In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says that being too patient, not standing up for himself and waiting too long for things to unfold has ruined his life. He says it led to him getting walked all over and treated like a doormat by his ex-girlfriend instead of leaving her and meeting someone new.
He let friends talk trash about him behind his back when he knew what they were saying and did nothing about it. He used to say to people when asked about his best quality that it was his patience. He says he feels that patience is evil and has no place in this world since being too patient led to him being passive and not taking any action to help himself. He asks my opinion on his perspective on patience.
After watching your video newsletter titled, “Letting Go of The Past,” I feel like I have something to share on what I learned from my past.
PATIENCE IS EVIL! Yep, patience ruined my life! (More than likely, it was inaction and your failure to do anything. Dale Carnegie said, “Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage.”) Growing up, various circumstances forced me to test my patience, and I went over the limits to the point where I convinced myself to be the most patient guy in the world. (You still have to stand up for yourself. You shouldn’t let people walk all over you.) Looking at the past, I can see I was obviously unhappy in life and stuff happening around me, but I didn’t do anything because I taught myself to practice to the extreme end of patience. (The idea is to be balanced. Loving yourself means walking away from people who do not appreciate and value you.) I am and was a very optimistic kind of person. I managed to come up with something good in any of the worst situations in life, and this “unhealthy optimism,” (Faith without action is meaningless. You had faith that things would work out, but you really didn’t do anything to make it happen, and you tolerated people mistreating you), encouraged me to stay patient and resulted in building false hopes in my mind and blinding myself from the reality. I would let people talk behind my back and act as if I never even heard it because I had patience, and I used to forgive them. I would let people take advantage of me and never ask/expect anything in return. (You have to speak up for yourself.) However, when I needed someone, there was none. I let my ex-crush/girlfriend walk all over me and hurt me, even though life presented me with multiple opportunities to move on from her and start a new relationship. (You were enabling her behavior by not speaking up for yourself.) I didn’t do it, because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I stayed patient and gave away my power and my chance at a happy life. What I learned is: PATIENCE IS NOT A GOOD QUALITY TO BE PROUD OF. I learned it the hard way! (It’s not patience that was the problem. It was inaction that was the problem.)
I remember that once when I was asked about my best quality, I said, “My patience.” However, being patient means not taking action, giving away the power and waiting for stuff to happen, a few of the worst ingredients to a unhappy life. (When it comes to women, if you are impatient and you take too much action, you’ll get blocked. Extend an invitation and see what other people do with it. The right people will make the mutual effort and reciprocate.) In this fast moving world, I think patience has no role. (I’d say, people who don’t understand how to use patience is the problem.) I think the word “patience” itself has no right to exist.
What do you think about the value of patience in life?? (Practicing infinite patience is essential. Take action by extending an invitation, then wait for the other person to participate.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Patience is a necessary and essential component to making your dreams a reality and getting what you want in life. However, being patient does not mean that you let people walk all over you, treat you harshly or that it is justification for inaction. You should pay more attention to what people do and less attention to what they say, as their actions reveal their true intentions and interests. So whether it’s a sales negotiation, a friendship, a romantic relationship or making your dreams a reality, you must give other people the space and time to do what they say they are going to do and co-create with you. You can’t force things or force people to do things they can’t or won’t do on their own. Therefore, when a person’s actions do not match their words, you must let them go and continue seeking and searching until you find someone whose words and actions are congruent.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne