Only Weak Undisciplined Men Get Addicted To Porn

Why only weak and undisciplined men who are unfit for a relationship get addicted to porn.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 22-year-old female viewer who says she and her 27-year-old fiancé are big fans of my work. They were friends for 4 years and have now been dating for 4 years after he successfully used my book, 3% Man, to get out of friend zone. However, he is addicted to porn and has basically become a loveless sexless eunuch who neglects his woman and has almost no interest in sex.

She asks for my help and he gets absolutely roasted by me calling him out on neglecting his responsibility as a man. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of her email.

Well, I’ve got an email, this is from a woman. She’s 22 years old, and her fiance is 27. She says they’re both big fans of my work. They’ve been together four years, and they were friends four years prior to that. So they’ve known each other in total about eight years. I guess he, at some point, came across my work, came across 3% Man, successfully employed it and got himself out of friend zone.

So they’ve been together four years now. However, he apparently has an addiction to porn. You guys may have heard me say this many times over the years that if you apply what’s in my book, the woman is going to be more interested in sex than you are, which is typically the exact opposite problem than almost all men, at least all men in the west have, and quite frankly, globally, which is they’re more interested in sex and their women are.

In this case, she’s more interested in sex than he is, but the problem, obviously, is that he’s watching porn. She was trying to get intimate and initiate things between them recently. When she lifts her head up, he’s flipping through porn and pictures on his cell phone, which obviously, whether you’re a man or a woman, if you’re in bed with your significant other and they’re getting busy on you with some nice oral, and then you notice that they’re on their phone, that’s just not something you want to see. So she really loves this guy and really cares about him. It’s obvious he has the power in the relationship.

We’re going to go through some things here. This dude is about to get roasted, because he is being undisciplined. What’s interesting is that women friend zone guys, because quite frankly, they do not make the women feel safe enough to be romantic and intimate with them because on some level, it evokes a fear response. That’s why women like this, in this case, back when he was acting like a total beta male, why she didn’t want to date him, is because she just didn’t feel safe, she didn’t have the feelings for him because he was not acting like a man consistently. So he’s cleaned up most of his behavior, but now he’s got this porn issue that’s basically, he’s kind of like a sexless eunuch in the relationship.

She’s only 22 years old. She’s like, in the prime of her life. She also mentions that before they dated, every single one of his friends hit on her and tried to date her. So it’s not like she’s not an attractive girl. I mean, this dude was carrying a torch for a long time, for four years, trying to get out of friend zone. Then he comes across my work, successfully implements it, and now they’re engaged and everything, but he’s really not even interested in sex.

If you’re thinking about spending your life with somebody and you’re only 22 years old and this guy is 27 and he’s already not interested in sex, that’s not good. Statistically, the numbers are, when you look at multi decade long relationships where the couples are happy, sex is typically always at least two to three times a week. When you get to the point where it’s like one or two times a month, if you don’t date and court your wife or your girlfriend, eventually some other guy is going to come along and do that for you.

So this guy is in the danger zone with his relationship. I’m going to say some things to the girl and about him that he’s not going to like. Masculine energy grows through challenge, so that’s what I’m about to do, is I’m about to challenge him and I’m about to challenge his manhood. Hopefully he will step up, because if he doesn’t step up, then he’s going to suffer the consequences of basically him wrecking his relationship.

Viewer’s Email:

Dear Coach Corey,

My fiancée (male, age 27) and I (female, age 22) are huge fans of yours! We have been together for four years and were friends for four years before that- He credits your book to successfully getting out of the friend zone and I thank you for getting me a 3% man of my very own!

Well, he’s not a 3% Man yet. Especially the fact after I’ve read this email already.

Our relationship is perfect in nearly every way except one. 

My fiancée denies me sexual intimacy 9/10 times and I initiate 95% of the time.

So he’s basically made you the man in the relationship. You’ll see later on, there’s also something he’s asked her to do, which is basically, “Hey, be my mommy.” Bro, she doesn’t want to be your mommy. She doesn’t want to hold your hand. She doesn’t need to be the one to hold you accountable. You’re supposed to be the leader in the relationship.

