Why you should never speak this way to women, because it communicates you have no charisma.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers who have no charisma and have no clue how to talk to women. They both are obviously being lazy and cherry picking information from my videos and not taking the time to learn the book fundamentals.
As a result, some of their communications with women they are trying to date are absolute train wrecks, and you should avoid speaking to women like this or you will turn them off. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
In these guys’ defense, because I’m going to probably roast them a little bit, I think they’re new to my work. They haven’t read the book, and you could tell they’re cherry picking. In our society, everything is a quick fix. “What is the magic line? What’s the magic combination of words or the perfect sentence, especially when it comes to women, that’s just going to solve all of my problems? That’s going to make her panties just magically fall off, and make her want to make mad, passionate love to me, and want to live with me forever and ever in bliss like the Disney movies?” But the reality is much different in life.
Both of these guys said some things, and we’ve got some face palm moments coming up, but it’s good to learn from this because you recognize what not to do. Not only what not to say, but why what these guys said is totally inappropriate and it’s going to have the opposite effect of what they think it’s going to have.
First Viewer’s Email:
Hey Coach Corey,
I’m new to your work, and one of my friends suggested I shoot you an email, as it helped him in his relationship. I’m 19, in college and have 3 jobs.
You sound like a busy dude. That’s how I was back then.
I’ve been dating this girl for three months and it’s been pretty good. I live 3 hours from her, so it’s a long distance relationship, but we have been seeing each other almost every other week or two. Her parents live about an hour and a half from me and she doesn’t have a car, so it’s only been me doing the driving, (which I don’t like).
Well, at the end of the day, your best thinking was, “I think I’m going to date a girl that lives three hours away, and she doesn’t have a car.” Fun, exciting. So, how is she getting from where she lives to her parents’ house, which is an hour away? Hmm, interesting. He didn’t elaborate on that.
The reality is, if you’re going to date somebody that’s long distance, you want them to be able to come to you one time, and the next time maybe you go to them, and vice versa, not where it’s all one sided. Because when it’s one sided, typically, what’s happening is the other person that’s always doing the traveling is making more of an effort than the person who is being traveled to.
Anyway, it seems like her attraction has dropped off, as conversation is dry feeling and she doesn’t confirm dates. So, I started to drop my communications with her and focused on myself more. Only one day into not talking to her, she texted me asking if anything was wrong. I simply responded, “I’m doing fine :)”
When a woman says “it’s fine,” it’s not fine, just so you know. When you go, “Oh, it’s fine,” you’re communicating it’s not fine, because women understand what that statement means.
“Just to be forthcoming, I’ve noticed a drop in communication, which is fine.”
You’re communicating, “It’s not fine. I’m really upset about this. It’s bothering me. I am totally perturbed, woman.”
“But instead of trying to force it, I’m focusing on myself until attraction increases.”
Come on, man. Why would you think that that’s a good thing to text? You’re like a robot. “Until attraction increases, I am going to be pulling back because I saw it on a YouTube video. I’m doing fine… which is fine.” Okay.
She took offense to this, saying that her feelings are still the same, she just thought I was super busy, so she didn’t want to blow up my phone.
What you have to understand is, if the communication drops, you don’t become perturbed. Again, as a man, as an alpha male, you’re looking for reasons to be happy, to have a good time, no matter what. So, maybe she’s having a bad day. Maybe she doesn’t miss you enough. That’s okay. The reality is she lives three hours away and doesn’t have a car.
And so, if you notice a woman who lives three hours away and doesn’t have a car is not texting you as much and doesn’t seem to be investing as much effort, then you just match and mirror it until she comes back. You don’t text her something that a robot would say — maybe something that would come out of Mark Zuckerberg’s mouth when he’s testifying to Congress. Have you ever watched those? It’s pretty funny. That’s why everybody says he’s a robot. He’s a brilliant robot, but still.
You’ve got to have charisma, and that message has just no charisma at all. You just communicated you’re totally butt-hurt and upset and mad, and you’re punishing her passive-aggressively.
I explained to her that I like to text every so often, as we can’t talk in person every other day, but not all the time. Talking too much on the phone devalues the time we have together. She disagreed, saying that she never had that issue in a relationship. Basically, almost everything she’s telling me makes her increase feelings feels wrong.
So, you’re trying to have a logical conversation with somebody who is focused on her emotions.
She wants me to be more emotional with her, saying that I’m too robotic.
Well, you’re definitely too robotic, dude. So, in other words, it’s not that she wants you to puke up your feelings. She wants you to act like a human being, not like a Mark Zuckerberg robot testifying to Congress.
And she wants me to text her so she knows I still care, which she has acknowledged is her insecurities, (yet she never will shoot me a text saying how much she misses me), etc.
So again, that’s why you match and mirror, but you haven’t read the book.
I’ve only just started seeing your videos, and I will be buying your book via Amazon soon.
Well, you can read it for free on my website. All you’ve got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter. You can read “How To Be A 3% Man” for free, “Mastering Yourself” for free, which I highly recommend, seeing the fact that you’re only 19, and obviously “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” my third book. It’s a book of quotes that ties all of the concepts together in the first two books. So, to just say, “Oh, I’ve got to wait for the book to come from Amazon,” you need it now, dude. You are self-immolating your relationship unnecessarily.
But from what you say, I should be doing the exact opposite to get her from being dry. What should I do?
You should read the fucking book and stop cherry picking videos, because it’s not working for you. The idea is you don’t get butt-hurt or perturbed when a woman kind of disappears like a cat. You don’t take it personally. Maybe she’s having an off day. And if she says, “Hey, is everything okay?” it’s like, “It’s great. I’m talking to you. Things just got even better. How are you doing, babe? It’s nice to hear from you.”
That’s how you should have handled it when she reached out, but instead, you communicated you were butt-hurt, instead of being like, “Oh, it’s awesome to hear from you.” “Everything okay?” “Babe, I’m having the best day. But you know what? Hearing from you, it just got a whole lot better,” emphasis on being goofy and silly and kind of over the top to the point of ridiculousness.
That’s what love is like. It’s playful and fun. And she might have felt insecure for a second, but your response would have made her like, “Oh, he cares, he loves me, and he’s the most super boyfriend, ever!” But instead, she got butt-hurt. Come on, man. You can do better.
Second Viewer’s Email:
I met this girl on a dating app at my new university, and she was displaying a high level of attraction by initiating first and showing great enthusiasm over our first few messages on the app. I was not looking for a relationship at the time, so after I got her contact information, I told her I just wanted to be friends and kept it platonic.
Huh? Come on, man. You go on a dating app, and you just want to keep it platonic? Whatever, dude.
However, I actually began to like this girl’s personality.
Oh yeah, sure. That’s exactly what you were thinking when you swiped right on her pictures, “I really like her personality.” Sure. You were thinking about beating up her pelvis, let’s be honest.
And eventually asked her to come over and hang out. I picked her up and brought her over to my place to watch one of her favorite shows.
Maybe he’s just a broke college student, doesn’t have any money to go out and do anything. She obviously had a high level of comfort, because she came over to his place.
When we were on the couch together, she was getting closer and initiating physical touch, so I could not wait anymore and leaned in for the kiss. We ended up making out and did almost everything besides have sex.
Well, if you had read “How To Be A 3% Man,” you would have known, two steps forward, you encounter resistance, one step back. And then eventually, you take another step forward until, eventually, she says, “Have your way with me, big boy,” or something along those lines.
We had a great night, and she reached out to me the next day saying she wanted to see me again, so I had her over again the next night. This is where I broke the rule of once a week…
It’s not a rule, because she initiated it.
…but she was so excited to see me again, I caved. Anyway, we had another great date with her ending up back at my place again. After this night is when things went sideways. The day after that date, she went from before texting me every morning and night to maybe once a day, (she was doing all initiation though).
So, again, this is where the kitty cat analogy comes in. If a girl is really into you — and I was talking about this yesterday with some of the girls you guys will be meeting, some new people for our podcasting — we were talking about how women are like cats.
And in this particular case, like the example we were using in the video that we will eventually publish in a couple of weeks was, if your girl is really excited to see you on Friday, all over you, and then by the time you drop her off after spending the whole weekend together Sunday night, you’re probably going to know she’s not as excited, not as enthusiastic, not as affectionate as she was Friday. You spent a lot of time together, hooked up, had had great sex all weekend, and now it almost seems like she likes you less on Sunday.
The correct response is to not get perturbed by that. It’s like when a cat jumps in your lap and it purrs, and you pet it for a while and it’s just purring away. And then, eventually, it stops purring and hops up and leaves to go drop a deuce, or go roam the neighborhood and try to catch some birds, or climb some trees or whatever cats do. And when they’re away, not get bothered by it. And then a day or two later, she’ll typically return and so will the enthusiasm, as long as you don’t get butt-hurt and perturbed about it.
I could feel her attraction falling, so I also pulled back. I think it may have been because we saw each other too much too fast.
Yeah, the key is not to get upset and say something’s wrong. Don’t take it personally, because a woman’s emotions or feelings are kind of like the weather. They change. And if you don’t like the way it is right now, just wait fifteen minutes because it’ll change again.
Now it has been 2 weeks since those dates, and she is still distant and conversations are short. She initiates contact every few days, but the two times I asked her out in a row she declined and gave no reason or makeup date.
I would have to say those dates that you thought were so great probably weren’t so great. But then again, I don’t know what else you were texting and saying to her, so it could have been something else, because there’s a big whopper coming up here in a second. Might get another face palm.
After a few times of her reaching out, I’ve done the “Hey, it was great chatting, gotta run” method, but she still has not reached out for a date.
So, in other words, she reached out two times in a row, and both those times he tried to set a date, she wouldn’t. So, when that happens, you just stop asking until she brings it up first. And then you’ll talk for a few minutes, you’ll send a few messages back and forth and say, “Hey, great chatting with you. I’ve got to run. Keep in touch. Talk to you later,” whatever. You don’t bring up going out or on a date, because she already declined twice.
Over the last 2 days, I have gone completely no contact, since I was fed up with how she was treating me, and actually told her…
Oh boy. So, here’s where he threw the little grenade in there.
…that she was not displaying the type of respect that I showed her. (I said this, not in a harsh way, but I wanted to indicate my displeasure with her jerking me around after I had kept my cool so many times before and just brushed it off.)
Come on, man. The youth these days, what are we going to do with you guys, Generation Z? Come on. You’ve got to step up your game, homies. It didn’t matter if you reacted properly the previous several times. It’s obvious why she’s gone cold, because she’s thinking, “This guy’s kind of weird, he’s kind of a lunatic. He seems angry. He seems upset. Something’s a little off with him.”
I am going to wait for her to reach out and ask to see me, or else I will continue to keep contact with her to a minimum when she reaches out, until she shows the initiative to want to get together.
Yeah, you should never call or text her again for any reason, but you might not ever hear from her again, just because of all the butt-hurt you displayed. So, there’s probably some other things you did or said, or maybe you’re a lousy kisser, or maybe you weren’t very good in bed. He didn’t say whether he got laid. He just probably fooled around. He’s probably lacking in self-awareness there as well.
It’s obvious after the second time they spent together she wasn’t as interested, and when he tried to set dates, she politely declined. But she’s still reaching out because she wants to stir the pot and make sure he’s still on the line, because, quite frankly, she’s probably talking to some other dude who’s doing a little bit of a better job.
Is there anything else I can do at this point?
Am I doing the right things in walking away since she is acting so distant and cold?
Yeah. Well, I mean, at this point, you don’t really have a choice. She doesn’t want to go out. I think, like I said, the only reason that she’s probably still reaching out is because she just wants to make sure you’re still interested, and you’ll still contact her, and she’s getting attention and validation from you. But more than likely, if she’s not spending time with you, she’s probably spending time with Chad Thundercock and he’s rearranging her insides, because obviously you didn’t.
Any other insights as to what happened would help too, since usually I am good at figuring out why women go cold.
But this girl was extra mysterious, and her attraction level dropping so quickly definitely caught me off guard. Thanks Coach!
Well, quite frankly, it was no surprise to the coach for the reasons I have previously illustrated in my previous comments further back in the video newsletter.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. And if you want to get one of these sweet mugs, “Come on, man!” go to Teespring in the Coach Corey Wayne store.
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“Love is playful and fun, not serious. Women just want to have fun with men who know how to lead, but don’t take themselves too seriously. Alpha males never become perturbed when women don’t act or behave the way they expect. They are always looking for ways to have fun and make light of bad situations, because they’ve chosen ahead of time to be happy and bring happiness to everyone around them, including unhappy and grumpy people. It’s takes more energy, effort and force to be angry and unhappy than it does to laugh, have fun and look for the gift and lesson in every life circumstance.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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