My Girlfriend Has A Celebrity Crush & It Annoys Me

Some things to consider if your girl has an obnoxious celebrity crush that annoys you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer in Europe who’s dating his girlfriend for two years. She has a celebrity crush that’s annoying him lately. She’s had it since they first met, but it seemed to dissipate the longer they were together. Recently, she wore an old t-shirt with this guy’s face on it after they had an argument and it got on his nerves. She also was raised by a domineering masculine mom and a soft beta male father.

He’s getting upset because he notices her interest is dropping in him and growing towards the celebrity crush. He is considering breaking it off and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a young buck, I assume he’s college or just finished high school. I guess maybe because when you look at how his his girl is behaving, his girlfriend, I think he’s been together for about two years with her. Apparently when they met, she had a celebrity crush and I guess was some American actor. He didn’t say who, but it was kind of obnoxious. Usually younger girls kind of have this, especially when they’re teenagers, early 20s, and then they kind of grow out of that.

So they’ve been together for two years. What’s interesting is he kind of lost his shit and they had an argument. Then right after that, she puts this shirt on with this celebrity crush’s face on it. I think it was like a day or two after their argument. She hadn’t worn that shirt that her friends got her and probably since they first met. So he’s like, “She did that on purpose.”

When you lose your shit, it makes a woman feel unsafe. So what do they do? They’re going to back away and they’re going to test you more. Especially in this case, if she knew you were bothered or maybe jealous of or didn’t like her obnoxious celebrity crush and then she wears his t shirt, she is trolling you on purpose. The best thing to be is to be unbothered by that. As a matter of fact, you could tease her about it. The worst thing you can do is to get angry, upset, butt-hurt or mad about it, because the only reason she’s doing it is because she senses weakness in you, and she’s doing it to see if she can make you lose your shit because again, she doesn’t feel safe.

This is what women do. They test your strength all the time, so you can’t let something silly like a celebrity crush some dude that she’s never going to meet. I can understand your annoyed because probably what’s happened is you notice her attraction and her respect has dropped a little bit, especially because you’re getting upset and you can kind of feel her interest dropping and feel her slipping away a little bit. So you got to clean up your act and make sure your game is tight.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach,

I am writing this email to get your opinion on something that my girlfriend has done.

A little bit of context first:

We are in a relationship for a year and a half. Everything has been going great but lately I started to realize how toxic her family situation is and I’m starting to doubt if I want to continue this relationship.

Her family is pretty messed up. Her mom is very masculine and her dad is the worst beta-male I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s disgusting. They were never there for her and didn’t do anything to defend her (Stop some bullies at school, etc…). They didn’t do anything even after her cousin tried to abuse her when she was a little kid.

Mom and dad did not protect her. So I would say that more than likely she’s going to be insecure and not feel safe. That’s why your game has got to be tight. You have to be the rock and the mountain, and you can’t let a t-shirt of some celebrity crush cause you to lose your shit and get butt-hurt over that. It’s not going to help your situation.

When women are afraid, they don’t trust your masculine core or you displaying weakness, they’re going to test you even more. That’s just how they operate. They do it naturally, instinctively. They don’t even think about it.

Growing up, she had a lot of celebrity crushes, her biggest being this American actor. When we met I saw from Instagram that she had this crush over this European actor but the more we knew the more it went away.

Yeah, because her crush and her romantic attention and energy became all focused on you, as it should be.

She is a great girl and has done truly unbelievable work to heal from all of her traumas and wants to go see a therapist to heal completely. She wants nothing to do with her family in the future, but I think that some traumas are too rooted in her and it will be close to impossible to heal from them.

Well, I think this guy said he was 20, like early 20s, it’s like, you don’t know that. If she gets a good therapist that knows what they’re doing, they should be able to help her. If she doesn’t feel like she’s progressing with the therapist, getting better and overcoming whatever the ghosts of the past and the traumas are, then she should interview several of them and pick somebody she really likes. If she’s working with somebody, she doesn’t feel like she’s making any progress or getting help, then go to somebody else.

