My Lady Is Distant

Dec 7, 2015 by Coach Corey Wayne

unhappy young woman in bedroomWhat you should do and what typically causes your lady to become distant, take you for granted and generally start treating you like she no longer cares much for you.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says his lady has become distant. He finally lost his virginity to her at thirty-four years of age recently. He’s obviously a late bloomer. He shares several instances where he lost his cool with her over the past few months, which have had a negative effect on her attraction and interest.

He’s doing a lot of little things that are communicating he is waiting around on her, feels insecure and unworthy and is also focused on locking her down to a commitment. He’s starting to realize, after watching many of my videos, he needs to clean up his act, improve his game and become a better boyfriend. He is worried about losing her and worried she might dump him. He asks what he can do to turn things around quickly. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.

Hey Corey,

Just before I started listening to your YouTube videos, I was acting like a little bitch towards my girlfriend, getting pissed because she was excluding me from hanging out with her friends when they came to town. We’ve been exclusive since early July. Friends enjoy on holiday in the cafe. (I would say, more than likely, the reason she’s doing that is because her attraction level is low. Otherwise, she would have wanted all of her friends to meet you.) I lost my cool and stopped the playful texting, just for that day. She invited me to meet up after I told her I was waiting for her — dumb, right?! (Yes, but at least you recognize it, so you can clean up that behavior.) That entire day she was cold and complaining about how tired she is and her body was aching. (It sounds like those are some of the excuses she was giving for not wanting to hang out with you, but the reality is, she’s just not into you because of the way you were behaving.) I wasn’t feeling weak, but I may have come across that way by asking her how she was feeling. (You were sitting around waiting on her, instead of acting like a man who had a mission and a purpose in life.) Later that night we went out to dinner, and the same thing happened. She was just being distant from me. I was in fairly good spirits laughing with her friends and being the normal conversationalist that I am. (That’s what you should have been focusing on.)

Lately, she’s been blowing me off, yet sending me texts apologizing for her busy life. She works nearly 60 hours a week, is a mother of a 2 year old, and is going back to school. (These are her excuses, and it also tells me you’re over-pursuing. Guys who do that are falling under what I call, “The Illusion Of Action.” They’re trying to force something to happen. With women, you have to let their feelings grow. At this point, more chasing is not going to help the situation. You should do nothing, because scarcity creates attraction.) For the past few days, I’ve been freaking out, but I haven’t contacted her, and I don’t plan to do so until the weekend, unless she contacts me. (You should never pursue someone who’s blowing you off and doesn’t have time for you. The quickest way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours. Spending time together should be her idea. At this stage of your relationship, she should be doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing, and when you hear from her, you should make the next date.) If she doesn’t contact me, I’ll just tell her, “I’d love to see you again. Let’s get together next week.” (You shouldn’t be reaching out, because it’s not her idea. Until she starts to miss you and values what you bring to the table, she’s not going to reach out.)Young woman looking at her smartphone in urban background

I’ve fucked up a few times in this relationship right off the bat with my stupid mouth, bringing up marriage, not with her exactly, and kind of bad mouthing myself. (Before you say anything to her, ask yourself if it’s going to make you look more attractive in her eyes.) I’m working more and focusing on my future and the pursuit of happiness and self fulfillment/reliance. (That’s what you should always be focusing on, no matter what you’re girl is doing. A man has to have a purpose and a mission in life, and he needs some ambition. That’s what masculine energy is, and women find that attractive.) I’ve seen my mistakes and need to become a better boyfriend, creating more interest in her. (You need to read my book ASAP. At the end of the day, you’ve got to participate in your own rescue. You can’t just cherry-pick information from the videos.) I know I fucked up, because I brought up the relationship thing after we’d had sex. I just lost my virginity, by the way, at 34 years old. (Better late than never.) I also jumped the gun and told her I loved her, but had to run. She didn’t respond right away, but tried to jump my bones before I left. After kissing for a while, she told me she loved me as well. (Keep in mind, when a woman says, “I love you,” it only applies in that moment.) Things were great for a few months, texting every day yet, I wasn’t always quick to respond, even still today. (The phone is for setting dates. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear, and there’s nothing unclear with you. There’s no wondering about you or wondering where she stands with you.) I’ve always done little things for her that I’m sure made her day, bringing her coffee, helping with her child, opening the door of my car for her, complimenting her, etc., but I don’t do them every day. (Those are fine, but you also need to be looking to see if she is reciprocating those things for you. If not, that’s an indicator she doesn’t care.) I’m confused here, but as I listen to more of your videos, I’m understanding where I fucked up and what I will need to change in the future. (You need to read the book and change these things ASAP.)

smiling couple with autumn backgroundI truly care about this girl and her daughter and desire to be more prevalent in their lives. (That won’t make her want you more. She needs to work to start spending time with you. If you don’t let her come to you, she’s going to friend-zone you.) I guess I just need to prove that I can be patient and stronger. (That’s approval-seeking behavior. That’s beta-male behavior. She needs to also prove she’s a great catch for you. See the attraction table in my book that details the things women say and do when they’re head over heels in love with you. It will help you figure out where you stand with her. You should stop running after her and wait to hear from her before you make dates. Then just focus on hanging out, having fun and hooking up.) The reason I’m contacting you is because I am quite nervous about getting dumped, but don’t want to come across as a pushover and needy. (That’s why you need to wait for her to reach out to you. It needs to be her idea. If you want to save this relationship, you need to read my book.)

Thanks coach!

Bob

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“The problem is never what happens to us in our lives, but the meanings we choose to give to the circumstances of our lives. Over the course of our lifetime, we are going to experience countless failures, setbacks and things happening to us which are unwanted and unexpected. How we face our problems and challenges, and whether or not we choose to transcend them or let them derail our dreams, is what separates successful people from those who live a life that is less than what they are capable of living. Successful people decide ahead of time they will look for the gift and blessing in every situation to help them improve, and become a better version of themselves.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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Published on December 7, 2015

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. The bit in the middle of this video, where Corey explains not to pursue and do “nothing” if she is being distant and blowing you off is the most important piece of dating advice it is possible to receive IMO. It is so incredibly true but runs counter to what most of us – me included – have done. We follow, over-persue and chase when we should be doing nothing – “The Illusion of Action”!

    Brilliant advice Corey. I am doing just this. I’ve read your book three times now – twelve more to go!

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