Never Make Your Woman Your Mommy Or Therapist

Why a man should never treat his woman like a mommy or therapist.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who already got dumped by his girlfriend once before due to his unattractive behavior. He got butt-hurt and perturbed over something she said that was really stupid, but he wouldn’t let it go. He kept ruminating on it and eventually lost his shit on the phone, had an emotional meltdown and started treated her like his mommy and therapist. He asks my opinion.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Unfortunately, this particular viewer already lost his girl once because of displaying too much unattractive behavior. However, he started reading 3% Man and following 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and he got her back. But recently his girlfriend was trolling him, along with her sister, over his apparel choice while they were on a recent vacation. And he’s like, “You know, I took you to Disney, spent all this money on you, and a week later, you’re breaking my balls about my outfit with your sister.” He’s like, “I did all this stuff to show you a good time, and this is how I get treated.” So he got really upset about it, really started stewing over it, and even so, as I go through this email, you’re going to be like, “This email is kind of retarded.” He’s like, even he’s writing it and is like “I’m reading this myself and I know what I wrote is retarded and it sounds retarded.”

So he just goes in like this emotional spiral because he lets his stuff build up in him, and instead of responding with humor and not taking it personally, he takes it as like an insult. Whereas I would, and I’ll show you how I would handle it. But you can’t be freaking out. If your girl’s trolling you and teasing you, then you got to have a better, more playful comeback. You can’t get butt-hurt over it. Then you’ll see at the end, he emotionally dumps on her and shares all these fears, the exact opposite of what the book teaches. He’s like, “I couldn’t control myself,” and she finally is like, “Well, maybe you should seek some professional help about that.”

The number one strength characteristic women love in men is confidence. If you’re on the phone with your girl and you’re like, “I’m having a panic attack. I’m emotional. I can’t handle it,” she’s gonna test the shit out of you for the coming several weeks. You cannot fucking do that. But if you’re going to do that to yourself, well maybe you’re trying to screw your relationship up on purpose, but it is a good email to read and learn from. Like, don’t turn into a fucking mangina. Don’t. If you feel this way, this is the kind of thing where you call up one of your guys. If you’re about to explode on the phone, just say, “Babe, I’m really not in a good mood right now, and I can tell you’re a little cranky as well, so I’m gonna leave. I’m gonna go meet Bob and have a couple of beers and chill out, and I’ll call you later.” Then you leave the conversation, and then you go to your buddy and you’re like, “Can you believe she did this? She did that. I’m so mad. I’m so upset,” and he can be like, “Dude, you’re being a fucking pussy. Who cares? It’s not a big deal. Acting like a fucking mangina. That’s what should be happening. Instead he vomits all this stuff up on his girl, and it just makes himself look like an absolute bitch.

Don’t do this. Don’t do this, ever. It’s the opposite of confidence. Masculinity is calm. And when you’re like, “Ah, I’m having anxiety problems,” if you have those, give them to your therapist or your buddy that you need to have some beers with. Don’t dump this shit on your girl. If you want to dry her up and cause unnecessary problems that can cause a temporary pussy embargo. Don’t do what this guy did. When I get halfway through the email, you’re gonna be like, “What the fuck is this guy on? What? This is like, such a not a big deal.” He’s acting like a woman. He takes on his little thing and he’s like, “Ah, it’s the end of the world!” It’s like doom scrolling. There’s a word for it in the end. I forget what he calls it. It’s like catastrophizing or something like that. It’s like he assumes the absolute worst outcome is what’s going to happen. Then he shares that with her. He shares all of his fears. He’s worried about getting dumped. He’s worried about being unattractive with his behavior and she’s like, “Oh, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” It’s like, of course she’s going to tell you that. But inside her stomach is sinking and she’s going, “Oh dear.”

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach,

I found your work last October when my girlfriend (24) broke up with me (25). Using your principles, I got her back. I’ve only read your book five times since then, largely because I got overconfident once she came back and started putting off self-improvement via your work once we were together again.

