My Girlfriend Slept With A Mutual Friend

What you should do if you find out that your girlfriend hooked up with a mutual friend before you got together.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a twenty-four year old viewer who has read How To Be A 3% Man fifteen times. He recently found out that his now girlfriend hooked up with a friend of his when she was in college.

She was promiscuous in college, and now he says he feels like he can’t trust her and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Caroline and I did a video, I think it came out in the last week or two, that was talking about body count. Somebody was asking me about my body count over the last year, and my response was, “gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell.” And then Caroline started talking about this, and how talking about your sexual history to women you’re out on dates with, your girlfriend, your wife, your significant other, somebody you’re dating and trying to get to know, it’s it’s a bad way to go. It just never ends well.

If you’re a guy and you tell her everything, especially if she knows some of the girls that you’ve dated and hooked up with, when she gets upset or she feels insecure, she’s going to bring those things up. So, the best response is always, “gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell.” And, quite frankly, you don’t want to. I’ve seen guys in the comments get upset when I bring this up, “I should know a woman’s sexual history!” It’s like, you don’t want to know. And you see things are going well in their relationship and he’s like, “Oh, I guess, let’s be open and honest about everything.”

And so, he has this conversation, and now he finds out that his girlfriend slept with a mutual friend of theirs, and he found out some things about her that he didn’t like, and it’s just not going to help your situation. If you’re looking to fuck things up, then yeah, definitely go ahead and have this conversation. It doesn’t add any value, because the past is in the past.

So, I’ve got a quote that I wrote, and then we’ll go through this guy’s email. Because now you can just tell it’s like a virus that’s totally infected his mind, and it’s affecting his behavior now.

So, the quote says:

“You should never make your private sexual past public knowledge or share every intimate encounter you’ve had with every person you date. Gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell.”

I mean, that’s right out of the book, “gentlemen don’t kiss and tell.” There is a reason for that. I even give some examples of when I was younger and dumber, and I used to share a lot of things with people who I thought were my friends, people I worked with, and it just created fucking unnecessary problems and drama in my life.

Because people like to gossip, especially women. And if you work with a bunch of women, like I did back when I was in real estate, it just created a lot of problems. Especially if those women are talking to women you’re dating, or your actual girlfriend, they end up saying shit, and you end up sandbagging yourself and cock blocking yourself. I learned the hard way to shut my fucking mouth. And you should learn that too. Shut your fucking mouth.

“If you are a man and you start telling your girlfriend or wife your entire sexual history, it will be used against you and create unnecessary problems and drama in your life. If you ask your woman about her sexual past and she tells you, nothing good will come from that conversation, especially if her body count is higher than you expected, higher than yours or she has slept with other guys that you know. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.”

If you don’t believe me, you’ve got to understand, I’m fifty-two, I’ve been around the block a lot more than you younger guys that follow me, and it’s usually the younger guys, especially the ones that get all in the red pill shit, that get really upset about this when I tell them that. If you want to learn the hard way, I don’t give a fuck. It’s your life. If you want to fuck your shit up, go ahead, because you’re going to see in a second the problems it’s creating with this guy.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

I am a huge fan of your work, I have been following you for about three years now, and I have read your book How To Be a 3% Man at least 15 times now.

Well, there is a part in there that says, “gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell,” but obviously you didn’t listen.

I have been dating my girlfriend, whom I met my freshman year in college now, and she was the first woman I had ever really been interested in. We are both 24 now.

So, you figure, probably five or six years ago was when they first met, if he was a freshman at eighteen, so that’s six years this woman’s been his life.

And it’s been some years since she’s been in college after graduating.

Most people graduate with a four-year degree at twenty-two. I graduated at twenty-five. I was on the seven year plan, and I’m not a doctor. I just got a four year bachelor’s of science degree. I took my time, I took semesters off. Sometimes, I’d only take two or three classes a semester. That’s why it took so long, because I worked all through college.

In the beginning, before discovering your work, I was very inexperienced with women and had a lot to learn. Thank God for Coach Corey Wayne! Freshman year, I was completely in love with this girl, however she never gave me the time of day as a lover, because she was always getting involved with a different guy. 

And you were probably acting like a beta male, so she got turned off because there were other guys that were more confident. And the reality is, at college, this is where girls are away from their families for the first time. They can get their freak on, they can hook up, and nobody will ever know. They experiment with girls themselves. The 18-22 year-old time frame for women in college, this is when they do all their experimenting. They hook up with the fraternity brothers. They do those crazy, risky things. They get treated like dirt a few times, and they recognize, “Well, I probably shouldn’t have slept with that dude.” But you’ve got to live and learn.

She eventually friend-zoned me, and at the time I didn’t realize it because of my inexperience with woman. She eventually caught feelings for me sophomore year, after, and we eventually hooked up. Before hooking up with her, she told me over summer break she had reconnected with one of her exes, which turned me off from her, so I cut contact with her.

Two years later, after discovering your work and completely reshaping my life into a 3% man, we reconnected. She informed me that she still had feelings for me, and I still had an interest in her as well. After a year of dating, we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We recently had a discussion about our sexual history.

Naughty. Don’t do that.

And I discovered that she had sex with a mutual friend of mine the first night they met and were friends with benefits for an entire semester after we had hooked up.

Well, you cut contact with her, bro. What do you think is going to happen? You cut contact with her.

She informed me that he even brought my name up while they were together, asking her if she ever hooked up with me.

So, both guys know that they banged the same girl. It’s kind of funny, I won’t say any names, but one of the girls that I know, who may have been on my podcast before, has another job and she’s been sleeping with three different dudes from the same job. And now, they all know about each other. She kept it secret for a couple of months. It was pretty funny, actually. It’s a funny story. I can’t say too much, don’t want to get her in trouble, but we had some laughs about it the other day.

After she told me this, my entire perception of her changed. It’s really been eating at me, because she withheld this information from me for so long.

Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. And at the end of day, it’s none of your business. You weren’t with her.

And I feel like I cannot trust her anymore.

How is it going to help your relationship? What’s the difference if it’s another guy you know? Wouldn’t you rather it be one of your buddies, or just some complete rando, dude? Hey, you can keep it all in the family. Pass her around. “Take one down, pass it around.”

I mean, coming from a guy, it’s silly to me, I know I’m different than most people. I’ve set friends up with ex-girlfriends of mine. I set my ex-wife up with friends of mine, and I was happy that she dated friends. I was like, I want her to be happy. When you love somebody, you want them to be happy, even if it’s not with you.

But I understand, most people get very possessive about this. They’re being attached to something they shouldn’t be attached to. Now, you can understand her past and say, “Well, I don’t really want to be involved with a girl like that,” but the reality is, even the “good girls,” they’re are all bunch of fucking whores. That’s that’s the bottom line.

I went to a Catholic high school. What do you think was fucking going on before the internet? Like, “Oh, all the girls were innocent back then in the 80s, and now modern women suck.” It’s like, get the fuck out of here, you fucking amateur.

She’s also slept with three other guys that I know from college. I came to find out she was very promiscuous in college, having slept with around 15 guys. I have told her that I am uncomfortable with the fact that she’s slept with a former friend of mine, and she told me there’s nothing she can do about it because it’s in the past.

True, it’s in the past. What are you going to do you do about it? You don’t have a time machine, you can’t fix that. You either choose to stay with her or you say, “Hasta la vista baby. I’m out of here. I want to find a woman with a lower body count” – which they’re going to probably not be truthful anyway. The only time you’re going to get a real honest accounting of what a woman’s been doing is when she’s head over heels in love with you. Then she’ll tell you. But if she’s not, it’s not going to happen.

Should I be worried about my relationship with her, or am I just in my head? What do you recommend I do to approach this situation?

Well, how is talking about her sexual past, how is that making your relationship better? You’ve created a problem and drama when there was none.

I could really use the advice, because I really do love her, and she always expresses how in love with me she is as well.

Thank you so much Coach Corey. You always say the right thing!

Bob

Well, what can you do about it? I mean, even some of the girlfriends I’ve set up with other dudes, I’ve years later hooked up with them. So, it’s like, I’m a free spirit. I’m different than most people. I know that pisses people off, but I don’t give a fuck. I don’t live in your world, I live in my world. This is my kingdom. This is how I live. To each his own.

My job as a coach is to help you get what you want, not to be your priest or your judge, or tell you how to live. I’m just going to give you the tools you need to get what you want, and it’s up to you to decide whether or not you want to stay with them. And just like in this case, you have to decide, is this a deal breaker for you? The girl’s in love with you, and that’s why she told you everything. Well, maybe… mostly everything. Maybe her body count’s double, I don’t know. How do you really know for sure? You just have to go off of her character. Has she been somebody that is always honest with you? Or has she said a lot of things and lied about a lot of things?

I mean, at the end of the day, lack of integrity is lack of integrity, regardless of the body count. Somebody that’s going to lie about things, that’s just the way they are. And if you had a girl that slept around… because, quite frankly, most girls do sleep around in college, even in high school. I mean, I went to a Catholic high school, and this was in the 80s, this was before the internet. And so, when I see these people crying about women’s body counts and stuff like that, it’s like, dude, this shit’s always been going on. The difference is, back in my day, we didn’t have the internet where we could be talking about it and sharing all of these stories. It was just kind of kept quiet. We laughed about it. We all did it.

So, anyway, I know I’ll get a lot of shit about that, because I always do when I talk about body count. But I live in the real world, and I’m fifty-two, and so, these guys that are crying about it, most of them are all in their early twenties and they have no life experience, so it’s like, whatever. Try it your way. If your way’s working, keep doing it.

But like I said, if you love this girl and she loves you, and she’s honest and she operates from a place of integrity… because there are women that grow up in good families and have a low body count, and they’re lying fucking devious people. So, the body count is not indicative of anything. The only thing that matters is their integrity level. Do they have integrity? Now, I’m not talking about a chick that’s been three hundred dudes. But fifteen, for her age, it’s like, yeah, that’s kind of average. Big deal. Get over it. Humans, we’re sexual beings. We all got here through sex. And women like sex, too, especially when they’re young and beautiful, and they get a lot of attention from guys. What the fuck do you think’s going on in college? This has always been this way.

My old business partner, his girlfriend got knocked up by her high school boyfriend when she was sixteen. Her parents sent her away to a convent to have the baby and gave it up for adoption, and then she came back to school after that, the next year. You just deal with it differently. With the internet, we know about all these things now, because everybody talks about their shit everywhere. But in the old days, you just didn’t talk about it. How is it going to help your relationship? And if things are going well, why create unnecessary drama? But it’s your life, you do what you want.

If you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

“You should never make your private sexual past public knowledge or share every intimate encounter you’ve had with every person you date. Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. If you are a man and you start telling your girlfriend or wife your entire sexual history, it will be used against you and create unnecessary problems and drama in your life. If you ask your woman about her sexual past and she tells you, nothing good will come from that conversation, especially if her body count is higher than you expected, higher than yours or she has slept with other guys that you know. Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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