How to date a hot younger girl with daddy issues if you are a needy older guy she likes.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a fifty-one year old viewer who is dating a hot twenty-one year old girl. They met while working together. She came from a broken home without a strong father figure. Initially, he encouraged her to date men her own age, but this just made her pursue him harder.
Things started going sideways when he caught feelings for her and tried locking her down. She started lying and became distant. He admits he was needy and asks what he should do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
If you’re going to date or interact with women like this, you have to have a certain type of mindset, and obviously his mindset is totally wrong. You can tell he’s seeking her attention and validation and trying to lock her down. And all that does is push her away. And then when he backs off, she tends to come forward towards him again. And so, with women like this, I wouldn’t advise getting into a long-term exclusive relationship. They’re more suited for a friends with benefits, open relationship type of thing. And really, this guy needs a mindset change.
I’ve been getting a lot of emails about this particular topic, lately. And as an older guy, obviously, I like younger women as well, but especially women like this that didn’t come from a strong background or they didn’t have a strong father figure, they came from a broken home, you just have to see reality as it is — not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is. Because if you don’t, you’re going to suffer. And when you don’t accept reality as it is, you suffer and it’s totally unnecessary.
So, this guy can have a lot of fun. He was married for 20 years, got divorced and he’s just really creating unnecessary problems and drama for himself. Because he could have this woman totally eating out of his hand, her being submissive, playful, treating him like gold. But instead, he’s a lot of times acting like a woman.
You’re either savage or your average. And let’s be real, I say this stat a lot, but 74% of American males are either obese or overweight. And if you just work out and exercise and weight train and eat a good diet, like me, my body, I’m physically fit. I look good, and the size of my body, I look like a really good, in-shape teenager. And that has its advantages, because almost 100% the dudes that are my age, they look like hell, especially the people I went to high school with, some of my best, closest friends. I love them, they’re the coolest guys, most loyal friends in the world, but they’re obese and they don’t take care of themselves, or are extremely overweight.
So, if you just take care of your body, it’s going to radically change your options on how often you get noticed. And the reality is, men and women both, people just don’t care about taking care of themselves. When I look at my second book, Mastering Yourself, all the things I talk about, health and juicing and the smoothies, most people won’t do it. And when you look at the number of views on those particular videos, most people just don’t care. They’re not interested in it, and they won’t do it.
I have friends that you can look at — even with Gracie and Chunky, all of the videos we did with the 30-Day Challenge, even them — they’re all like “This stuff is amazing and helps me feel amazing,” but yet they still won’t do it. And that’s the reality. Same thing with my family. My dad, I’ve been on him for years. He’s just lazy, he doesn’t care. It is what it is. Even some of my closest friends, same thing. They do it for a while. They did the smoothies, they lost weight, they got in shape, they looked amazing, they felt amazing. But over time, they just kind of went back to the way that they were. They didn’t maintain it.
And you know what’s interesting about that figure “3%”? everybody’s like, “Where does that 3% come from?” We did a video the other day, Jennifer and I were filming in Dominick’s office and we were doing an interview. I think it was last year, he was at a function where he met a woman that was the manager at one of those weight loss type of things that you see advertised on TV, where you buy your food through them and everything. And so, he’s like, “What percentage of people lose weight?” And she says, “One hundred percent.” He says, “Okay. Well after a year, what percentage of them keep the weight off?” And you know what the number is, 2-3%.
With direct response advertising, if you’re selling something, 2-3% of the people tend to buy. The same thing if you’re looking at an ad campaign, the click through rates, it’s 2-3% on average on a lot of things. For whatever reason, typically the best of the best is about the top 3% in the world. And that’s where “3% Man” came from. And so, if you’re watching this, you’re one of those people that is striving to be a 3%’er. And if you do all of the things to take care of yourself and take care of your body, you’re going to eliminate most of your competition. That makes things really easy. Why not make things easy for yourself?
