My Girlfriend Wants All My Time & It’s Killing Me!

What you should do if your girlfriend wants all your time and it’s too much.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose girlfriend is in love with him and wants all of his free time. He works 2 jobs to make ends meet and he’s getting back into the mortgage business now that interest rates are coming down again. However, she is worried he will be a workaholic and this will cause him to spend less time with her. He explains why he’s doing it, but she doesn’t get the message. This annoys him and sometimes he wonders if it’s better to be single. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “My Girlfriend Wants All My Time & It’s Killing Me!”

So this guy, his girlfriend wants all his fucking time. And she’s stuck to him like a sucker fish and he’s like, “Thanks a lot, Coach. You were right.” But he’s kind of getting annoyed with her because he used to be in the mortgage business and got out of it when the interest rates shot through the roof a couple of years ago. And he said now that with the fed dropping the rate 50 basis points, which is a half a percentage rate a couple of weeks ago, the refi business is starting to pick up again. And so he’s been offered a job and he wants to go back into the mortgage business.

But he’s working two jobs now. He’s in a sales job, and he’s also waiting tables to make ends meet. And his girlfriend is worried that if he goes back into the mortgage business, he’s going to become a workaholic and have no time for her. And he’s trying to explain. He’s like, “Hey, I got to do this.” And she’s not real supportive. And he’s kind of annoyed and he’s like, man, I wonder if it’s better to be single because this is what happens when you apply what’s in 3% Man, your girl is going to be stuck to you like a sucker fish.

She’s going to want all your fucking time. She’s going to be staying at your house all the time, taking over your bathroom, taking over your master bedroom closets. It’s just the natural progression. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. If you ever saw the old Star Trek The Next Generation that came out in the late 80s, early 90s, the Borg, “We are the Borg. We will edge. Your lower your shields. We will add your biological likeness to our own. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.” Well, that’s the way women are. If you treat them right, they’re going to love you.

But how do you handle when your girl wants too much of your time? Like, this guy is trying to use logic and reason, and she’s basically saying, “Hey, I’m afraid we’re not going to spend enough time together because women know that if you love them, you spend time with them. If you don’t, you won’t.” And so she’s worried. Probably because on some level, either she’s insecure or he’s used logic and reason, and he hasn’t done a good job of basically making her feel heard and understood. Because he’s doing what all guys do when a woman complains, “Oh, we’re not spending enough time together.”

They say, “Hey, we just did this. We did that. What are you talking about?” The guy goes into logic and reason instead of looking at her and going, “We don’t spend enough time together”, or “We never spend any time together.” Because women like to speak in hyperbole. So they use these words like it’s, “all the time.” In other words, you got to understand they’re coming from their feelings. It feels like it’s going to be all the time. “It feels like we’re never going to see each other again. Oh, we don’t spend enough time together. It’s the end of world.” You gotta understand. All she’s saying is, “Hey, take me out on a date. Spend time with me.”

That’s it. Well, “Why does he say that, Coach?” Because she’s a woman, and they’re talking from their emotions and their feelings. That’s how they are. It’s no reason to get butthurt, but if you use logic and reason and tell her, “I got to do this, it’s what I do for a living. It pays way more.” “And yeah, but we’re not going to be together as much.” What she really wants is quality time, and she’s afraid she’s going to lose some of her quality time with her man. And so the more you try to use logic and reason and rationalize with her, the more upset she’s going to get.

Because all she’s hearing is, “I’m not interested in spending more time with you, bitch. You’re a pain in my ass. Are you kidding me? You’re suffocating me.” I mean, a natural instinct for us. Guys, we’re in a relationship is to want freedom. Remember, Thích Nhất Hạnh said, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” That also goes for us guys. Even though most of the time when I mention that quote, it’s because the guy is smothering the woman. Well, in this case, the man is feeling smothered. So let’s go through his email and see what we can see.

Viewer Email:

Well, you were right Corey.

My girlfriend is in love with me and wants all of my time and attention like a sucker fish. It is completely exhausting. That said, I can’t tell if this is healthy behavior or not. She is a successful woman with a good corporate job that offers her the perk of remote work. I am recovering from the mortgage industry getting hammered 2 years ago. I pay my bills by working an in-office sales job and wait tables 3 days during the week after my sales job (no weekends).

I have been consistent in taking her out to fun dates and making time for her, although I’m not perfect. I am part of a men’s group, do jiu-jitsu 2 to 3 days a week and just purchased a home. All that to say, I know I have a lot to offer not only her, but any woman. I recently received a great offer to get back into the mortgage business as application volume has skyrocketed with the lowering of rates and the Fed’s expected rate cut in September.

Well, the other interesting thing I want to say, because we were discussing this the other day in an upcoming episode of Mastering Yourself Study Group, we’re talking about the money supply and the banking system. So the Fed dropped the rate 50 basis points, which is a half a percentage rate, a couple of weeks ago. And so what’s happening now is that people that need cash are wanting to lower their interest rate or take cash out of their property. And one of my good friends is an appraiser. And that’s the thing he’s noticed in the last year, is that a lot of people are doing home equity lines of credit and tapping their homes equity to pay bills, because they’re maxed out.

