My Girlfriend Is Bisexual & Kissed Another Girl

Some things to consider if your girlfriend is bisexual & kisses other women.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from a viewer who finally has a girlfriend, who happens to be bisexual, after enjoying the rock and roll lifestyle and having lots of different women. They really get along well and enjoy each others company. However, she kissed another girl right after they became exclusive and he’s still bothered by it.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

…Right after they became exclusive apparently.

So he said it’s continued to bother him, even though, I don’t know if it was before or after they became exclusive, they had a threesome with another woman. But in his mind, from what he wrote here it’s like, “Hey, we committed.” They were out together. She goes to the bathroom. A girl looked at her. She looked at the girl. Next thing you know, they’re kissing. Then she comes out and tells him. I don’t know, some days and weeks have passed, he’s still really bothered by it.

This particular emailer, I’ve answered several emails of his in previous video newsletters. He’s the guy that’s the musician. He’s had one of his songs that he wrote on a TV show he’s performing. He’s kind of a ladies man. He’s basically a musician’s version of Chad Thundercock, if you will. He met this girl. He really jive with her. They really like each other, and because they have such fun together, they decided to become exclusive. But obviously he’s bothered by her going and kissing a girl.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I’ve been following your work for about nine years now. I’ve read 3% Man over 30 times (and still re-listen to the audiobook regularly), watch your videos constantly, and, suffice to say, I’ve had an easy time with the ladies. I also front a band…

Which helps. You’re on stage. Women come to see the concert. It’s all-you-can-eat-buffet.

…Had my song in a big TV show (in a small scene, but still), and bartend. However, I have decided to settle down with a girl now, which has taken most of my friends by surprise. Luckily, they love my now girlfriend too. 

Yeah, it’s usually surprising when one of these guys kind of settles down. I have friends that were like this and you’re like, “That dude’s never gonna settle down,” and eventually they meet the right girl and they live happily ever after and have a bunch of kids.

This girl, Jessica, and I met through mutual friends, and when she ended up being single, I asked her out as all of the signs of interest were there. I thought we might just hook up for a bit, but we got along so damn well. Within two weeks, we were seeing each other every day, spending the night at each other’s places every night, and having a blast together.

Well, that’s how quickly and easily and effortlessly it comes together when there’s high interest from her and you, and you don’t screw it up and talk her out of it, which is what most guys tend to do. So this guy’s been a good student. Women really like him. He’s popular with the ladies. He’s got a great reputation around town so that his reputation precedes him and helps him.

She checks most all of my boxes (minus that I usually date tall girls and she’s only 5’6″): She’s in great shape (she’s Brazilian and has a great ass, which is a bonus)…

Well, yeah. If you saw the hills there in Brazil, women go up and down the hills in their jeans and their heels and it’s like unbelievable. Legs and thighs and butts, it’s a smorgasbord. Just absolutely supermodel, beautiful women everywhere.

…Has two younger brothers she’s best friends with, loves her mom and dad (they’re high school sweethearts who are still together)…

Well, that’s definitely a positive because the Brazilians tend to be a little crazy, especially if they came from a broken home. But she’s got a tight relationship with her parents, especially her father. Her dad put some guardrails up when she was growing, if he did a good job, and she respects her father, she respects daddy. When daddy says, “This is what we’re doing,” she says, “Yes, daddy.” So she respects her dad, she’ll respect you, which makes it pretty easy and effortless.

One thing you gotta understand about Brazilian women and Brazilian culture, which I don’t know if this guy’s aware of, maybe he hasn’t, but if you’ve ever been to Brazil or dated a Brazilian like yours truly has had a great love story there, a kiss is just a kiss. Sometimes it’s totally normal for guys and girls to go out, see each other at a bar, be attracted, make out for a bit, not even exchange phone numbers or hook up or date or anything. Just a kiss is really just a kiss. It’s just kind of a thing. So just because she kisses you doesn’t mean you’re gonna live happily ever after. So there’s that.

…She’s artistic, and she has most all of the same interests in music and comedy that I have.

Well remember, they met through mutual friends. Like attracts like. People that like the same things, tend to like each other. So this is why it’s so much better meeting. You know, this guy was meeting women because of what he did. Girls come up to him at the show, during the show, in between his sets and hit on him. Plus he’s got a reputation, so they’re just always flowing to him. And here he is living his life. He dates, but he doesn’t end up with any of those girls seriously. He ends up with a woman who knows people that he knows. And again, people that like the same things tend to like each other. Like attracts like. It’s just the way the universe works.