But I know the reality is the majority of people watching this just won’t do those things. They’re like, “Corey, I just want to get laid. I don’t care about taking care of my body.” Whatever. That’s the unfortunate reality of the world we live in. Because, when you look at Tom Brady, who has seven Super Bowl rings, he looks amazing, he feels amazing. He wants to play until he’s fifty, at this point. And if he keeps taking care of his body like he does and eating that alkaline based type diet like I do, I see no reason not to, unless he has some kind of major injury. But because of all the pliability and the flexibility he has, when he gets hit at an awkward angle, his body has so much flexibility, things don’t break.
I learned a lot of this in network chiropractic care. When you have a lot of flexibility in your nervous system and your spine, you can tolerate all kinds of physical, emotional and mental stresses, and things don’t break. When you see professional athletes continually get injured, they keep injuring the same leg, the same appendage, over and over, it’s because there’s not enough flexibility in the system, because there’s too much tension in the nervous system. But again, most people won’t do that.
So, I highly encourage you, even though I know most of you probably won’t, to check out the videos that I’ve done, especially the interview series where Gracie’s interviewed Dr. Dominick D’Anna of BeSimplyWell.com, and you could see the change in her. When you look at the Consciousness Exercises, Exercises 1-12, which you can see on YouTube, you’ll see her at the first video versus the twelfth video, and she looks like a different person. Her physiology and her body language is completely different, and you could see that. It works, but most people won’t do it. And so, if you’re a high achiever, if you want to be in the top 3%, you’ve got to do the work.
Hi Coach Corey,
I am a 51yr old divorcee, I’ve been following your work since July 2020, and have read your book about 14 times. Thank you for what you do, it has helped me tremendously in trying to ease my way back into the dating scene after being married 20 years.
I think it’s great that you read the book fourteen times, especially when you’re dealing with a really hot woman. I mean, this girl’s thirty years younger than he is, and she’s gorgeous, so I can understand. It’s probably the hottest girl he’s ever dated in his life, and if you haven’t overcome your insecurities, your fears, your doubts about yourself, and you have that mindset that we’ve all been kind of infected with, the societal conditioning, he has a tendency to try to lock this woman down.
Remember, you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free, especially a woman like this that comes from a broken home. If you have choice in your life with friends, with women, with the kind of things you can do in business, you’re going to be extremely selective. And the reality is most ordinary people, and that includes women you’re going to date, you’ll want nothing to do with them because they, quite frankly, don’t measure up.
You know, it’s harsh, but that’s reality. It’s never crowded along the extra mile, because most people are simply not willing to do what it takes to succeed. And if you’re one of those people who are, life is an all you can eat buffet. So, choose wisely.
I met my actual girlfriend at work. She is 21, and I am 51, She grew up without a strong father figure and comes from a broken home. I take very good care of myself. I am successful and in great shape. I come from a very strong loving family.
Well, he sent pictures of himself. I would say, you’re in good shape, dude. But I could tell from your neck, you’re not in great shape. You’re in good shape for a man your age. And you look good for a dude your age, but I’m saying you can do way better. So get on it, get after it. “Discipline equals freedom,” as Jocko Willink says. That’s the reality.
Discipline is the key to everything in life. You don’t have to be the smartest, the best looking, have the most talent. But if you discipline yourself, eventually you will pass everybody and you won’t have any competition, because again, most people simply aren’t willing to do these things consistently.
She fell head-over-heels in love with me, and we had chemistry right away. She’s always been very affectionate towards me.
Here’s the interesting thing, he was doing everything right in the beginning when he didn’t really care. He was indifferent one way or another. He’s like, “This girl’s thirty years younger than me, kind of immature. What do we really have in common?” But she liked him, and when a woman likes you, they come up with reasons to talk to you, to spend time around you, to bump into you, and they make it known.
If you’re in a position of power and success, because most guys, as we get older, especially if you do the work, again, you are not going to really have much competition and you’re going to stand out. I mean, how many Tom Bradys are there in the world? There’s one. There’s one guy out of 7.5-8 billion people. There are billions of people on the planet, and there’s maybe a few thousand people that play in the NFL.
Most guys, the average NFL career, I think, is two to three years. The average person that comes into the NFL, most people don’t play for a long time. And so, when you think about that, when you optimize and you filter down, you’ve literally have one dude out of the whole entire population of males in the whole entire world that’s willing to be dedicated to his diet and his pliability and flexibility and doing all the little things that you could see. He’s like, “nobody’s going to outwork me.” And pretty much no other guy is willing to do it. Even the guys he’s trained and taught this stuff to still won’t do it at the level that he does.