And so just because the fed lowered the rate doesn’t mean that all of a sudden the economy is going to turn around, because you got all these people that have been bankrupted and maxed out their credit cards, and now they’re maxing out their home equity line of credit. And usually the last thing that they stop paying is the roof over their head. So the house is the last thing to go. And so I would expect to see some kind of Lehman Brothers type of event sometime in 2026. It may happen sooner than that, but if you look at the timeline of what happened the last time they blew up the real estate bubble like they did, you know, which was 2004, September 2004, the interest rate increases started, and then September 2008, you had Lehman Brothers.

That was four years before that happened. But by late 2006, 2007, the real estate market, especially the residential market, was really going in the toilet. And it just continued to get worse because they lowered the rates in 2007 thinking, “Hey, we’re going to stimulate the economy.” And you remember, hope and change came into office in 2008, and they did that big stimulus bill, 800 billion or 900 billion, whatever it was, “shovel ready jobs.” And all it really was, was a payoff to all their big campaign contributors, didn’t really do jack shit for the economy because all those people that were maxed out, they still had to lose their businesses.

They had to go through the bankruptcy process. Their houses had to go through foreclosure, their cars had to be repo’d, their boats and jet skis and all that stuff. And the best time to buy real estate where the best deals were available when nobody wanted real estate was like 2009 to early 2013. So you had about three and a half years or so where almost four years where you had a lot of really good deals. The best deals were available in like 2010, 2011, 2012, and like nobody was really buying. So you can see the interest rate increases that started in 2004 caused really great real estate deals to be available, in essence, six, seven years later, which was when the best stuff was available. You’re like, man, that’s a long time.

That’s a long business cycle. But the economic boom bust cycle takes 12, 15, 16 years to go, you know, and it just keeps going up and down. And when you have inflation and assets like they did in real estate, I mean, real estate is going to fall 30%, 40%. And if you can be patient and wait about three years, there’s gonna be a lot of foreclosure deals. And the idea is to buy low, sell high. And so if you buy a house in about three years, you’re going to want to sell it at the top of the next boom cycle, which, if you look at, like I was talking about this. My dad bought a property in 2004 that I recommended. He didn’t, but he didn’t listen to me. And he bought at the height.

And that thing did not reach its same level of price that he bought it at in 2004 until 2022. So you’re talking 17, 18 years before he was able to finally unload that property because he bought at the top of the boom cycle. So he had to wait to sell at the top of the next boom cycle, which was 17, 18 years. So if you understand that how that cycle works, you can start to create generational wealth because, you got to 16, 17, 18 year process. To go through that 2 or 3 times in your life. It’s like a lot of years go by, a lot of decades go by. And so if you understand that this is why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, because the middle class and poor people they don’t know this. They don’t understand.

Most people don’t know this. And so they’re not able to pass that wisdom on to their kids. Even most politicians, I’d say 99% of the politicians don’t understand how the banking and finance system and the economy actually works. And they’re the people making the laws. So back to our email. I wanted to go in that diatribe because we’ve been discussing that a lot and the Members Only stuff, and since this is a Members Only post, I wanted to kind of elaborate a little bit on that because I want you guys to pay attention to these things, especially those of you guys that want to buy a piece of real estate.

Man. About three years is going to be a lot of, you know, everything’s going down in value and it’s going to continue to go down in value. Even though they’re lower in the interest rates, because they were lowering interest rates in 2007 frantically to stimulate the economy. And yet Lehman Brothers still happened in 2008. And you had several other years of just not much happening.

Why I am writing to you is because my girlfriend and I have a divide in work life balance. She is against working more than 40 hours a week. She’s voting for Trump by the way.

Trump 2024. I mean, Trump will be able to lower the energy prices, which he’s focused on that because that will drive the cost down on everything, because everything ships and runs on oil and gas. And if he can really open that up to drilling, the perception in the market futures market is the price of oil is going to go down. And if the price of oil and gas goes down, that makes it cheaper to ship things. It makes it cheaper to fly. It makes it cheaper to manufacture things.

It makes it cheaper to charge your electric car, whatever it happens to be, to run your pool pump, to keep the lights on. Everything gets cheaper, your food gets cheaper, everything. So that’s all a good thing. But he’s not going to really be able to have much of an effect on the real estate market just because at this point, with all these people that have been banking, when you look at like FHA, 90 day delinquencies, car repossessions, car delinquencies, Capital One and Discover Card, in their last quarterly filing, their charge off rate was just under 6%.

And the last time it was that high was 2008. And their normal charge off rate is only like, I think, a point and a half 1.5%, 2% at the most. And when you looked at what it got to, I think it got as high as 10% or 12%. And that was like in 2010, 2011, if I’m not mistaken. Again, all this data is available online where you can look it up. But, you know, people walking away from their credit cards, it’s because they’re maxed out. They can’t afford to pay things. And so you have to go through that debt destruction cycle. But if you understand how it works, man, you can really profit at it. So back to our email here.

