My Girlfriend Has A Sugar Daddy! Is She Redeemable?

What it means if you discover that your girlfriend has a sugar daddy she sleeps with for money.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who recently discovered that his gorgeous girlfriend of a year has a sugar daddy. He went through her phone one night recently and found out that she had been hanging out with this other guy for a large portion of their relationship, in return for her spending time with him and having sex.

She claims the sex stopped after they became exclusive, but she still spent time with this guy until recently. However, many of her texts had been deleted. He broke up with her because it violated too many of his boundaries, but he kind of wants her back and asks if she is redeemable. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This kind of thing has always been going on. With social media, when you look at it, it’s literally a multi-million dollar industry, the sugar dating industry. There’s a lot of girls that put themselves through college and they make a lot of money hooking up with dudes for cash instead of a relationship or anything serious.

If you’ve been on Hinge or even Bumble, some of the most common dating apps the last few years, you’ll notice that there’s a prevalence of women that are on there that will match with you and you think, “Hey, this conversation is moving along great. This girl is hot. She likes me. Cool.” Then come to find out, what she’s really hoping to do, because there’s so many desperate thirsty dudes on the dating apps, is that she tries to get you to pay her a couple of grand a week to come hang out, have fun, hook up and basically be a friend with sexual benefits. So it’s pretty common.

We hear about these things all the time. There’s plenty of podcasts out there that have lots of these girls on and almost 100% of the cases, there’s no dad. There wasn’t a tight family together. When you have women that are raised in a kind of like a survival type of mindset, they’re going to definitely be more inclined to do this.

I was hanging out with a high school buddy a couple of weeks ago, and I talked about this recently in a video newsletter, and we were talking about some of the girls that we grew up with and went to school with. There was one in particular that came from a very wealthy family, very powerful family, very successful, and the daughter was just absolutely smoking hot, just beautiful.

I didn’t know this at the time, but because she wasn’t there the whole four years that we were in high school, I think she dipped out after sophomore or junior. I can’t remember, but it was pretty common knowledge that she had like slept with half the football team of Saint Thomas and a lot of dudes that I went to Gibbons with. I was surprised, because she’s beautiful, she had this innocent look about her. Meanwhile, she was a total freak, yet she came from a very wealthy, very successful family. Her parents were wealthy. They did travel a lot. Maybe she was mostly raised by the nannies and the help and the parents weren’t around as much to influence her.

You would think that a girl that comes from that background with that kind of family is just going to be the perfect girl, and come to find out she’s just a nymphomaniac back in high school. She probably, by the time we graduated, had a body count of over 100, and there were several girls that were like that.

The conversations I was having with my buddy was that guys had common knowledge or once they found out this is what these girls were doing, like one week he’s out on a date and he finds out a week prior to him going out on a date, the girl that he had gone out with and hooked up with was hooking up with two of his guy friends. One of them was giving it to her doggy style while she was blowing the other friend.

Once he heard that and found out, he was like, “Well, that was great to hook up with her, but I’m definitely not interested in wifing her up or getting into a relationship.” We all love her and cool chick, but you know, she’s doing things like that. Then you’re finding out, because people were like, “You’re dating her. What?” So you get your balls broken by your other buddies. Then it’s like, “Hey, she’s kind of like the school bicycle.”

If you’re looking to be exclusive, if you’re looking to be monogamous, if you’re looking to get married and you’re crazy enough to involve the state in your relationship or maybe your religious whatever happens to be, bottom line is, if you’re looking for somebody to be exclusive and monogamous, you have to evaluate their character. This is part of the vetting process. Does she keep her word? Is she easygoing, easy to get along with? Does she communicate well? Is she loyal? Does she come from a background where the parents were loyal?

Like I said, the one girl was talking about came had every advantage. Beautiful, cool parents, wealthy parents, going to the best schools, driving brand new, beautiful cars, shopping at the nicest places, but yet she’s just totally getting run through. More than likely, her parents, I would assume, had no idea that there was going on. I didn’t even know it was going on at the time until my buddy was telling me I was like, “Her. Really? I had no idea.”

Then again, she wasn’t there the whole time. She was only there for a couple of years and then transferred somewhere else. Maybe that was one of the reasons, because that kind of got out what she was doing. Maybe her parents pulled her out of school, I don’t know.

Even somebody that supposedly comes from the perfect background can turn out the same way. There are plenty of women that come from broken families and backgrounds that choose not to be like they were in their family, so you have to take it on a case-by-case basis. You’ve got to evaluate somebody based upon their actions, because character is destiny. As Gerald Celente of the Trends Research Institute so brilliantly says, “Current events form future trends.”

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

Thanks for all you do. I could use some advice (probably a “come on, man”). I discovered your work a month ago when the wheels came off my relationship. I was with my gorgeous girlfriend for a year, but I started to notice things not really adding up with her finances.

In other words, he knows how much she makes, but man, she sure spends a lot of money on a lot of things.

Everything was great leading up until then. She was very loving and pursued me the entire time.

Looks can be deceiving.

I went through her phone one night and discovered that she had been hanging out, going to lunches and receiving money from a man for a large portion of our relationship. Many thousands of dollars. I confronted her and she confirmed this was true but said she had stopped sleeping with him when we became exclusive.

Keep in mind, she never told him about this guy. Even when they’re exclusive, he thinks his girlfriend’s totally dedicated herself to him. Meanwhile, she’s still hanging out with a guy she “used” to have sex with, but now it’s just casual lunches.

If you’re sitting there and going, “OK, so she continues to hang out with this guy. He continues to give her thousands of dollars in money, and he’s going to be cool with that when she cuts off the sex.” Yeah, that does not sound really believable.

The texts sort of backed that up. But the thought of them hanging out in her apartment alone during our relationship makes me extremely question this. Also, many texts were deleted.

She probably thought on some level, if she stayed with you long enough that eventually you would get access to her phone or see it, so she thought it would probably be a good idea to delete certain incriminating texts.

So is she willing to tell you what texts were deleted and why she deleted them? She’s probably got an excuse for that as well, but if you take a step back and you look at that and you go, “She carried this whole thing on. She deceived you. She lied to you.” She kind of came clean, but there’s a lot of missing data and information, so we’re just supposed to trust her? Well, character is destiny.

We know she deceived you on purpose. We know that when you guys were dating, she was still having sex with this guy. Even once you became exclusive, she spent a lot of time hanging out with him and he gave her thousands of thousands of dollars. Did he continue giving her thousands of dollars for blue balls in return? I don’t know if I believe that.

If I’m a betting man, I would not be willing to take that bet that she didn’t sleep with this guy. It’s possible, but is it likely? I mean, if it was totally innocent, then all the text would be there. There wouldn’t be a lot of deleted messages.

There’s only one reason to delete messages, and that’s if the messages make her look bad and make her look disloyal. You know, give the evidence that she was still sleeping with this guy, because if she’s going through deleting texts, she’s obviously thinking on some level, “Hey, if my boyfriend ever finds out and goes through my phone, let me clean this up because then I can kind of explain away most of it.” Obviously, what was deleted was probably pretty damning.

If she’s being deceptive about that, she was deceptive about keeping this from you. Supposedly you’re exclusive, yet she’s inviting this guy to come over and hang out at her apartment, and we’re supposed to believe that he continued to come over there and give her thousands of dollars and he’s going to be cool with not having sex anymore? I don’t believe it. I wouldn’t believe it, and obviously this guy didn’t either.

She is very apologetic and has showed me she cut off all contact with this guy. She’s also in therapy. I broke up with her anyway, it’s just all way too far past my boundaries. Problem is, I kind of want her back. Is she redeemable in any way?

Thanks for all you do,

Bob

Well, if we look at the evidence, if we look at deleted texts, if we look at the fact that she kept this relationship from you, if we look at the fact that she’s basically a hooker, that’s what it is. If you’re getting paid money to give out the pussy, you’re a hooker. Sorry. That’s a fact of life.

You can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about it. The bottom line is that she was doing inappropriate things and she was hiding it from you. She was deceiving you, and why is she deceiving you? Because it shows character flaws.

Yeah, she’s in therapy, but at the end of the day, she still did you dirty. If it was me, if I was in a situation and knowing women the way I know them because I’ve had an experience. I knew a girl that she had a boyfriend, and yet she had like three or four sugar daddies that she would go hang out with and send pictures to and stuff like that, but supposedly wasn’t having sex with these guys?

In my own personal experience, because of things this particular girl said to me, she made it pretty clear she was down to also hook up, even though she supposedly had a boyfriend, which she kind of kept on the down low. At the end of the day, she always claimed that the dude she was hanging out with, there was nothing going on physical. She would send them pictures, selfies and stuff like that and chat with them to kind of keep them company, and they would just continue sending her money. She’s like, “I would never sleep with any of these guys,” even though she hinted that she would be willing to do this with yours truly. I was like, “What?”

This particular girl came from a broken family as well. On top of that, no dad. She’s raised in survival mode. She could be sweet as pie and smile to your face. In reality, you find out all these other things are going on. Women are definitely capable of this. All you really have to go on in these kinds of situations is, how do they behave? What are their actions? “Current events form future trends.”

If they’re on sugar dating websites and they’re meeting guys for money, yet they say, “Oh, I’m not sleeping with any of these guys.” By the way, this girl’s boyfriend even knew that she had these sugar daddies, but it was one of those things, too. She always had nice clothes, got money from these dudes and she always had nicer things that she could afford, because I knew what she did for a living, her job and how much she made, so she lived way above her means.

If you ever saw when I did the interview with Anthony “Dream” Johnson, President of the Manosphere, he did a video, a whole long talk, I think it’s a couple hours long, called I Married The Woman From Hell. He married his first wife. Come to find out, he had no idea. They were having great sex, he thought she was loyal and faithful to him, then come to find out she had been cheating on him constantly with a bunch of other dudes because, again, she was living way above her means.

The way she was earning this money is even though the whole time they were dating, the whole time they were married, she was secretly meeting other guys to have sex with him for cash. I mean, you can go watch the video. It’s pretty eye opening.

