My Girlfriend Isn’t Very Loyal. What Should I Do?

What you can do if your girlfriend isn’t very loyal but you enjoy seeing her & hooking up.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who doesn’t trust his girlfriend. She has male orbiters and guys on standby if things go sideways. She also said he wasn’t very good in bed compared to her previous lovers. She also doesn’t appear to be loyal and is secretive and deceptive. He’s ignoring the fact she clearly doesn’t value loyalty and slept with another one of her male orbiters just two days before they became exclusive.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular emailer got a girlfriend. It looks like he was the one kind of focused on locking her down to a commitment. What it really looks like is that he locked this girl down who really shouldn’t be anything more than a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, because based on her behavior, it just doesn’t look like she’s going to be very loyal. As a matter of fact, two whole days before he asked her to be his girlfriend, she had slept with another dude that she was kind of seeing, and then they kind of broke up. Things were going sideways and the very next day she’s calling that same dude again, hanging out, having fun and hooking up with him. So she’s got plenty of dudes in the background, and you never want to try to turn a hoe into a housewife.

When you’re dating somebody you, if you’re following what’s in the book, which doesn’t look like that’s what this guy is doing, you’re trying to vet them for their character, trying to see if you’re going to move in that direction of a monogamous relationship, is this person going to actually keep their commitment to you? Because character is destiny. A lot of guys, they focus on, because all human beings we make our decisions based on our emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify that and we tend to project our fantasy of what we want somebody to be onto them and we completely ignore the reality, which is what this guy is doing. So you could tell he’s trying to corral her into being loyal and exclusive, when in reality, if you just bottom line her actions, some girls are for relationships and family, but a large majority of the girls that you’re going to meet and date are really going to be more for short term relationships, fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, that kind of thing. You should never mix the two up, even though a lot of guys do, especially dudes in the military, they’re famous for that. Famous for meeting a stripper, getting married over a couple of weeks in a whirlwind romance and then they go off to war and deploy. Meanwhile, she’s running through his friends and his neighbors when he’s deployed overseas.

It’s not your job to fix somebody or to save someone. You got to see reality as it is, not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is. Committing to somebody, it should be the woman convincing you why you should commit to her, because if that’s happening, then you can be having a conversation about your boundaries and what your expectations are. “If you’re willing to take yourself off the market and commit to somebody, here’s what I expect in return.”

Another thing this guy didn’t do is he didn’t make this woman earn his commitment. It looked like he was focused on locking her down, and he assumed once she agreed to it that she was going to keep it. As we go through the email, you see it doesn’t look like that’s not her value system. It is what it is. You got to see reality as it is. You can’t project your delusional fantasies or your Disney fantasies that you saw into a movie and just pretend like the infractions, the dishonesty and the half truths are something you can just paper over or sweep under the rug and it’ll just work itself out in the end.

Viewer Email:

Dear Corey,

Thank you so much for the informative help over these last several years. I’m reaching out for advice on handling trust and accountability issues in my relationship.

Well, at the end of the day, if you’re the one with the penis. You’re the leader. You’re the masculine one. You’re the one that sets the standard. You’re the king of your kingdom, and it’s your job to hold everybody accountable in your life, and that includes the women that you allow into your inner circle, and you can’t allow people into your inner circle who haven’t earned it, and unfortunately, most people tend to do that.

I have a playlist saved on YouTube with your coaching emails. My girlfriend and I officially became exclusive on July 18th, but just a few weeks later, I discovered she’d been intimate with a coworker just two days before we I asked her officially to be my girlfriend…

So that tells me he’s locking her down. You’ve been following me for years, and you’re locking the girl down? Have you read the book? I mean, obviously anybody watching this in the Members Area of the website, you’re already subscribed, the book is free to read in the Members Area. The fact that you just watch videos and you ignore the book? That’s a big part of the problem. Most people major in minor things and they’re just too lazy. I mean, the book is there, these videos are based on the assumption, the premise that you actually read the book. The idea with the emails is it helps you fine tune what’s in the book to specific real world situations. If you just ignore the book, then you’re cherry picking.

