Negotiating & Winning

Feb 22, 2016 by Coach Corey Wayne
iStock_000019322296_Small
Photo by iStock.com/John Sommer

How to successfully negotiate from a superior position of strength, so you can get the personal and professional terms you want for your life and relationships, and to create the lifetime habit of winning at all you endeavor to accomplish and achieve.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who met a guy six months ago. He had a girlfriend at the time they first met and was therefore unavailable. Two weeks ago, they ran into each other at a conference. Apparently, he was newly single and hitting on her. The conference lasted five days, they were inseparable the entire time and they hooked up on the last night. After the conference, he contacted her for another date. At the end of the night, he told her he could not have sex with her anymore, because he was not looking for a relationship, and he did not want her to get attached or have expectations of a relationship.

He says he wanted to continue seeing her, but in a platonic way. She told him she was not interested in that, but for him to get in touch with her in the future, once he figured himself out. He said he would think about it and let her know when things changed. She asks my opinion and what I think. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.

Hi Corey,

I’m a big fan of your work. Even though most of your videos are made for men, I really hope you can help me with my situation. I love how honest and no BS your answers are. (I’m here to tell you like it is.) I met this guy 6 months ago. Love is in the air, it's obvious He had a girlfriend then. Two weeks ago, we went to the same conference, and he hit on me. Apparently, he recently broke up with his 5-year girlfriend. (Keep in mind, five years is a long time to date someone. When you’re with someone for that long, your whole identity becomes associated with being in relationship with that person, so he may be all over the ice for awhile. You need to proceed with caution. Stay focused on the outcome you want, objectively look at the person you’re getting involved with, and see them for who they really are. Write down the pros and cons of what you’re looking for in a person, review them and focus on that list of criteria when meeting new people. If you’re not dating a spectacular person, you’re not going to have a spectacular relationship.) We had tons of fun at the conference, and were pretty much inseparable for 5 days. He held my hand and kissed me in front of our friends. We eventually hooked up on the last night.

After the conference, he asked me out again. We went out, then went back to his place, made out and that’s when he told me: “I can’t have sex with you. I’m too busy for a relationship, and I don’t want you to have expectation. I still want to continue seeing you, but we shouldn’t go back to my place next time.” Relationship difficulties. Depressed young woman keeping arms crossed and looking away while man standing behind her (If you’re focusing on your outcome and you want a great relationship with somebody, this guy is not a good candidate. He’s not ready, willing and able to have a relationship. It sounds like his emotions might be raw, and he needs some time on his own.) I acted cool then, but the next day I sent him a message: “I had an amazing time with you. However, I’m at the stage in life where I know exactly what I want, (That’s awesome. Good for you), so I can’t see you until you figure out your priorities.” (That is the perfect response. If you want spectacular, you have to be with someone who makes you feel spectacular on the inside, somebody who’s easy and effortless to get along with.) He responded with: “I’ll think this over and let you know when things change with me. I have had a lot of fun with you too. I was super happy this morning because of our hang out yesterday.” (Your time is limited, to don’t waste your time with somebody who is unavailable.)

So my questions are, did I do the right thing by walking away? (You bet your ass you did. It took a lot of guts to say that. You should be proud of yourself.) Would it be better if I stick around and see him without sex? (Obviously sex is important to you, but you told him you aren’t interested in the terms he’s offering. You deserve to have what you want.) Also, I want to understand the psychology of men. Beautiful brunette woman sitting near a sunny window What could be the reason why he doesn’t want a relationship? (He’s right out of a relationship, so he might need time to heal. You may have also come on too strong. However, at the end of the day, he pushed you away, so you handled yourself correctly.) Does he want to get back with the ex? (That’s totally possible as well. This guy just doesn’t have a clean situation. He’s not ready, willing, able and open to have a relationship, or even be dating.) Does he want to heal from the break up? (I’d say it’s a good idea, and he should probably do that.) Does he think that I’m not good enough for him long term? (That’s possible too, but look at his actions. What he has done is express he can’t show up and be present 100% the way you deserve. Why would you want to torture yourself?) He broke up with his ex, because he outgrew her. He’s very successful, in the top 0.01%.

I would love to hear back from you. (Remember this Oscar Wilde quote: “I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” This guy spent five years being defined by the relationship with his ex, and it hasn’t been that long since he’s been out of that relationship. He’s still trying to figure out who he is and what he wants. It doesn’t sound like he has his shit together. When he reaches out, ask him questions and see if he is enthusiastic to be with you. If he’s not excited, don’t waste your time. Lack of enthusiasm is a deal breaker.)

Best,

Jessica

Get the Book “How To Be A 3% Man”

How to Be a 3% Man
Audiobook | FREE**
How to Be a 3% Man
Audiobook | $19.95
How to Be a 3% Man
Audiobook | $19.95
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
**Free with a new Audible.com membership
How to Be a 3% Man
Kindle eBook | $9.99
How to Be a 3% Man
iBooks eBook | $9.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Lulu eBook | $9.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
How to Be a 3% Man
Paperback | $29.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Hardcover | $49.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Paperback | $29.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Hardcover | $49.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Get the Book “Mastering Yourself”