So that’s why it’s so magical when synchronicity like this happens. This is why it’s so important to have a great social life and social circle, because you never know who you’re going to meet.

It’s been spooky sometimes how much Jessica and I have in common when we go out for dinner, drinks, etc. Sometimes it feels like we’re the same people with different genders.

Well, it really makes it easy when you’re like, “Hey, how about we go do this?” And she’s like, “Oh, that sounds awesome,” because again, you like the same things, you tend to like each other.

I got an eyelash. I think that’s trying to fall in my eyeball here, which really sucks. Always fun right in the middle of a video and you got an eyelash that’s not cooperating.

My main problem arose the week we became exclusive. She brought up that she wanted to be exclusive, but didn’t want to put a label on it just yet as she’d just gotten out of a relationship, and she wanted to take her time.

So if she’s not 100% where she wants everybody to know publicly, well that’s indicative of where her interest is. But she wants to lock you up so you don’t sleep with anybody else, because Brazilian women can also get very jealous. They don’t like to share typically. Unless, of course, if your girlfriend is bisexual like she is.

I was cool with that. That weekend was pride, and as she’s bisexual and used to date girls (we had a threesome early on also, which was great), so she wanted to party. We ended up at a gay bar where I know a bunch of the bartenders, but while she was in line for the bathroom, another girl asked if she’d kissed anyone for pride and she said no, so they started making out.

More than likely, the woman just started making out with her.

Immediately, Jessica came outside and told me she did a bad thing and fucked up.

Well, was there alcohol involved?

I agreed, because how would she feel if I made out with another girl in line for the bathroom right after we talked about being exclusive?

Well, one thing that I have to say, because your relationship is a little different, you’re with a bisexual woman who likes women. And guess what? We know you like women, obviously, and you’ve already had a threesome together, so this is a little different situation. I would imagine, because I’ve seen a lot of emails from this guy, I’ve been doing this a long time and he likes women. As you’ll see, he notices all these other women are into him. He’s with a bisexual girl. So at the end of the day, if it’s me and you’re kind of in a relationship like that where other women will come in and both of you get to have fun and party with these other women, ideally, just you let your girlfriend bring the girls in. I assume that’s probably what happened with the threesome that you guys had. Especially with a girl that’s bisexual.

So I got friends that are like this. I got lots of clients that are like this and their wives or girlfriends bring home other girls for them. So it’s nice when a girl you’re dating brings you some other ladies and you get to go, “Yay or nay.” You get to have the final seal of approval. So if it’s me and you’re kind of dating somebody like this and she’s like, “Well, I did a bad thing. I kissed another girl,” I would be like, “Well, why didn’t you bring her out here to kiss me? Is this somebody for both of us? Because if we’re exclusive, if there’s another girl, we both get to have her, but I get final say.” If she says, “Well, no.” It’s like, “Well, why not? Not think I would like her? So you shouldn’t kiss a girl unless you think I’m gonna like her too.” That maybe should be the rule that you put in place, because again, this is a special case. This is not like the two of you or traditional man and woman.

I was pretty much ready to end it, but she was crying and apologizing and begging for another chance. I didn’t see her for a week after that as I was out with family, and told her I’d think about whether I wanted to give her another chance. Ultimately, I missed her a lot, and decided I’d give her one more shot. 

It’s been about a month…

So I guess they’re exclusive for a little over a month because it seems like right after, they became exclusive.

…Since that happened now and I still feel kind of betrayed by it…

Well again, you’re not dating a normal woman. This is not a chick that’s going to marry you and only want to be with you because she likes girls too. And quite frankly, you had a threesome with her already. “Current events form future trends,” as Gerald Celente of the Trends Research Institute says.

At the end of the day, you’re a rock and roll musician. And probably most of these guys are watching this going like, “Bro, what’s the fucking problem?” This is what you want. This girl will bring you other girls that you both like and you get final say. Because at the end of the day, you’re daddy. So if you don’t like the girl, again she’s Brazilian. A kiss is just a kiss. Again, unless you date a Brazilian, you don’t understand.

…But Jessica has put in a massive effort to be affectionate and show me she loves and cares about me. It has been very sweet. My last ex cheated on me and she knew that, so I do feel an extra pang from this.

Well, at the end of the day, you can be the best boyfriend in the world and she still may leave you for somebody else. You may be with her for five years and she may decide, who knows, she likes girls more. Anything’s possible. So you got to control the controllables, which is your behavior.

Again, need I remind you, you guys have already had a threesome with another woman. So that’s already happened. And now you’ve committed to each other. So why not bring continue to bring other women into your relationship when you both say, “Two thumbs up?” If one of you is like, “Nope,” at the end of the day, let her find the girls. It makes it so easy. So you get your variety, you get your exclusivity and your companionship, and you get other women. A lot of very powerful men live this way too, with their wives.

Jessica told me she thought I’d do something like that first, as she knows my reputation as someone who gets around, so I get the impression she self-sabotaged to try to protect herself. 

Again, this woman’s like a free spirit. She likes girls. She likes guys. Again, you have both sampled at that buffet.

She’s apologized over and over and taken complete ownership of it, and I’ve known her for over a year before we started dating, so I am inclined to believe that this was a one off, but I’m not sure. Our mutual friends, while they love us together, feel similarly weird about what she did, but seem inclined to agree that that seems out of character for her.

Again, if she was drinking a bunch, again you’re at a gay bar. I mean, why are you at a gay bar anyways in the first place? Think about that. You go to a gay bar and there’s lots of lesbian women that like women and guys that are going to be there, we expect. So it’s like you’re going and you’re fishing, and then you catch a fish and you’re going, “Oh.” So if you just wanted to go out and be exclusive again, you wouldn’t be at a gay bar. Come on, bro! Maybe you’re just afraid to really take this relationship to the next level because again, you already did it. So now you have to come up with terms with boundaries that you both can agree to.

I’m still concerned it’ll happen again and I’ll feel like an idiot for giving her a second chance.

Well again, if she’s going to kiss another girl, she has to at least bring her over to you for the final say. And if you say no, neither one of you is going to hook up with her and vice versa. If you meet a girl, she’s got to give the thumbs up and like her as well, because it’s the two of you. It’s a dyad, not a triad. So you and her have to have a solid relationship. But if you guys respect the boundaries and have a nice long conversation about this, it can be a lot of fun because both of you already like it anyways.

Coach, the universe has been testing me too, all these gorgeous, blond girls (my type to a T, as Jessica is as well)…

“Well, why don’t you introduce all these gorgeous blonde girls to your girlfriend and the ones you really click with?” You can invite back to your place.

…Have been hitting on me very obviously…

“Well, this is my girlfriend. As long as you guys click. I’m down, she’s down, I’m down, we’re down, let’s go.”

…And I’m hoping I’m not wasting my time as I have so many other options.

Well again, if you want a true exclusive man and woman exclusivity, traditional relationship, don’t date a bisexual girl and get into a relationship with her. So why not embrace what you’re both down with already.

But truly, I haven’t connected with anyone the way I have with Jessica in four years…

All the reason why this would be a more appropriate way to embrace what the two of you already are, and have already shared together It’s OK. This is your life.

…Maybe ever considering how much we have in common. 

Is this worth the continued effort?

I’m sure there’s plenty of guys watching this going. “Did this dude really ask this?”

She’s with her brothers traveling abroad right now, so I have some time to think on how I want to proceed.

Well, this is why I wanted to give you my two cents on this, because I have experience in this area.

You’re the man, Corey. Couldn’t be more grateful for you.

Bob

So again, if it’s me, you both have to agree. You know, like the old Siskel and Ebert for you older guys. Remember, you both have to give a thumbs up before proceeding with women that you meet or women that she meets. And if she kisses a girl, courtesy is, “Well, now you gotta kiss my boyfriend.” So she should at least come and introduce you. And if you really like each other, then you can go have a more intimate encounter of your choosing and of a time and place of your choosing.

So again, I don’t see the issue here, but one thing you got to understand is, what’s your value system? Well, her value system is she likes girls. You like girls too. You like two girls. So that’s a way that both of you can get your needs met, something you both enjoy and you keep your companionship because say you dump her. You go, “OK well, she kissed another girl, so I’m gonna dump her,” and then you’re going to go date other women. At the end of the day, if you want strictly one girl and you then date a woman that has that value system, but your girl has a more open value system, again I would venture to guess that most of the guys that understand the ladies and are reading this are like, “Bro, what’s the problem?” It’s like you should be patting yourself on the back and be like, “Hell yeah, you got a hot Brazilian that likes women and will bring women to you!” Like I’m just saying, have fun.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for our exclusive premium Members Only content, in the video description is video, there are links to join on YouTube, to join on Spotify or our website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab when you get there. You can do a 7-day free trial to check out all the great content you get for your money. If you choose an annual plan, you can get a 25% discount at the end of the 7-day free trial. So go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the “plans” tab, and sign up for a premium membership trial today.