You got to make sure you’re making progress, because a lot of therapists, they care about you coming back over and over because they get residual income that way. Me, as a coach, I don’t sell coaching packages, I don’t give discounts. It’s like, “In case of emergency, break glass,” kind of coach. I teach self reliance. I want my clients to get to the point where they don’t need me anymore, because then they can do everything on their own, and then they can influence everybody in their part of the world, their friends, their family, their peer group, their corporations, their organizations, the people that they lead, those kinds of things, because the word lead means, “To go first.“

She is getting ready for her final exams and is really stressed due to the situation in her school. Before I was able to open her up properly, as you describe, and get almost everything out (I still have to get better at this), but now due to my realizations on her family and her behavior my level of attraction has been declining and she is starting to show some questionable behavior. It looks like her obsession about her American celebrity crush is slowly coming back, but not in a romantic way for what I see.

A few days ago she even wore a t-shirt with the image of the actor, and the caption: “‘Name of the actor’ is my sugar daddy.” This t-shirt was a birthday gift from her friends from before we knew each other, when she was obsessed with this actor. She has never worn this t-shirt since we started dating and I think that this is not a coincidence, considering that this happened two days after I lost my calm…

Remember, masculinity is calm, dude. If you lose your shit, she’s not going to trust you and she’s going to test you. I would say that’s exactly why, and your intuition was right, it’s not a coincidence that you put this shirt back on, because you probably said things when you started dating that communicated you felt a little insecure or butt-hurt over her celebrity crushes. It’s the same thing of her being jealous of an ex-boyfriend or a male co-worker or whatever. It’s just not attractive. It’s not going to help your case, to display weakness.

…And had an argue about a stupid problem she has and doesn’t do anything to solve.

Well, you’re not there to solve her problems. You’re there to listen and be a sounding board. If she wants your advice, then give it to her, but most of the time, women just want you to listen and be a good listener to support them.

It is tiring to hear always the same things for months.

I tried to maintain my composure and not get pissed off by her t-shirt and she justified wearing it…

So you obviously said something to her. The trolling worked and you were not calm. You lost your shit. Now you have multiple occasions of losing your shit on her, so she’ll probably wear the t-shirt again or do something else that she knows gets you upset and butt-hurt, because what she’s really looking for is you to have your composure, for you to be amused. He’s like, “Oh, you’re wearing that old thing again? Kind of smells. Maybe you should wash it.” Tease her. Make fun of it. “I thought that was a rag. I thought it was a rag you used to clean your car. It’d make a good one. Just turn it inside and out.”

…By saying that she had not ironed her other t-shirts but that sounds like a big BS to me considering she has never done it since we met for the first time.

How would you have handled the situation? How would have you reacted to such a t-shirt? 

Do you think that by continuing to work on herself she will get past all of these traumas?

Greetings,

Bob

I wouldn’t have reacted at all. You noticed that she was wearing it after you had an argument where you lost your cool. If you were a really good student, I think you need to get back into the book and read it again. How you should have reacted is maybe you would have teased her about it. I’d be like, “Oh, you wearing that old thing?” “I just don’t have anything to wear. Nothing’s iron.” I’d be like, “I thought it was a rag. I was actually going to use it to put some wax in my car, but OK, you’re wearing it, so I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t use it to wax my car.” That was how I probably would have handled it. I would have teased her about it and made a joke about it. “Let’s cut it up, make some rags out of it. It’d be more useful than that actor is.” Have some fun with it. That’s how you should have handled it. When you get butt-hurt, it shows you’re insecure and you’re worried.

