What it means and what you should do when your girlfriend asks for a break unexpectedly.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose girlfriend just asked for a break after five months of dating. He thought he had it in the bag and she was head over heals in love with him. Then he asked her to fly across the country with him to meet his parents. The next day she told him not only was she not ready to meet his parents, but that she wanted a break for about two weeks.
It’s clear he totally overestimated her attraction level and is now paying for it. He also is focused on seeking her attention and validation instead of creating the conditions where she would seek his. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This particular email is from a guy whose girlfriend asked for a break after five months of dating. This is a good email that illustrates what happens when you overrate a woman’s interest in you. So he’s like, “I thought I had it in the bag. She’s head over heels in love with me.” This is after five months of dating, “I want to fly you across the country so you can meet my parents.” First she says yes. The next day she’s like, “Don’t buy me that ticket.” Then after she’s like, “I think we should take a break from each other.” He’s like, “What?”
He’s ready to introduce her to his parents to get mom and dad’s approval. After only five months of dating, again, he’s acting like the girl trying to get his girlfriend’s approval and get his parents to approve her. It’s like too much, too soon. That’s the kind of thing you do when she’s really serious about you.
So he thought she was totally head over heels in love and thinking, “I got this.” Totally missed the boat, totally misread everything. On top of that, she’s like, “Yeah, let’s take a break for a couple of weeks.” He’s like, “What? I’m ready to introduce you to my parents, and now you want to break? Like what? What happened?”
Love you and all your work.
I am a 20-year-old kid who has been following your work for around three years now. A buddy of mine sent me your book when I had just been dumped by a girl and got absolutely sent off the deep cause of it. I co-run an excavation company right now that did about 3 million in sales last year, so I am a very busy guy.
Now, after three years of hard work, I feel I have become a 3% man… I was so wrong. 😂 In the last year, I have dated three beautiful women that, two years ago, I could have never dreamed of securing. The first two I broke off due to me losing interest, and they were not hitting my revised list of what I wanted (Please note I just started dating, so I am new to figuring out what I want in a woman).
I mean, you are 20 years old, but the important thing is that you got to learn the book. I say 10 to 15 times, and it says right in the beginning of it, you’re only going to learn about 7% -8% of it each time you go through it. You have to remember that we’re we’re all bombarded every day between what’s on TV, what’s in movies, what’s in the media, what we read, which is basically propaganda that is teaching men to act like women and women act like men.
If you’re trying to undo a lifetime of propaganda and programming, you first have to become aware of it. Then once you become aware of it, that’s why, again, reading this 10-15 times, you get to know it so well that you could teach a class on it.
Guys that don’t, they’re the ones that really struggle, like the email that I did, yesterday’s video newsletter. The guys been following me for two years and read the book a couple, three times, I think he said. It was really just when he first started following me, he learned pick up skills and he learned dating skills, never bothered to learn a relationship stuff. Now the guy had been dumped for like five months and he’s stuck in limbo. She’s talking to her ex, she’s talking to him. He’s still pursuing and chasing her and acting like a chick, and he doesn’t understand why it’s not progressing anywhere. For five months he’s stuck in blue ball friend zone. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make a drink.
You have to participate in your own rescue. That’s why I harp on the book. Dudes bitch in the comments about it. It’s like, these videos are to help you implement what’s in the book. If you’re going to be a good student and you want to learn this stuff and actually have success in your life, you’re going to have to learn the baseline material. These videos will help you tweak and fine tune your approach. You can’t just half-ass it and cherry pick a few videos here and there, thinking you’re going to get a magic pickup line that just fixes all the problems in your relationship. It doesn’t work that way.
Remember, whatever you observe, you participate in. If you’re constantly consuming propaganda every day, like everybody is when you turn your TV on, that teaches men to act like women and women act like men. Yeah, you’re sexual polarity and your relationships is going to be completely screwed up and you’re going to have problems attracting and keeping women attracted.
The third one hit just about all the things that I was looking for on my list. She really took my breath away. I honestly thought that I had her head over heels in love, and I had this one in the bag.
Pride cometh before the fall. The book says, always underrate the interest and you have overrated it.
We’ve been dating for five months. Then I asked her to fly to my home town and meet my parents. She said yes! The very next day, she texted me, “Don’t buy me a ticket.”
Like what? “Hey, I want to fly you across the country to meet my parents after five months of dating.” What do you think that’s going to do to a woman? She’d be like, “Is he getting ready to propose marriage to me? This dude’s really serious about me,” because it’s like, “Hey, let’s go to the East Coast at my parents’ beach house. It’ll be great. You get to meet my parents, my family and friends where I grew up. It’ll be a lot of fun,” but you’re like, “Hey, let’s go to mom and dad’s house and stay there so you can meet them.” Yeah, she thinks you’re probably wanting to marry her.
It’s pretty serious. It’s very, very serious talk, very serious attitude. It’s obvious she’s not in the same place.You totally overestimated her interest in you. Probably because you didn’t read the book. Actually, I can tell guys that read the book 10-15 times, and they’re just bullshitting them with a specific area.
Guys that haven’t read it at all and are just figuring, “Hey, I’ll cherry pick a video here and there and I’ll solve all my problems.” You’re not going to have sustainable success until you really learn the information. That’s why if a guy reads it two or three times and pick up skills and some dating skills, he gets some success. Then he stops going to the book every day. He’s consuming propaganda that’s teaching him to act in ways that are unnatural.
My book is teaching you the ways that are natural, but if you don’t take the time to learn it, you don’t even realize it’s happening. It’s like being in a prison, being born into a prison, and not even realizing that you’re actually in it. I think Alex Jones calls the prison planet. It’s like you don’t have any awareness of anything outside of. It’s like being in an ant farm. You just think they think the ant farm is the whole universe, when in reality it’s just an ant farm.
I was too busy at work to text back, and she knew this, but she asked to talk later that day. She pretty much said she was worried that she doesn’t know if I am the one yet…
Yeah, so that’s exactly what happened. You said, “Hey, I want to fly across the country to meet mom and dad.” That’s the kind of thing you do when you’re like, “Hey, I’m getting ready to propose and we’re going to get married and live happily ever after.”
You got to think about how these things look. The fact that you want to fire to your parents. At 20 years old, after five months of dating, she’s thinking you’re getting ready to marry her. So what’s going on with her is she’s going, “I’m not that serious about this guy yet. I’m not thinking I want to marry him. I’m not ready for that.” That’s what she thinks is probably coming, that you’re about to try to get engaged to her. It’s a reality check for her to go. “I’m not feeling it. This guy is way more serious about me than I am about him.”
As the book says, women like you a lot more if they think they’re more into you than you are into them. You can say that in a room full of women, they go, “Oh, it is that true, Corey? It’s got a 50/50.” The truth is, they’re more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear, men that are a challenge and men that they have to work for. That is just a fact of life, no matter how much they say they disagree with it.
This is why over the centuries, it’s been so hard for men to learn to understand women. They say things that are totally contradictory. They tell you things that intellectually make sense, but emotionally are the exact opposite of what they actually respond to. Again, if you’re just consuming TV and traditional media and you’re getting propagandized every day 24/7, you don’t even realize it.
Just the other day, watching football over the weekend, I remember seeing a commercial. My dad was over there and it’s a commercial for a cell phone. You get this really attractive mom that comes home with the attractive daughter, the nice, handsome son, and the father is in the living room having a fucking meltdown over his cell phone plan, acting like a fucking girl and a feminist girl. What is the woman doing? She’s acting very masculine, very stoic, very calm. The man who knows the phone bill, he’s freaking out.
You see that constantly. It’s in the commercials. It’s in the TV shows, the male characters in the TV shows, they act the same way. They act like girls and the women act like men. When you see that every day, constantly, you’re being propagandized and you don’t even realize it’s going to affect your actions and how you show up in the world. If you don’t take the time to learn what’s in the book, you’re just going to keep acting like a mindless drone of your TV, and women are going to be repulsed by you, even when you do the things that they say they want or that your TV teaches you to do.
…And she is scared to meet my family without knowing absolutely that she loves me.
So she’s not even in love with this guy. That’s what she just told him. Again, this is what happens when you don’t read the book, you don’t really learn the information. You’re cherry picking and half-assing it. You make mistakes like this.
So I immediately said, “It is totally fine. You don’t have to meet my parents, and I do not expect you to know I am the one only five months in. All I know is that I love spending time with you, and I believe that if that feeling of knowing I’m the one comes, then Great! If not, I still learned so much from dating you, and I feel like a better man than when we first started dating.” She said that she wanted some time and felt like we needed a break…
Yeah, he’s drooling all over her saying, “I think you’re the one.” She’s like, “I’m not feeling the same way.”
…Which I was very open to and tried to keep it very light.
I just said, “Well, I don’t want to break, but if you need a few days to think or whatever, I’m not interested in breaking up.” When a woman says, “Oh, I think we should take a break,” it means a break up, even if it’s a temporary break up. As a man, if that’s not what you want, you’re like, “I’m not interested in breaking up, so I just set a break.” When a woman says break, it means break up. “I don’t want to break up. I’m not interested in that. If you want to just take some time, a few days to think about things and be alone, great. Call me when you’ve had enough time and you miss me terribly, and we can go hang out and do something next weekend or whatever,” and then leave it at that.
Let her call you, let her get back to you. Dude, you completely missed the boat. You’re communicating to this girl that you’re ready to take her to your parents to get their approval for you to get engaged to her. That’s what you communicated to her. She even pretty much confirmed that.
Before she got out, I said, “I want you to come back completely in love with me,” with a smirk and a wink, which she laughed and said, “I want that too.”
Yeah dude, she’s not going to fall in love with you in a couple of days.
I cracked a few jokes before she got out of the truck, so we left on a good note.
What do you think happened here?
Well, I think what happened was you didn’t follow instructions. You didn’t listen to me. You didn’t do what the book says to do, which is to read it 10-15 times.
