Why life is a constant process of re-creating who you are, expanding beyond your boundaries and comfort zone, and why it’s a long journey with lots of unexpected twists and turns, instead of a be-all-end-all, perfect destination you will arrive at someday.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says he is working towards becoming an alpha male. He studies lots of other self-help coaches and tries to apply what he learns in hopes he someday will unlock the mythological, “Vault of Alpha.” He does not expect his journey of self-improvement will ever end, but he expects to reach a certain state of alpha-ness, and then conquer the world once he becomes this other person.
He asks if he is too outcome-oriented and wonders if he will finally get to a plateau where he can rest and take a breather. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Hello Coach Corey,
I need to ask you this question. In my quest to improve never-ending, CANEI-Anthony Robbins, (CANEI stands for “Constant And Never Ending Improvement”), and eventually becoming or approaching to be alpha as much as I can be. My sense of it all is that, in the end, it will be just like unlocking a very secured safe. I collect all this information from coaches, and I look for opportunities to apply them as much as I can in my daily life as I live it. However, somewhere along this journey, I cannot escape the notion that someday it will feel as if I dial in the last digit of the code, and the Vault of Alpha finally opens. (You think, once you become alpha, you will have everything you want, but when you do that, you’re living in the future and not allowing yourself to enjoy the present moment. What is an alpha? Steve McQueen said, “I live for myself, and I answer to no one.” Not giving a shit about what other people think about you and living your life according to your own expectations, and not the expectations of other people, are two of the most freeing things you can do for your own personal happiness and well being.) Now, am I correct, or is this too outcome-oriented? (From the tone of your email, I can tell you see happiness as something that will happen somewhere in the future. However, at the end of the day, it’s about the journey and who you become in the process of achieving your goals.) I honestly do not expect my improvement to ever end, but somehow I feel like I need some kind of platform where I can take a breath and then move on. (As you grow and become more, you realize there’s so much more to see, do and learn.) I mean to say, I reach alpha-ness and then move on to “conquer the world as this other person” that I have become. (What I have realized in my own spiritual journey is, enlightenment is really just a change in perspective. It’s about living in the present moment and finding joy in the little things.) Can you relate to how much I am “off-target,” or how much my frame of reference is wrong? (You just need to find joy right now.) I am not impatient, in my opinion, as I already feel like I have accepted the fact that I will always have to invest in improving to be the best and better version of me, that I cannot have it all, (Oprah said, “You can have it all, you just can’t have it all at once.” It’s a process), but that I CAN have as much as I can EARN, according to my invested effort, Earl Nightingale and James Allen, but it sometimes feels like stretching a rubber band without a breaking point. If you could make me see how to deal with this, I am forever thankful.
PS: I must admit that I intend to be more inner-game focused than outer-game, (You definitely have to practice applying these things), but since I have the belief that inner game is really fundamental before starting a good outer-game, it seems to be the right approach to let my outer-game naturally flow out of my inner stability. (Buddah said, “Faith without action is meaningless.” You’re learning all of this great stuff, but you have to apply it. If you’re taking action, learning from your results and persist without exception, that’s what it takes to get to where you want to be in life.)
Yours truly, and very thankful for your work.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“You can never stop evolving, since there is always another level of success you can get to. No matter how successful you become, there is always another level of self-expression, self-realization, self-reliance and competency you can aspire to. Life really is one long journey and process of constantly re-creating yourself anew. In the process of reaching your full potential and achieving your goals, you will become what you need to be, in order to achieve your grand vision, if you are focused, learn from your mistakes, continually refine your approach and persist until your dreams are realized. However, once you reach the top of the mountain and achieve your grandest goals and dreams, you will realize that there is an even bigger mountain to climb and grander goals to achieve. Then you will once again set out on another journey to become what it takes in order to make that vision a reality. The circle of life never ends.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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