Women playing games, radio silence and ghosting, and what they really mean when it happens to you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss three different emails from three different viewers. The first email is from a guy who met a girl and hooked up with her the night they met. He pursued too much, she backed off, ghosted him, but then she got back in touch with him a month later. The second email is from a guy who met a girl at a hotel he was staying at and hooked up with her. Then he got radio silence after that.
The third email is from a guy whose girlfriend of nine months told him he was too much of a pushover like her last boyfriend and eventually ghosted him, even though they were supposed to be exclusive. He returned her stuff to a coworker of hers and has not heard from her since, but he still feels the urge to reach out and “end things” between them. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
First Viewer’s Email:
My situation is that I met a girl in a bar. That night, everything was really fine. I kissed her, and we were so in the moment that we forgot about our friends. So, we had some dates, (sex happened), but I admit I screwed up by being the only one to pursue her and made dates. So, she was losing interest, she only wanted to hang out with other friends of hers during our dates, and she ghosted me for 1 month. When she texted me back with casual questions, (hi, how are you?).
So like the quote says, you obviously over pursued, started acting a little needy, calling too much, texting too much. You never really gave her time and space to miss you and to think about you, to wonder, “Is he going to call or text me back?”
Because the thing you’ve got to keep in mind, like what’s changed over the last 10, 15 years, especially over the last 20 years. I mean, hell, when I was a kid growing up, we had phones. I remember we had a friggin’ dial up rotary phone. And then they went to the push button phones, and then pagers came along, and then those brick cell phones came along. And then you had those little flip phones, and then the texting came along. Remember back in the old days when you had to press the buttons? You know, each button represented three letters. And then the iPhone came out and it was, what, 2007, 2008? And then that, like, really changed things.
And so when you think about how communication has changed just in the last 10, 15 years, especially since the iPhone and the smartphone came out, it’s like what happens now? It’s like my frickin’ phone sounds like a video game. I’ve had to turn off all the notifications. It’s like I get texts, I get social media apps beeping at me. I’ve got Facebook messages beeping at me. I’ve got WhatsApp beeping at me. I’ve got a dating app or two beeping at me occasionally. It’s like there’s always something going on.
But the thing to remember, if you’re dealing with a really hot younger woman, especially a woman in her 20s, early 30s, it’s like just imagine how much her phone is beeping and going off with other guys. You know, especially a hot woman who’s got a thirst trap going on her Instagram, where she’s constantly getting a message from her Facebook or Instagram or some other social media. And then you’re sending her a text. You’re just one of the dudes that’s trying to get her attention.
And so you’ve got to keep that in mind. If you just start barraging a girl, you look like all the other thirsty dudes. And that’s why she just kind of starts to ignore you. And it’s really damaging right away, because the guys that don’t have any game are just blowing up the phone, and then they’re getting irritated and pissed off that she’s not responding. And you just can’t let it bother you.
It’s a game of tennis. Hit the ball over a net and see if they hit it back. Because you want to be wanted as well. You want the other person to make a mutual effort. And if they’re just not willing to do it, it’s really not up to you to be clairvoyant or a psychologist or pull out your crystal ball to try to figure out what the hell is going on with her. You just don’t know.
There could be another guy that’s got her attention. Maybe she got back together with an ex. Maybe she’s busy. Maybe she’s in the wrong headspace. Who knows? It really doesn’t matter. The bottom line is, she didn’t text back in a timely manner. So if you look at some of these actions and you bottom line the actions, then you go, oh, she’s not that into it. And then obviously this guy made the mistake of continually texting, instead of focusing on the three H’s: hang out, have fun and hook up. You’ve got to keep it simple.
So obviously, she ghosted him for a month, and then she reaches out. And the average guy would think, “Why would she reach out to me after a month?” Well, she hadn’t heard from you. She started thinking about you, started missing you. That’s just the way women are. It’s that space, that distance from you.
