My Girlfriend Is A Former Escort. She’s Unemployed, Lazy & Lied About Her Past

Some things to consider if you are dating a former escort who lied about her past.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 41-year-old viewer who has a 6-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. He’s been with his current girlfriend for two years. She’s a former escort. She’s also lazy and unemployed. She has lied about her true history and he just can’t get past it.

He also worries about her character and influence on his daughter and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

That’s a hell of a title!

In this particular email, this guy is 41 years old, he’s got a 6-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, and he’s been with his current girlfriend for two years, and she’s a former escort. It’s interesting. The way she talked about it was like it was a great career choice for her at the time, but he says she’s unemployed, she’s kind of lazy. I guess when they originally met she’s like, “Oh yeah, I stopped doing escorting like six years ago.” Well, he said his spidey sense was tingling and about a year into them dating, he brought it up again and it she admitted it wasn’t actually six years before they met, it was six months. He was upset about it. He says he forgave her, but he’s like, “Man, I just still can’t get past the fact that she lied to me about this.” So he’s in a relationship with her and he’s trying to evaluate her character. I mean, I know what you guys are thinking. You’re like, “Bro, the title says it all!”

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach, 

I appreciate all of your work. I have read your book three times and listened to it on audible countless times. Pure gold. I have recommended your work to many friends.  

I am a 41-year-old business owner in NYC, in the architecture and design world. I am divorced and have a 6-year-old daughter.  

Several of your videos touch on themes here but was hoping you could shed some light on the specifics of my situation that might be helpful to others as well as my situation.  

I met my current girlfriend two years ago. We fell in love pretty quickly. She is kind, considerate, communicates well, thoughtful, and empathetic. In sort, it’s overall a good relationship. We have fun exploring the city, hanging out, having fun, hooking up.  

About six months into the relationship, she revealed to me that she used to be an escort on seeking arrangements, and that her boyfriend she was with before me she met as a John on the site. He was 55, she was 23. They were together for five years, and she left him. She swore up and down that this was something she did six years before we me. As a side note, in prior conversations to the “reveal” she would talk about escorting like it was this great thing where you could make tons of money.

So I’d say she was probably testing the waters to see what you thought about that, but she kept this interesting, important factoid from you for six months, and then drops the bomb on you when you’re already in it, because I would imagine maybe she’s dated other guys and told them that, and then they dipped quickly after. When you’re six months in and you’re lovey dovey and she’s like, “Oh, by the way, I used to be an escort,” it’s really easy for us on the outside like, “Ditch her,” but it’s not so easy when you’ve entangled your lives together at that point.

The quote that stuck with me was, “It’s just like any other manual labor job where you sell your body for money.” Wow! Anyways, with this I chose to accept her past as a thing that she would not revisit, and was a blip of poor judgement but that she had moved on. It was tough, but I dug deep to forgive and let her be who she was showing me, a great woman.  

Fast forward a year, and my spidey senses were telling me her story was BS.

Love cannot exist where there is no trust. So your whole relationship was based upon a lie. You thought you’re dating some regular family-oriented girl and then come to find out, she used to be a hooker.

I asked her again about it and she said, “Well, actually I was doing the escort thing up to six months before we met.” I felt betrayed that she lied to me…

A hooker who lies. That’s kind of like a stripper that lies. So shocking!

…And basically our relationship has not recovered since this betrayal of trust. It’s been over a year of me trying to forgive and move on, but I just can’t. More than the betrayal, it feels like she is not the person I thought she was. I think about my daughter and having a future with this person and I see major red flags.

Yeah, last thing you want to find out is that your daughter, when she becomes a teenager, is getting help with her OnlyFans account from your future or former escorting girlfriend. Or maybe she’s your wife or live in girlfriend at that point. Maybe a baby mama. I don’t know. Things that you probably don’t want in a step mom for your baby girl. Somebody that could really help her with her OnlyFans account. Probably not good. Probably not good from a value system. Just saying.

To boot, she is currently unemployed as a trained musician, so very little stability there. Is this salvageable or does she belong to the streets?!

Thank You!

Bob

Well, love can’t exist where there is no trust and she lied to you. So that’s a pretty big thing to lie about. I mean, she covered that up for six months. Then when she actually revealed the truth, it was part of the truth. She lied through omission and didn’t tell you. So the only reason she’s, “Oh, that was six years ago. Six years,” and it was really six months. Why? Because she knew you wouldn’t like the fact that it had only been six months. So she changed it because she didn’t want you to get mad. This just shows a big pattern of deception in her towards how she shows up. So she lies about something like that, what other things has she lied about that you haven’t caught her in? We don’t know.