What happened was, you’re totally goo-goo ga-ga, drooling all over this girl. You got her on a pedestal, treating her like a celebrity, you want to fly her across the country to meet your mom and dad to get their approval for marriage and you realize that she’s just kind of casually dating and hooking up with you, and you couldn’t even tell that she wasn’t in love with you. You had no idea. Again, that’s what happens when you cherry pick. You don’t learn the book. This is as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west.
I mean, the night before, we were hooking up, and she was telling me how I was so good for her, and she was so happy with me.
You didn’t say, “I’m in love with you and want to marry you.” Again, it’s like these things are discussed in the book. You’re stepping into a zone that is totally feminine energy. The feminine energy is nesting, opening up to receive love, dating and relationship labels, family commitment, being together, living together, all that stuff. You’re way too serious, way too soon, and you had no clue that she wasn’t even at the same place as you were.
There’s a chapter in the book called It’s All In The Numbers, that goes through what women do based on their attraction level to you. That obviously sailed completely over your head.
Again, this is why I say read it 10-15 times, and I’m sure there will be some dudes crying in the comments, “That’s not talking about your book. You’re just trying to make money.” The book is fucking free to read on my website, OK? I give it away because I know for free on my website, all you got to do is put your name and your email in and then you can read it instantly in your web browser. I do that because I know once you read it, then you see the stuff works. It allows you to try before you buy.
If you want to be a serious student, you’ve got to learn the book. You just can’t cherry pick videos or just read it once or twice. Again, you got to remember we’re literally being propagandized 24/7 to act in ways that are completely opposite to the way that is innate to us.
It might be relevant to say one of her roommates/best friends just got engaged, and I feel like she could be comparing or wanting that.
Again, this is your logic making excuse for the fact that she wasn’t that into you. Who wants to accept blame that you basically told a girl you wanted to marry her when she’s just kind of casually dating you? That’s not something pleasant. It’s going to be a blow to the ego.
This is reality. This is where you’re at. You can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about them. This chick is just not that into you, and you had no idea. That tells me you didn’t learn the book. You didn’t follow instructions. That’s why I keep harping on it. Even if you don’t listen to me, there will be plenty of other guys that watch this video and they’ll go, “OK, I’m going to take coach seriously.”
I was having lunch the other day with a really dear friend of mine and a couple sat down next to me, and she’s about to explode because she’s very pregnant. He’s like, “This is my lovely bride. She’s in my life because of you. We’re having a family. Thanks for everything.”
He was a good student. I never coached the guy. I never talked to him. He read the book, he watched the videos, he applied it. He followed instructions. He was sharp as fuck, and he got the results. This guy’s having problems because he’s not listening to me, and he’s trying to half ass it, and he’s trying to absolve himself from any blame because here he’s going, “Oh well, one of our friends just got engaged and that’s why she wants a break from me.” No, it’s not. She wants a break because she’s not feeling it.
It shocked the shit out of her that you’re way more serious than she was. It’s obvious that you’re just kind of casually dating and you’re kind of a casual boyfriend to her, and she’s really not that serious about you. That’s a fact. Doesn’t matter just because you’re getting your dick wet. Again, all the stuff is laid out in the book.
We are going on a two-week break, which I feel will be beneficial…
…Cause I really do like this girl and would like to keep pursuing her.
Well, men are not supposed to pursue women. You pursue in the beginning to start the courtship off, but women do all the chasing. It’s funny, like one of my videos, it’s doing really well where I talk about that. It’s like, the more the guy chases, the more women back off. Then when the men back off, the women start to chase more and it just fires a lot of women up, especially the older ones that get really upset. “It’s gotta be 50/50.” No, they chase. That’s a fact of life. When you follow things, they’re opposed to what’s innate, then you’re going to have problems.
I will absolutely give her space for the next two weeks or until she reaches out. I am just curious what you think.
Yeah, she wanted space. Give her give her space to follow through on what she committed, which is that she needed to break for a couple of weeks, and she’s going to get back in touch or to flake out and disappear from your life forever.
When a woman says, “I need space,” you got to give it to her. It says it in the book, dude. You must let her come to you. You’ve got to let women come to you at their pace. Again, you communicated that you’re ready to marry her. Whether you were trying to communicate that or not, that’s what you did. You say, “I’m ready to marry you. I’m going to introduce you to my parents.” Even though you didn’t say that, your actions showed that’s exactly where you were at. She’s like, “Whoa, whoa, I’m not that serious about you yet, bro. Hey, we’re just hanging out, bro.”
I’d wait to hear from her. When you do make a date, hang out, have fun, hook up. Don’t ever fucking bring up, “I’m going to take you to meet my parents again,” unless she wants to meet your parents. Unless she’s introduced you to her family and is really serious about it. You always want to make sure she’s more serious about it than you are, and you did the opposite. That’s why she just, “Oh, I need a break.” You’re thinking, “Hey, I’m ready to marry this girl.” She’s like, “I need a break.” Bro, pull your head out of your ass.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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