Every guy should see that because again, character is destiny. When I look back at what I saw in high school and now with what the internet facilitates, when you got websites out there like the sugar dating websites, it just makes it much easier for women that are inclined to do this and always have been doing this to do it on a much bigger scale and a much more lucrative way instead of everything being hush hush.

Like the girl in high school. This girl is so beautiful, so hot, so nice, so sweet. Yet she was just like sleeping with everybody. I had no idea at the time because I only knew her for a short period of time because she ended up going to another school, but it’s like, “Damn.” Character is destiny, so you see these patterns in life.

What does the evidence show? Often times if it’s incriminating, you’ll see it. Like the girl that I know that claims she’s not sleeping with these guys that she’s hanging out with for money. Yet at the very same time, she’s offering to cheat on her boyfriend. She willing to cheat on her boyfriend and have sex, even though she’s on these other websites and says, “Oh, but I’m not sleeping with any of them.” The evidence there goes, “Yeah, you’re probably lying,” because this girl also had a pattern of lying a lot, getting caught in her lies and then telling more lies. Character is destiny.

If somebody’s a liar, as Maya Angelou said, “When somebody shows you or tells you who they are, believe them the first time.” That’s what I’ve seen. This guy is like, “I want her back, but is she redeemable?” If it was me? I mean, your first instinct was like, “I’m out. I’m out of here,” and you should trust that, because your intuition served you right. Your intuition is what caused you to go through her phone. The evidence that you saw backed up that your intuition was going, “Something’s wrong. Something’s off with this girl.”

This is why you don’t go and get married right away. You don’t move in right away. You don’t have kids right away. Sometimes you slip one past the goalie. It happens, but you’re going to put a ring on her finger. Especially if you live in a blue state, you’ve got to be careful. That’s why it’s always best to date for two or three years before.

If you’re one of those guys that wants to get married and involved the state, which I personally would not do, but if that’s what you want to do, then you got to vet women properly. When you see stuff like this, you connect the dots. If it looks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck, if it walks like a duck, it’s got to be a duck.

In this case, she belongs to the streets. I wouldn’t give her another chance, but it’s your life. The way I look at it is you made the right decision, but obviously you’re second guessing yourself. Typically, the only reason a guy is going to second guess himself after the breakup is because you haven’t found anybody else that’s as hot or as fun and that you connected as well with as this girl. That’s what keeps most people in unhappy, unfulfilling relationships, is you hope it’s going to change. In other words, he’s in love with the fantasy of who he wanted his girlfriend to be.

He found out the reality. Just like this girl I knew from high school or a couple of girls I knew from high school. The reality was completely different than what I had thought, so looks can definitely be deceiving. When you’ve been deceived on this level, it’s best to say, “Hey, it was a good learning experience. We had fun.”

Quite frankly, she needs to learn that she can’t behave this way and expect to keep a guy that is going to be loyal, faithful and monogamous to her. If she’s going to act like a hoe, she’s going to get treated like one. Therefore, she’s going to get discarded. She can choose to live that way.

In this world, especially with the internet and easy access to guys that are thirsty and have more money than common sense, it’s easier today to do this than it was when I was in high school or back in the day before the internet and all that stuff. This shit’s always been going on. It’s like a lot of the guys in the Red Pill community talking like this is a new thing with modern women. Now it’s just out in the open.

This is like what’s always been going on throughout all of human history. Men have kept mistresses. They’ve had women that they were sleeping with and hooking up with. They bought them an apartment. They bought them a car. They paid for all their clothes. When they got time away from their wives and their family, they would go over and give them the meat missile. This is not new stuff. This is not “Modern women.”

This is how women that have no integrity behave. These are the kind of girls you can have fun with, friends with benefits, fuck buddy, sex playmate, one night stands. These are not the women you take home to mom and you wife up. You just don’t. It’s harsh, but it’s the way it is.

There’s basically two types of women in society, and there’s always been two types of women in society. There’s the hook-up girls, the party girls, the girls that are fun to rock out with your cock out. Then there’s the other women that are family oriented that are the kind of women that you’d want to have children and raise a family with, because they have good character and they will be good mothers and good teammates to you.

You just have to see reality as it is. When you see evidence of all this ratchet-like behavior, you’re going to say, “Oh, I was in a relationship with a hookup girl, a party girl, but now I know what I’m really dealing with because the truth ultimately comes out because this is still part of the vetting process.”

This is why you date for two or three years. This is why you’d want to live with somebody before you ever consider getting married or being super serious, because the truth is going to come out. She’s going to get sloppy. In this case, him being with her for the whole year and noticing that she spends way more money than, you know, that she makes. Well, the money’s coming from somewhere.

She’s telling him things because he probably asked her about it and she’s giving him stories and excuses that don’t really make sense and therefore, his Spidey sense is going, “That doesn’t add up.” He goes through her phone and he finds the evidence that he was looking for so he can make an intelligent and informed decision.

The key is to be congruent with that, because if you want loyalty, monogamy and exclusivity, it’s not going to be with a girl like this. Simple as that. She betrayed you. She showed you what her character was. Character is destiny.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.