Because probably at the time when she ghosted you, she didn’t really care. And then all of a sudden you disappeared. You stopped moving forward. You stopped putting any effort in. And obviously she could feel it. And so therefore, she reached back out.
Now, women aren’t going to be the aggressor and go, “Hey, let’s go out,” usually. Typically what happens is, she says, “Hi, how are you?” I mean, it’s like, what a lame line. They don’t have to come up with any kind of funny pick up line or anything. They’re like, “Hey. Hi. How are you.” So original.
I replied to her with short answers. After 3 weeks, I texted her back just to say hi, and she asked me for a date before proceeding. She was 38 years old, (I am 25)…
So he kind of matched and mirrored it and gave it back to her. Now, keep in mind, she’s 38 years old and he’s twenty five. He’s a younger dude.
…and a really hot girl, therefore, she had other options. I knew she was meeting and fucking other guys, but I didn’t care. Also, I was too.
So, after that text, we met and that day she was kind and sweet, but she wanted to say hello to one of her best female friends, so she was with us the entire date.
That’s why you don’t make dates with other people around.
We were talking, but I was cold, so, this girl said to her friend that I didn’t love her anymore, so I kissed her and we were having physical contact like hugs, kisses, grabbing our hands. After the end of that day, she invited me to a friend’s meeting another day, so I accepted. She and her friend were about to leave, (the Uber arrived).
You know, this is part of what I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man.” It’s why you don’t go out on dates with groups of friends, because that’s how you cock block yourself. Because if you’re trying to seduce a woman, if you’re trying to hang out, have fun and hook up, like this sweet mug from the Coach Corey Wayne store on Teespring says, you want just you and her to be together. And when you allow her to bring other friends and other people in, that’s what’s going to happen.
You’ve got to keep in mind, she knows all of her friends and her friends know her, and you’re just barely getting to know her. Now, you’re some new dude. So everything she does with you in front of her friends, or her family, or her girlfriends, or whoever happens to be there, she’s going to have to explain. Because they’re going, “What’s up with that guy?” “Oh, it’s just a first date” or “It’s the second time we’ve gone out.” So you’ve got to keep that in mind.
You know, she might just say, “Oh, he’s a friend of mine,” because she doesn’t want to say there’s anything serious going on. So that’s why you’re going to get yourself in situations where you’re cock blocked if you agree to go out on group dates before she’s in love with you and before she’s exclusive.
It’s just not good to do, especially in these kinds of situations here. Because there also could end up being another dude that’s trying to get into her pants that shows up as one of her friends, and then he starts trying to cock block you. It’s just it’s a bad way to go. So that’s why you politely decline. It’s like, “Well, let’s get together on a day when you and I can go out.”
And if she won’t do that, then just say, “Well, my schedule’s busy. Give me a call in a couple of weeks when things calm down, and we can plan something then. I’ve got to run, I’ll talk to you later,” and just leave it at that. Be willing to let it be. Be willing to walk away. It’s part of negotiating.
It’s like, if you don’t like the terms, you’ve got to walk away, because it’s the only way you’re going to get what you want. And if you take scraps, meaning agreeing to go out with her and her friends, it’s like, you’re just going to get blue balls. It’s just not worth it. And if you don’t believe me, go ahead and do it anyway, and you’ll learn the hard way, just like this guy did.
We were kissing each other passionately, and her cock block friend was saying that it was late, that they had to go, and she grabbed her hand and was trying to pull her to the Uber, so they left.
It’s like, she’s got a girlfriend and she’s like, come with me.
I went to her meeting, but I arrived at the last moment of the meeting because of work. So, we were together for a short time, and she went to her male friend’s house and invited me. I denied, because I had work the next day.
After that, I had a party and I invited her, but she started to put out excuses and offered me to go with her, so I told her no thanks, it’s a 50/50, things don’t work like that. So, she apologized and said goodbye.
