My Girlfriend Is Cold, Distant, Snarky & Not Reaching Out

What to do if your girlfriend is distant, snarky & not reading out to you anymore.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s been with his gym crush for 5 months. He’s only read 3% Man, 3 times in a year and a half of following my work. He hasn’t heard from her in 4 days and she’s been distant, cold, snarky and not reaching out to him anymore. However, she told him what was wrong, but he ignores it like a robot which makes her back away even more.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “My Girlfriend Is Cold, Distant, Snarky & Not Reaching Out”.

So this particular email, this guy’s been dating his gym crush for five months. He says she knocks his socks off. However, he’s been following me for a year and a half, and he got through my book a total of three times. So it kind of looks like he’s being a little bit of a robot. I mean, he opens her up, she tells him what’s wrong, and then he just he doesn’t listen.

He doesn’t take any action. He thinks just listening to her is going to fix this particular issue. And the problem is, even though he’s five months into it, he’s still kind of treating her like a Tinder date that he just met a few weeks ago. So if you’re five months down the road and you’re in a relationship and you act like a cold, emotionless zombie, maybe he’s following some of these younger guys that only focus on attraction, and pickup, and early dating.

You know, because I see a lot of guys that do that, especially when I get on the phone with them, and then they tell me who some of the dudes that they’re following are. I’m just like, you’re acting like a zombie, just like those guys, because those guys are only dating girls that they can hook up with once a week, and that’s it. They don’t date. They don’t have relationships. You know, it’s just a constant.

In other words, they always have a practice squad going and that’s fine for them. They’re content with that. But if you’re learning from guys like that that aren’t relationship focused, and you get into a relationship, you’re going to act like a zombie like they do and you’re going to have problems. So this is again, this is why I say read the book 10 to 15 times.

Guys focus on pickup and early dating, and then they just completely neglect the relationship stuff and they take it for granted because quite frankly, it works so well. In the beginning when you’re getting laid all the time, the girls all over you and she’s telling you how much she loves you and cares about you, you still really haven’t gotten to the point where you need the relationship stuff, the relationship skills that are in the back.

And then they get several months down the road when they really need it, and then they don’t know it. And as the old saying goes, when your only tool/solution is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. And they just go right back to like early dating, acting like a zombie, being indifferent, not caring and acting too cold. Now, if you go through “The Ten Disciplines of Love” and you read some of that like I did on a previous Video Newsletter in the last week, there’s got to be a warmness and a closeness.

Like if you’re dating somebody for five months and they’re your girlfriend and she’s in love with you, she’s going to be over at your house every night, or you’re going to be with her. And the weekends you’re going to be spending time together. If you’re five months down the road or a year down the road, and you’re only seeing a girl once or twice a week, it really is just kind of a booty call. It’s not really that serious.

She’s not really goo goo gaga over you. Because again, you’re going to become so close and so intimate, you’re like a family. You’re just always going to be together. And guys that don’t take me seriously when I say, read the book 10 to 15 times and they get stuck in the early dating and pick up and seduction phase and never learn anything else because they figure, hey, I’m getting laid all the time.

Which quite frankly, us guys, that’s what we want. We see hot girl, we want to hook up. And so when a guy is getting what he wants, he’s hooking up all the time and she’s gushing over him. He’s like, man, this stuff’s easier than Corey made it out to be. But when they start having problems, when she starts to pull back a little bit, or she starts to notice that she’s only making an effort and you make none.

And then she tells you that you’ve got to make more of an effort. And you respond like this guy does, like a robot, you’ll blow it. The girl will eventually leave and move on. That’s what happened. If you’re going to just do practice squad kind of game, well, the girls are going to stick around for a period of time and then they’re going to move on.

They’re going to drop off because they’re going to find somebody they really click and jive with and who’s warm to them. So there’s a time to be distant and be a challenge and let her get to know you. But again, when you’re five months down the road, you should not be acting like an emotionless, cold zombie like this guy is.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach,

Hello Coach, I hope you’re doing well. I’m a 21-year-old college student and just wanted to thank you for your work, as it’s helped me tremendously. I’m now in an almost 5-month relationship with my gym crush, who is 20 years old. She knocks my socks off, as you would say. I’ve followed your work for about half a year and read the book 3 times now.

Come on man, three times. That’s a piss poor effort. That’s a big part of your problem. Because again, you probably went through it a bunch in the beginning and you started getting laid a bunch and you’re like, man, I got this. And it’s not until you start dating somebody that you really like and then you get into a relationship. The other part of the book that you just neglect. You gotta learn that stuff. You gotta practice that stuff. It’s the only way you’re going to get better.

I was hoping you’d be able to help me with this situation. Usually, she is cooperative with communication when she’s upset after I’ve taken the time to listen and understand her. However, recently, she was extra cold and distant. While I was calm and playful, trying to get her to tell me what’s on her mind, she said I push too much and wouldn’t participate. She did, however, briefly mention that it wasn’t because of me, but who knows if that’s true.

It’s not you, it’s me.

She had to get to work and said she needed to leave.

In other words, she just didn’t want to really get into it. Probably because she’s had this conversation with you so many times, and it always ends the same way. And she just assumes you’re going to come back with the same robotic response and not take any action and not really listen to her. It’s what happens. You end up eventually getting dumped, and she says, “You never listen to me.” You may have listened, but you weren’t hearing her.

It has been 4 days since we last spoke, and I’m wondering if it’d be smart for me to reach out first or if that would be rewarding the bad behavior or possibly not giving her space to process her emotions.

Also, a couple of days before this, she was a little snarky, but quickly sent an apology text and said she loves me when I got home. The two previous times I had to open her up, she told me she was upset because I don’t prioritize her.

Here’s the real important. Here’s the meat of the issue. She’s giving him feedback because he opens her up, which is what he’s supposed to do. But he listens to it and then it just goes in one ear and out the other. In other words, what she’s saying is she doesn’t feel like he actually cares because he’s too cold, he’s too distant, and he basically treats her like a booty call a once or twice a week booty call. Five months and you’re not seeing each other more than that? You should be together all the time at that point.

She tends to contact me first after a couple of days of seeing each other and I simply set the next date whenever she does.

You can also just say, “Hey, come over.” You should be doing that as well. You shouldn’t be like, “I must take her out on an official date every single time she reaches out to me. And then put a date off in the future. Again say you go out on a Friday night and she stays the night. Then you get up and just do something together Saturday. “Hey, let’s go here, let’s go do this, let’s go do that.”

And the date can become the whole weekend. If she becomes a little bored or on Sunday, she’s like, “Hey, I’ve got stuff to do.” I was like, “Great, go take care of your stuff and call me later, cutie.” Walk her to her car, kiss, hugs, pinch her nipples, spank her booty, send her on her way. The next time she reaches out.

“What are you doing?” “I’m calling you.” “Well, why don’t you get your cute little ass over here and let’s go do something. Let’s go get into some trouble.” “Okay?” And then she comes over. It’s just totally natural. You don’t have to treat her like somebody that you just met a couple weeks ago on a Tinder date.

You’re five months down the road. And if she was your gym crush, I assume you knew her for a while before you started dating. So you’ve known this girl for quite some time, and then you’re just like, stuck in the first couple weeks of dating.

From the talks we had, she now wants me to reach out first more and plan small things (workouts, studying together, etc) so we can see each other more frequently.

You can also just say, “Hey, come over.” You should be doing that as well. You shouldn’t be like, “I must take her out on an official date every single time she reaches out to me. And then put a date off in the future. Again say you go out on a Friday night and she stays the night. Then you get up and just do something together Saturday. “Hey, let’s go here, let’s go do this, let’s go do that.” And the date can become the whole weekend.

If she becomes a little bored or on Sunday, she’s like, “Hey, I’ve got stuff to do.” I was like, “Great, go take care of your stuff and call me later, cutie.” Walk her to her car, kiss, hugs, pinch her nipples, spank her booty, send her on her way. The next time she reaches out. “What are you doing?” “I’m calling you.” “Well, why don’t you get your cute little ass over here and let’s go do something. Let’s go get into some trouble.” “Okay?” And then she comes over.

