My Girlfriend’s Visa Expired & She Ghosted Me When She Went Back To Her Home Country

Why a girlfriend will ghost you after she goes back home when her visa expires.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose girlfriend went back to her home country when her visa expired. 2 months later she ghosted him after she had problems getting it renewed to return. She slowly faded away and made less and less of an effort to stay in touch. It’s been over a month of no contact and he wonders what happened. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “My Girlfriend’s Visa Expired & She Ghosted Me When She Went Back To Her Home Country.”

So this particular guy, he thought everything was going great with his relationship. He’s dating a woman from another country. And I guess last fall her visa expired and then she was having trouble getting it renewed. She was unable to get it renewed. And then she went back thinking, it’s just going to be a couple week process. But then he says it kind of went into a visa black hole, and he wanted to get an attorney to help out with that.

And she was kind of, “no, no, no, I don’t want to rock the boat.” And he’s, you know, all he could basically do at this point because she’s like, it’s taking care of her family. There’s like a 12 hour time difference. So she’s literally on the other side of the globe. Plus, he says she comes from a conservative, really conservative country. I assume she’s probably from the Middle East. And after she was back there, he just over the weeks, even though he was trying to do FaceTime video dates and stuff, it was pretty clear he was trying to keep the relationship going, and she was just kind of backing away to the point where she just literally ghosted him.

He even, you know, sent her a merry Christmas message and she just completely ignored it. Now, it’s been a month over a month now, and he hasn’t heard anything from her. And so he’s trying to figure out what the hell happened here. And so he thought things were really great. But if a woman’s truly head over heels in love with you, she’s not going to go back to her home country and then just disappear like that on you, it kind of looks like she wasn’t really that into it. And more than likely, this guy was more focused on his interest in her and wasn’t really paying attention.

Because if your visa expires and then you have to go back, that tells me she wasn’t doing what she needed to be doing to to get her visa renewed ahead of time. Maybe she waited till the last minute. Or quite frankly, she really didn’t care and she didn’t want to stay here. And this guy, he was probably too focused on his interest in her and didn’t notice that. Because if she thought he was the love of her life, she’s not going to go back to her home country and then just ghost him.

So it looks like her interest is waning. She really didn’t want to stay. She’s probably going through the motions. She enjoyed the companionship while she was here. But, you know, once she left, it’s like she was backing away in a way that was slow and gradual without trying to hurt his feelings too much, until the point where she just completely blew him off. So women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, it means they voted for you. So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Dear Corey,

By following your teachings, I started a relationship with an amazing woman in her mid-30s.

Well, I don’t think she’s that amazing if she treated you the way you wrote in this email. Again, that tells me you’re focused on your fantasy of what you wanted this girl to be, and you were kind of ignoring reality. You shouldn’t be sending an email and going, “a really amazing woman who ghosted you when she went back to her home country”, wasn’t that amazing. But you love the fantasy of who you wanted her to be, and in your mind, and your fantasy she was amazing, but in reality, that’s a shitty thing to do to somebody.

With an amazing woman in her mid-30s who basically checked off all my boxes. She had asked me to be exclusive and things were blissful for almost half a year. However, in early autumn, she had to return to her home country to renew her work visa. The process was expected to take around three weeks. She felt anxious about the trip, especially with regards to visiting her aging parents.

So again, she didn’t do what needed to be done to get her visa in order. That tells me that she’s kind of lazy. Kind of sloppy. Again, is this the kind of woman you really want to be with? Somebody that’s like being with another child? Not really. You need a woman who’s competent. And if she’s got a work visa that needs to be renewed, you don’t wait till the last minute to do it and then go, “oh, shucks. Well, there’s nothing I can do. Have a nice life.” Then disappear. And if she’s worried about her aging parents, again,

if she’s head over heels in love with you, even though she loves her parents, she’s not going to want to be away from her man. It’s just a fact of life. Interest cuts through everything. If it’s low, then she’s okay with losing you and staying with her aging parents. That just means she doesn’t really want to be with you. Doesn’t matter the words that come out of her mouth. If we just take a step back and we bottom line her actions. Where is she? She’s with the parents. She’s not with this guy. And she basically, you can tell as I get further in the email, it’s like she just was fading away.

And it kind of looks like she was planning this because he’s trying to fix things with the visa and get an attorney involved, and she didn’t even want him to do that. Probably because she felt guilty about him spending money trying to keep her here, when in reality she just didn’t want to be here. And it became obvious that he wasn’t kind of figuring that out on his own. She just blew him off. So it’s clear she wasn’t truly head over heels in love.