So, again, part of the problem is you’re agreeing to go along with whatever she wants and be part of her group of friends. These are the subtle ways to see how compliant you are and how much of a pushover you are. If you value yourself and your time and you’re looking for a nice girl to spend your evening with, you’re not going to be interested in all this other BS. You’re not going to be rude about it. You’re just going to politely decline and then ask her to tell you a time or a day when she’s available, when just the two of you can get together.
But you also have to be prepared that if you do that, she might just tell you that her schedule’s tight or whatever. Say, “Call me in a couple of weeks”or “Give me a call in a week or two,” or “Text me in a few few weeks when things calm down, and we can get together then.” If the girl likes you, if there’s some interest over that next week or two that you’re not talking to her, because you had the guts to just walk away and leave it be, there’s a good chance she reaches out.
So look what happens next. They’re spending time together, then there’s ghosting, then they are spending time together. And then what happens? She ghosts him again.
One month later, she texted me back just to say hi.
Another wonderful pickup line, after a whole month, “Hi.” She’s seeing how you’re going to react. “Why are you texting me in a month?!” A lot of guys will be getting pissed off.
I didn’t reply to her text and ignored her text. So now I’m confused. Was she playing? What does she want? For your attention.
Thank you very much coach,
Who knows. She’s obviously got a very full life. You pursued too much, you agreed to go along with her agenda. It’s like you were living in her world, hanging out with her and her friends, instead of inviting her to join you in your world. You gave away your power. That was a big part of your problem.
That’s why you need to read “How To Be A 3% Man,” my first book, 10 to 15 times. You can read for free and UnderstandingRelationships.com. All you have to do is subscribe to the email newsletter. Same thing with “Mastering Yourself,” which is all about how to align your life with your true calling and reach your full potential. It’s a book of self-reliance. You want to be a self-reliant human being.
So I highly recommend you get started on those, because that will really help. Because your game is pretty sloppy. You’re violating a lot of the rules here, and that’s why you’re getting jerked around. Keep it simple, bro, hang out, have fun and hook up. No group dates, no going to friends houses or any of that nonsense.
Those are all things that get in the way, because the only reason you’re agreeing to go out on those dates, you’re hoping that afterwards the two of you will be able to spend time alone together. But obviously, you see, nine times out of ten when you agree to that, it just doesn’t work out that way. One of her girlfriends grabs her and takes off.
Second Viewer’s Email:
I have been following you on and off for roughly three years and finally bought your book today. I think you do great work!
So, three years and you just now bought the book. I appreciate the business, definitely, but come on, man. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue. Three years, and you’re just now getting around to it. Just think of all you could have learned and how much better you could have gotten in the past three years if you were a more serious student. But the good news is you’ve got the book now, so don’t spend the next three years dicking around.
Here are my questions:
- What do you do if you get no direct communication after a night of good sex?
Well, how good was the sex if you don’t get any communication?
- Why does this happen?
Probably because you haven’t read the book. You didn’t learn the fundamentals. You shouldn’t be surprised. All the best success stories are always the guys that read the book 10, 15, 20 times, whatever it happens to be. But, that’s not you. Not yet anyway. But you can still redeem yourself as a student.
I have bought your book today and am looking forward to reading it. I think it will tell me what I am doing right and guide me away from the things I have been doing wrong.
I am a 43-year old man from Ontario, Canada. I was married for ten years and have been divorced for three. I took a year to myself after my divorce before starting back into dating. Since getting back into the game, I have dated several women whom I have met mostly online. The longest being 5 months.
After dating women my own age for roughly a year, I decided to change my approach and began talking to women between the ages of 25-35. Over the summer, I connected with a girl through a dating app. She is 24 and a bombshell. I have dated hot women before marriage, so looks aren’t everything to me.
Well, there’s a lot of really hot women out there that just suck, I wish it was different, but when I started really learning this in my late 20s, it was kind of a bummer. And obviously since then, especially doing this for a living, it’s like, wow, there are women that make good candidates for girlfriends, but the majority of them do not, especially the ones that have bad relationships with their parents, especially their father.
Girls that have nonexistent or bad relationships with their dads, they are more game players than all the rest. Because you’ve got to keep in mind, they were constantly being told, “Hey baby, I’m going to spend time with this week, I’m going to take you to Disney World.” And what happens at the last minute, “Oh, something came up. I can’t make it.” They’re constantly getting disappointed, so they’re emotionally conditioned to expect that. They think that way.
So when they do it to you, that’s just natural to them. Don’t take it personally, it’s just a reflection of how they are and where they are. It’s not your fault that they weren’t raised properly. You just you have to deal with it. They’re in the world, there in the sexual marketplace, if you will.
Don’t get me wrong, physical attraction is huge and younger women maintain their figure, often with less effort than older women.
I was going to pose this question after reading your book. However, in your words, “as men, we have an impulse to take action.”
Well, you’re just lazy. But, hey, good hustle, bro.
So, I decided to message you in hopes of getting some feedback.
On Friday, I hooked up with this girl at a hotel, as we live in different cities. She wanted to stay in. Covid limited our choices anyhow, so we ordered Chinese.
What I think about the mass mandate, you could take those fucking masks, where the virus is a thousand times smaller than the fibers on these fucking masks, it’s like trying to catch a mosquito with a chain link fence. Fuck you, if you’re bitching in my comments about the mask mandate. Fuck you, I don’t care.
It’s like, “Oh, the science.” It’s like trying to catch a mosquito with a chain link fence. Fuck you, you’re a moron. Even the World Health Organization just came out and said, hey, don’t do the lockdowns, it’s really fucked up. Next year, poverty is going to double globally because of these lockdowns. It was a total mistake. So that’s all of my rant about that. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of hate and a lot of thumbs down, but I don’t care. Fuck you and your mask mandates. Get off your fucking knees.
I am not a big drinker, neither is she, but we did smoke a bit of pot which is legal here and often the poison of choice for under 30s, versus alcohol.
Yeah, you don’t have to worry about a hangover.
One thing led to another and we started to fool around. I am big into foreplay and getting a girl nice and warmed up.
You’re such a generous man.
I was able to get her to cum twice in the first thirty minutes, to the point that she was not able to concentrate, and after a short break, one more time. I myself take a long time to cum, and I suppose the pressure of getting things right with her led me not to finish. I’ll never smoke pot before sex every again.
Weren’t you the one who told me you had great sex? Let’s see where it’s at. A night of good sex. Come on, dude. You didn’t even finish. There was no happy finish. How’s that good sex? Come on, man.
The next day, I texted one message to her and she answered. It is also Thanksgiving here, and we are both into food, so I texted her picture of my Thanksgiving dinner plate.
Oh, boy. I bet she was really excited to get a picture of your food. You ever see people, they’re at a restaurant and they’re all standing up on the table trying to take the perfect picture of it for their Instagrams? That’s ridiculous. You’re never going to see bullshit like that from me. Again, I use all my social media for business anyway, so I never go on there.
I have not heard from her since Saturday, and today is Monday. I am itching to message her. So far, I have not texted, called or contacted her. I did watch and like one of her instagram posts, probably a mistake, won’t do it again.
If this topic interests you, please let me know and I will expand. Otherwise, your feedback would be much appreciated.
So at the end of the day, the phone is for setting dates. Again, you didn’t read the book. I wouldn’t be texting on the next day, but you did and you sent her the dinner plate. I would have waited a couple of days until after Thanksgiving, and I would have said, “Hey, I had a great time meeting you. We should get together.” Make a next date.
I would give it two weeks, because you didn’t really get to the point. You just texted her a dinner plate. What do you expect her to do with that? it’s just lame. And it also tells you that she doesn’t really care. So don’t take it personally. If you don’t hear from her for two weeks, text her one more time, try to set up a date. And then if she doesn’t, don’t text her ever again until you hear from her. And you might never, ever hear from her again, because I don’t think the good sex was that good.
Third Viewer’s Email:
I had been seeing this woman for 9 months, a couple of months in we became exclusive. I had a great time with her, but she saw a lot of what I did out of generosity as me being a pushover, things like paying for dinner, and going out and doing activities like rock climbing and ice-skating – things that I personally thought I was safe doing. She was also quite timid in nature, (a model from Japan), so I felt like I had to be more gentle with her and was more caring and affectionate.
So, you acted like a bitch. The knight in shining armor.
She had an issue with her flat once where the price went up, and I said she could live with me for a while. She didn’t like the idea, referring back to one of her ex boyfriends who became needy and a bit of a pushover once they started living together.
Well, obviously, the reason she brought the boyfriend up is she was basically telling you you’re giving the same vibe to her. You pursued too much, you did too much, you chased too much. You probably haven’t read the book 10 to 15 times. You’re just too nice and compliant.
So what happens is, when you’re extra nice to a girl, she’ll do things that are disrespectful. She’ll wait extra long to text you back. Like, if you’re in the middle of a text exchange and she just leaves you on read for a couple of days, that’s the kind of things she’ll do. And the guy that doesn’t know any better, he’ll double text and triple text, and then after that he’ll wait. But, the point being is that it’s tennis. You hit the ball over net. If she stops replying, just let it be until she reaches out next.
She said I was a bit like that, which I was pretty offended about.
Well, she was giving a good, positive feedback, which you should have heeded that advice.
I never saw anything I did that way.
Obviously, you were all up in your ego and butt-hurt and you didn’t take any constructive criticism, so therefore your game didn’t change. And we know how it’s going to end.
I made a key and offered her to stay twice, but she declined both times.
I’ve never offered my key to a girlfriend of mine and gotten refused. So what does that tell me? You have no idea what’s going on, you have no idea where you stand with this girl. You’re obviously way more into her than she was into you. And you couldn’t see it. You were just plowing ahead.
One day, we went to the zoo together. She was in a bad mood that day and eventually got tired and wanted to sit down, but I wanted to continue and see the other animals before the zoo closed. She said I could go on without her, in a disappointed tone. I knew she was upset, but I still wanted to see all the animals, so I left and we met up later.
What were you supposed to do, sit there? You know, the chivalrous thing to do is like, “Oh, let’s leave then.” I would have been like, “Hey babe, I’m going to go see the rest of the animals.” Sorry, not sorry. It’s like, she’s in a grumpy mood. “Well, you know what? Maybe you’ll be in a better mood after I get done watching all the animals.” You’ve got to make fun of her and tease her, and let her know that her attitude is kind of inappropriate in a playful but not dickhead kind of way.
She didn’t talk all the way home.
“Babe, you’re so talkative. I wish you would shut the hell up. My God, you haven’t stopped talking since we left.” That’s the kind of way you handle that. It’s like “You’re so sweet to me. I love it when you’re sweet, so nice. I have the best girlfriend in the world.”
Once we got back into the city, rather than coming back to my place, (like we usually did), she said she was going to go home.
Yeah, your attitude kind of sucks, babe. I think you should sleep it off. And when you wake up tomorrow, or maybe the next day or a few days later, and you recognize how mean you were to your super awesome boyfriend, maybe you’ll call and apologize, and you’ll wine me, dine me and bring me some nice flowers for a vase. My mother will be happy I have flowers.
I thought I’d give her some time to get into a better mood, but I didn’t hear from her for a week, and we left on a bad note.
I wouldn’t have reached out. I wouldn’t have done anything because her attitude was inappropriate.
I know the best way to get her back is to not contact her.
The best way to get her back is to read my book 10 to 15 times and stop being such a pushover.
But because we were exclusive I was kind of stuck in limbo not knowing when or if she would ever get back to me.
Hey, just look at it, she’s sulking, complaining. Whatever.
I decided that I wanted to truly end it regardless of what she was going to do, so I tried to contact her, but she ignored me.
Yeah, does that really sound like somebody you want to date and be in a relationship with? Nine months, and that’s what you get. She was pretty much over it by that point. She wasn’t feeling it, bro.
So, I packed up what stuff she had at my house and dropped it off to her work colleague. I just couldn’t be bothered putting up with this ghosting stuff, (it had happened once before on a smaller scale).
But more than likely, you probably kept chasing her, which again, she came around and told you that you’re too much of a pushover. And her attitude sucked, it was inappropriate, and she should have been the one apologizing to you. But what happened? You kept texting her, and then you sent her her stuff back.
I want to know what your thoughts are on this approach, where if a woman ghosts you, rather than having a no contact rule and wait for her to come back, you just end it with her.
It’s like, why? There’s no need to do that. I’d put her shit in the closet, and if you don’t hear from her for two to three weeks, I’d start dating other women, because that’s just frickin’ rude.
I don’t mind ghosting when I’m seeing multiple women, but if I’m exclusive I just feel like it’s not worth the time and pain.
You’re right. That’s why you stopped trying to chase her.
And I feel the need to contact her to make it clear we are no longer together.
Bro, you gave all of her stuff to her friend. So all this, “I don’t care about her, she doesn’t mean anything to me, it’s over. She’s on down the road,” it’s a bunch of bullshit, dude. The reality is you’re going, “Corey, what can I do to get her to pay attention to me?” Well, the quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours. And the fact that she ignored you and you sent stuff back, it’s like, she’s not communicating.
You can’t have a relationship with a passive aggressive woman who just ignores you. You can’t have a good, healthy relationship with women who are rude and leave you on read. You just can’t. You can’t work anything out when they behave that way. Again, it’s not your fault for their daddy issues. It’s not your fault that they didn’t learn how to communicate like an adult, and resolve conflicts and treat people with respect.
I’m telling you, man, it’s like girls that have bad or nonexistent relationship with their fathers, they got dicked around so much by their dads not being there and disappointed so much, it’s just something that’s natural to them. It’s not so much you. Obviously, when you act needy and week, it doesn’t help. But they’re like this with everybody. Just don’t take it personally. They just don’t have any integrity.
That’s why you date. It’s test driving. Just because you like her and she likes you, and you hook up and you have sex a few times, doesn’t mean she should be the mother of your children. Don’t be so damn serious. Hang out and have fun and hook up. And only agree to be in a relationship when she’s asking you to be exclusive.
In the meantime, play ball. All is fair in love and war. You want the girl who makes the most amount of effort, who makes your life drama free, easy going, easy to be with, easy to get along with, easy to communicate with, texts you back, appreciates your time, likes it when you take her out to a nice dinner, or you take her out on a trip, or you do something fun or you fuck her brains out. She’s always grateful. Always appreciative.
You want somebody who’s sweet to you, man, and this girl is not sweet. She’s truly a foul person. I would not waste my time. You deserve better. But you’ve got to interact with them better. You’ve got to learn the fundamentals in “How To Be A 3% Man.”
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“People who value, respect and care about you will treat you right and communicate with you in a timely manner. People who have low interest in you, who don’t respect or value you or who are simply rude feral humans will leave you hanging, not return your messages in a timely manner and generally treat you like you mean nothing to them. Don’t take it personally. Maybe they got serious with someone else, they are purposefully playing games to see how you react or they are simply not in the right headspace to see you now. Dating is like a game of tennis. If the other person refuses to hit the ball back over the net, let them go and find someone else to play with. It’s always possible that later on they feel differently, or their situation changes and they might come back with a completely different attitude. It is demeaning and disrespectful to yourself to continue trying to keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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