If it was me and you’re thinking about marriage or family, I mean, I assume she’s not working, she’s probably living with you, because you guys have been together for a couple of years. So if you decide to kick her out, it’s going to be kind of messy, you probably have to give her some money, help her get her a place or whatever, help her get a job, unless she’s got family or somebody, somewhere, she can go.

I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. I feel bad for you. I mean, it sucks that you got six months down the road and found out that, “Oh, by the way, I used to be a hooker.” That’s just wrong, but if you put yourself in her shoes, if you were her, would you tell the truth up front? Probably not, because it’s not going to go well. So she hid it from you because she probably knows men really well, because you’re not the first, that when you find out six months later and she’s living with you and things are good, you never had any problems, you’re going to be like, “Pfft.”

The other thing you got to look at is, she doesn’t work, she’s unemployed, she doesn’t really seem to have any ambition. Not that you want a boss girl, but ideally you want a minimum level of competency. Can she hold down a stable job? Pay her rent on time? Make her car payment on time? Can she keep her house clean? Keep her car clean? Can she do the minimum level of things to be a competent human being? If she can’t take care of herself and this guy, what did he say he was? 41 years old. I don’t know if she was doing it since she was 23, maybe she’s in her late 20s, early 30s, I don’t know. Point being is that you get the escort thing and then the fact she’s not working, do you really want a former hooker as a mother to your children? Do you want to have children with a former hooker? Does it mean that 100% of the women that do this are irredeemable, and they can’t be helped or reached? I can’t answer that.

If you’re a Christian, you can look at that and say, “Well, what about Mary Magdalene?” Wasn’t she a hooker? I believe so. There were instances where Jesus was willing to forgive. I don’t know the answer on that, but if it was me personally, I’m not going to date a girl that can’t hold down a job. So I would say probably this guy screwed up by moving her in pretty quickly and it just sounds like she’s a live-in girlfriend and he takes care of everything. Probably does well enough, so it’s not a big deal. So she got together with a guy that had his shit together, and since she knows men really well, she correctly guesstimated that if she covered up the hooking thing for at least six months, that once he found out, he’d probably be too far down the road, she’d have her hooks into him too deep to where he’ll probably just put up with it, but as he said, he can’t really get past it. I can’t answer that for you. Only you know what’s in your heart. If you’re already looking at this and going, “Man, she’s totally betrayed me,” why would you want to marry somebody or stay with a woman in a relationship and co-parent with somebody who’s already betrayed you? Love can’t exist where there is no trust. If it was me, I would not stay involved with somebody like this, because that’s a pretty big betrayal.

The other thing you got to think is, have you gotten yourself tested yet to see if you got any gifts that keep on giving or anything like that? I feel bad for you, but again, what else has she lied to you about? You don’t really know. That’s a tough, sticky situation, man. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. Like I said, you’ve given it a year, and you just can’t trust her. If that’s how you really feel, I would have a conversation with her. If you decide not to stay with her, you know, “I thought I could get past it. The fact that you waited until we’ve been together for six months and then dropped this bomb on me, and then you lied to me and told me that it was something that happened six years ago, and it turns out it was actually only six months ago? How can I possibly trust you? How can we build a life and a family when the whole thing started out on lies?” If you build a house or a foundation of a building in quicksand, it’s probably not going to go well. That building is not going to be a very strong building, and it’s going to sink into the quicksand.

If it was me, I’d be tapping out, but it’s your life. You do what you want. Again, you don’t trust her now as it is. How are you ever going to trust her in the future? It’s like you start pulling on that thread and it’s like, “Oh look, another lie,” or peeling the layers of an onion. “Well, it was just one big lie. Oh actually, there’s a bunch of other lies here under this. Oh wow, and other lies.” So you don’t know what you don’t know. I wouldn’t want to be in that position trying to figure this out if I were you.

I wouldn’t stick around. It’s your life. You can do what you want, but I don’t see any evidence that she’s a high character person. Character is destiny. If she’s lazy, doesn’t work, doesn’t really contribute. You don’t really have a girlfriend. You have an adult child that you’re taking care of, basically. A sex playmate that lives with you, so you’re basically her daddy as well, and she’s lied to you. She’s betrayed you. She’s betrayed your trust, and as you said, you cannot get past it. Love can’t exist where there is no trust. You got to think about your daughter. Is this who you want raising your daughter? Because if you stay with her, guess what she’s going to teach your daughter? She’s going to teach your daughter to be a lying, conniving person. I’m sure, as a father, you would not be proud of that outcome if she grows up and becomes like your girlfriend. Definitely something to think about.

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