How to overcome a bad childhood, broken home, manipulative mother but succeed at life anyway.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a guy who came from a broken home. His father cheated on his mother multiple times and left. There were no positive male influences growing up and his mother was very manipulative. He was overweight, made a bad choice for a wife and got divorced, but had an awesome son. After finding my work he lost weight, got in great shape, started his own business and found love again in a woman who left her home and job in another state to be with him and become his biggest cheerleader and fan. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be Overcoming A Broken Home And Manipulative Mother, But Succeeding Anyway!
Well, today is Friday. Got a good success story I wanted to share with you.
This particular guy had you know, it was interesting. It was about two weeks ago I was reading an article and in it the author was talking about a friend of his that was like a lifetime attorney general. And all he did was prosecute criminals and put them in jail. And they were sitting down having lunch or dinner or whatever and catching up. And he was like, Well, what is the common thread in why so many men or these men would what is the difference that caused these guys end up in jail versus your everyday citizen?
And without hesitation, he said it was guys that came from a broken home. In other words, shitty parenting. And most often it was men that were raised in households where there was just a single mom and no father figure around at all. And that was a common thread in all of them because all kids, boys and girls, need masculine men and feminine women to teach them the balance and make them into well rounded humans. And statistically, in a way, the numbers line up when you got a single parent household, and especially when you look at who’s incarcerated in prisons, it’s overwhelming, majority of them are men that grew up in single parent households, almost always exclusively raised by a single mom, without any kind of stepdad or parent there.
There was just never a stable, masculine influence in the home to teach the kids how to act, to instill a sense of discipline in them, to keep them calm. I mean, you see this in like the gang violence in Chicago. It’s like these kids are, in essence, being raised by the streets because the parents are working 2 or 3 jobs trying to make ends meet. And the kids are sitting at home after school with nothing to do. And the gang members are the ones that are basically raising them.
And so, I don’t know if you’ve ever on Twitter, these videos are constantly posted of these running gun battles that go on between the different gang groups. You have like 5 or 6 of them show up and they all got pistols and they’re just shooting all kinds of rounds at each other. And one group that gets ambushed one week and the next week, they’re the ones doing the ambushing. And it happens at parties, it happens at funerals. It’s just constant.
And it’s a very simple problem to solve because a lot of these it’s a small group of people that are committing most of the crimes, but yet they’re not getting locked up. And then since they don’t get locked up, all the gun violence stats, which when you look at the stats of like what makes up gun violence or people that get injured or killed by guns, it’s the number one like when you look at all the deaths annual in the United States from guns, the number one is suicides.
And the second one is gang violence. And then when you take those two out of it, it’s just a small number of people that when you consider 300 and something, 330 million, whatever it is, 340 million people in the United States at this point. And what’s interesting is they talk about the AR 15 a lot, especially Joe Biden. He’s got a hard on for that and wants to ban them all. But when you look at the stats from rifles of all kinds, including the AR 15 rifles of all types and the amount of deaths every year, it only averages out to about 300 people a year or kill from rifles of all types. And the 40, 45,000, whatever it is that that die are mostly dying from handguns. And yet they’re making a big issue about the scary AR 15, the rifle.
Because the reality is the politicians don’t like it because it puts the citizen on parity with the police and the army and the military and the people and government. That’s the real reason why they want to ban it. It’s not it’s like some epidemic. But when you allow gang violence to continue and every weekend you get 20, 30, 40 people shot and killed in Chicago and they don’t do anything about it.
It’s obvious that the politicians run in those cities. It’s usually blue cities. They don’t lock the criminals up. The gang violence continues, and they keep padding the stats with making the numbers look inflated and worse than they are when it’s really a simple problem.
And so, taking a step back of that, you look at this particular guy that he came from a single parent household. He was raised by his mom and his two sisters, and he said that his mother was very manipulative, and his father cheated on his mother multiple times. And they got divorced when he was five and then he wasn’t there.
So, this guy starting out, statistically, the odds were not in his favor that he’s going to turn out to be a model citizen or a good dude. But he had a lot of difficulty, a lot of bad choices. He got into a marriage. He was, very overweight. And a few years ago, he came across my work and completely changed and transformed his life. And so, you look at this guy and you say, well, statistically, everything is slanted against him.
In other words, it’s like he’s compared to somebody like myself that grew up. Even though my parents’ marriage was very dysfunctional. I had a two parent household and I went to my parents, struggled and spent the extra money to send my brother and I to a Catholic high school and we got to go to school, in essence, with a bunch of rich kids that came from the most successful families in Fort Lauderdale. And if I told you some of the last names and their families and what they did, you would all know their businesses, you would all know their organizations, you would know their sports teams that they own.
And that changed my life, being able to go to school because you are you associate with and when you get to go to school is just an average middle class dude with some of the wealthiest families in the country. And you get to know their kids. They were all our age, and you realize like, this dude ain’t any smarter than me. I don’t feel like his parents were; their parents aren’t any smarter than me. And just getting to spend time with them helped me believe in myself and move in the right direction to ultimately end up where I am.
And so, you see a guy like this who’s like got every and on the flip side, there are guys I went to high school with that came from very wealthy, successful families. They had every advantage given them silver spoon in their mouth, driving a brand new car when they turned 16, BMW, things like that. They’re getting brand new cars and they got every advantage.
And yet they just become average, mediocre people that never really even came close to achieving the things that their parents achieved. So, there’s always like, what’s the difference? It makes a difference in that. And so, like I said, this guy here has got a great success story, and I’m really glad he sent it in because there’s going to be people that are watching this. They’re going to get inspired. And I’m like, Damn, that dude can pull this off. It’s like, I got to be able to pull this off.
To get right to the point and keep it as short as possible, here are the Cliff Notes. As long as you can make the point of the email, edit it as you see fit. I grew up in a broken family with a very manipulative mother. My parents got divorced when I was 5, so I have no recollection of a two parent home.
So, you imagine this kid was in kindergarten when his dad dipped out.
My dad cheated on my mother multiple times. My mom forever held resentment for this.
And so typically what’s going to happen is that her attitude as a mother, which understandably, if you’re in her position, she’d be like, I don’t want my son to turn out like my jackass ex-husband. I’m going to make him super nice, a super nice boy that everybody will love, and he’ll never hurt anybody. And so, what happens is she ends up raising a son that’s really soft, doesn’t stand up for himself, probably a pleaser, lets people walk all over him, push him around, that kind of thing.
And when you act that way with women, it completely turns them off and you get stuck in friendzone. You’re a really nice guy. You’re so great. But I just think of you as a friend. And those are the kind of things that you hear over and over. Because my mother was very domineering, and she did most of the parenting. My dad was working all the time.
And even when he was at home, he was just sitting in front of the TV drinking beer and spacing out and trying to tune every everyone and everything out around him other than when it was time to be the disciplinarian and then kick the shit out of us. Usually me, because my brother would be starting shit and instigating things to try to get attention from them. He would cause a problem between he and I and then go run into them so they would pay attention to him.
It was a very dysfunctional way to fulfill a need for love and connection. And plus, my dad, his older brother, they fought a lot and he always felt like his older brother bullied him. And so automatically my dad assumed because of his environment, he wasn’t reacting to me because of my behavior.
He was reacting to what happened in his childhood. So, he automatically assumed I was bullying my three years younger little brother, and my brother knew that. And he took advantage of that because he that was the way he learned that he could get attention from my parents to cause a problem. Oh, Corey. Corey hit me. Corey did this. He stole my toy, or he said a mean thing or whatever it happens to be.
Needless to say, I grew up without any male influences, in a three woman house (2 sisters, mother). I had zero confidence, was really overweight, and ate my feelings.
Yeah. People that eat like that, it’s like eating changes your state. It’s like they’re trying to fill themselves up emotionally for whatever they feel they lack. And so, you can understand a guy has no confidence. It’s like food is soothing. Not healthy, but it’s soothing. I mean, who doesn’t love to eat good things? But too much of anything is not good. Too much chocolate cake gets disgusting after a while.
The only thing I had for me was that I was a great baseball player. Everything I learned about women came from women. If someone watching this doesn’t know why that was bad, here’s your C’mon Man! Fast forward. Married the girl that was my first serious relationship. I was 23, she was 29.
Kind of a big age difference.
She was divorced with a 6 year old at the time. She was a basket case, but I was weak and thought she was the one.
You just see just the needy. Nice guy. Got an older, more mature woman dating a guy that, quite frankly, she knows how to manipulate. And why wouldn’t he resonate with that? His mother was very manipulative. So, on an emotional level, being in a relationship with her felt just like the type of relationship he had with his mother.
As a true southerner, you are taught that if you have nothing nice to say someone then do not say anything at all… So I will keep that between her and I (lol). It’s quite a story. We have an awesome son together. We got a divorce for various reasons. I have split custody with her, and we have a great co-parenting relationship that took years to obtain (mainly from your work).