So she’s against working 40 hours a week. And he and she hates that he has to work two jobs to provide. She feels that I will miss out on life in creating memories with her.

All you can say, “Babe, don’t worry, I got this. I’m a Jedi master when it comes to the mortgage business. And I’m going to kill it. That I won’t have to wait tables. I won’t have to work this other sales job. I can work one job, but, you know, I may have to work a few weekends here and there, but if you ever feel like we’re not going out enough, or I’m not dating you enough or spending enough quality time with you. You just got to let me know. But don’t fucking nag. Be sweet about it. Just say, baby, take me out on a date. We’ve only been out once this week.”

She constantly brings up how she doesn’t want to be alone. She is much more social than I am and gets recharged by being around people where I tend to want to be alone and work on my hobbies and interests.

Well. The courtship never ends, my man. You got to continue to date her and you guys don’t have kids or anything. You should be going out and at least one, ideally two dates a week. You just have to. And so don’t argue with her. Don’t use logic and reason. Because what she’s worried about is that you’re not going to spend enough time with her and that your job is going to get in the way.

And so all she really says is, “I love you. I want to spend time with you.” That’s all she’s really communicating. “I love you and I want to spend time with you.” “Well, coach, why don’t you just fucking say that?” I was like, because she’s a woman. That’s how they communicate. They communicate from their emotions. And she doesn’t like the thought of you not being around as much. You should take that as a compliment. And the fact that you’ve been a hell of a student. And we’re assuming that she’s not a needy, insecure lunatic.

She is scared that if I hop back into the mortgage industry that I won’t have enough time for her. I have reminded her that although I’ll be working, that I’m doing it for us and to create a great secure life and empire together. She doesn’t seem to get that I can’t continue to pay for our great dates, a mortgage and bills by not working hard.

It’s not that she doesn’t get that again. All she really cares about is quality time with you. That’s what matters. Bonding. Connecting. Opening up to receive love. This is feminine energy. And what you’re basically saying is, “Hey babe, the status quo is going to continue.” So what she really needs is reassurance that not only are you going to continue to spend time with her, you’ll probably actually have more because now you only have one job.

And obviously you should start. You should get rid of the other jobs only once you got a good pipeline going. But I assume your sales job, you’re going to have to walk away from that. But maybe you keep the waiting tables until everything looks really good and then you can dip from that. And then during the week you’ll be home to do date night. So think of it from that perspective.

I will admit that I am more of a workaholic than most but I’m not sure how to navigate this bump in my relationship. She keeps pressuring me to take up more of my time and I can tell she’s not supportive of my new job or even me working my current jobs. You know how women have that gift to make a situation absolutely miserable, well she does it every time we talk about work or her not getting the time that she wants.

Well, you got to schedule it. Schedule some time. There’s certain date nights that are just for the two of you. Maybe you say, let’s plan two nights a week that are just yours. And the rest we got to play by ear. But don’t get pissed off or upset and start using logic and reason to explain. “Hey, we went on three dates last week and two weeks to the date the week before.” That’s not what she wants to hear. You just got to understand.

All she’s really saying is, “Baby, I want to spend time with you. I’m afraid I’m not going to get to spend as much time with you as I normally do.” So think of it. How can you explain it in a way that actually makes it look like, wow, you’re going to have more time together. Because if you’ve only got one job, then you’ll actually be able to spend more time together. Even if you have to work 50 hours. Even if you have work a little bit on the weekends or whatever. Plan date nights and time that you both can agree to.

Because all she’s really saying is, “I want to make sure I get to spend time with you.” So if you schedule it and she has days to work towards, she’ll still probably complain a little bit. It’s like, “Babe, I’ll be home soon. Don’t worry, I’ll be there.” Just remember, every time she complains about you not working, you working too much, or you not being around, or her being afraid that you’re not around. All she’s really saying is, “I want to spend time with you, baby. I want to spend time with you.”

Think of it that way, because that’s all it really is. And what you need to do to solve this is, “Babe, we’re going to go out on this day.” Or, “You know what? You’re right. We haven’t spent enough time together. I’m taking you out tomorrow night.” “Where are we going?” “None of your business. Wear that red dress I love.” “Where are we going to go?” “It’s none of your business. This is a secret.” And just handle it that way. Because using logic and reason and try to go, “I did this, and I did that.” Like, it’s a fucking waste of time.

All she’s going to hear is, he doesn’t want to spend time with me. He doesn’t love me.” So just give her what she wants. Just understand that that’s what she’s really asking for. She’s asking for quality time. And when you use logic and reason to justify what you’re doing, all she hears is, “I’m not changing anything. The status quo is staying in effect, and I don’t want to spend time with you.” That’s what she hears. Even though it’s not what you’re saying, that’s what she hears. So if you understand where she’s coming from, all she needs is reassurance that she’s going to have access to your time.

There are days where being single would feel like bliss but when we do projects around the house together and spend time together life is so much better with her in it. 

That’s what she wants. So spend time with her.

I need some advice on what to do from my favorite bald headed bastard.

Thank you Corey

Well, that’s what the bald headed bastard has to say.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.