My Wife Is Flirting With & Inviting Attention From A Male Coworker. What Should I Do?

What you should do if you find out your wife is flirting with & inviting attention from a male coworker.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following My Work for about 8 years. He and his wife have been together for about 6 years. Their relationship had always been great with her doing all the chasing and being in love with him. However, this past year he was gone for 100 days traveling for work. During his time away he admits he wasn’t doing enough to maintain the relationship. His wife started an emotional affair with a male coworker through phone calls, emails, texting, etc. She is distant and he is torn on what to do. He knows he needs to start courting her properly again, but he feels so betrayed by what has been going on that he wonders if he should just hold back his attention and affection to punish her for her emotional cheating. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “My Wife Is Flirting With Inviting Attention From A Male Coworker. What Should I Do?”

Well, this particular guy, he says he’s been following My Work for about eight years, and he and his wife have been together for about six years. And he said their relationship had always been great. She was always pursuing, always had an interest or attraction level in him of a nine or a ten. But he says this last year he got a little lazy, he got a little complacent because he was traveling a lot for work. And he says there’s 100 days this past year out of 365 days that he just wasn’t there.

He was a long distance, basically. He says during his time away, his wife started texting and emailing and talking to a man, and “grew close,” as he said to a male coworker. And Bob, our emailer, says he just got back after his latest trip and noticed that she’s real distant. And he’s like, “Pffft.” He knows he needs to start courting and dating her again. Because he slacked off on that. But he’s really burned up over the fact that she’s being disloyal.

She is having an emotional affair. He doesn’t think that she actually hooked up with or had sex. It just seems that it’s just strictly an emotional affair at this point. But he says pride is kind of getting in the way because he knows he needs a court her, because the courtship, he fell off in that. And that’s what’s going to help attract her. But at the same token, he’s like, “Shit, she’s been disloyal.” So he’s like, “What do I do? How do I tactfully handle this situation?”

Because you got a male coworker who is basically trying to break up your marriage, whether he’s trying to rip off your wife or he just wants to fuck her and move on. The bottom line is this is not something you want to deal with. And unfortunately, he’s six years down the road, and is now found out the hard way how his wife will react if he drops the ball. Which is she’ll just start flirting with another guy. Instead of focusing on their marriage.

So he’s going to have to set and enforce some healthy boundaries here if he’s going to want to keep his marriage together because he can’t allow this to continue. And his wife is going to need to stop this shit. So I might get a little salty. I don’t want Bob the emailer; this is all the mindset and the perspective that you’re going to come from. But it’s like these kinds of things, these kinds of dudes that work, that do this shit, that, you know, they’re trying to break up families.

But you see it in the movies all the time, and the movies you’re like, “Oh, a woman is in an unhappy marriage, a relationship, and she’s a great person. And then the guy who likes her, he’s a great person, too. And the person that she’s with is a jerk. He doesn’t see her value. And eventually she leaves the husband. And then they live happily ever after, in the movies.” Well, this is the real world here. What happened was this guy stopped dating and courting his wife, and he was on the road, and he’s probably not talking to her and not making her feel heard and understood.

And so, she felt like her husband no longer gave a shit about her. She probably complained a few times at work. Maybe the dude overheard it. She started sharing. Maybe he’s going through a breakup or a difficult situation in his relationship. And you just see, and this guy’s away. He doesn’t know what’s going on because he’s living out of a suitcase, basically, he’s on the road for a third of the year.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey, 

My name is Bob, I have been following your work for about 8 years. 

My wife and I have been together for 6 years and she has always been the one chasing me, especially in the beginning of our relationship. Her attraction level remained at a 9 or 10 for a very long time and I have been able to maintain that (with your help, of course.)

But this last year I had to travel a lot for work. This is the first time this has been thrown into the equation for us. I was gone for about 100 days of the year, and in that time, she got very close to a male co-worker. I know that I dropped the ball, because I was away from home, and it was harder to do the things I usually would do to keep her interested. 

Now that I am home again, things feel different. I can tell her attraction has faded a bit, and though I’m pretty sure she has not cheated, I do sense that it is teetering on the line of emotional affair – texting, emailing, phone calls, etc. 

So. The courtship never ends. There is a chapter in The Book and unfortunately, whether it was the trips or whatever, he got lazy. This is what happens in life. You get busy, you get caught up, and you neglect her. And she probably complained a bunch. And like most guys are like, “I didn’t take her seriously. I didn’t think she meant it. I just thought she was upset.” And then you find out that she’s emailing and texting this guy. So, you’re going to have to get back to dating and courting her, and opening her up.

Now and with this being in the back of your mind that she’s got an emotional affair going on with a coworker. So, we have to approach this tactfully in a way that, “When is she going to be most open to you?” And so, I won’t read the rest of the email yet, but I mean, the bottom line is that, it’s hard for him to want a court her, when he knows that she’s talking to some other guy. But he wants to keep his family together, and we got to do it in a way that’s tactful. And so, we need to do this when she’s most open to that.

