Why you must accept personal responsibility and accountability for your life, happiness, successes, failures, destiny and circumstances, in order to positively influence your trajectory and outcomes, and how not accepting personal responsibility renders you powerless to create the life and lifestyle you really want and deserve.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has read my book four times so far. He says he is confused about his long-term relationship. He is concerned that because he enjoys cleaning, laundry, cooking, vacuuming, etc., which he considers to be feminine things, this diminishes his wife’s attraction level for him. His wife is bipolar, and they were together for fourteen years. She has cheated on him at least three times that he knows of. After each affair, he showed her the door, but she came back each time with the same result: more cheating.
The guy she is currently with does the same kind of cooking, cleaning and other household chores as him. She tells him she will ditch the new guy, marry him again and have two kids if he stops working nights. She is sleeping with both him and her new man. He knows her words and actions are not usually congruent, and his not standing up for himself only invites her to continue betraying him. He is dating other women, but has not found anyone he is more into than his cheating wife. He asks me if I would keep the door open for her and give her another chance if she tried to come back again. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Thank you coach for your great work. I’m on my fourth time reading the book, and I must say, I’m still confused with my long-term relationship. If I start doing more feminine things, cleaning, laundry, cooking, vacuuming, etc., does that diminish her attraction level? Or does she appreciate it — does that increase the interest level at all? (There’s nothing wrong with that. What could be a problem would be a situation where you like things really clean, and you’re dating somebody sloppy. It can be frustrating when your goals and outcomes are not aligned.) I tend to do that with all of my exes. I married a bipolar woman, and was with her for 14 years. She cheated at least three times that I know of. (If she cheated in the past and she continues to cheat, she will will keep doing that, because loyalty doesn’t mean anything to her. People tend to not want to take responsibility for things, because they have to admit they’re fucking up. For example, many people are trying to ban guns, instead of taking responsibility for doing proper background checks, as was written into the law. This article discusses how law enforcement is currently attempting to take responsibility by using threat assessment to successfully prevent mass shootings: “Inside The Race To Stop The Next Mass Shooter.”) After all of them, I showed her the door, and she came back all three times, unfortunately, with the same end result. She is now with yet another guy who does exactly what I did, clean, cook etc., except he’s got a more successful career. She’s told me, if you stop working nights, I’ll come back, I’ll marry you again, and we can have two kids together. (It’s not so much about working nights, but it’s about working towards something that you’re passionate about, something that you love. This woman is not relationship material. Loyalty doesn’t mean anything to her. You have to be able to see that situation for what it is. She could become a better version of herself, but people don’t change who they are. You will suffer because you want reality to be different than what it is.) We slept together a few times. Supposedly, she’s told me we mesh together like nobody she’s ever been with, I’m the love of her life, I’m her rock, she can’t stand to be with him, (yet she still is and is still fucking him), sometimes gets irritated when he touches her, and she’s having a hard time falling for him. (That’s not your problem dude.) That’s in her words, but as you say, her words aren’t congruent with her actions, so I finally decided to end it. I made the arrangements with the kids, walked away, and haven’t looked back.
“Achievers tend to believe that no matter what happens, whether it’s good or bad, they created it. If they didn’t cause it by their physical actions, maybe they did it by the level and tenor of their thoughts… If you don’t believe that you’re creating your world, whether it be your successes or your failures, then you’re at the mercy of circumstances. Things just happen to you. You’re an object, not a subject.” ~ “Unlimited Power” by Tony Robbins, pages 75-76
It’s been six weeks of no contact, and it hurts like hell. I do miss her sometimes, (That’s understandable. Fourteen years together was a long time), but I learned in the past, I wasn’t congruent with my words, and I always stuck around, being her male girlfriend. (When you do that, you’re enabling her behavior. You’re asking her to do it, because there are no consequences for her behavior.) This time is the first time in 14 years I closed all communication in regards to us. Would you still keep the door open? (The only reason I would continue to hook up with her is if we had an open relationship. If you want somebody who will be a loyal teammate, she is the wrong person.) Would you act as if is over for good, or would you still respond to her advances? (It’s not my job to make your decisions. You need to be self-reliant to help yourself get what you want.) I’ve dated a few women after her, but the level of attraction isn’t as high, and I get bored easily. Is that part of healing? (Absolutely, but really amazing women who knock your socks off don’t come along every day. The idea is to know what you want and to be patient.) What would Corey Wayne do? (I’d be following my desired outcome.)
I hope my experience can help others that might be in a relationship with a person with mental disabilities. Thank you Corey. I know I’ve still got 11 more times of reading your book, but one step at a time! (It’s about being self-reliant, taking personal responsibility for what you want and holding yourself accountable to your outcomes and your actions.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Creating the life and lifestyle you want and really deserve is the result of aligning yourself internally and externally with your most desired outcomes. This means you must not tolerate the presence of or invite anyone into your life that is not congruent or in harmony with your outcomes. When you do, you’re vibrationally aligning with the opposite of your desires. A person’s actions are reflective of their true intentions. Personal responsibility and accountability means that you accept sole responsibility for everyone and everything that shows up in your life as a direct result of your thoughts, words and deeds. When you refuse to blame others or things that are out of your control for your life circumstances, only then will you be able to take total control of and shape your destiny effectively.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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