Like I said, this guy has been following me for years and he’s trying to lock her down to a commitment. So that tells me he’s probably only focused on his interest in her, and he’s completely ignoring everything else. He’s ignoring red flags. He’s ignoring inconsistencies in her stories because again, he’s only focused on how much he likes her and ignoring the fact that it’s really not reciprocated. Especially, it just doesn’t seem like she respects this guy very much either. She’s just kind of going along to get along, but the commitment, it’s pretty clear it doesn’t really mean anything to her.

…She had described the encounter as “Just physical.”

Meaning the male coworker. So if it was just physical, Chad, Bob, Don Thundercock to probably beaten up her insides.

She admitted they’d been together two times before our commitment…

So he was a regular booty call. Don’t turn your booty call into your girlfriend. Again, this guy is only focused on, “How do I get her to be my girlfriend? How do I lock her down?” And he just completely ignores anything that gets in the way of that, but since he probably didn’t read the book, he doesn’t know what to look for. Or he didn’t read it very much because after I’ve read this email, it just doesn’t look like he’s actually read it.

…And wouldn’t let me read their text logs, saying, “If you read it, you won’t want to be with me anymore.”

Duhh! Love cannot exist where there is no trust.

We broke up on August 9th over this, but she invited him over again the next day.

Yeah, because it wasn’t really over. See how that works? She’s not, “Oh my God, I can’t let this guy get away. This is my dream, man.” No, she’s calling Chad Thundercock from the office and fucking him the next day after he breaks up with her. She doesn’t really care. She’s not trying to win him over. So that tells me she had all the leverage. He gave it all to her. He was chasing. He was pursuing her, trying to lock her down to a commitment and she just wasn’t that into it and she went along with it. If we look at her actions, I mean, she’s got these dudes in the background. This is not somebody who goes through life looking for the right guy for her to be with. She’s just having fun. She’s like one of the dudes, basically. It’s like a party girl. There are party girls and they’re family-oriented girls. There’s more party girls than there are family oriented girls, and don’t get the two confused, which obviously he’s done.

She later let me see some texts but had deleted parts, which only made it harder to trust her.

Yeah, she’s just not an honest person. As Maya Angelou said, “When somebody tells you who they are, believe them the first time.”

I later confronted her coworker, aware he also had a girlfriend from our work.

So now he’s confronting these people. It’s like, why would you want to go through life like that? Again, he’s thinking, “If I just get the right leverage or we have the right conversation, she’ll be faithful and loyal,” and he ignores the fact that she’s doing all this stuff in the background. She’s deleting texts and then going, “OK, now you can look at it.” Come on man, have some self-respect. You got to pay attention to her interest in you. You can’t just ignore that. This is how you get burned, like this guy does.

He deflected but let me see some of their conversation, but seeing his attitude only deepened my frustration with the situation.

So this guy that he’s talking to, that’s her coworker that she was also sleeping with, he’s basically looking at this dude and going, “This guy’s a bitch. This guy’s cheating on his girlfriend. She cheated on her boyfriend,” the emailer,with this guy. I mean, how pathetic is does that look? So he’s involved with people that have no integrity. I mean, she obviously knew this guy, the coworker, has a girlfriend, but she doesn’t care. Why doesn’t she care? Because she doesn’t care about loyalty. Probably because that’s what was modeled for her at home. Parents probably weren’t loyal to each other, so why should she value it? That’s what mom and dad taught her.

Despite everything, we reconciled…

In other words, he just looked past it, figuring, “Oh, I’ll get her to commit to me.”

…Though not without further conflict. During an argument, she even threatened to write me up at work, which put me in an uncomfortable and vulnerable position professionally.