Yep. As soon as he got a little taste, he’s like, “I’m an expert. I’m a Jedi master. I read the book five times. Coach doesn’t know what he’s talking about. 10 to 15 times. That’s absurd. Who reads a book 10 to 15 times?” People that are serious students, people that want to master it, people that want to know it so well, they can teach a class on it so this part of their life gets handled permanently. They don’t have these issues anymore. And then once they know the book at least once every six months, they’ll go through it again just to keep it fresh.

Unsurprisingly, my laziness and lack of wisdom has led me back. 

I’m shocked.

I need your help with a serious problem. I took my girlfriend to Disney last weekend, and we had a great time. I personally have no attachment to Disney…

It’s the Magic Kingdom bro! You can have lots of fun there. I’ve had lots of fun there doing around the world with your girl. I’ve only made it halfway around the lake, but that’s a lot of fun because then you can go back hammered and enjoy getting naked in the bedroom.

…but had a great time with her, and things were going well. She sent the pictures we took at Disney to her family yesterday, and her sister called her to talk about how she was “appalled” at my outfit.

“Your sister was appalled at my outfit! She’s just fucking jealous. And my outfit is pretty fucking sexy. And that’s the only reason that you guys are talking about my outfit is because I’m too sexy in it. I’m too sexy for the outfit. And I was considering getting you a matching one and your sister as well, just because you guys would look so good in it. And I can tell the real reason why she’s trolling me, what she’s appalled at is I didn’t follow through and get her one, but the fact that she’s saying she’s appalled means that I’m not going to buy her one of these outfits and she doesn’t get to have one. But you, because you’re my girl, maybe I surprise you for Valentine’s Day with it.”

Her sister is 19, so I tried to brush it off. But my girlfriend agreed with her sister.

See, he gets upset about this. I mean, these girls are better at fashion. It’s like, “Well, if you got a better outfit, then you should buy me one. But I thought I looked pretty sexy. And there were other girls there at Disney that were checking me out going, ‘Man, your man is so sexy in that outfit.'” You have to double down on that stuff to the point where it’s like ridiculous because more than likely, if he showed a picture to his best friend, he’d be like, “Yeah, that is kind of an appalling fashion choice, bro.” But you do you, boo boo. Whatever floats your boat, whatever blows your skirt up.

I brought this up to my girlfriend that night on the phone (we’re in different cities for the summer), and I tried, while maintaining composure, to get a sense of what it was that was wrong with my clothes that day (I know. This already sounds stupid).

Yeah it is. You should be laughing about this. At the end of the day, we’ve all been there, dude. Maybe this is your first girlfriend, but girls love to play dress up. “Oh, you can’t wear socks with sandals. Oh, you can’t have black sneakers. They have to be different color. Black sneakers with jeans. That’s a fashion faux pas. You shouldn’t be wearing tube socks. You should be wearing running socks instead. No cargo pants. Cargo pants are hideous. Cargo pants are great.” They’re great when you want to bring stuff along.

Anyway, we had a pleasant call overall. When we got off the phone, I couldn’t stop dwelling on this inane little outfit thing.

Love is playful and fun, dude. You always got to have a better, more playful comeback. And at the end of the day, you probably did look stupid in the outfit because as guys, that’s the way we are. I’ve been read the riot act many, many, many, many times over my life, over my fashion choices. And I don’t fucking care. I’m going to wear what I want. And at the end of the day, my girlfriends have always wanted to get naked with me, no matter how silly I may have looked.

I began to be bothered, not by anything specifically my girlfriend or her sister said, but by the fact that less than a week after I took my girlfriend on an expensive trip she was getting on the phone with her sister and talking about how stupid I looked during this trip that I paid for.