And so, what you need to do is you need to hang out, you have fun, and you hook up. Maybe you should take her away for the weekend. You know, go to a bed and breakfast or something like that, or a Airbnb. And, you know, in a different part of the state, or the city where you live, and go do something fun, where there’s plenty of sites and things to do. Where the two of you can get away and just go have a good time together.

And so, when you’re doing that and after you’ve had sex and you’ve plowed her strawberry fields and you’ve made her cum over and over, and you made her cum like a waterfall. When you’re laying naked in bed holding each other, then you’re going to say, “Babe, I got something I want to address. I want to talk about this dude from work. It’s like, I love you. I love what we have. But this emotional affair, I look at it as cheating. You’re emotionally cheating on me with this guy. And it’s an inappropriate relationship.”

“This dude is not trying to be your friend. He wants to fuck you. That’s the only reason he’s talking to you. And you committed to me. We’re in a marriage. We’re here laying naked in bed together. And we’ve just made mad, passionate love. And this has been in the back of my mind for a while, and I just, I want to bring it up. I want to talk about it, because you need to cut this guy off. You need to tell him to stop calling you, stop texting you, stop emailing you because you’re married.”

“And you’re a devoted wife. And I want to see that you do that. If you love me and you love our family and you love our relationship and you want to stay together, you’re going to have to let this guy know in no uncertain terms that his contacting you must stop. And I want to see the text and I want to see his response. I want to see that he’s going to respect it.”

And “Because it’s like, this is a road that you and I are not going to go down together. We are not going to have a third person, a man, interfering in our relationship. It’s just not going to happen. I’m not going to allow it. And so, if you love me, if you love our family and you want to stay together, you’re going to drop the fucking bomb on this guy. You’re going to nuke his ass, and you’re going to say, I’ve been talking it over with my husband, and he’s aware of you, and our conversations are inappropriate. And it needs to stop. I want you to stop texting me. I want you to stop emailing me. I want you to stop calling me. You just need to leave me alone.”

“This needs to end respectfully. We can be professional colleagues at work, but other than that, I don’t want anything to interfere in my marriage. Because you’re starting to interfere in our marriage and our family. Your interest is inappropriate.” That’s what a loyal woman is going to do. And so, you need to let her know in your own words that it not only is it inappropriate, but it needs to stop, and it’s going to stop.”

“If the two of you are going to stay together, and have a marriage, and be loyal and faithful to one another, it needs to stop. And you can also say, “How would you feel if me and all my travels I’ve been traveling with my hot secretary who’s single and who’s always hitting on me and wants to sleep with me. You wouldn’t like that one bit. And so, you can’t expect me to be excited about your male friend. This is not a friend. This is a guy who wants to fuck you.”

“Whether his intentions are to be in a relationship or not, I don’t know, but the bottom line is he’s not texting you because he wants to exchange yoga routines or cooking recipes. He wants to fuck you. And he’s totally okay with breaking up our marriage and our family. Because he doesn’t fucking care. And it needs to stop. And if he doesn’t stop after you ask him, then I will be happy to go speak to your boss, or your employer, and let them know that my wife is being sexually harassed by one of the coworkers.”

And because if he doesn’t stop, it’s like, you know, if it’s a big company, he’ll get fired. They’ll boot his ass right out the door. Especially if she’s told him to stop. And if he continues, “Poof.” That dude will lose his job.

And you can say, “I will absolutely! If this guy doesn’t stop, I will fucking wreck shop on his career. I will call your boss. I am not going to be sending my bride to an office where some man in the office is constantly trying to fuck her. Fuck her and hit on her. That’s just not going to happen. I’m not going to put up with that. And you would not put up with it either if I was doing this with another girl, or several girls that I work with.”

“You can’t expect me to go, oh, this is a good thing. No. Oh. It is just a friend. Like, no. This guy is not interested in being your friend. He wants to fuck you. That’s it. That’s the bottom line. I don’t care what he says. This is inappropriate and it’s going to end one way or another. It’s going to end.” And what you should get from her after you explain this, again as you’re laying naked in bed together after you just had sex, (because that’s when she’s going to be most open.) She’s going to be the most submissive to you.

Her resistance is going to be down. Plus, you just spent a weekend together, having a good time. Pick a strategic evening, again after you’ve had a bunch of fun together and you’ve done a lot of talking. This conversation is the kind of conversation you want to have right after you’ve just have great fucking amazing sex. Versus trying to, you know, confront her in your living room when you come home.

Because it’ll go much better if you do it after you’ve had sex, then coming home pissed off one night from work, demanding that it stop. This way when you’re in bed together, she’d be like, “You’re right. You’re right, Honey. I’m sorry.” And she needs to apologize to you. And she needs to explain to you why it’s never going to happen again. And she needs to also explain that she understands how hurtful it was and how disloyal it was.

This is how this is how families get wrecked. This is how affairs start. This is how cheating happens. This is how guys like this that are doing this get fucking murdered. You know, eventually a dude that behaves this way is going to screw around with the wrong guy’s wife or girlfriend, and he’s either going to get the shit beat out of him, or he’s going to end up with a bullet. And it’s like, you should not be associating with low character men like this.