If she thinks you’re insecure about other men, you’ve got things that are going on in the relationship. You didn’t really elaborate, but you’re getting upset about them. So you’re displaying a lot of weakness. I would imagine you’re not hanging out, having fun and hooking up like you were. You’re not being the same boyfriend that she fell in love with, so her attraction is probably dropping and so is her level of respect for you. If I were you, I’d get back to the fundamentals. Hang out, have fun and hook up. Don’t be getting butt-hurt. If she’s not going to fix these other things, again, I don’t really know what the issue was with it, but again, all you can really do is listen. Women don’t like unsolicited advice. When you start giving unsolicited advice to problems, I’d say probably sometimes you’re trying to solve her problem and give her advice, when all she really wants you to do is be there for her and listen to her. If you feel compelled to give her advice, you should stop yourself and go, “Do you want my opinion or my advice? Or do you just want me to listen?” And she’s like, “No, I just want you to listen.” OK, then just listen and you say, “Well, what are you going to do about it?”

Remember, the quality of your relationship is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions that you ask each other. So ask good quality questions. If she’s talking about whatever the issue is that she’s going to work on, and she never does it, I mean, I know how annoying it can get. I’ve got friends, one in particular, he’s not happy with his relationship and he hasn’t been happy for a long time. When we get together, he complains about the same things over and over. I love him to death, but I’m his good friend, I’m always going to listen and I’m always going to tell him the same thing, but yeah, sometimes it does get annoying because he talks about a problem that he has and yet he doesn’t do anything about it. So that can be annoying because she’s not advancing, she’s not growing. So you could mention that like, “Well, what do you think you should do about it?” And she probably knows what to do about it. Then you can say, “Well, if you know what to do about it, then why aren’t you implementing that solution? What would need to change in your life in order for you to take whatever the desired action is, or the necessary action that you said you need to take to solve this issue? Why don’t you do that?” Ask questions.

Remember, whoever is asking questions is the one leading the conversation. So instead of telling her, you can ask questions and help her arrive at the correct resolution. “What would it take? What would things have to change? Is there anything I can do to help you, or that you would want me to do, or that you would want me to do differently regarding this? Is there anything we can do together to help you resolve this?” Asking those kinds of questions, because what it looks like here is you’ve gotten a little off track, you said yourself that this girl has done a lot of work to help heal herself, but you didn’t really go into detail like what the friction was. So I can tell from the way you’re interacting with her and your mindset is, when people first get together, they always focus on things they love about the other person. Then when they break up, they’re always focused on the things they can’t stand. So that’s what I see here, is that you’re focused on things that you don’t like and you can’t stand about your girlfriend, whereas you should be focusing on things that you love about her and that you enjoy about her.

When you only focus on negative things, you’re not going to feel like taking her out, you’re not going to feel like taking care of yourself, you’re not going to feel like spending the time to open her up, you’re not going to feel like you want to spend as much time with her, you’re not going to be as considerate or as patient as you were, you’ll probably become more impatient, more irritable. Then every time she’s around you, it seems like you’re irritable and pissed off. She’s going to lose attraction. I can tell that’s what’s going on here, she’s starting to lose attraction and respect for you, especially now that she’s testing you, you’re kind of flailing around, losing your shit and getting butt-hurt over a fucking t-shirt. That sounds like a target rich environment for a lot of things that you can bust your balls with, like, “Oh man, I was about to tear that up as a bunch of rags and use it to wax my car.” Funny things like that, goofing around with her because that communicates that you’re not bothered or you’re not threatened, but that’s not how you handled it. You communicated that you got all butt-hurt over a fucking t-shirt, which she obviously wore because she was trolling you and you failed that test.

I think you should pull your head out of your ass a little bit and reexamine your reasoning and why and how you’re interacting with her, because now you’re focused on what seems like mostly negative things about your girlfriend. If you don’t change that, you’re going to continue to lower your interest in her and you’re definitely lowering her interest in you. Then it’s going to spiral out of control and then you’re going to have an avoidable breakup. Again, she may still be a mess because again, I don’t know enough of the details here and not a good person to date long term, but the fact that you’ve mostly gotten along and you admire how she’s healed and gotten over the traumas and bad things that happened in her childhood. So get back to the basics, get back to the fundamentals and the book, and instead of giving her unsolicited advice, ask good, high quality questions like I was saying earlier about whatever this issue is that she doesn’t do anything about that she probably just complains about over and over. That’s what I would do if I were you.

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