My Wife Has A Boyfriend After I Lost My Way, But I Want Her Back

What you can do if your girl left after you got complacent & you want her back.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had an on again off again relationship with his wife over the past eight years. She has two other baby daddies. He got complacent again and she left him for another guy.

Now he wants her back, but she has a boyfriend while saying he’s just a friend. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, this particular email gives a whole new meaning to a woman who has several baby daddies.

So these guys have been together on and off for about eight years. I think she had a baby daddy before him. In between while they were together, I guess they weren’t together or they split up for a while, she had a baby with somebody else and then they got back together. She’s been raising this other dad’s kid as his own, and I think they had some more kids after that. So this is like the ultimate blended family. It’s like community property.

This particular guy says he got complacent after being together, stopped dating and courting her and he went through like a rough patch. Then she started dating somebody else, and now that he’s woken up to what’s happened, he still wants her back, believe it or not.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I appreciate all the work you do and how much your teachings have helped me shift my mindset. I’d love your insight on my situation with my ex, Kate, the mother of my five kids.

We’ve had an on-again, off-again relationship— This would be the fourth time in eight years. We were married for 4.5 years. She had two kids before we met…

So there were two before they met. It’s hard to keep track of all these little rascals!

…And after we had our first child together, we broke up. During that time, she got pregnant by another guy…

So I guess that would be the second baby daddy. So now she’s got kids with three different dudes, apparently.

…But I’ve raised that child as my own. Later, we reconciled and had our youngest, who is now 2.5 years old.

It’s like the Brady Bunch here.

Our most recent breakup was three months ago. It was mutual, but I take full responsibility for my part. I became complacent, lost my sense of purpose and didn’t make her feel heard or understood. I stopped courting her, always making excuses because we had no sitter.

Well, if you don’t date and court your wife, eventually some other guy will come along and do it for you. Just saying, “Ah shucks! Couldn’t find a babysitter. I guess we can’t go out on a date,” that just shows you’re lazy. Women want to be in a love story. If you can’t even get a babysitter to babysit your kids so you can go out on a date, well you deserve what you get. You just cannot behave that way in a long-term relationship and expect any woman to stick around. That is a no-no.

The two biggest reasons why I see people in long-term relationships struggle is they all do the same two things: They stop dating and courting their girl and they don’t make her feel heard and understood. When a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open, and when she doesn’t, the legs close. If you don’t date her or court her, eventually some other guy will do it for you.

When I had to watch our youngest every day for three months while she went to school, I lost my drive, became insecure and ultimately failed to lead. She emotionally invested in another guy. Before the breakup, I sent long letters explaining my feelings and what I needed. Bad move, I know.

Well, women only care about how they feel about you. They don’t really care about how you feel about them. It has no effect on their attraction and their interest in you. When you’re not acting like a man, when you’re losing your drive, you’re insecure, you’re not leading the family, she’s going to naturally seek somebody else who will. You get about six to 12 months of flailing around before the average woman taps out. It’s just the way it is.

Since the separation, I haven’t reached out first, only responding when necessary about the kids. Recently, she started dating someone new, though she calls him “Just a friend…”

Well, obviously it’s friend with some benefits, and you should be dating other women as well. If you’re wife has a new boyfriend or is dating somebody that she says is just a friend…

…But our kids say otherwise.

So the kids are around her and the new dude and she’s like, “Oh yeah, they’re dating.” She’s telling you what you need to hear because usually you probably buy whatever she tells you. So the smart thing to do on your part is, “Hey, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” You should be dating other women, even if you don’t feel like it. That’s what you should be doing, because your wife clearly got somebody new.

Since she’s been seeing him, she hasn’t reached out at all in the past two weeks. I can’t take the kids yet, so I stay at our house every second weekend while she leaves.

Well, why should you leave your house? A man does not leave his castle. If she wants to leave, she can. Plus, you’re raising two or three kids by two other guys as part of your family. If she’s the one that left the relationship and you want to stay in it, well she can be the one to move out. If you own the house and you’re on the note and the mortgage, well you have every right to be there just like she does, but it sounds like you’ve been used to acting like a beta male for a while, so that would make sense. If you don’t lead and your wife just says, “I want you to move out so I can hang out with my new boyfriend,” you probably with your tail between your legs just went ahead and did that. It’s a bad way to go.

