Needy Clingy Women Turn Men Off The Same Way Needy Clingy Men Turn Women Off

Why dating a needy clingy woman can help you understand how unattractive it is.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who started talking to a woman he knew from school he hadn’t seen in eight years. She started smothering him and acting extremely needy and clingy to the point he’s now thinking about canceling their date and ghosting her.

It’s given him perspective on how men turn women off when they act the same way. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So I remember the first time this happened to me, I was like kind of paying attention to it. After I really learned this stuff, I was out with some friends and this really beautiful girl came up and approached me and she was with some of her girlfriends. She told me she liked me, she asked for my number, she gave me her number, and then she’s just like, “Are you gonna call? Most time, guys don’t call me,” and she just kept asking, “Are you sure you’re gonna call? You’re not going to blow me off like everybody else does?” And she just kept on. Her friends are like, “Don’t say that. You’re gonna turn him off. He’s gonna ghost you like all the others,” and she just couldn’t help herself. She just kept doing it, and this girl was gorgeous. So I went from thinking, “This girl is bad to the bone,” to “Oh man, that’s so disappointing,” and it really gave me perspective of how us guys, when we behave that way with women, we don’t act confident, we don’t act worthy to be there, it just turns them off.

So it’s a good email just to see what that looks like and how it affects, because this particular guy met, I guess it was a woman he knew from school, and he hadn’t talked to her in like eight years. I think he said he didn’t really remember what she looked like, and she’s just laying it on thick, and he made a date with her, but now he’s thinking about canceling it because she’s just like sending him these sappy texts and basically acting dopey, and I don’t think they’ve even been on a first date yet.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’m Bob. I’ve been following you for about three years now and have read your book more than 20 times. Today I want to share one of my recent experiences with you. Something I think most men don’t really consider.

It’s about how some of the behaviors you explain, when they come from a girl we’re not really into, actually feel kind of unattractive and even annoying. Because I have good confidence and social skills, and since most of the men around me are not very confident, girls usually approach me instead of the other way around. So I often end up in situations where I can get into relationships without much effort.

But last week, something strange happened. One of my classmates from university (Whom I hadn’t seen in eight years and could barely even remember her face) suddenly followed me on Instagram. From that day, she started replying to all my stories, liking every post, and basically trying to get me to invite her out.

Eventually, I decided to message her, even though my interest level was maybe a 5/10. I didn’t even ask for her number. I just said, “Hey, I’d like to see you. Saturday 8 p.m., Café X.” Her reply was, “Thank you for giving me your time and making my dream come true!”


When you see something like that, initially you’re like, “Wow, this girl I had was carrying a torch for a long time.” You know, it was funny as years ago I had a woman reach out to me that worked for me for, I don’t know, maybe three months, six months? And I was like laying on thick how much she was in love with me and thought we were a great match and we would be great together. I was like, “I didn’t even remember her.”

I mean, because we had so many people come and go that worked as assistants, and a lot of times they didn’t work out because there was a high attrition rate because not everybody could do the job, and this girl came and went, like I said, maybe she was there six months or three months. Like when I first read it, I was like, “I don’t even remember this person.” I was talking to one of the guys that I worked with, and he remembered her and she was not attractive at all. Just she was gross, jacked up grill, just not good looking at all. I was just like, “I would have never.” Maybe that’s why I didn’t remember her, and she didn’t work for us for very long, and to get a long, sappy message on social media, I was like, “What?” Again, I didn’t remember her working for me.

I was honestly a little confused by that. Like, why is she saying this before even our first date?

Well, obviously she was carrying a torch for you all these years and had a crush on you and probably doesn’t even remember or weren’t that into her.

But I thought maybe she’s just a sweet, lovely girl.

Then she told me she was a teacher and had a class at that exact time. I told her, “No problem, I understand. We can reschedule another time.” But she insisted, “No, I’ll cancel my class.” That threw me off even more. Like, why would you cancel a whole class and waste 16 students’ time just for a coffee with me? Still, I agreed to meet her at that time.

We didn’t talk after that until the next evening, when she forwarded me a post on Instagram that said, “You are not just a friend to me, you are my whole life.” The background was a photo of a couple kissing.

Yeah, like I said, I got flashbacks when I saw this because I was like, “I don’t even remember the girl.” On top of that, she was not even remotely attractive and just going on and on about me and, “We would be great together,” and I don’t even remember this chick.

At that point, I started to feel uneasy. I thought, “This is not a good situation.” If after the first or second date I don’t really like this girl, I can’t just tell her directly, because she might get hurt or even react badly. So I didn’t reply. I just liked the message.

The next night, she sent me a super emotional, romantic song and wrote, “All the lyrics of this song are exactly how I feel about you.”
 Again, I didn’t reply. Ten minutes later, she texted, “Why aren’t you answering? Did I do something wrong?” Now I’m seriously thinking of canceling the date. Telling her something like I have to travel unexpectedly, and then ghosting her completely. That’s how she basically lost her chance for the date.

I think this story might help your audience realize something: Behaviors like over-pursuing, neediness, or being too intense are always unattractive…

Yep.

…But because men rarely experience being chased like this, they don’t really understand how it feels.

This is so true, and I’m really glad you sent this in. It’s a really good email, especially for you guys that are guilty of over-pursuing and chasing women out of your life. Just think about it. I mean, it’s just repulsive to kind of read it. Like, I haven’t been on a date with this girl yet and she’s just blah! Vomiting on me.

If someone we don’t deeply like (Interest level below 6/10) acts this way, we’ll probably cancel or ghost them too, especially if we’re high-value men who know we have other options.

Bob

Yeah, that’s not really normal behavior. She sounded like she’ll get really obsessed, and then when things don’t go the way she wants, she’ll probably start getting angry and upset and waterworks. It’d just be exhausting. You’d be like walking on eggshells all the time because she’ll take everything personally. She’ll take everything as a personal rejection and just be like, “Ugh. I don’t even want to reply to this person.”

So I wanted to share that with you guys because again, it’s a good email. This doesn’t happen. Most guys, they don’t know what it’s like to be on the other side of that, of the over-pursuing and a chick acting dopey and just saying really inappropriate things. I mean, he hadn’t been on a date with this girl yet and he didn’t really remember what she looked like. He just knew he went to school with her. Definitely something to think about. If you’re guilty of those behaviors or you’re thinking about saying a dopey text with a girl you just met, women don’t care about how much you like them has no effect on their interest. They care about how they feel about you. So just remember that.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.