Well, that’s where humor comes in. If you can make her laugh, even when she’s pissed off at you, it makes it really easy to solve things. It’s super important, especially you guys that are having trouble with the women in your life. You got to be able to laugh together or you’re going to be really hard to resolve anything.
Here’s where this bald headed fucker comes in.
Obviously, that would be yours truly.
I was not seeking to get back with my ex. I was seeking how to be a better man, in truth to be a better father than I had. I soaked up everything thing up I could on YouTube. Did the smart thing and bought your book. I read that bitch repeatedly. I hit the gym, I started to run marathons, doing Spartan races. I got in very great shape. I quit my corporate job, and followed a passion I had always had. Craft beer. I started a business, and right as it starts taking off. Here comes 2020.
Yes. With all the lockdown shenanigans. Yeah. March of 2020 was man; what things have changed in my business, and I didn’t really understand at the time. I think I’ve mentioned this a few times over the last year or so because it really wasn’t until last year, a year and a half, that I figured out what the hell had happened. But I remember March in 2020, I saw one third. I was getting about 3 million monthly video views, and that dropped down to about 1.7, 1.8 million.
And I thought, well, everybody’s locked down, people aren’t going out. You couldn’t even go out and date, especially in a lot of places in Europe, you’re literally imprisoned in your own home. So, it would make sense that I should see a drop off just because that’s not what’s on people’s radar for the most part, especially if they’re locked up at home. And the other interesting thing was I saw a 30% drop in my monthly video views on YouTube, and then I saw an 80% drop in the amount of new subscribers that I was getting every month.
I was getting like eight 10,000 new subscribers every single month and March of 2020 that plummeted down to about 17, 1800 new subscribers a month. And I just thought it was the lockdowns. But what I later realized is that site wide, the algorithm had been changed to take views of self-reliant type people like myself and deboost them and then artificially boost up people that are more leftist leaning, that are more bigger government.
Government should be the mommy for everybody and take care of us all. And I was just expecting you know, what I noticed was that once the lockdowns started getting lifted, my stats stayed exactly the same. Even now, to this day, it’s exactly the same. It hasn’t gone anywhere. Like on my Instagram, it had been shrinking for the last year and a half, two years because I got shadow banned there too.
But once they did the little blue check thing and I was able to get verified on there and then I contacted them because they added a customer service thing, which those guys are mostly useless, but they were, they were able to whatever happened in my email exchanges because they were very obtuse. “Oh, it was nothing wrong. Your profile, blah, blah, blah, blah.”
But the bottom line is my new videos and stuff started actually getting reach to new people. But even, you know, two days ago on the 5th July fifth, I had a I had a video that just started really taking off. And it was like amazing. It’s just like and I’ve seen this happen on Facebook. It’s like, it really starts to take off and it’s like it just hits a ceiling and then flat-lines. And so, my videos will get seen by people that follow me. But new people is like, it was amazing.
There was, like I said, the one on the fifth. I was looking at the stats and like I was watching it yesterday, it was about a thousand, 1500 people an hour. Brand new people had never seen my work. They weren’t following me. We’re seeing the video. And then it got up to almost like 30,000 views, I think it was. And then it just stopped. I mean, it literally stopped at like, was it 13,256? I think that was the amount of people that were seeing the video that weren’t already following me.
And it stopped and it stuck there. And it’s been stuck there since yesterday. And so you look at that and you’re like, that’s not natural. That should not be happening that way. It tells me maybe there was a human intervention or some algorithm to just and I’ve seen that with a bunch of my videos, like the one I did with Quang that a couple of years ago on Psychological Warfare, because he used to do that for the US Air Force. He was taught psychological warfare. They studied Hugo Chavez, the leftists, the Communists, Mao, Stalin, the even the Nazis. They studied all the propaganda techniques because that was what he had to learn.
And he said when the lock-down started, that’s when he started seeing all this stuff. There was like, this was stuff I was taught in the military. It’s being used in the public consciousness. And I think it was in 2012, Barack Obama signed a law that made it okay for the intelligence agencies to basically use propaganda on the American people. And so, when you look at like the Trust and Safety Council of all the social media companies, it’s like every single one of them has people that are from the intelligence agencies that are sitting on them. And that’s not good. And so, you’re getting viewpoint discrimination that’s happening everywhere.
But, what can you do about it? It’s like in the big scheme of things, if they change the algorithm site wide, platform wide, it’s like. What are you going to do about it? You can bitch and you complain, but it’s nothing you can do. And so that’s I mean, I totally can relate. And so that had a severe impact financially on my business over the last 3 or 4 years. But hey, that’s life. Competition comes along, war comes along.