So you got involved with the girl from the office who’s not really loyal, who’s fucking somebody else from the office, and then you get mad at her and she threatens to write you up? Does that sound like she thinks of you as the love of her life and is worried about losing you? No, she don’t care. You’re just one of the dicks that she happens to be riding.

My girlfriend has since expressed that she wants to be with me and has allowed me access…

“She’s allowed me.” These guys got this chick on a pedestal like she’s fucking second coming of Christ or something. Come on.

…To her phone in my presence and enabled location sharing as gestures of trust-building.

“Oh, all she has to do is leave her phone at home.”

Yet, I’m conflicted. These actions feel like temporary solutions…

They are.

…Rather than deep accountability.

Yeah, you’re trying to turn her into an honest person instead of realizing that hey, she’s just kind of the office whore, basically. Sorry. That’s what it is. You’re just the current guy or one of the current guys she’s fucking. She doesn’t care. She’s a homewrecker. She don’t give a shit. If she wants a guy, she’s gonna sleep with him, and you’re trying to hold her accountable? Come on, man. This is a party girl. This is a girl that’s fun to hook up with a few times. You don’t get involved in a relationship with her.

She’s also mentioned dissatisfaction with our sex life compared to her past relationships, which has hurt my confidence and affected my sense of security in our relationship.

Well, you got to step up your game, dude. You need to learn. You need to understand how a woman’s body works and how to get her turned on and to get her off. So that tells me you’re not very good in bed either, so why would she commit to only you? You got to do better. Don’t get butt-hurt over it, just do better. Figure it out, take some classes. Better Sex video series is a good series that’ll teach you how the body works, how it functions. I mean, all the woman’s, all of the nerve endings that give her orgasm are on the outside of her body. So you got to learn how the body works and operates so you can make the hooded bandit sing.

After another argument that led to a brief breakup…

Probably because he’s trying to get her to comply.

…She reactivated her dating apps…

Totally a loyal and faithful woman…

…And went on a date with a doctor, though she says it was just dinner.

“It’s just dinners. It meant nothing.” This is insane.

She admits to a pattern of seeking intimacy quickly after breakups, explaining why she called up her coworker, knowing he would respond.

My concern is that she hasn’t acknowledged her role in the breakdown of trust or the impact of her actions on our relationship. Without real accountability from her, I’m uncertain how to move forward with confidence. I would like advice on practical steps she could take to show genuine commitment and rebuild our relationship.

Not going to happen, dude. This is a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, the office whore or whatever you want to call it, dude. You’re delusional if you think this girl is going to be faithful to you. Besides, if you keep taking her back, you’re just enabling her behavior and communicating that this is OK. You’ll just keep forgiving her.

How can I assess whether her efforts to change are sincere?

She’s not going to change, bro. That’s just who she is. Don’t turn a hoe into a housewife. It doesn’t work.

Additionally, I would appreciate guidance on managing my emotional attachment while setting boundaries that support both my well-being and a healthy relationship dynamic.

Well, you need a date and court other women and find somebody that shares the same values as you do, because this girl does not share your values, bro. You’re not going to fix her.

Thank you for reading my message. I’m hoping your insights can help me approach this relationship with clarity and self-respect, while understanding if trust can genuinely be rebuilt.

Warm Regards,

Bob

Well, I would just say, “Look, let’s just be friends with benefits. This relationship thing is not working. You’re sleeping with another guy from the office. You got other dudes in the background. It’s just better if we both date and sleep with other people. We’ll practice safe sex. Call me when you’re free to hang out,” and what I would do is I would treat her like a fuck buddy. Don’t take her out. Don’t meet her out. You hear from her, invite her over. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Wear a condom. Make sure you flush it. If you’re a wealthy guy, you don’t want to have one slip past the goalie. Plus, you don’t want to get a gift that keeps on giving. She should just be one of the girls in your rotation. That’s it. You’re not going to fix her. It is what it is, my man. You got to see reality as it is, and you’re kind of delusional right now. Don’t try to turn a hoe into a housewife.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.