In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is only twenty. He met a girl a few weeks back before he knew about my book. They had a good first date that almost led to sex. She even told him that he was the best looking guy she had ever been out with on a date. He foolishly started talking about being a couple when she reached out to him later that night to text him that she had done naughty things to herself while she thought about him.
He got a little too carried away after only one date on the phone by being too serious. He contacted her a few days later to try and set the second date. She told him that she was not in the mood to see anyone. He waited a day to reply. He wonders if he still has a chance since he has not heard from her in a week. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I met this girl by chance 2 weeks ago. (In my experience, there is nothing that happens by chance in life. Every person that comes into your life is there for a reason. There is no such thing as an accident.) She’s 18, and I’m 20. I hadn’t read your book at that time, so I now realize some mistakes that I have made, but do you think it is too late to redeem myself?
When we first met, I acted like my own charming self, got her number and set a date. (This is exactly what you should be doing.) She appeared to be extremely excited for it, saying how I’m the best looking guy that she’s ever been out with, and how I’m an upgrade from her past ex’s. (Any guy wants to hear that from a beautiful woman he’s really into. In fact, when the other person is really into you, you will end up finding them more attractive.) The date lasted about 13 hours, and we ended up at some secluded park with us getting all touchy-feely, making out, and eventually getting sexual while driving her home, but we didn’t have sex. When I got back home, she shot me a text saying how she got herself off at the thought of me, and told me how she had a great time that day, I kept the texting to a minimum. One mistake I made was bringing up talk about being a couple, (You’ve seen too many movies, and you feel like you’ve got to lock this girl down to a commitment. This makes you look needy and desperate. Why are you in such a rush?), and whom she has talked to about me during the date, oops. (Does that sound like something a confident guy is going to say to a woman? What you said made it sound like you’ve have no experience and no success.) I also got her to spill some of her kinky desires, and she confessed to me that she watches porn every day, and how she has a problem. (Listen to what people say. It will reveal how they feel about themselves.) I also suspect daddy issues, but her flaws don’t seem to make me less attracted to her for some reason. (People buy based upon emotion, and they use logic and reason to justify their purchase. You’re ignoring the glaring red flags. You shouldn’t project your fantasy onto her and ignore reality. If you see things as they really are, you can make an informed decision.)
About 4 days passed, and I initiated a text to meet up again, a mistake I guess, as I didn’t let the cake bake. She ignored my text until the next day, giving me an excuse about how she wasn’t in a good mood to see anyone, to which I replied a day later saying, “No sweat.” (You could have told her to contact you when she’s ready to get together.) I tried to be indifferent about it, without giving her attention. It’s been a week, and it’s extremely hard holding back, because she is extremely attractive, physically, but I’m trying my best. (You’re still ignoring the fact that she might be a fruit loop.) Being a frustrated 20-year old guy, the high testosterone doesn’t help much. (This girl is putting out some red flags, so I would personally never contact her again, but if you still want to see her, wait two weeks and then text her back.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“You can learn a lot about people by simply listening to the things they say about themselves. When someone you just met starts talking about their flaws, it’s romantic to see them as they could be, but it’s foolish to think it’s your job to change them or that they will choose to change themselves. When you fall in love with someone’s potential, you’re never going to be satisfied with his or her reality. If you can’t live with or accept a person the way they presently are with all of their flaws and faults, you both would be better served to go your separate ways. When it comes to sex and romance, it’s always better to date someone who already is in good condition, instead of trying to date a fixer-upper.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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