It’s just totally natural. You don’t have to treat her like somebody that you just met a couple weeks ago on a Tinder date. You’re five months down the road. And if she was your gym crush, I assume you knew her for a while before you started dating. So you’ve known this girl for quite some time, and then you’re just like, stuck in the first couple weeks of dating.

But I haven’t because she usually contacts me first, and I don’t want to over pursue.

Well, again, that just tells me she’s giving you feedback. She’s waiting for you to do something, because you seem to acknowledge what the issue is, but then you just ignore it. It’s kind of like negotiating with the Iranians. You agree to something and they have no intention of honoring the agreement because the negotiation process is just part of the unconventional warfare. So it’s like you’re basically giving your girlfriend a Kentucky guarantee because you’re so worried about over pursuing.

I’m afraid that maybe this time she’s had enough and will not reach out unless it’s to break things off with me.

Well, this has obviously gone on for a long time.

I recently learned that it’s okay to do something once a week, like send a text, call, put a nice sticky note on her car, etc., so I plan on doing that when things are on track. 

No, dude, you should be doing this now. This is your girlfriend. This is not a Tinder date that you met two weeks ago. It’s like, come on man, and you need to read the fucking book. I say 10 to 15 times for a reason. And again, what your response to everything your hammer is acting like a zombie and acting distant. And this is the point where you need the relationship skills. This is not where you apply pick up stuff with somebody that’s not emotionally anchored to you yet.

I guess my first question is if I should reach out even after a certain amount of time of no contact, even though she stonewalled me from communicating?

She didn’t stonewall you. She’s gotten to the point where it seems pointless to her to tell you, or when you’re opening her up because you open her up, she tells you what’s wrong and you do nothing. Nothing changes. So in her mind, she’s like, he never listens to me anyways. So it looks like she’s starting to get to the point where she’s giving up on you, and then she’s going to back away more. And at the end of the day, you should be reaching out and playing the dates and making her feel wanted and desired.

My second question is, if this time was also because she’s upset that I don’t prioritize her by reaching out to do small things, should I make any changes?

Yeah, you should be warmer. Read the “Ten Disciplines of Love” in the back of the book. When you read those, how can you? There’s no way you have read or understand Ten Disciplines of Love. If you look at Ten Disciplines of Love and then you look at your actions here, you’re just being a fucking emotionless zombie.

And you’re treating her like a booty call and she’s starting to feel like that. And that’s going to cause her interest to start plummeting. Because she’s told you multiple times that you just don’t listen to her. Again, you’re responding like a robot because you don’t know the book. It’s a big part of the problem.

Or should I just stick to planning dates/time together when she reaches out?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I hope you have a great day, and thanks again for all you’ve done.

Best Regards

Bob

Um. You need to reach out, dude. Like the book originally says, is that if you don’t hear from her, at least reach out once a week. But you just took it way too far. She’s giving you feedback that she needs to feel wanted, and you keep responding with indifference and being cold and treating her like a booty call. So you’re not going to be able to maintain a relationship when you do this.

And if you’re looking to have a relationship, don’t listen to retards that have only cherry picked small parts of my work because that’s all they’re really interested in, and then try to have a relationship and learn from those dudes. Because they don’t know what they’re fucking doing. So again, what I would do if I were you, I’d reach out and you know, she’s upset.

Which she probably still is, when you’re at dinner, you’re at lunch or the weekend, or you’re in bed together. Because again, you should be always together on the weekends. If you both are off on the weekends, you should be with her all the time. And if you’re not, that just shows that she’s not that into you. Or you’re just keeping her at arm’s length for too long.

Because by week six, week seven, when she’s in love and wants to be in relationship, she’s pretty much always going to be coming over every night anyways. And she’s going to expect that. “Hey, what are you doing? I’m coming over. I’ll be here at this time.” “What are we doing tonight?” It’s like, “well, I’ll let you know when your cute little ass gets here.”

Put some jeans on, put some shorts. Wear that dress, wear those yoga pants. Whatever it happens to be. Hang out, have fun, hook up. It’s okay to be warm.  I have done a couple of Video Newsletters in the last week with guys with the same issue. So there’s a bunch of those. A couple of them are Members Only as well. So I suggest that you review those also in addition to reading the book 10 to 15 times.

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