If you’re this early in your engagement and you’re rejecting her 9/10 times, that’s not good. If it’s because you’re addicted to porn, then you need to become unaddicted to it. It’s just simply stop doing it. The fact that you’ve allowed yourself to become addicted to porn, and when your girl is going down on you, you’re looking at porno on your phone is, quite frankly, pathetic.

That’s not how a man behaves. That’s an undisciplined man. That’s how an incel behaves. That’s why you were stuck in friend-zone for four years, is because you were not acting like a man consistently. That is a protective response that women have to avoid getting involved with men who, quite frankly, are not disciplined enough, are not masculine enough, and not man enough to be the leader and lead the household, help raise children, be somebody that she can count on.

Now let’s get this obligatory statement out of the way of me proving I am not a bad looking woman- Every one of his friends has tried to date me before we got together. We have always been semi-long distance and never had too much time alone except on weekends, so until recently it has not a problem I have been aware of. I’m not some crazed nymphomaniac…

Not that that’s a bad thing.

…But I’m a healthy 22-year-old, so my natural inclination is to want intimacy once a day or maybe once every other day. 

If this guy is in a relationship, any man watching this in a relationship, you should not be watching porn. All of your sexual energy should be gone to your woman. You should be only having releases with your woman. If you’re exclusive with her and she’s devoted herself to you, she deserves all of your baby batter, and she gets to be the one to make the baby batter. She could be the one that choked a chicken. That is just the basics.

If you’re going to be in a relationship with a woman, it’s up to her to blow the barrels out or you to blow the barrels out with her. Not to be doing that five times a day, watching porno and other things, because that’s just weak and pathetic. That’s not manly at all.

Some dude watching pictures and videos of, quite frankly, stuff that a lot of it’s fake and a lot of it’s acting because that’s what porn is. It’s totally unrealistic. If you’re whacking off so much to the point you’re totally desensitized, then you have no sexual energy left for your woman. So why are you in a relationship with a woman then? You can easily be an incel that stays home and be off and watch porn and let your fiancee go, and she can go find somebody who’s a real man that will take care of her, because you’re obviously not.

It sounds like you got yourself a good woman because she’s reaching out and writing to me instead of going and ending the relationship or trying to date somebody else behind your back. She’s trying to make the relationship work. So you should appreciate that, because if you don’t get this under control, then she absolutely should ditch your ass and call off the engagement.

I have always known he watched porn, and I have zero problem with it, as I watch it on occasion as well.

Well, obviously it’s a problem for him. I don’t watch porn. I saw it when I was a kid, I saw it when I was a teenager, and something clicked with me when I started having sex. It’s just like going to titty bars. I never wanted to go to titty bars. I would go because I had friends that wanted to go, but quite frankly, to me, I always felt like it was an insult to myself that if I can’t get a woman, then I’m going to substitute porno, or going and paying a titty dancer to give me a lap dance? To me, that was always pathetic, but it was a fun thing to do with guys.

Sometimes I’ve taken girlfriends there, but porn doesn’t do anything for me. Neither does going to a titty bar, because I’m used to dating women that are sexually enticing enough that, quite frankly, I don’t need any other outside stimulation. So to me, that’s weakness to do those things.

You other guys do what you want, but I personally just do not engage in that stuff because I’m not going to take away my sexual attention from my girl, because that’s part of your duties as a man. You’re supposed to make sure at least two to three times a week, if you want your relationship to last, that you’re beating up her pelvis and giving her plenty of orgasms. If 9/10 times you’re rejecting her? That’s just pathetic, dude. You’re not even being a man. It’s disgusting.

However, we recently had a situation where I had started to initiate while he was watching YouTube on his phone, and during the encounter I noticed he continued to watch his phone.

So he’s not even present when you’re having sex. It’s like, that’s not good. Come on dude, you need to man the fuck up, because if you don’t turn the shit around, she absolutely should leave your ass and call off the engagement. She’s 22 years old, dude. What are you thinking?

When I popped up to see what it was, he had pulled up pictures of other women.

Come on, man. Seriously. There’s nothing masculine about that.

He then confessed to me that he has a long-term pornography addiction and he will try to stop.

He’ll try to stop? No. You either stop or you don’t stop. You don’t try to stop.

So when he says, “I’ll try to stop that,” that’s basically like a guy who’s like, “I’m gonna try to read the book 10-15 times.” That shows me when he says, “I’m going to try to stop,” what that really means is he’s just not committed. He’s just telling you to placate you, to get you to shut up, basically because he doesn’t have any intention of stopping.

If he has no intention of stopping, you should absolutely leave him. 22 years old, she could easily find another guy at this age. Shame on you for taking up her time and doing something so weak and so pathetic like that. That’s just disgusting. That’s not how a 3% Man behaves, bro.

He asked me if I would be his accountability partner…

“Oh, will you be my mommy and hold my hand and tell me I’m a bad boy and not to do it?” Come on, dude. That’s not what she’s there for. You’re supposed to be the man in the relationship. You’re basically already trying to make her the man. In other words, you’re kind of reverting back to the way you used to be when you were stuck in friend-zone.

That’s why you got stuck in friend-zone because you were a weak bitch back then. That’s why you didn’t deserve to have her, but you got my book, and you started displaying the behaviors and you started being attractive as a man. Obviously she invited you into her secret world, but having a porn addiction, and basically making her beg for sex like this? There’s nothing masculine about that at all, dude. Notice what she says.

…To which I replied, “I don’t think that would work well,” as policing him might cause some unintended resentment between us…

Yeah, she doesn’t want to be the man. You’re the one with the penis. You’re the one that’s supposed to be the leader in the relationship. That’s what you’re telling her, “Will you be my mommy and tell me I’m a bad boy? Will you spank me?” Come on, dude.

…Especially if he were to relapse in his attempts to stop.

It’s his responsibility to stop. It’s not your job to fix him. It’s not your job to save him. If he wants to stay with you, he’s going to need to cut it out. Whatever he needs to do. Go get therapy, go get counseling or whatever. He needs to cut it out, and he needs to delete all those apps and just absolutely choose to stop doing it.

You can choose to stop doing it, or you can choose not to. If he chooses to continue, then you should choose to leave his ass, because it’s not going to get better. If you marry this guy and this shit continues, you’re going to be in a loveless, sexless relationship and he’s going to be a shitty father and a shitty husband. That’s why you stuck him in friend-zone all those years ago, because he was not man enough to deserve you, to have you.

That’s why women stick guys in friend-zone, because they don’t act worthy. Now he’s, in essence, and another way, reverted back to his beta male ways that got him stuck in friend-zone the first time around.

So for the past few months, I occasionally ask if he is still watching porn regularly and he always answers yes, to which I ask him again to try and stop…

Yeah, so when he said, “I’ll try and stop,” he had no intention of stopping, not when he had zero. Look at his actions. Bottom line his actions.

…Since it is clearly affecting his ability to be intimate with me.

Yeah, if he’s choking the chicken several times a day watching porno, it’s like he’s got nothing left for you. You can’t give away what you don’t have for yourself. If he’s got no baby batter left because he’s shooting it into Kleenexes in his office or whatever, or into the toilet in the bathroom.

I had guys that worked for me, back in the day, when I was in real estate, and one of the guys, he would be watching porn in his office. Then he would go in the bathroom and then he would be jerking off in the bathroom. Then the other thing that would cause a problem is that he would be on these porn sites, and then we’d download viruses to his computer, and then the viruses would spread through our network of 40 other computers in the office and create all kinds of problems.

What finally stopped it for us was like, next time you do it and you screw your computer up or anybody else’s, you’re paying the IT bill. You’re going to reimburse the company for whatever it costs to get these things fixed, and it magically stopped and never had any more problems after that.

Recently, I have been spending more time with him alone and we still do not have sex very often…

Dude, you should be fucking her brains out at least two to three times a week. If you don’t start doing that, then you’re not man enough to keep her. Then she should absolutely leave your ass and never give you another chance.

…Which he attributes to being tired and stressed.

“Oh, I’m tired and stressed.” So in other words, he’s not man enough to fulfill you. It’s like, he’s 27 years old. If he’s already too tired and stressed at 27, how do you think he’s going to be at 37 or 47 or when he’s my age? Not going to happen. He’s basically telling you he’s not up to the task of being your husband. That’s what he’s telling you.

I get that getting off from porn is quicker and easier than real life physical intimacy. However, it is beginning to affect my self esteem I think, even subconsciously.

Again, this is not your problem. This is his problem. This is what happens when a guy can’t get laid. It’s like he resorts to this stuff.

I mean, you look at OnlyFans accounts and the porn industry, it’s a multi-billion dollar industry. It’s much easier to jerk off to video than it is to have a real relationship. What he’s communicating every single week is he’s not man enough at this point. He’s chosen, I should say, not to be man enough to fulfill you.

I recently brought up the issue again with my fiancée and he got angry and said he felt like I am trying to control him.

Remember, this is the guy that just asked her to hold him accountable, and now he’s getting mad at her. That’s pathetic, dude. Just absolutely pathetic. So disappointing.

I don’t want him to feel like that, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

Well, he’s going to have to stop or you need to leave him. If he’s not going to fix himself, it’s not your job to be his mommy. You don’t want to be his mommy. It turns your stomach and turns you off, but he needs to get this fixed or you’re going to leave his ass in the dust.

Don’t waste many years of your life with some guy who’s already, at 27, checked out basically from life and giving up on all of his dreams and his goals. Now he won’t be a good husband, and he won’t be a good father unless he gets this shit handled.

So how can I solve this problem?

“Well, it’s me or the porn, bro.” It’s pretty simple. That’s what I would tell them if I were you.

I told him if he thinks that his porn addiction really isn’t affecting our sex life, then I will drop it. However, he didn’t give me a straight answer. What can I do? 

Thank so much in advance for your reply, I really really appreciate it! 

Jessica

Because deep down he knows it is. Again, whether it’s porn or you’re fucking three other girls, and you’re not fucking the fourth one, you don’t have any excess energy. You don’t have any desire.

It’s like when you don’t beat off, when you only give your sexual attention to your woman, it builds up rather quickly, and especially if you’ve got a really great girl in your life who’s easy going, easy to get along with, she’s always wanting to have sex because you treat her right. You act like a man, you act like a leader, and this dude is just totally falling down and stumbling and laying on the ground like, “Be my mommy, be my mommy.”

The reality is, most women, even in multi-decade relationships, will give a guy six to 12 months to get his shit together. So what he is basically doing has been floundering around, I don’t know how many months this has been going on, but you know, her patience is going to wear thin and eventually if he doesn’t stop, she’s going to fall out of love and she’s going to leave him and go find somebody else.

Now, if she has a high character and she’s a good woman, she’ll break things off. She’ll take some time to heal. Then when she feels ready, she’ll start dating again. If she has low character, then she’ll start talking to and flirting with his friends and giving out her number. When she finds a new guy who actually is man enough to handle things, she’ll dump him and then monkey branch to the other guy, but I assume because she’s sticking it out with this guy and she’s writing in that she’s probably a really good girl, and he he did good. He’s got a good catch and he’s fucking it up.

I’m really disappointed that I’m reading an email like this. I mean, four years this dude’s been following me and it’s like, this is the one issue. You’re going to have to fix it, dude.

There’s going to be times in long term relationships where you’re not going to be horny. You’re not going to feel like you want to have sex, but in the back of your mind, you need to think to yourself, if you want your relationship to last, you need to be having sex at least two to three times a week. Statistically, those are the number. A bare minimum, twice a week. Two to three times a week is what needs to be the goal.

So even if you don’t feel like it, your job as a man, it’s just like exercising or working out. You don’t feel like going to the gym. You always feel great after you get done with it. It’s the same thing with sex. You might not feel like having sex, but seeing your girl with a big smile on her face dripping wet, happy, pliable, submissive, goofy, giggly because you just made her cum like a waterfall, that’s going to make you feel a lot better than jerking off to porn. Like, come on dude, seriously. You need to man up.

To the girl who wrote in, I would say, say he does quit. I don’t know when you are planning on getting married or if you have a date set, but you need to see that he is completely free of porn for at least 12 months before you schedule any wedding. I would not be planning on getting married when this shit’s going on because this is too important. You’re too early in the relationship, especially with your ages, to be getting married to somebody that already is checked out, that already is not handling his responsibilities as a man in the relationship. He’s acting like an incel. You don’t want to be married to an incel. It’s disgusting.

So you need to beat up her pelvis two to three times a week, dude, or just go back to being an incel and be in friend-zone while you watch some other dude ride off into the sunset with your future ex-fiance, because that’s where you’re headed, man. So you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.