My Girlfriend Is Getting Hit On At Work By The Owners Son

Things to consider if a male coworker is constantly trying to date your girlfriend.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is long distance from his girlfriend while she finishes her master’s degree. She works part time at a business where the son of the owner hits on her every day and says he won’t stop unless she’s engaged to someone else. He’s getting tired of this situation and wonders if she enjoys the attention too much and should enforce a stricter boundary.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “My Girlfriend Is Getting Hit On At Work By The Owners Son”.

Who also happens to work at the same company. So this guy, he lives in Europe. And the other wrinkle he’s got is he’s kind of long distance. He sees his girlfriend a couple times a month. I think she’s in Spain, he said. So she’s finishing up her Masters or PhD or something. And so she’s working at this like small family business. It’s like a mom, it’s a mom and pop, literally mom and dad and their son.

And their son just thinks she’s probably, you know, the most beautiful woman in the world. And his attitude is, until you’re engaged, you’re fair game. And so he’s constantly hitting on her, constantly asking her out, constantly telling her that he wants to date her. It’s just every day. She’s spoken to this guy’s parents about it, but his attitude is, hey, until you got a ring on your finger, I can keep trying.

Because I believe as a man, I get to keep trying until the woman gets engaged. But until she’s engaged, then she’s fair fucking game. And that’s you know, obviously no guy wants to put up with that. So common sense would say that in this case, if your girls getting hit on and she goes to the parents, I mean, if it was the United States, you could file for sexual harassment.

But it’s in Europe, Spain, I don’t know what the laws are over there, but at the end of the day, if the parents won’t stop and the guy won’t stop, and she really is a loyal and faithful woman, she’s going to be like, tell your son to knock it off, or I’m quitting. And if the son won’t knock it off she’s going to quit and go find another job. That’s a simple solution, but if she hems, I really like the job and I like the parents. He’s not too obnoxious.

In other words, if she wants to stay there despite this, then what does that tell you? Well, on some level she likes the attention because if the attention was uninvited and he was being a pest about it and really creepy and stalkerish, she would want to get the police involved and or leave the job. But the fact that she’s staying there, that’s why this guy is starting to go. It almost seems like she likes it. It’s like, how do I handle this?

So let’s go through his email and see what the hell’s going on.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

My girlfriend who is 27and I’m 32 have been together for 3 years. She is currently in Spain finishing her master’s and works part-time at a very small workplace with only three people: herself, the boss who is the mother of the guy, and the son.

So it’s mom. The boss. Okay, so there is, the dad’s not involved, I guess. Or I think he is. I thought he said that she had talked to the parents.

At first, I found the constant flirting somewhat amusing, but now it has been going on for over 4 months. The guy repeatedly tries to convince her to date him, even though she has clearly told him she is in a serious relationship. He has told her he has a mindset of “never giving up on something he wants” and that he will only stop the day she gets engaged. He has also said things like “If I was in a relationship with another woman, I would leave her for you.”

Yeah, so, this guy does not care. Under normal circumstances I mean, in the United States, if it’s in South Florida, the boyfriend of the husband showing up is going to tune that guy up. That’s what’s going to happen. But or I mean, in the United States, quite frankly, if the guy’s being a pest, the woman’s going to file sexual harassment and sue them because you can’t do that. Again, I don’t know what the laws are in Spain, but you can’t do that in the States.

My girlfriend has been taking steps like meeting with the boss, his mother, about the situation, but it doesn’t seem like he takes his mother seriously, because the flirting continues. She has been very open with me the whole time — she’s told her mom and friends, and has even shown me some of the messages he sends her. Lately, this situation has started to affect me mentally.

A part of me feels she enjoys the compliments and attention, and that it fills a void while I’m away in our home country for about one to one and a half months at a time due to work. My question is: How should I position myself here? Should I clearly tell her that I expect a much stronger boundary, or should I stay out of it, focus on being the prize, and let her handle it?

Thank you,

Bob

Well again, I’d be talking to her. It’s like, well, it’s like two things. If you really value our relationship, then you’re going to tell this guy to stop. And if he won’t stop, you’re going to tell him and the mother that you’re going to quit your job and go get another one if they don’t stop. However, if she’s unwilling to quit her job if this guy stops, then what does that tell you? She doesn’t mind it. Actually, she kind of likes it.

So if she kind of likes it and she’s not bothered by it, well then that would mean that your relationship really isn’t that solid. That’s what that would mean. And then I would say, “you know what? Why don’t you go and date him since you’re there, that’s clearly what you want to do. Because if you were really loyal to me and cared about me and were concerned about losing me, you’d be telling them the next time your son hits on me, I’m going to sue you or I’m going to quit. So tell him to fucking stop. So put your foot down. Tell him to stop or go find another job. And if you don’t want to do that, then I need to find another girlfriend.”

That’s pretty much where you’re at with this. So but like I said, you would think if she’s annoyed by this, that she’d be getting really pissed off about it. But, you know, maybe the guy’s charming. Maybe he’s doing it in a way that he makes her laugh and he’s not being creepy about it. But he’s just constantly expressing his interest. And she works with him.

So her answer and the way she resolves it after you share the diatribe that I’ve shared with you, will tell you everything you need to know. Because her attitude, if she’s a loyal woman and the right girl for you is going to be like, if this guy doesn’t stop go and get another job. But doesn’t sound like that’s coming up in conversation. And so then you have to assume that on some level, she kind of likes the attention and she’s not really that bothered by it.

And she’s not that bothered by it, even though it’s disrespectful to you and your relationship, well, then maybe she doesn’t respect your relationship as much as you do. And if that’s the case, well, tell the guy, hey, good luck. Have a nice life. I’m gonna find somebody else because no self-respecting man wants to put up with that shit. Nip it in the bud, or you’re going to have to find another girl. You know, I wouldn’t back her into a corner, but I would just tell her very matter of factly, “this is what needs to happen.”

If it’s really making you feel uncomfortable, he needs to stop or you need to go find another job. And again, if she’d rather stay there, then, well, women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, they voted for you. If she stays there where she’s getting hit on every day, then obviously she’s not getting bothered by being hit on. If that’s the case, she’s inviting attention from other men despite the fact she has a boyfriend. She’s not getting angry about it. She’s not telling him to stop. She’s allowing it to continue.

And then she comes back to him and goes, well, he did this, this and this. Well, I do tell him? You’re gonna quit if they don’t stop. Again, I don’t want the sexual harassment laws are there. But again, I don’t see any evidence that she’s really irritated by this. She’s telling him. So that’s a tough situation, dude. Let us know what happens. Send us an update. Because again, if she’s the right girl for you, she’s gonna make the guy stop. And if he doesn’t stop, she’s gonna quit or sue them, whatever. But again, I don’t know what the laws are. She’d have to talk to legal counsel in Spain.

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