When you optimize your body, and your life, and your career and your business at that level, you’re pretty much untouchable. Nobody is going to be able to catch you. And so, it doesn’t take a lot to get to a level in life where you’re literally the prize. You become a unicorn. You’re not like most people, you’re not normal compared to most people.
In the beginning, I was encouraging her to look for guys her age, preferably guys that were in college, but she kept flirting with me and being affectionate.
He’s kind of putting her off. He’s like, “Hey, you’re kind of young.” So, again, he’s the prize. Even though she’s smoking hot, he’s like, “Ehh, it’s not really what I’m looking for.” Because again, the guy is fifty-one. He’s thinking, “What have I got in common with a twenty-one year old?”
And 6 months later we started a relationship, and we were hanging out, having fun and hooking up almost every day.
So, she conquered him over time, because he was the prize. She had to work to earn his attention and validation, and therefore, she appreciated it. Because most fifty-one year old guys, when a girl like that comes on to him, they will completely lose their shit, fuck it up and chase her out of his life.
Everything seemed great until I started catching her on lies about talking to other guys behind my back. At that point, I started thinking that I was in an open relationship and kept playing it like that. I am not going to lie, I started to catch feelings for her and got very attached to her.
As Master Yoda says, “attachments lead to suffering.” You’re attached to things being a certain way in your life, and you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free to come and go — to stay with you, or to leave you and go be with somebody else. As a matter of fact, you dare them to find somebody better. Because if you’ve optimized your body and your life, they aren’t going to find anybody. But there’s people like us, people like the 3%’ers, we’re very rare and, therefore, we have choice. It’s a good place to be.
However, the open relationship made me insecure due to the fact that she kept contact with male orbiters she used to flirt with.
Again, you’re not going to be able to control a woman like this, especially one that comes from a broken home, to get her to stop that shit. You have to see reality as it is, not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is. You have to understand, a woman like this is really not ideally suited for exclusivity or monogamy.
You know, you’re right out of a divorce of twenty years. Hang out, have fun, hook up. That’s it. That’s the simple formula. As a man, that’s all you focus on. And your whole email is riddled with relationship talk and locking her down, “How do I control this girl,” and a woman like this is going to fucking bounce. You cannot behave this way and keep her in your life. It just doesn’t work.
So, I decided to break up with her and told her to give me a call when she had her mind made up to what she wanted. Though, weeks later she called me, and we’ve gotten back to being friends with benefits.
That’s really ideally how you’re suited for her, in particular.
She joined the Army in July of 2020, and we lost touch while she was in basic training. She contacted me when she got to the base she was going to be stationed and said she was dying to see me. She mentioned that she’s met other guys…
Probably slept with a bunch of them.
…and has realized that no one is going to be like me…
Well, of course, especially if you read my book fourteen times. And you let her go. That’s what you did right. You just let her be. You have to let women come to you at their pace. When you try to force it, you’re acting like a chick. You’re acting perturbed, and it’s extremely unattractive. And a woman like this, that grew up without a strong father, is going to be attracted to really strong masculinity. And if you act like a pussy, she’s going to do dick you down, and do you dirty, and blow you off, and go find and hang out with guys who act like men. She’s in the Army, so she’s surrounded by men. So, from her perspective, the numbers and the odds are in her favor.
…that all the guys she’s met are stupid and that I am who she wants to be with.
Granted, guys her age are immature, they haven’t figured out life yet, but they’re good looking and they’re attractive, and there’s a lot of masculinity in the military. So, for her, she was at an all you can eat buffet. That’s reality.
You have to acknowledge that. If you try to force a woman like this, that’s in this situation, that basically has choice with men, you’re going to lose. But if you let her pursue you, you let her come to you, she’ll blow all those guys off, and want to be with you and convince you why you should be together.
She said the army has changed her and that she is more mature.
Which I would agree. I’m sure that’s a true statement, but it doesn’t mean, now, all of a sudden, she’s a loyal type of woman.
So, we started an “exclusive” relationship in March 2021, and I usually go see her twice a month and spend the weekend together. We go to the beach, to hike the next mountain, and have lots of fun in and out of the bedroom.
Hang out, have fun, hook up. It’s a simple formula.
It’s when we are not together in person that she gets distant and doesn’t return my calls as fast as she used to.
Well, you should not be pursuing a woman like this. If you were actually following what the book taught, you’d know a woman like this will do 100% of the pursuing, because you’re the prize. But you’ve been perturbed, and you have not exercised self-control. You’re trying to pursue her, because you’re trying to control her. That is absolutely not going to work.
You need to simply behave like you did in the beginning where you’re putting her off. It’s like, “Nah, I don’t really want to be exclusive. We’ve tried it for a couple of years, and you lie and you date other guys. You’re surrounded by other guys. Let’s just have fun and see where it goes. I’m not looking for anything exclusive. I just got out of a twenty-year marriage. The last thing I want to do is be in a relationship right now.” That needs to be your attitude and your mindset.
Remember “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the movie with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. Jimmy Stewart’s character wanted nothing to do with family and relationships. As soon as his brother finished college, he was going to come home, take over the family business, and it was going to be his turn to go travel the world. But yet, Mary, Donna Reed’s character, she had her own agenda. And eventually, she wore him down and they lived happily ever after, in Hollywood bliss.
That is the pattern. That actually works in the real world. And that’s why in those older movies from that era, (that was from 1946), men acted like men, women acted like women, and women pursued the guys. And there were even scenes in the movie where you had a lot of beta males that were pursuing the hot woman.
There was the hot blonde, Violet, and you could see these guys are falling all over themselves to try to get this woman’s attention. And Jimmy Stewart’s character is like, “Hey, what’s up, Violet? Hey, I’m not really interested in dating,” and she’s always trying to get his attention. He’s like, “No, I’m going to leave this town. I have no interest in this,” just like this guy was in the beginning when he was working with this girl. And then he changed. He changed who he was, because he got attached.
We’ve broken up a couple of times over her not communicating, which inevitably makes me think about the past and makes me insecure.
Dude, you’re going to have to knock that off.
On top of that, she started getting sexier lingerie and she even waxed herself down there, something she’s never done before. When we talked about it, I told her that I loved it, that she looks sexier than ever, that it was very hot. When I asked her why did she did that, her response was that she did it for herself.
She swears she’s not doing anything wrong.
But she seems less interested as time goes on.
Well, that’s because you’re acting like an insecure little girl. It’s unattractive. You need to act like a man consistently, ten out of ten times, not nine out of ten times or eight out of ten times, or seven out of ten times — ten out of ten times. You must always be consistent and unperturbable. And be like Jimmy Stewart’s character, “I don’t want anything to do with a relationship. I was in a twenty-year marriage. When you’re in town, babe, I’d love to see you.” I would have her coming to see you more.
In the meantime, you should be dating other women. If you’re looking for an exclusive, monogamous type of relationship, it’s not going to be with this particular woman. She’ll be loyal and faithful when she’s happy and she’s in love. But when she’s not, she’s going to be going, “Hey,” to every guy in town. That’s the way it is, just like Violet’s character was.
Also, the times we were broken up, not even 4 days go by before she’s contacting me again to get back. I am guilty of pursuing too much when she backs away, so I started backing away myself, mirroring her.
That doesn’t work, dude. You read the book fourteen times, and you’re doing the opposite. What do you expect is going to happen? This is as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.
The last breakup we had was in August, and when I talked to her and asked her, “What happened to us?”…
Again, you’re still acting like a fucking chick, dude. Come on. Have some self respect. Be a fucking man, dude.
…she said that she thought I was going to see her only to have sex with her, and she mentioned that she doesn’t like to have sex that much.
That is bullshit. Actually, you know what? That is a true statement, however, it’s not the whole statement. When she says she doesn’t like to have sex that much, what she’s really saying is, “I don’t like to have sex with you that much.” You are turning her off, because you’re acting like a pussy. Don’t do it. It doesn’t work. Can’t you see this by now? When you do the opposite of what you did in the beginning, it pushes her away.