If you want to keep your family together, you don’t leave your house. She can leave and then she can explain to the kids why she’s breaking the family up.

This past weekend, she was emotional over an issue with her brother’s ashes. She lashed out, but I stayed calm and indifferent, which helped her relax.

Well, masculinity is calm after all.

She eventually opened up, and before I left, I got my first hug since the separation.

Oh boy, a hug while she’s fucking some other guy! Aren’t you a lucky dude?

I know I need to focus on myself, regain my confidence, and become the best version of me. I understand attraction and where I went wrong. My question is: When she brings up past mistakes, should I just acknowledge and move on?

Your job is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, hook up. So your wife is fucking somebody new and you should be doing the same. You shouldn’t be looking at this as, how do you get another chance with her? I mean, at some point, you got to have some self-respect. Every time things go sideways with you guys, she goes and looks like she gets knocked up by somebody else, and there’s potentially a chance she gets knocked up by this new guy. So then she could have four different baby daddies. That’s really a blended family.

If I were you, focus on what it is that you want, which is somebody that wants to be with you and clean up your behavior. Read the book. Obviously it’s free to read in the Member’s Area of the website. You got to clean up your behavior not only so you can potentially attract new women, but in case if you’re crazy enough to give her another chance, well you should be dating, meeting and dating other women and hanging out, having fun and hooking up with them and let the best girl win. Because if you had some other choices and some other options, you probably wouldn’t even want to give your wife or ex-wife whatever you call her, another chance, but when you’re sitting around waiting on her hand and foot, waiting for her to make up her mind, you’ve basically made her the man in the relationship, and that’s why she left you in the first place. So you got to clean up your behavior because this is something you got to maintain always.

Again, you shouldn’t be doing this hoping to get another chance. The idea is that you want to be the most attractive man that you can be to not only attract her, but women in general, because if you don’t fix it with her, the next woman you attract you’ll drive her out of your life for exactly the same reason. Failure to lead. Failure to be a man. Failure to have a purpose. Failure to be disciplined, competent and confident. You are supposed to be more masculine than the woman is, and it looks like you made her your mommy and your therapist and you made her the man in the household. She didn’t like that. So she went out and found herself a new guy.

And with her dating someone new, how do I maintain my position without appearing jealous or affected?

Be dating hotter, younger women. That’s what you should be doing. You should have some other choices and some other options. I mean, at the end of the day, your wife has already moved on, dude. You’re just not willing to accept it.

So she needs to see that you moved on. Not that you’re going to rub other women in her face, but you’re just going to move on with your life because you want to be applying what’s in the book, so you get good at it, because if you have two or three other women that you’re dating and hooking up with and she wants to get back together for the 10th or 15th time, however many times you guys have broken up and gotten back together, if she has to work for it, she’ll appreciate you a lot more and she’ll respect you a lot more. If you just sit around with your thumb up your ass while she goes and gets her back blown out by Chad Thundercock, you’re acting like a chump. Like a simp.

Like, have some self-respect. She needs to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. You should be following 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. It looks like all the stuff with the kids is arranged ahead of time. So there’s no reason for you to have to reach out to her.

I have moments where I miss her and the kids, but I’m committed to doing this right. Any advice would mean a lot.

Thanks,

Bob

Well again, you need to focus on attracting somebody who’s single and ready to mingle. As far as what your wife does or doesn’t do, that’s not the issue. You need to become the most attractive man that you can be so you’ll be attractive to your wife, but other women in general as well.

Like I said, if you start dating two or three other women, especially if you date some hot younger women, you’re probably not even going to want to go back to your wife because you’re gonna hopefully see the scales come away from your eyes and you’re going to go, “What the fuck am I doing here? Screw this biatch. I can do much better,” but if you’re crazy to want another chance, you just follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, then the rest of this stuff shouldn’t mean anything.

If I were you, I would not be moving out of my house. That’s just stupid. That’s an ultimate beta male move. So Chad Thundercock comes over, blows your wife’s back out in your marital bed while you’re paying the mortgage and buying food for him to eat, or whatever else you’re spending money on. You gotta have some self-respect, dude.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.