I mean, like one of my web developers was really helping us out a lot, was Ukrainian. And after the war started, he was getting really bad, spotty Internet service. He’s like, “I just I can’t even get on the Internet.” He’s like, “I’d love to help you guys.” And then we haven’t talked to him since. I assume he probably got drafted in the military and God knows what happened to him. It was a really nice guy, but it’s like shit like that’s going to happen, you know, that’s life, you know?
Sly Stallone said, I was talking about this I think yesterday or day before video and at the Rocky video. That movie that he did, I think it was 2000 to 2004 or something like that. He said. It’s like “it’s not about how hard can you get hit, it’s how hard can you get hit and yet keep moving forward and not giving up.” And that’s life, man.
It’s I grew up and I saw people that had every advantage grow up and just become average, mediocre people. And I saw other people that came from nothing and achieved spectacular results. So, it’s really in the mindset and what I’ve been teaching all these years, especially I go into in mastering yourself. It’s the science of high achievement or the fundamentals of the science of high achievement. And if you know these things, if you know these principles, it’s like when life serves you shit like this, when it’s unfair, when you unfairly get shadow banned on the platforms and it dramatically affects your business. Or you’re like several years ago,
Audible changed their royalty makeup, which literally cut my royalties from my audio books in half. So, and that was a significant amount of revenue that came into my business. And you go from like one month to the next and they literally cut your income in half. It’s like, that’s not fair. But they got a monopoly. What are you going to do if you want to be if you want your audio book and iTunes and everywhere else, you’re going to have to use Audible.
And it’s a total monopoly and it’s not fair. What are you going to do about it? Like one person. Most of the government is captured because you look at people that work in the Justice Department stuff. And just a simple example, Andy McCabe, who was a deputy director of the FBI, his wife was running for US Senate, and Hillary Clinton’s PAC one of her political action committees, gave her a very sizable donation to help her get elected.
I was a small brewery, and we had brewery tours. I was not looking for anyone during this time. I was having lots, and mean lots of fun. A gentleman will never kiss and tell, but you can put 2 and 2 together. In walks in my now girlfriend. She was on the beer tour. I immediately notice her. She lives in Washington state. I live in Tennessee. I had all the confidence in the world we I approached her. We start a long distance relationship over two years. She is very attractive, 7 years older than me,
I guess he likes those older ladies.
Has a high level government job, makes 6 figures a year. She leaves everything behind in Washington and moves next door to me in Tennessee. She got the position here, so the universe was on our side. We know live together and recently purchased a house in Florida.
To end it. Reading your book more times than I can count. Applying it, I now have a great future with a feminine woman, who even though now, makes more money than me, supports my passion and is my biggest cheerleader.
As it should be.
I am in the process of opening another brewery. All this from being a great student, and listening to the ole bald headed fucker!
Thanks Coach for everything!
Well, dude, congratulations on all your success and proven the doubters and the haters wrong and being able to overcome your background and reach your full potential in spite of your background, in spite of the fact that you had a lot of disadvantages. But just because you’re born with a silver spoon in your mouth. I saw that firsthand when I went to high school at Cardinal Gibbons High School, which is a great place to go to school. And if you live in South Florida and can send your kids there, it’s like you got to think of college as really, it’s a great for networking, it’s great for meeting people.
And, you know, obviously, if you’re going to go to college, you got to make sure that you’re picking a degree that’s going to get you a good job and make it easy, especially if you’re going to get student loans, but you don’t want to. There’s so many people getting these bullshit degrees and they get out and they’re 200 grand in debt and they can barely make 30, $35,000 a year. And that’s wrong. But I mean, that stuff happens all the time. But if you like, for me, I majored in in Construction Management, which is part of the College of Engineering and Design, and that was I met so many people in school there that those connections I made in school made it very easy to have my pick of jobs in the industry once I graduated.
And so, it can be you got to think in terms of schools and social clubs and things of that nature that you make a lot of great relationships that can help you. Maybe you do business with those people. Like one of my good friends, one of the yacht clubs. He belongs to a big part of his business. Over the last 30 years he’s been in real estate comes from just his friends. He knows that the yacht club and because it’s people that join this particular yacht club are extremely wealthy, well, they’re buying big, expensive houses. And he does very well. He and his wife both do well in real estate because of that and because of the connection. So, it can be really great. You are who you associate with. We typically, as the saying goes, become like the five people we spend most of our time with. So, make sure you choose wisely.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur