Why no relationship lasts forever, because life is change and eventually everyone you love and everything that you build eventually turns to dust.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who has been following my work for the past six years, since he was 18-19 years old. He has been with his current girlfriend for about a year now. He says she is everything that is on his list of his ideal woman.
He’s now twenty-four years old and has achieved many of his personal and professional goals. However, as much as he appreciates and loves his girlfriend, he now gets so much attention from other women, that he often wants to explore those opportunities, but is torn because he is loyal and faithful to his girlfriend. He asks my opinion on what he should do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I have followed your work since I was a pimple faced virgin of 18-19 years old; and 6 years later can say that your work is excellent.
I appreciate fans like you that have stuck around all these years through thick and thin and have diligently applied the things I teach in my books. You’re the kind of guy that I love helping and I love getting emails from. People that are grateful, appreciative, and have the balls to actually apply the things that I teach and get the results, because there’s plenty of fucking haters out there, and I’ve got plenty of them.
After years of striving to become a 3% man, I have read your book close to 15 times and have reached many of my goals whether they be personal, financial, relationship, or purpose related. In particular, I have been dating a woman for close to a year who is INCREDIBLE. She is everything I wanted on my list of “10 qualities of my perfect woman.” She is beautiful, successful, not needy, intelligent, and confident; she is a true alpha female and is completely in love with me.
But now that I have spent so much time focusing on the principles that you have taught me, I feel like I have women throwing themselves at me left and right. In your book you refer to the effect of all women wanting you when you have a girlfriend, and I feel like this concept relates. It seems that every week, I engage in an incredible conversation or confrontation with a beautiful woman, because I have devoted myself to the dating concepts that you have taught. Inevitably, it makes me want to get their numbers or “hang out, have fun, and hook up” with them. I swear, I’ll meet beautiful women in public now, and at the end of the conversation they will be looking at me expecting me to make a date or get their number, but I won’t because I am loyal to the woman I am dating, (who I love and is flawless).
Well, my job as a coach is to help you get what you want, and obviously you’ve got her, you’ve got the life and the lifestyle you wanted, but now you’re doubting whether or not you want to keep it. And that’s the rub. I can’t make your decision for you dude. That’s not what I do as a coach. You got the girl. It’s like anything, you’ve got to look at, what’s the downside risk? If you break up with her, because you want to date other women, what are you going to miss out on?
Then the fear is going to be, what if the next one’s not as good? You’re young, you’re seeing lots of opportunities and you want to take advantage of them, because there’s also a chance you break up with your girlfriend, and the next couple of girls are not as cool as her. And you might decide that you want to go back to her, and then you can’t because she’s moved on to somebody else.
Obviously, it’s going to suck, because if she’s in love and you dump her, and nothing’s wrong, it’s going to break her heart. It’s going to hurt, you’re going to feel like shit, because you broke her heart, and it’s not going to be pleasant. But at the end of the day, does it serve you to stay in a relationship that you no longer want to stay in? I can’t make that decision for you.
If you talk to a couple that’s been in a relationship for many decades, they’re going to tell you to stay in it no matter what, because that’s how they live their lives. Each of us individually are faced with the consequences of our thoughts and the choices that come because of those thoughts.
Personally, as I wrote about in my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” I was faced with that with my ex-wife. It’s a shitty thing to leave your wife, but at the end of the day, I was in the same place. I wanted to see what else was out there. Internally, inside, it didn’t feel right. The thing I’ve learned in my life is to go with my gut, what feels right for me and my personal truth. And I’ve continually done that.
I cherish my exes, but that doesn’t mean I want to get back into an exclusive relationship with them and stay with them for the rest of my life. Does this mean that I’m never going to settle down and I’m never going to get married again? That’s not my outcome anymore. Where did that idea come from? That’s society and the people around us saying you’ve got to get married, and you’ve got to have this kind of relationship.
Being a couple together as a family is great for raising kids, and there are billions of people that do that, and they’re very happy. And that’s wonderful, because kids need a mom and a dad who love them and demonstrates a great example for them to grow up and emulate. But that’s not me. That’s not my path. I love having women in my life, but I also really love my time alone. You’ve got to make up your own mind and make your own decisions, but the best place for these answers is going to be internally. What do you feel in your heart? What does your gut tell you? I’ve learned in my life, when you follow your gut, things tend to work out. And when you don’t, when you ignore that, things tend to not work out.
The reality is, if you’re going to settle down and get married, if that’s your ultimate goal, where did that come from? Do you really want that, or was that imprinted on you by other people and society? Say you go and marry this girl, and you feel this way now, that feeling’s not going to go away. I don’t know your heart, but at my age I know if you follow your heart and you trust your intuition, your curiosity and what feels right to you, it’s always going to work out. There may be bumps in the road. It’s not going to be all sunshine and roses, because if you do leave this girl, it’s going to fucking hurt, but down the road you can find love again.
Again, I can’t tell you how you live. You’ve got to live your own life and speak your own truth. That’s part of growing up, and that’s part of being a man. We’re all trying to do what’s best for us. That’s what I want you to do. I want you to do what feels right for you, not what you think is right or what everybody tells you is right. You’ve got to listen to yourself. You’ve got to listen to your heart and follow that intuition.
I am young, 24 years old, and pursuing my passion and goals like any man should be, but what should I do? The woman I am dating is everything I asked for! But I want to keep playing “the game,” even though I have everything I seem to have wanted! Have you experienced this?
Yeah, lots of times. That’s why I’ve never gotten remarried. That’s why I haven’t stayed with the same woman for decades. But I don’t have any regrets. I’m going to keep living my truth and what’s right for me, because it’s going to end for all of us. Your life is going to end someday. So when that happens, what are you okay with leaving left undone? I know when my time is up, I’m going to be like, “I fucking did it all man. I lived the way I wanted. I’m fucking satisfied. I’m content. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything.” And most people can’t say that.
Is this a “grass is greener on the other side” problem?
Some people will tell you it’s not greener on the other side. For me, it’s definitely been a lot greener on the other side. I made choices that were best for me, and it turned out amazing. But again, this is your life and your decision.
Have you dated “perfect women” but decided to stay single for your own reasons? What were your motivations?
Yeah, in my mind it’s like there’s always another bus every fifteen minutes. I can always meet somebody better. As I grow and become a better man, the quality of women that I meet becomes better as well. Have fun man. Enjoy your fucking life. Find a way to get up every day and smile.
Thanks man you are the best!
“Success is a moving target for most people. They believe that they will finally be happy when they achieve their grandest goals and dreams, and their life is the way they want it to be. However, achieving your goals is only a temporary moment in time that will quickly pass, much like winning a championship in sports. The juice of life is to be found in the process and journey of achieving your grandest goals and dreams, by looking for reasons to be grateful and happy for where you are and the experiences and memories you create along the way. Happiness and fulfillment is an art, not an event. Achieving goals is exciting, but achievement without happiness and fulfillment is the ultimate failure. Failure to enjoy and appreciate the gift of life is not success at all. If you can’t find a way to enjoy the process of living and goal attainment, you’ll never be happy long term for any consistent period of time. The best way to live is to always remember and remind yourself to look for reasons to be grateful and happy in life, because it’s not going to last forever. Whatever you focus on will expand.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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