’s why when I’m doing these emails and a guy is acting like a bitch, I tend to roast them because I’m challenging his manhood. I’m challenging his masculinity. I’m challenging that little inner voice of him that says, “Coach, I can do it. Put me in, Coach. I’m ready to play today.”
Slowly but surely and to my surprise she warmed back up to me and it was just like old times. I was over the moon.
He started acting attractive and he started acting like the guy she fell in love with. So naturally, her feelings of attraction returned.
But it still wasn’t meant to last because even though everything was going great we still couldn’t satisfy each other’s emotional needs fully. We ended things in a kind and loving manner, and she even stayed in the house with me.
This is where it gets interesting.
We both started casually dating other people, and we are both free to see whoever we want whenever we want. But let me tell you brother, I HAVE IT MADE. We may not be emotionally romantic partners or even technically together anymore but guess who’s bed she still comes to when it’s play time?
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? “Coach, why haven’t you gotten married with one woman forever and ever?” Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, bro?
The reality is, most of the people that are trying to do that, statistically, they’re fat and fucking miserable. I wouldn’t want to try to be fat and miserable like most people that aren’t happy. I just like the late, great Steve McQueen said, “I live for myself and I answer to nobody.” I live the way I want to live, just like this guy lives the way he wants to live. For you, the one watching this video, you need to live the way you want to live, and it pleases you because you’re going to make yourself miserable if you’re trying to live your life according to other people’s expectations. That’s just a fact of life.
I don’t really expect her to anymore but she still does mostly all the same things she did when were together.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
So he has a totally non-attached attitude. You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. He got to a point in the relationship where he recognized this is not really what I want. She’s amazing. So he says, “Hey, let’s date other people.” He starts dating other people. She seems to be dating other people, and yet she still ends up in his bed. She’s one of the girls in his rotation. She’s one of the girls in his practice squad. No relationship, no commitment. Yet he’s got all the goodies that he had before. So he’s totally enhanced and improved his situation.
I feel like my only jobs at this point are to treat her like a kitty cat by letting her come to me whenever she wants attention and just hanging out, having fun, and hooking up.
That’s it. Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. That’s it.
Things with her have never been easier. We don’t argue as much anymore…
Well, you shouldn’t be arguing at all, my man. You got to work on that. Men who understand women do not argue with them. That’s assuming that they’re normal and healthy and not a mentally ill Froot Loop. That’s a different thing altogether. Then listen to this.
…We broke my bed frame a couple nights ago…
You animal! You beast! What are you doing to this poor girl? Do her parents know what you do to her in the bedroom?
…And go out once every couple weeks.
It almost feels like cheating having her and a couple other ladies I’m talking too. A good problem to have.
Thanks for everything,
I’m sure you’re really suffering through that. Remember, as the late, great Steve McQueen said, “I live for myself and I answer to nobody.” That’s the best way to live. No matter what you do, there’s people that are going to get upset about it and they’re going to get pissed off, and there will be other people that are going to be indifferent and they don’t really care because quite frankly, they got their own problems, and there will be a small group of people be like, “Man, you’re my fucking hero. I love the way you live. I wish I was you, I wish I could live like you. You got a charmed life.” When you’re in that place, it’s a pretty good place to be.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur