Here’s how to overcome the shortcomings of your father & what he failed to teach you about women, masculinity & success! When we are children, we take on all of the fears, limiting beliefs and the shortcomings of our parents, family and our peer group. We learn and become conditioned to think and act in a certain way around other human beings. It does not matter if what we are being taught is totally dysfunctional and inappropriate. When we are little children, we don’t know what we don’t know. It’s not until we become adults and start encountering challenges and situations that confuse us, that we realize a lot of what we were taught or learned in childhood, was inaccurate and inappropriate. Most people just give up and give in to living a life of mediocrity, instead of trying to learn from their mistakes and improve their situation in life. The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the expectations of your peer group. If your friends and family have no goals or ambitions, there is a good chance you don’t either. The following is an e-mail from a reader. He grew up without a father figure and he now wonders if that has contributed to his struggles and challenges with women, and what he needs to do to turn things around. He has gotten to a place where he is so dissatisfied with the way things are in his life, that he is now determined to take massive action to make a change for the better. He’s over it! My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
A couple months ago I had e-mailed you about me having “No Luck” and since reading your book and finishing it for the first time, my eyes have seriously been opened! (It has that effect on people.) I am currently reading your book for the second time around. I’m just beginning to realize what my blunders were with my ex as well as hers. I am also starting to remember and realize all the red flags that were right in front of me, but was too inexperienced and blind as a bat to realize them. (Now you can objectively look back and learn from your mistakes.) I am still working to learn what happened, but also it’s starting to give me an idea what I need to improve on. Also, your news letter e-mails are very helpful and I always look forward to them.
Now when I was reading your book during round 1, you were talking about the Masculine and Feminine Masks people wear over their true masculine/feminine cores. You stated that these masks are developed based on how a person was raised. Does this apply especially to those who grew up with with a single parent? (Parents pass on their fears, limiting beliefs, flaws, etc. to their children. Most of us spend the rest of our lives overcoming the limiting beliefs and false mental constructs we adopted in childhood.) The reason why I’m asking is that I was raised by a single mother and never had that true father figure around during that part of my life. (Most men and women do not understand the nature and difference between masculine and feminine energy. I think it’s a safe assumption to say that you learned more how to act like a woman in certain situations than you did as a man simply because there was no one else to teach you how to act like a man. Even if you had a father figure, there is a 97% chance he would have been clueless when it comes to understanding women and what they really want anyways. I know my Dad was. He was physically present in our house growing up, but emotionally and mentally he was somewhere else. He and I were laughing about this the other night. How my mother used to bitch and complain while he watched TV and drank beer. Every once in a while he would look over at her as if he was listening, but he was tuning her out. He just kept sucking down the beers and ignored the rest of us as if we weren’t really there. He worked a lot when we were young and was never around very much. When he was, he was in his own little world. He was more of a roommate than a father.) I know she did the absolute best she could, (We’re all just trying to do the best we can with where we’re at in life. Most people major in minor things in life, but that does not mean that you have to be like them.) and I love her and I am forever grateful. But reading your book feels as though I’m finally learning what I think I may have missed out on not having that father figure around. Especially with how to build and have that confidence to interact with women, build that attraction, and have successful relationships with them. (Does not matter really. Most men are clueless, they would have taught you improper and inappropriate ways to behave and act with women anyways.)
I guess I just learned about relationships from my mothers side and not from both sides. I just assumed the ideas I had were how’s things are… i.e. friends tell me the man should pursue and approach the women, (Only take dating advice from people who know how to have good relationships. Most guys just sit back and take what ever they can get with women, which is usually… nothing.) not the other way around like my ex did. Also, I have a tendency to be more open with my feelings unlike some of my buddies. I wonder if this is a turn off to women? I wonder if it was a turn off with my ex? Does this make me look weak, not centered and not in my masculine core? (It all depends on how you phrase things. I always put a positive spin on everything that happens in my life. I look at the bright side in everything. Every situation in life, good or bad, has a lesson for you. I am an optimist. The best rule of thumb? If it’s not going to raise her level of interest in you by telling her about your baggage, then you should keep it to yourself. Love is playful and fun, not serious.)
I feel that communication is key to ANY relationship whether it be work, friendship, or romantically. (True that!!!!!!) I did try to communicate with my ex on several occasions, but she’d always change the subject. Especially when it was serious stuff or about ‘us’. (It brought up negative emotions and unpleasant feelings. Therefore, she avoids it. Women are driven by their emotions, not by logic.) But I realized I could’ve been more playful when it came to those subjects as you were advising in your book. Also, I did see that movie Cinderella Man you mentioned in your book, great movie! I can see what you mean by Jim’s wife Mae testing him even though they were already married with kids. All this crap was happening to them and she basically was trying to make sure that he was strong enough to pull his family through all this shit. But I can tell the woman did have integrity to begin with.
I had also seen a movie called Not Easily Broken, I find this movie another good example to what you’re discussing in your book about interest level, and women testing and pulling away and more. But it also shows that even if a man is being strong and centered and there for her, the woman needs to do her part as well. Some women are just as clueless as men are regarding how to maintain a healthy relationship. (Yep, see my article… “Do women understand… women?”) I also like how it shows external factors testing the integrity of the relationship itself. If you check this movie out, let me know what you think? (Will do.)
Also, my last question is how does one reinvent oneself? (It’s not about reinventing yourself. It’s about learning to be who you really are. To finally stop giving a flying fuck what others think about you. Why? It’s irrelevant.) I am noticing that the current self image I have been projecting for so long, is not what I like to be perceived as… i.e. low confidence, low self esteem, indecisive at times, second guessing myself, and apprehensiveness. (If you can’t immediately change your circumstances, then all you can do is change the disempowering meaning you are giving to the circumstances and events of your life. Simply change the meaning you give things. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at… change.) I feel like no one takes me seriously. (Here’s how to project strength and confidence to attract women.) I also think my ex got the wrong idea about me and that I had no backbone. I am annoyed by myself and just sick of how I am and that my life just hasn’t turned out the way I wanted it to be… i.e.. fun, exciting, interesting, self assured, successful with women. (You must follow your heart, curiosity and intuition in life if you want to be happy, fulfilled and successful.) I am 28 and feel as though I wasted so much time and youth drifting through life with no sense of direction. I want to finally “get it” and be successful damn it! “Enough is enough and it’s time for a change!” – WWE quote. (You should book a phone coaching session with me to help jump start your success by CLICKING HERE. Learn how to become fearless. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.).
I apologize for such a long email but I had these questions and thoughts that I thought I’d share and see what your thoughts are?
Keep up the awesome work man!
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“If you’re bored with life, if you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals.” ~ Lou Holtz