So now you’re like, “Will you be my mommy and smack my head and say, ‘Good boy?'” You took her on a good trip. Such a good boyfriend. The purpose of all relationships is you go there to give. So a way to respond in a playful way is like, instead of saying you’re the best boyfriend in the whole wide world. It’s a small world after all. Instead of saying, “Thank you so much for spending all that money and making our weekend or our week at the Magic Kingdom so special. I always wanted to go there since I was a little girl, and you’re so awesome and the sex was so great. And I love Mr. Snuffleupagus when we’re getting it on late at night.” Instead you’re going, “Yeah, you really look stupid in these clothes.”

It’s like, what kind of a girlfriend is that? “Maybe next time when you want me to take you somewhere special, I’ll go, ‘Well, I remember that you weren’t an exact fan of my fashion choices.’ And instead of being grateful for the trip, you were breaking my balls about the fashion choices. So why should I take you on another trip? Because you haven’t earned it. So if you want me to take you somewhere nice in the future, you’re really going to have to sweet talk me. Make me a nice dinner. And oh, by the way, your sister’s going to have to apologize for trolling as well, because at the end of the day, you guys know I looked fucking sexy as hell in that outfit, and your girl friend’s just jealous that you’re the one dating me and not her. That’s probably why she’s really upset,” just to fuck with them a little bit.

I felt unappreciated and disrespected that my girlfriend would think it proper to shit-talk me so soon after I had shown generosity and compassion.

It’s like, this is just the wrong vibe, the wrong attitude. Dude, you’re getting butt-hurt and upset and you’re making yourself look like a bitch. And guess what comes next? More trolling because you make yourself look like such a fucking pussy. But this isn’t even the worst part of it yet. He hasn’t even started the emotional regurgitation yet.

I felt that it was like I’d given her a diamond necklace, and she’d thanked me, only to tell me five minutes later that my hair looked like shit.

Well, maybe your hair did look like shit. Obviously not everybody can have as sexy as hair as the Coach. But you know, that’s life. Those are the breaks.

I went to bed, and when I woke up, I felt better. But a few hours later, I was having these same thoughts again. I was yelling in the shower, having fake arguments about how I was right to feel offended.

We’ve all kind of done that when we’re by ourselves. We’re having these conversations where we’re playing events, we’re role playing. “I said this, I should have said that.” We’ve all been there, but this is a ridiculous topic, and this is why you should have called your buddy to go have a beer with him instead of telling this stuff to your girl.

I could not let it go. I knew I was being neurotic and weird and perturbed, but I couldn’t stop dwelling on it. 

Well, that tells me you’re young, you’re 25. You still give a shit what other people think about you. But another five, 10 years, you won’t give a fuck. But right now, you need to understand how somebody who’s older and has wisdom and understands women better is going to approach it, which is with humor. You’re not going to let her get under your skin. It’s like if you tell a terrible joke, you’re like, “That’s the fucking greatest joke in all of history. It was funny.” You just keep at it. You never give in. It’s like, “I don’t care what you say. I look sexy as hell. You know what? We should do an online poll. We could do it next time when we’re together with all your girlfriends. We’ll show them a picture and they’ll be like, ‘Your man is sexy as hell in that outfit.’ You know, all your girlfriends are going to say that.”

Eventually, while I was dwelling on it, my girlfriend called me. Her period is tomorrow, she’s sick, and she needed to clean her apartment. She called me just to have background noise for unpleasant tasks, and I think these sorts of calls are incredibly detrimental to our relationship.

It’s not detrimental, but this is the way women are, dude. They want your attention all the fucking time. I tell you guys this and you don’t fucking believe me. Especially younger guys that never had a girlfriend before, you don’t know how women are. But when you’re in a relationship, this is what they do. They’re vacuuming the house and they call to talk about some ridiculously uninteresting thing that’s happening with their mother or their cat, or their best friend or some other thing that’s going on. You’re going, “Oh, I got stuff to do.” I would be like, “Oh alright, I’ll listen to it for about 10 minutes, and then I got to come up with something that I got to go do so she doesn’t think I’m trying to get off the call.”

So it’s got to be a good excuse. It’s like, “Babe, I love you, and you know I want to hear all about this. I know it’s really important to you, but I’m supposed to meet Bob for beers in like, 10 minutes. I’ve already should have left five minutes ago. I want you to know that I love you, but I got to get ready, and I gotta go, and I’ll talk to you later. Bye bye.” We’ve all been there. This is the way they are. If you don’t like it, don’t get into a relationship. Don’t have a girlfriend because this is the way it is. They call you, they FaceTime you and they go, “Ah!” It’s the way they are. So don’t look at it as it’s “detrimental to our relationship.” No, it’s part of being a boyfriend. It’s like you’re gonna listen to this bullshit. You guys are like, “But she’s so hot. She’s so amazing.” It’s like, yeah, you’re not always going to feel that way.

When she calls you to vent, when you guys are in a relationship, this is going to happen, this is OK because your boyfriend/girlfriend at this point. So girls are going to call and they’re gonna vent. And you know, she’s on her period. So she’s probably, when she gets her period tomorrow, she’s probably got bad cramps now. Plus, she’s in a cranky mood and you don’t want to be around her anyways. So you’re going to humor a little bit and then you’re like, “I gotta go. I love you. I gotta go.”

They go on too long and spiral out of control into discussions about serious topics or disagreements.

It’s just part of your duty as a man. Every guy that is in a long term relationship or has had a long term relationship knows what I’m talking about.

I don’t know what it is but they rarely stay light and cheery.

Probably because you’re not really a light and cheery person. This is what I talk about. Before you get into a relationship, you should get to a happy place, because it doesn’t sound like you were in a really happy place when you got into a relationship. And now, because you’re having a bad day and you feel like she’s picking on you a little bit, you take it personally. It’s like, come on, man! You got to man to fuck up.

Even when they do, I feel like they are bad for us for the reasons you explain in your book.

Well again, you’re not going to do this with somebody you just swiped with on Tinder a couple days ago. When you’re several months in and your boyfriend/girlfriend and she’s goo-goo gaga and she loves you, talks about the future and marriage, you’re going to be on the phone. And normally what I’m going to do is like, “Are you coming over?” I would be like, “Alright, well come over, let’s go eat and you can tell me about it then, I gotta go. I gotta get ready. I gotta get in the shower. Bye.”

Anyway, I was frustrated about what I perceived as her disrespect and her pointless call.

Pointless call? It’s like, most of them are going to be pointless. That’s what they are. That’s the way they are. Sorry. They’re not like dudes. They’re different.

I didn’t mention it, but I was curt with her.

I’ve been there too. That doesn’t go over well either. That pisses them off. “You don’t care. You don’t care about my feelings or my problems. You never listen to me.”

My girlfriend was also in a bad mood, due to her illness and impending period, and eventually we clashed.

In other words, “Coach, I just basically acted like another chick on the phone.”

I said she was being unpleasant about something, and that made her upset.

In sickness and in health. For richer, for poorer. Till death do us part.

I apologized, knowing I was wrong, and yet I was still hurt because of this dramatic narrative about her and her sister’s conversation about me that I had spun up.

Again, it should have been something you should have been breaking her balls about. “By minds, you guys think I look sexy as hell in that outfit, and you’re hoping that I just go out and buy like, five more pairs of it. Maybe I’ll just wear it all the time. Like it’ll be my official uniform,” like Steve Jobs has. Remember he wore the black turtlenecks with the blue jeans you got? Zuckerberg has the pullover top with blue jeans. You got the guy from Nvidia. He always wears that black leather jacket. It’s like the only leather jacket he said that he wears that doesn’t itch. And that’s why his wife has bought him like 100 pairs of it or whatever. And he always has the same thing on because it’s comfortable. He doesn’t care about the other stuff.