Mastering Yourself
Audiobook | FREE**
Mastering Yourself
Audiobook | $24.95
Mastering Yourself
Audiobook | $24.95
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
**Free with a new Audible.com membership
Mastering Yourself
Kindle eBook | $9.99
Mastering Yourself
iBooks eBook | $9.99
Mastering Yourself
Lulu eBook | $9.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Mastering Yourself
Paperback | $49.99
Mastering Yourself
Hardcover | $99.99
Mastering Yourself
Paperback | $49.99
Mastering Yourself
Hardcover | $99.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Coach Corey Wayne Merchandise

T-Shirts & Mugs

If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com

If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:

  1. Make a donation to my work by clicking here to donate via PayPal anytime you feel I have added significant value to your life. You tip your favorite bartender, right? How about a buck... $2... $3... $5... $10... $20... what ever YOU feel its worth, every time you feel I have given you a good tip, new knowledge or helpful insight. Please feel free to donate any amount you think is equal to the value you received from my eBook & Home Study Course (audio lessons), articles, videos, emails, newsletters, etc.
  2. Referring your friends and family to this website so they can start learning and improving their dating and relationship life, happiness, balance and overall success in every area of their lives too!
  3. Purchase a phone/Skype (audio only) coaching session for yourself or a friend by clicking here. Download the Amazon.com Kindle version of my book to your Kindle, Smartphone, Mac or PC for only $9.99 by clicking here. Get the iBook version for $9.99 from the iBookstore by clicking here. Get the Audio Book for FREE $0.00 with an Audible.com membership by clicking here or buy it for $19.95 at Amazon.com by clicking here. Get the iTunes Audio Book for $19.95 by clicking here. That way, you'll always have it with you to reference when you need it most. Thank you for reading this message!

From my heart to yours,

Corey Wayne
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur

“You should think of life as a lifelong, constant and never-ending process of successful negotiation to create and maintain the life and lifestyle you’ve always wanted. It’s like a bazaar of life with endless streams of people and circumstances trying to sell you on why you should do what they want you to do, or you selling them on why they should do what you want them to do. Sometimes, a deal can’t always be made. Great deals are made with the win/win or no deal philosophy. When terms are not to your liking, do not settle. Walk away, never look back, and continue seeking and searching for what you want. Success only releases its reward long after you thought it would have, and after pretty much everyone else has long since given up. Doing things that are difficult take a long time to accomplish, while things that seem impossible usually just take a little while longer.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

Click Anywhere on Today's Instagram Image Below & You'll Be Taken To My Instagram Page. When you get to my Instagram page, click the "Follow" Button so you can follow me on Instagram. I upload several new Instagram photos per week.

Published on February 22, 2016

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. I’ve been listening to your advice for a while. I’m 55 years old marrage 31 last year we separated, she needed to figure herself out .we raised two boys now out of the house.we were working on ourselves in this time, she has been talking to a life coach for the last two months. She was at my house when I came home writing a contract, we are realtors I gave her space to do the contract. When she was done I said let’s talk, we have been separated in separate houses but still saw each other. But during our talk I told her we needed total separation for one month then talk about how to proceed. Then she said she made her mind up she wanted a devorce. Midlife crisis. Over the years ups and downs. Not sure what to do at this point this is the death of my family, our sons don’t know they will be crush as am I .alot more to it to much to write. How to proceed?

  2. Corey, lot of interesting things hit your site. Like negotiation tactics. I’m looking forward to one day meeting you, bro. One day I’m comin’ up to Deerfield. Where there is, as expected, no deer or fields. 😛

Leave A Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

SUGGESTED ARTICLES

PHONE COACHING, EMAIL COACHING & PRODUCTS

1 Hour Phone/Skype Coaching Session

with Coach Corey Wayne
coachingcta-phone-300x200
This is for a one (1) hour phone/Skype (audio only) coaching session with Life & Peak Performance Coach Corey Wayne.

Emergency Email Response Coaching

with Coach Corey Wayne

DISCONTINUED

This is for one (1) emergency email response from Life & Peak Performance Coach Corey Wayne to one (1) email of yours.

Self-Help Products, Books, Supplements, Etc.

Highly Recommended
coachingcta-amazon-300x200
Click the button above to visit my Amazon.com list of recommended self-help products such as books, supplements, appliances, tools, etc.

Self-Help Products, Books, Supplements, Etc.

Recommended by Coach Corey Wayne
coachingcta-amazon-landscape
Click the button above to visit my Amazon.com list of recommended self-help products such as books, supplements, appliances, tools, etc.
How To Support My Work
This is a member supported site. You tip your favorite bartender, right? How about a buck, $2, $3, $5, maybe $10? Whatever YOU feel its worth, every time you feel I have given you a good tip, new knowledge or helpful insight. Please feel free to donate any amount you think is equal to the value you received from my eBook & Home Study Course (audio lessons), articles, emails, videos, newsletters, etc.
DONATE VIA PAYPAL
Just click the "Donate" button above to enter your donation/gratuity. Thanks in advance for your support! From my heart to yours, Corey Wayne.
Share Page on Social Media:
How To Support My Work
This is a member supported site. You tip your favorite bartender, right? How about a buck, $2, $3, $5, maybe $10? Whatever YOU feel its worth, every time you feel I have given you a good tip, new knowledge or helpful insight. Please feel free to donate any amount you think is equal to the value you received from my eBook & Home Study Course (audio lessons), articles, emails, videos, newsletters, etc.
DONATE VIA PAYPAL
Just click the "Donate" button above to enter your donation/gratuity. Thanks in advance for your support! From my heart to yours, Corey Wayne.
Share Page on Social Media:
FOLLOW
DONATE
PRODUCTS
SHARE
top