And as long as she’s like, “You’re right, Honey. I’m sorry, I’m going to nip it in the butt.” And she should show you everything. She should give you full access to her phone if she wants you to trust her. It’s like, “I want to see everything.” It’s like, “If we’re going to move forward and get past this. You’re going to have to be honest and show me everything that’s been going on, and what he’s been saying, and doing.” I assume he already knows this because he knows there’s texting, there’s emailing and there’s phone calls. And so, that would be the right time to handle.

My goal is to get it back to a place where she is the one pursuing me and only desiring attention from me.

So women do like; it’s not about being jealous and insecure about the guy from work, but this is your wife. And so, you’re being protective. You’re being protective of your wife, and you’re being protective of your family. I don’t know if they have kids or not, but I’m just assuming they do, because I know there’s going to be guys watching this that are in the same exact position, and they got kids. And so, just the fact that you stand up for yourself, you handle it in a tactful way, but you’re very firm and you’re very masculine.

It’s like in a way you’re saying, “You’re my woman. This little fucker needs to go out the door. Get him the fuck away from my wife and my family. And if he doesn’t respect that, then I will step in. I will go meet your employer. I will sit down with him. And I was like, I cannot be sending my wife to your office every day when she’s being sexually harassed by this guy. It needs to fucking stop, or I will sue the fucking shit out of you. I will sue your fucking company into bankruptcy.”

It usually is never going to come to that, because as soon as the human resources people get wind of it, or the owner of the company gets wind of the fact that this guy is continuing to pursue a married woman as office, he will fire that dude so fast it’ll make his head spin. But first you’ve got to give your wife the opportunity.

Because you want to see that your wife is going to go do this. That she’s going to blow this up and let this guy know with brutal honesty how inappropriate it is. How much he took advantage of (her) your wife when she was in a vulnerable position, because she was lonely, because her husband was away.

And so, he used that to try to twist that into causing her trying to get her to cheat on her husband, and break up their family. And any owner of any business is going to be like, “I don’t want this shit in my office. I don’t want two people having an affair, and a family getting broken up and all this shit.” He’s going to be like, “It’s just much easier to fire this guy and, “Pfft.” So, but I don’t believe it probably will not come to that because, you know, your wife can put the fear of Jesus into this guy.

And make him back the fuck off if she tells him like very firmly, “It needs to stop. Don’t ever contact me again. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t email me. When we see each other in the office, be professional. I don’t want any more questions about my personal life or what’s going on with my husband, or my family or anything. It needs to stop. And if you don’t stop it, then I’m going to go to our boss and I’m going to tell him that you’re harassing me, and that won’t be good for your career. So please respect me. Please respect my family, please respect my husband and my children and just back the fuck off.” That’s what your wife needs to do.

My question is, should I be pulling back to show my disapproval of the co-worker bond, or should I be trying to court her again to get her to fall back in love with me like the book says?

Well, the courtship never ends, and you ended the courtship, so that’s on you, Bro. No amount of Red Pill bullshit is going to excuse you from that. Men have got to take responsibility for their own actions.

I think my pride is getting in the way of me taking her on dates etc. when internally I am feeling betrayed. 

How do you suggest I handle this moving forward?

As always, thanks for your guidance. 

Bob

Again, the way I laid it out is the best, most tactful way to handle this. And I’ve had many guys over the years go through similar situations and it solves the problem. I haven’t had a single guy where the dude has to go to the office and threaten the employer or anything like that with legal action. It’s usually the woman can put the fear of God into this guy, and make him back the fuck off, and go, “This bitch is kind of crazy. I want to stay the fuck away from her. I don’t want my career ruined over this.”

And so, you should be fine. But again, there is a way to attack. The way I laid it out is strategically the best way to handle it. It’s the most tactful. And again, because you’ve just been fucking each other’s brains out. And so, she’s going to be the most open to you and submissive, and flexible that she’s ever going to be. It’s much better to do it that way.

Like, I said, take her away for the weekend and go do something fun. And after you beat each other’s pelvises up, and you’re exhausted when you’re laying naked in each other’s arms, that’s when you bring this up. And you’re not going to have any anger behind it. It’s just going to be very matter of fact.

“You’re my wife. It’s my job to protect my family. And right now, the way I see it is, you’ve got this dude. This little fucking worm from the office that’s trying to get in your pants. And I’m going to nip that shit in the bud. I’m going to neuter that little bastard, and it’s going to stop. And you’re going to help me. It has to be this way. Honey, you committed to me. You said till death do us part. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. You made a commitment to me. And you’re not holding up your end of the commitment. But you can get back in my good graces. And all you have to do is this.”

And she should do it immediately. Or the very next day. Not that you want to sit there at night and then have her texting this other dude, but you just have to kind of see how it goes. You want to see that she’s going to drop the bomb on this guy immediately, and she’s going to apologize.

She’s going to ask for forgiveness. She’s going to acknowledge how disloyal it was, and how hurtful it was to do this. If she was upset or she felt you were distant, she should have told you. Not be running to some, you know, horny dude in the office who’s just trying to get his dick wet. So that is the best way to handle it, my man.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.