She may have been for a short period of time, but, you know, there’s obviously things that he did wrong that caused her to lose attraction and respect. Because again, she went back to her home country and just totally dipped on him and he didn’t see it coming. So that tells me he was probably too focused on his interest and her and not really paying attention to her interest in him.

With the 12-hour time difference, it became much harder to maintain the cadence of weekly dates we had when she was in the country. I’m a professional with a demanding schedule, and she had a busy itinerary for this trip.

So with that again, if this is the love of your life and she’s not working, she ain’t making time for you. And again, he probably bought all the excuses because they sounded logical. “Oh, I’m just real busy on this trip.” It’s like if a girl won’t make time for the love of her life to do an hour or two FaceTime date once a week, you’re not important to her. No matter what delusional fantasies you got going on in your head. The bottom line is you were not important enough to even stay in contact with. So it kind of looks like she was already had checked out and you didn’t notice. Because again, as you said, she checked all your boxes, so you just assumed you were good.

I would occasionally video call her at 4 a.m. my time before work, just to get face time in.

It sounds like he’s doing all the pursuing and so. And she’s making absolutely no effort. If your girlfriend and love of your life who checks all your boxes, goes back to her home country, and you’re doing 100% of the pursuing and 100% of the effort to try and stay in contact, you’re pushing a wet noodle. You’re chasing after a woman who has lost interest and checked out and left and you’re like the last person to know. And that’s not a fun place to be. I feel for you, dude. But, you know, you got a knowledge gap. Maybe you didn’t spend enough time really learning The Book.

Maybe you did like what a lot of guys do. You focus on the Pickup and Seduction Skills never really focus on the Relationship Skills. And you just assume, since she had asked you to be her boyfriend initially, that everything was good and you were set to live happily ever after. But again, women don’t just go back to their home country, you know, let their visa lapse and go, “oh shucks, well, I can’t make it back.” And then when you try to help them out by getting an immigration attorney, they don’t want you to do that.

So that tells me, you know, if you’re her man, she’s like, “oh, thank you, baby, for doing that. I’m so appreciative of you. I can’t wait to get back and see you.” But now she’s like, “oh, don’t do that. I don’t want to rock the boat.” It’s like she doesn’t want to come back. That’s what it really is. And as harsh as that is, it’s, you know, this guy needs a swift kick in the balls and a dose of reality, which, that’s why I’m here, because nobody’s going to give it to you straight like I do.

After three weeks passed, her visa application was placed in “administrative processing”.

Again, if she’s got a work visa and she’s here because a company sponsored her, that company would be handling this process.

After three weeks passed, her visa application was placed in “administrative processing”—a status I didn’t realize was effectively a bureaucratic black hole. We hoped it would be resolved soon, but it dragged on.

Again, it’s because it’s pretty clear your girlfriend really didn’t do anything to make sure the visa got renewed. And it’s clear he was pushing the wet noodle. She wasn’t doing anything to help.

At around five weeks in, her parents’ house was next on her itinerary. Her parents have high standards for her, and I know she felt guilt about being thousands of miles away, especially being their only child. 

Again, interest level, attraction level cuts through everything. Again, it sounds like a nice excuse it makes total logical sense, but the reality is women vote with their feet and she would rather be there than here with you.

At this point, she began to reach out to me less and started texting more.

Because again, she just slowly extricating herself. She doesn’t want to talk to you. She’s trying to let you down easy without hurting your feelings because she feels guilty about what she’s doing. Which is she probably knew when she left that she had no intentions of coming back. So she wasn’t really being honest. And again, if this guy is only focused on his interest in her and ignoring her actions and her low interest. Well, I mean, it’s pretty obvious as we go through this email that she didn’t want to be with him anymore. This was her way of breaking it off. Just to go, “oh, well, oh shucks, didn’t get my visa renewed. Well, better luck next time.” That’s kind of her attitude.

We had occasional phone calls, but they were short in duration.

Again. If she loved you, she would do anything just to hear the sound of your voice or see your face on FaceTime. But when she’s like, “oh, I just want to do a quick phone call.” She’s not into it.

She’s from a conservative culture, so I figured she was trying to keep our relationship secret from her parents.

Again. So he’s rationalizing all these things and making excuses for her and her low interest and saying, “oh, she’s just trying to hide her relationship from her parents.” Meanwhile, he continues to call and text and to try to get in touch and make the effort to move things along. And she’s not even willing to talk to him. “Oh, I’d rather talk through text.”