I told her that wasn’t the case, and if I only wanted sex, I wouldn’t travel to another state to get it. I also told her that I love her and that I love making love to her and that I wasn’t going to stop feeling that way.
That’s fine, that’s okay. But at the end of the day, you must love in such a way that person you love feels free. Love is an act. Love is about giving. You go to a relationship to give. That’s what you did properly in the beginning, and ever since, you’ve been doing the opposite and you vacillate back and forth between behaving like you did in the beginning and then over pursuing and chasing her out of your life.
She said that we could do it once a month or so. I didn’t say anything back because I didn’t wanted her to think that is all I want, but that conversation is happening again when I come see her in a couple of weeks.
Stop calling her, stop texting her. Match and mirror how much she’s reaching out to you. In other words, if she reaches out to you and then you respond, and she takes two hours to reply, take three or four hours to reply. Let her wonder what you’re doing.
I could use your advice. Am I being too needy?
Dude, do you really have to ask that question? Come on, man.
Is she too far gone because my insecurities pushed her away too much, or is she seeing someone else? When I ask her, she says no.
Well, you definitely have pushed her away. And yes, I would say she’s probably seeing somebody else — probably several guys, and fucking several guys. I’d be using a condom with a woman like this. She’s young, she’s twenty-one. She’s experiencing her power that she has as a woman. And because she didn’t have a daddy around to teach her how to act like a lady and not be a cum dumpster, she’s being a cum dumpster. It is what it is.
Can I trust someone that has lied to me in the past?
Is the age playing a big hand in her mind now?
No. It’s just because you’re acting like a bitch.
I can tell that her interest has dropped, because she still contacts me 3 to 4 times a week, but her conversations are cold and dry. She doesn’t call me babe as much anymore, but she does tell me that she loves me every once in a while, and we have dinner dates over video call once or twice a week.
I would cut that back. Let her do 100% of the pursuing and then you just simply make dates. Instead of talking once or twice a week, do it once over two weeks. Make her wait. You’ve got to let her come to you, dude. This is such an easy situation to fix.
Your advice is greatly appreciated since I don’t want to lose her.
No. Come on, dude. “I don’t want to lose her”? She should be worried about losing you. And that is the root of the problem. You are attached to her, you’re trying to control her, you’re in a fearful state. This does not work. This is the opposite of what an attractive man does.
A man who has choices is not going to behave that way. A man is going to have a take it or leave it kind of attitude and let the best girl win. High achieving, high character, high value males don’t have to pursue women. They live their lives, they’re awesome at it, and women make their interest known. And you let them slowly wear you down over time.
But at the same time, I am willing to walk away because I don’t want to be in another meaningless relationship again.
Thank you very much for your advice coach!
Well, dude, you’re trying to have a relationship with a chick who’s really a fuck buddy, sex playmate, friends with benefits, somebody to have an open relationship with. If you want exclusivity and monogamy, you’re looking in the wrong place.
But man, she’s hot. And if I was you, I’d let her do all of the pursuing. Make dates when you hear from her. Hang out, have fun and hook up. When she wants to be exclusive, just say, “I was married for twenty years. I’ve done a lot of thinking. I’ve had some big epiphanies in the past year. I love you, I adore you, I worship you, I treasure you, but I just don’t want to be exclusive. I want to date, I want to see what else is out there, and I’m probably never going to get married again.”
That should be the mindset, that should be the attitude. Because that’s going to make her work that much harder, and then she’ll be eating out of your hand because it will be her idea. Just like it was Mary’s idea, in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” to wear him down and to convince him to be her man.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When it comes to dating and relationships, men should focus on developing themselves, optimizing their physical body through proper diet, weight training and cardio, and being laser focused on accomplishing their purpose and mission in life. This puts men in the position of becoming their best selves and being the prize most women desire, because average men simply are not disciplined enough to take care of their bodies so they can look hot at any age or succeed at the highest level. In other words, high achieving men simply accomplish more, look better and have more to offer. Therefore, they have choice with women, because they are simply better at creating the life and lifestyle everyone dreams about. Successful men simply add more value to everyone and everything they encounter in life.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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