Eventually, and I do not know why or how, I became emotionally overwhelmed.

Because whatever you focus on, expands. Instead of having a cheerful, humorous attitude and using this as an opportunity to be ridiculous about your outfit and troll her back, it’s like, “Well, if you and your sister are such great fucking fashion experts, then I am demanding that the two of you go to the mall and pick me out something that you think is hot and sexy. Then if I see it and I approve it, then I will wear it. And then you guys can compliment me on how good I look. And I’m still gonna wear the other outfit because the bottom line is, you know you love it.”

This was just today, and I genuinely cannot identify what it was that made me angry. 

You’re just not happy, that’s why. And you took it out on her instead of finding a reason to be amused and enchanted by this whole thing. Love is playful and fun. It’s not serious. And look at you. You are totally serious and not fun.

All I know is that as soon as I got upset, I immediately started panicking, knowing that being upset is unattractive. This is all while I’m on the phone with her.

That’s when you go, “Honey, I’m late. I’m going to meet Bob for some beers. I definitely want to listen to you. Let me call you later tonight and we can catch up. But I’m already behind. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later. Love you. Bye.” And then you approach it. You have a different attitude. And then you go hang out with Bob and bitch about your girl. “It’s like she talks about the most inane stuff. It’s like she’s fucking vacuuming her house and calling me, and it’s like, I gotta fucking sit there and listen to this.” Like, that’s your duty as a man. Because if you don’t want to listen to her, she’s like, “You never listen to me. You don’t care about my feelings,” which means the legs will close.

I start raving about how we’d lost our momentum from the past weekend by me getting perturbed, and how I’ve fucked it all up, etc.

Jesus, dude.

I could not let it go, not whatever the inciting incident was, but the fact that I’d let her see me sweat. I had created this pressure cooker in my head from the hours spent spewing over her and her sister, and it exploded into this sort of self-flagellating borderline panic attack about how I had committed this great, unforgivable error by becoming emotional.

This is called losing your shit. Masculinity is calm. This is like, “I want my mommy. Where’s my binky?”

I was essentially in an emotional tailspin over showing her emotion, all while on the phone.

That’s why you should have just said, “I got to go. I got stuff I gotta do. I’ll call you later. I know you’re mad, but I can’t talk right now.”

If this isn’t making any sense, I don’t blame you. As best I understand it, I knew I didn’t want to show her how perturbed I was, but I was still feeling…

The real issue here is that you have zero self control. You’re not feeling good. So instead of having the self-control to say, “You know what? It’s probably better that I not stay in this call because she’s really pissing me off and excusing herself,” you were a fucking people pleaser and you stayed on the phone instead of saying no. This is part of being a man and being squishy. You had something you would rather do. You really needed to stew over this a little bit more. Maybe talk to your friend and then he’d break your balls about it, and then you both would laugh about it, and then you’d come back and talk to her and it wouldn’t bother you. But you didn’t do that because you’re 25 years old and you don’t have any life experience.

So listen to a guy like myself that has a lot more experience and wisdom on this. Humor is the best way to handle this. If you can’t be humorous, you need to temporarily end the conversation and go cool off and then come back with a cooler head. You have the self-control to do that, but you chose not to because you were a people pleaser, which is bitch ass behavior. It’s not masculine.

…The intense neuroses and bitchiness of my perturbed state.

We got to feel it, to heal it. That’s why you should have gone off to feel it. Continue to yell in the shower, put a pillow over your face and scream, “This fucking cunt doesn’t appreciate my fashion. Fuck her. Fuck her sister too. No Christmas gifts.”

Then it boiled over, and I became more perturbed and more unstable knowing that I’d shown her how bothered I was. 

Well, I would also suggest that you do the Consciousness Exercises maybe three times a week. Stages one through 12. Put them on your big screen TV. Spend about an hour, hour and a half going through stages one through 12. They’re on the home page and my YouTube channel @CoachCoreyWayne. Just scroll to the bottom. It’s a playlist with Doctor D’Anna there called the Consciousness Exercises stage one through 12.

So my suggestion, anytime you feel like you want to have a fucking meltdown and treat your girlfriend like your mommy and your therapist do. Stages one through 12 and you’ll be like, “Ah!” You’ll feel a sense of peace and you won’t be bothered or perturbed when you get with your girl because you would have felt it. It would have moved through your nervous system. It will no longer be stuck energy and then you’ll be right as rain.

Eventually I told her that I’d freaked out probably because of the pressure of trying to hide my feelings over how I felt she’d been unkind and disrespectful by mocking my appearance with her sister.

Again, I’ve explained throughout the video how I would have handled that. The vibe I would have had, the humor I would have had. I would have brought a higher perspective to it, a humorous perspective. But again, you’re 25 and you’ve only read the book five times. So you’re, as you said, you got fucking lazy and you were a shitty student. So that’s a you problem.

When I explained this, I finally realized how retarded a reason this was to be mad.

Well, you got to feel it, to heal it and see what happened. You experienced it on the phone. You expressed yourself to her, and then you were like, “What the fuck am I doing? I’m kicking my own ass. I just pulled the pin on a grenade and fucking threw it in my relationship for no fucking reason at all. I decided to dry up and shrivel up my girlfriend’s pussy because I didn’t want to exercise self control.”

I had always known it was retarded, analytically, but emotionally I could not let it go until I said it to her out loud and realized how stupid I was being. She said she wished I’d said something earlier…

No, she doesn’t.

…But I explained to her that any show of sensitivity or neuroses at all would turn her off.

It certainly doesn’t turn her on and make her go, “Oh my God, I’m so wet and hot for you.” Come on, man!

She denies that it would have.

Of course she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

We stayed on the phone, I apologized, and tried to talk to her about how worried I am about my own state.

Jesus, dude, this isn’t how, and I assume he’s telling her.

This isn’t how a mentally healthy man my age should act.

Correct. You didn’t exercise self control. You didn’t step away and go, “Ah, let me let me breathe for a while. Let me change my state. Let me change my location. I’ll get back to her later.”

I didn’t cry or anything, but I was noticeably shaken up by this unprecedented loss of control.

It wasn’t a loss of control. You chose not to exercise self control. Again, you didn’t know the book.

Really, I told her that this kind of behavior was unhealthy, unfair to her, and dangerous to our relationship.

Man, you can’t say shit like that. It’s like Harry Reid getting up there and going, “President Bush knows the Iraq war is lost.” Like we’re in the middle of combat. We got troops in contact over in the Middle East. It’s like, it’s one of those stupid moments. And Nancy Pelosi’s like, “I don’t know why he says stupid things like that.” That really happened. Believe it or not. Harry Reid, who was a boxer when he was younger, he didn’t have self control.

I kind of think mental health is bullshit, but my girlfriend said that if I’m worried about my tendency to dwell and catastrophize…

That was the word I was looking for.

…I should talk to a professional.

What does she say there? “You know, I really don’t want to be your mommy or your fucking therapist because it’s drying me up. So why don’t you go talk to a professional about this and not dump this shit on me?”

I told her she’d find that disgusting if I actually did it…

It’s like, dude, it’s like you’re at the beach like, “Hey, Daytona. I can drive on the beach here.” and you get stuck in the sand. You keep giving it more gas and the car just goes, the back keeps sinking as you get more stuck.

…And that I too would think of myself as a lesser man if I went that route. 

You just gotta feel it to heal it, dude. I give you all the tools to handle these things, but you’re not availing yourself of them because you’re fucking lazy. You got to man up, dude. You got to raise your fucking standards.

Anyway, my question is this: How can I keep my cool next time?

Do the consciousness exercises three times a week, and anytime you want to catastrophize something in your life, spend an hour, hour and a half and go through all 12 stages because especially stage four, taking your power back, you. What it does, it enables you to feel any stuck energy in your nervous system and moves through it, and you’ll feel an incredible sense of peace and stillness. Once you’re done with stage 12 and you’re like, “I don’t even know why I was upset before.”

So what happened was you had energy because if you don’t, it didn’t feel safe to feel what you were feeling when you were upset and you felt disrespected about her not being grateful for Disney again. I went through in the beginning how I would have phrased it to break her balls about it. But at the end of the day, you didn’t feel it. You held it up inside and you weren’t done screaming in the shower yet. And so you got on the phone and you were still in that vibe of moving that energy, that that’s stuck energy through your nervous system, and you let it come out on a phone call with your girlfriend. That’s what happened.

You should have completed the process of feeling it, to heal it, and then got on the phone. If you were really pissed off and you’re like, “Ah, I’m not in a good mood right now.” I said, “Babe, I’d love to talk to you right now. I’m really not in a good mood, so give me a couple hours to chill out and calm down and I’ll give you a call. And I’m happy to hear about what’s going on. But I got shit going on right now. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m just not in a good mood, so I’m gonna go. I’ll call you later. Love you. Bye.”

I tried to stop myself…

Oh, bullshit.

…Last night from obsessing over this stupid stuff, but I couldn’t.

Well, if you’re by yourself again, you got to feel it to heal it. And once it no longer bothers you, then it’s moved through your nervous system. Once you have peace, then you know you’ve experienced it completely, completely. Again, you are experiencing the emotions in the shower and you didn’t finish going through that process on your own, and then you decided to do it with your girlfriend on the phone and you know, it wasn’t good. I mean, when your girlfriend’s going, “Yeah, I think you should get professional help about that.” That’s not good, bro. Don’t do this shit again. It’s stupid.

I tried to stop myself from getting upset with my girlfriend this morning, but I couldn’t. I know you say, “Do or do not, there is no try,” but I just can’t seem to get a grip on myself.

Well, you just have to understand. It’s a process to feel your emotions and your stuck feelings and stuck energy. If you’d have been a better student, you would have understood that. And you’ve been doing this stuff naturally. So it probably would have never happened. All I can do is suggest and gently lead. If you want to half ass it and cherry pick, well you’re going to have meltdowns on the phone with your girlfriend if you’re this guy.

I’m worried, Coach. I’m worried that I might be insane…

You’re not insane. You just have stuck energy, negative emotions, negative feelings that you haven’t processed completely. Again, make sure you complete that process before you interact with your girl when you’re not in a good state, and then get on the phone with her. “Hi babe. I’m great. I’m right as rain. It’s so great to hear your sweet voice.”

…And I’m worried I might lose the girl I love if I can’t get a handle on this. Any advice you have would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Bob

Well, don’t do this again. If she says like, “Are you OK? The other day, you were kind of freaking out and it kind of freaked me out a little bit.” I would be like, “Nah, I was just having a moment. That’s just the shit going on in my mind. I did some breathing exercises and got the energy out and I feel a lot better. But how are you? You look really cute today. I love that outfit on you. What’s new? What did I miss? Have you and your sister been bragging about my sexy outfit again?” That should be your attitude, my man. So just don’t do it again. It’s not going to help.

Remember, there’s a part in the book that says if what you’re about to do or say is going to make you look less attractive and more neurotic and needy and like a lunatic, keep it to yourself. And you didn’t do that. So that’s on you. It’s a conscious choice, and you made the wrong choice. So next time, make the better choice. Feel your stuff on your own, and don’t burden your girlfriend with it unless you want to be single again. Which, I mean, you’re not really happy about her calling you when she’s vacuuming and droning on, but that’s what you sign up for. If you don’t like it, don’t have a girlfriend. That’s just the way they are. Sorry.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.