We exchanged brief messages every other day, which was manageable given our schedules. However, this situation made me feel like I wasn’t properly dating her.

Probably The Illusion Of Action, he’s thinking he’s got to do something to fix it. But meanwhile, the right way to handle a situation like this is if she goes back home, she should be the one reaching out to you 95% of the time and you should just make video dates. But you know, you should be the one that’s hard to get ahold of and to lock down and be mysterious. And her wondering where you’re at, what you’re doing. But instead, it’s pretty clear from your email that you were kind of in the feminine role here.

You’re always wondering where she’s at, what she’s doing, why she’s so difficult to get ahold of, why doesn’t she want to talk to you on the phone, why doesn’t she want to FaceTime you? “Oh, it must be because her parents, she’s trying to hide their relationship from the parents.” That doesn’t sound like a girl who loves you and who’s really proud of you and misses you terribly. Again, it just looks like this was her excuse to get away and just blame it on the visa process.

After about seven or eight weeks, her visa was still stuck in administrative processing, and she expressed her frustration to me. I tried to console her. She mentioned that if the situation didn’t resolve soon, she might need to get a job in her country.

So in other words, what she’s really saying is I’m going to find a job back home and I’m not coming back. So Doc Love used to say, “Women don’t lie and men don’t listen.” And so she’s basically telling you her plans. “Oh, you know what? If this doesn’t work itself out, I might just, you know, have to get a job here.” So in other words, she was already looking for a job there because she had made up her mind to stay there and not come back. That’s what was really going on. She’s making plans to stay, not to come back to you.

I reassured her that I believed everything would work out and that I’d be there for her, no matter how long it took. 

Again, you were committed and you were ignoring the fact that her actions showed she was not. Elvis had left the building.

This statement came from a place of wanting to be her rock – not from neediness. 

Well, why’d you bring it up, then?

I figured this process couldn’t take much longer.

It’s pretty clear she’s not doing anything to move it along. Again, she waited till the last minute to renew it and then just said, “oh, darn it. You know, I’m just going to have to get a job back here.” She’s not trying to come back, bro. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but that’s again, we just look at our actions.

At the 10-week mark, I considered hiring an attorney to help.

Well, that should have been done early on if you were having problems. But again, she wasn’t really lifting a finger. And this is the key right here.

I wanted to discuss it on the phone with her, but she was sick in bed with a fever and preferred text.

If you’re the love of her life, even though she’s got, you know, snot and stuffy, she’s still going to want to talk to you. This is something that’s important. Oh, let’s just talk through text. So maybe she wasn’t really sick. Maybe that’s why she wanted to talk through text only is because she was bullshitting you.

I had reservations about handling such a complex topic over text, but I proceeded anyway. 

I would have just said, “well, if you’re not feeling well, get some rest and then call me when you feel better so we can discuss this.” And if it was me, I would have got the attorney involved a long time ago. But again, she’s the one that didn’t really work to get her visa renewed and she’s still not lifting a finger. “Oh, I’m sick with a cold. I just want to text.” And so he bought every excuse that she gave him, and he ignored the fact that she was trying to slowly extricate herself from the situation.

Confusion ensued. I’m not sure, but I think she thought I was implying to get married.  We eventually cleared things up.

So you can see he’s, “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness. Oh, uh.” She had all the power. Again. She maybe was initially attracted and did ask him to be her boyfriend, but after that, her interest just went down and he didn’t notice it until it was too late.

While she appreciated my support, she was hesitant to seek out legal counsel. 

I assume this is the United States and she doesn’t want an attorney to help her. The reason she doesn’t want an attorney to help her is because she doesn’t want you spending any money, because she doesn’t have any intentions of coming back. That’s what’s really going on.

I reiterated this was important to me and to us, and that we should really consider hiring an expert. 

No, it’s important to you, but not to her. Because again, just bottom line her actions and that we should really consider hiring an expert.

I then asked her if she could send me her resume when she felt better, because research showed me that’s the first thing an attorney would ask for. Regardless, she still declined.

Easygoing, easy to get along with is like, no. She doesn’t fucking care about you. She just doesn’t want to admit that to you. Because she’s made up her mind. She’s just basically slowly fading away and just is hoping that you’ll eventually figure it out, that she doesn’t want to be with you anymore. And then when she realized that you just weren’t getting the message, she just ghosted you.

Regardless, she still declined because she didn’t want to rock the boat with her current application. 

Which is total bullshit. She just didn’t want to make any effort because that makes no sense, especially if you’re dealing with the United States legal immigration system, which I’ve dealt with before.

At the end of the conversation, she mentioned she was still feeling sick and said she might not check her phone for a while.

I’m really sick. I might not check my phone for a while. She’s basically saying, yeah, don’t fucking call me. I’ll call you. Leave me the hell alone. Yeah, it’s brutal, man, but this is what happens if you don’t learn The Book and you don’t understand how attraction works. You’ll continue to make all kinds of excuses for a woman who’s clearly not lifting a finger and trying to just soft ghost you and just hope that you go away because she doesn’t want any kind of confrontation.

A couple days later, I sent a short message to check in on her recovery, but I didn’t receive a reply. 

So that shows me by this point, he’s probably doing 100% of the pursuing, and probably been doing most of it for a long time and he was like the last to figure it out. Which again, is the exact opposite of what The Book says. And so he literally chased her away. But once she stopped feeling guilty, she just poof disappeared.

Eight days after that, on Christmas, I sent a quick ‘Merry Christmas’ with a fun photo from a party with my extended family.

And what was her response?

With no response to that, I vowed to myself that I would not serve more than two balls over the net. 

Well, you should have stopped pursuing a long time ago. This is called The Illusion Of Action and you got hoodwinked by it. You kept pursuing and kept chasing, trying to fix this. And all she was really trying to do was break up with you without breaking your heart or being brutally honest and telling you the truth, which was she just wasn’t coming back when she left. She was gone for good.

It’s now been over a month since I last heard from her. Our relationship was incredibly fun and fulfilling while she was here, but I feel long distance strain has taken its toll. 

Bro. Your girlfriend left you. She had low interest. And you’re living in a world of delusion. Because, again, if you just take a step back and bottom line her actions. This girl, I don’t think she was ever in love with you. She cared about you a lot. And while she may have asked you to be exclusive after that, you probably thought, hey, the race is won, I got this. And you just from that point forward, paid attention.

You assumed that she since she was with you then everything’s great. But again, a visa and living situation like this. And she didn’t just let it lapse basically is what she did. She submitted an application. But do you really even know? She may have told you that she tried to extend it, but maybe she didn’t because she had no intention of coming back and she just didn’t want to admit that to you. Again, everything. It just looks suspect here. Again, she ghosted you.

Navigating this situation was tough, and I know I didn’t do everything perfectly. 

Well. That’s an understatement.

Even if I had done everything right, I wonder if it would’ve just delayed the inevitable?  What do you think, Corey?

I think you were in love with a girl that you couldn’t tell didn’t give a shit about you. And so, you know, the visa expiring was just an excuse. It just looks like she had no intentions of staying. And she didn’t want to hurt your feelings. She wanted to enjoy her time that she had left with you. But once she was gone, again, nothing but excuses and, “I’m traveling. I’m busy.” And he rationalized saying, “well, I’m busy too, so it makes total sense.” So again, you got to read The Book, man. You got to learn what’s in here. You can’t half ass it and just thumb through it once or twice and think you’re a lady slayer.

It doesn’t work that way. You know, it looks like you were pretty clueless here, and you got bamboozled and you bought a bunch of bullshit. You you bought the lie, hook line and sinker. And now you’ve come to realize after, you know, we’re middle of February now and you haven’t heard from her and basically two months, over two months at this point. And so I would assume you’re never going to hear from her again. If she ever reached out, I wouldn’t even fucking bother responding to the bitch. I would lick your wounds, pick yourself up, pick The Book back up and take it seriously and learn it.

So this kind of shit doesn’t ever happen again. But again, once this chick hopped on a plane and went back home, she had no intentions of coming back or making the visa happen. And again, you don’t even know because she did all that on her end. So more than likely she knew her visa was expiring and she did nothing to try to renew it. That’s what it looks like. Because again, if she really wanted to come back and was disappointed that she couldn’t, she would have been like, “hell yeah, when you offered to get an attorney.”

But instead she’s like, “no, no, I don’t want to rock the boat.” And then she just ghosted you. Yeah. That’s what happened. She realized that once you didn’t know that she was gone, she figured by this point she didn’t care anymore. She was over it. You got to do better, dude. You got to take learning this stuff seriously. Thumbing through The Book once or twice is not going to cut it. There are no shortcuts to success.

I know it’s harsh, but, you know, I’m not going to sit here and blow sunshine up your ass. It’s like you got to do better because you were completely clueless. You got totally bamboozled, and you bought every bullshit thing that this girl said to you, and you totally ignored reality, and you totally ignored her actions or her lack of action, and that’s on you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.