Why you should never feel sorry for yourself, your shortcomings, flaws, physical appearance or be apologetic about anything you feel you lack if you ever feel like you don’t measure up or aren’t good enough.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is disabled in a wheelchair with Spina Bifida. He says he knows how to get most women interested in him, but every time that he brings up the fact that he is disabled, he automatically gets put in friends zone. He says women often use him to get what they want, and after they get it, they make excuses to leave. It is obvious from his email that he feels that he is somehow less of a man because of his disability. He asks for my opinion on what he can do to explain his disability to women so it does not turn them off, that he still can perform like any other guy can, that he can take care of her and that he is not going to die tomorrow or break into a million pieces if she touches him.
I used to be a very shy guy in my younger years, but I’ve learned to open up to women. However, I have this one big problem. I’m disabled in a wheelchair with Spina Bifida. I know how to get most women interested in me, but it seems like every time I bring up that I’m disabled, they automatically put me in the “friend zone,” or they use me to get what they want, and after they get it, they make up excuses to leave me. (You’re looking for a way to apologize for who you are, but you shouldn’t care what other people think about you. If you start enjoying yourself and smiling, you will make yourself more attractive.) I constantly have to work on my confidence just because of this disability and the way women treat me like I’m not good enough for them. (The reason they’re treating you that way is because you don’t stand up for yourself and you tolerate it. You’re interacting with people who didn’t like you in the first place. By trying to force yourself into their lives, you’re inviting them to continue treating you this way. By hanging out with people who really aren’t the quality of people you want to be hanging out with, it’s demeaning to yourself.) I was hoping you could give me some fun ways I can break the news that I have a disability, and assure a woman it’s no big deal. (Don’t apologize for who you are. Go find people who will love you and appreciate you for you.) I want to be able to tell to her that I can do pretty much what any other guy can do, I can take care of her, I’m not going to just die tomorrow or next week, I’m not going to break into a million pieces if she touches me, and she shouldn’t feel sorry for me! (Use humor. Once you stop giving a fuck and start embracing who you are, then other people will too. Start communicating that it doesn’t matter.) If you could help me, I would appreciate it very much!
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“One of the smartest decisions you can make in life to help yourself become more successful in every area of your life that is important to you, and attract the kind of people and circumstances that your heart desires, is to love and accept yourself as you are right now in this present moment. As Einstein once said, all of us have one fundamental decision to make in life: Do I live in a friendly or a hostile universe? The way you perceive yourself is exactly how you will cause others to perceive you. In order to get where you want to be in life, you must focus on what is great about you and your life right now instead of doing what most unsuccessful people do, which is to focus on their shortcomings and what they are lacking. What you focus on will expand. By focusing on what is already great in your life right now and seeking to make it better, you will move yourself and your life closer to where you really want to be.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne